If you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver wondering “Why is this child always in trouble at school?” this conversation will land. Dr Neil Alexander-Passe – teacher, researcher, exam access assessor, and author – unpacks what schools often misread in neurodivergent behaviour (dyslexia, ADHD, autism), why “naughty” can be a disguised help request, and how shame, repeated failure, and isolation-style discipline can build school-based trauma. You’ll also hear practical steps for spotting needs early, how to push for screening and support, and how simple shifts (like not doing your child’s homework for them) can create the evidence schools can’t ignore. Neil also connects the dots to the “school-to-prison pipeline” – not as scare-mongering, but as a systems warning and a call for earlier, wiser intervention. Chapter timestamps (for easy listening) 00:00 – Why neurodivergent children are “always in trouble” at school 03:10 – The three groups teachers often see: “naughty”, “quiet”, and “middle” 05:33 – What school feels like from the inside with dyslexia and ADHD: shame, threat, learned helplessness 12:52 – “School-to-prison pipeline” explained in plain terms 13:52 – Hidden literacy needs and prison systems that assume reading and writing 19:06 – What adults misread: disruptive behaviour as a masked request for help 22:40 – EBSA, school distress, and why “avoidance” can be the wrong frame 31:22 – Homework: why doing it for your child backfires – and what to do instead 34:59 – Language that shapes mindset: grades vs effort, global labels vs specific feedback 38:19 – Practical screening clues: early signs of dyslexia, ADHD, and autism 44:05 – Rebuilding identity after “I’m stupid” / “I’m the bad kid”: strengths, passions, and the right tutor 47:25 – Post-school success: neurodivergent strengths, entrepreneurship, and support networks (including AI tools) 52:09 – A message for exhausted teachers: ask “why” before punishment 54:26 – Hope: inclusion awareness and the changing role of SENCOs 56:16 – Parent takeaway: don’t wait, raise concerns early, and don’t be pushed into removing your child 57:55 – Mainstream vs specialist provision, EHCP realities, and why Year 5 timing matters 01:04:12 – Neil’s upcoming books (including neurodivergent entrepreneurs) Three key messages Behaviour is often communication – and “naughty” can be a child protecting themselves. Avoidance, clowning, shutdowns, and meltdowns can be self-protection when work feels impossible or humiliating. Early identification beats late consequences. Neil argues primary school is the best window for meaningful observation and support – because secondary systems can become too fragmented to “see” the child properly. Stop feeding shame – in school and at home. Public failure, isolation-style discipline, and “I’m rubbish at…” language create learned helplessness. Specific feedback, effort-focused praise, and strengths-based identity building can change trajectories. Resources mentioned in the conversation Screeners and early identification: Neil recommends parents do their own initial research and use screeners for dyslexia, ADHD, and autism, then push the school with something concrete rather than “my child is struggling”. EBSA and school distress: the idea that what’s labelled “emotionally based school avoidance” may often be better understood as school-based distress caused by the environment. EHCP, PRU, managed moves: discussion of how systems and placements can unintentionally intensify difficulties when underlying needs aren’t properly supported. Homework boundary strategy: allow a set time (eg 30–40 minutes), stop, then add a note stating how long your child worked and what they managed – so home and school evidence matches. Martin Seligman’s work: shifting from global labels (“I’m rubbish at maths”) to specific struggle areas – and focusing praise on effort rather than grades. Using AI as an accessibility tool: an example of simplifying language (eg menus) to support independence and reduce shame. Why listen to this episode Because it challenges a common (and tempting) assumption: “They’re in trouble because they’re choosing it.” Neil keeps pulling the lens back to systems, shame, and unmet needs – and that’s uncomfortable in a useful way. If you’re supporting a child who’s labelled disruptive, withdrawn, lazy, or “always in isolation”, this episode gives you language, framing, and next steps that are practical – not fluffy. About Dr Neil Alexander-Passe Dr Neil Alexander-Passe is a London-based teacher, researcher, author, and exam access assessor specialising in the emotional lived experience of learning differences. He completed a PhD in 2018 on dyslexia, traumatic schooling, and post-school success, and has published multiple peer-reviewed papers and books exploring dyslexia, ADHD, autism, trauma, and outcomes including the “school-to-prison pipeline”. Featured / upcoming books mentioned The Mind and Motivation of Neurodivergent Entrepreneurs (DIO Press). Neil also mentions a forthcoming 2026 title on dyslexia, art, and school-based trauma (as discussed in the closing minutes of the episode). Connect with Dr Neil Alexander-Passe LinkedIn: Dr Neil Alexander-Passe Follow Able to Care / Able Training 🌐 Podcast hub: www.able-training.co.uk/podcast 📲 Instagram: @AbleTraining 📲 LinkedIn: Able Training 📲 TikTok: @AbleToCarePodcast 🌐 Website: Able Training 📲 LinkedIn: Andy Baker