A lot of us grew up believing the hard way is the better way, so when our kids struggle (or we do), we assume that the answer is to exert more effort. That can leave you feeling like you’re failing at something you “should” be able to power through. Wearing yourself out trying to push a tween or teen toward better habits is one of the most common, and most exhausting, parts of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Even world-class athletes don’t achieve their goals on willpower alone. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who has spent her career studying grit, explains that they set up their surroundings to make the work easier. Teens are especially attuned to the norms around them, so the school, peers, and neighborhood can play a powerful role in shaping their behavior . That means you have more say than you think. Dr. Lisa and Angela talk about doing what you can to shape the environment around your teen and why working to create contexts that make hard work easier to do is smart, not lazy. Consider this your permission to stop doing everything the hard way. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Angela Duckworth is the Rosa Lee and Egbert Chang Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Grit. Situated: Find the People and Places that Bring Out Your Best ________________ GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/ DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – https://bit.ly/UntangledBook - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → https://drlisadamour.com/ ________________ Today's sponsors: Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10. Shokz: Use code ASKLISA for an exclusive discount on all Shokz products at https://www.shokz.com.com Understood: Check out Zero Rejects wherever you listen to podcasts. 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Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. ________________ Parenting a tween or teen? Buckle up. Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life tackles the questions that keep parents up at night — academics, friendships, mental health, screens, meltdowns, and more. Every week, psychologist Lisa Damour teams up with a different expert to answer a real parent's real question — no fluff, no judgment, just practical, evidence-based advice you can actually use. Dr. Damour and her colleagues also turn their attention to the emotional rollercoaster of raising kids — the moments that leave you feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, or just plain alone. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to hit play. ________________ Episode keywords: Angela Duckworth, grit, situated, parenting tweens and teens, how to help teenagers make good choices, teen behavior and environment, choosing the right school for your teen, school culture and teen wellbeing, teen peer pressure, helping teens find positive friends, how to support an anxious teenager, preventing bullying at school, building healthy habits for teens, parenting teenagers with less conflict, adolescent development and social norms, how neighborhoods affect kids’ wellbeing Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence Learn more about your ad choices. 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