Intelligent Masculinity

Sick of this Shit Pub

A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

  1. Intelligent Masculinity with Will Fullwood

    4 DAYS AGO

    Intelligent Masculinity with Will Fullwood

    “A lot of people think masculinity is about these big moments — but it’s really about the small ones. It’s whether you keep your word. Whether you stay consistent. Whether you choose discipline when no one would notice if you didn’t. That’s what builds trust. That’s what builds character.” ~ Will Fullwood ~ Masculinity In Review In this 16th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Will Fullwood to explore masculinity through the lens of integrity, discipline, and quiet accountability. Will reflects on growing up without perfect role models, learning responsibility through adversity, and defining humaning not as masculinity through dominance — but as consistency. At the core of the conversation is a powerful through-line: Being a man isn’t about control. It’s about showing up — especially when it’s uncomfortable. This discussion deepens the series’ central thesis: intelligent masculinity is practiced in everyday decisions, not declared in slogans. Will speaks candidly about growing up without flawless examples of masculinity. Instead of inheriting a blueprint built on gendered lines, he had to construct his own understanding of what being a man meant. That process required him to observe what not to replicate, identify the traits worth keeping, and then choosing discipline over impulse. This mirrors a recurring theme in the series that masculinity is not always inherited intact—sometimes it is assembled piece by piece, and that assembly requires self-awareness. One of the most important threads in the interview is emotional responsibility. Will pushes back against the idea that masculinity requires emotional suppression. Instead, he emphasizes emotional management—not exploding, not deflecting, and not blaming others for internal discomfort . These distinctions are important when describing the guardrails which offer guideposts for intelligent masculinity to learn from—the understanding that suppression leads to resentment, expression without discipline leads to chaos, practiced management leads to lasting growth, and active participation is required or you don’t really have values, just slogans. What stands out in this conversation is Will’s emphasis on the small, daily decisions. Decisions which aren’t heroic acts or grand speeches; rather, they are actively following through, admitting when you’re wrong, being present in the moment, and making the harder choices, quietly. In Will’s case—as with the case of so many of the other men—masculinity is cumulative, never static and always working to grow—because cumulative behavior is what truly defines your character. Will also acknowledges that a person’s growth is rarely linear. There are always missteps, ego flares, and failures—what separates mature masculinity from fragile masculinity is the response. Do you double down—or do you adjust? Intelligent masculinity is always correctable—willing to say “now you know, so you can grow.” In the end, this discussion with Will reinforces and sharpens key pillars of our overall series. He highlights that integrity is consistency over time; accountability is internal before it can become external; masculinity is measured in actions and behavior, not volume; that meaningful growth most often requires some level of discomfort, and emotional management is true strength. If our earlier guests emphasized service, faith, trauma interruption, or platform responsibility—Will Fullwood emphasizes the everyday—and sometimes the everyday is the hardest arena to enter and stay in. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement and de-flock the States: * deflock.me Service members can get un-biased information on legal vs illegal orders: * Orders Project * Reach out on Signal: @TheOrdersProject.76 Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Cheech Previti, Brandon Ellrich, Cris Northern, PJ Schuster, Daniel D Woodard, and many others for tuning into my live video with Will Fullwood, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 54m
  2. Intelligent Masculinity with Jack

    5 DAYS AGO

    Intelligent Masculinity with Jack

    “Growing up with an abusive father gave me a very clear example of what masculinity can become when it’s rooted in control and fear. I watched how anger was used as power. And I made a conscious decision that if I was going to live as a man, I was not going to live like that. I wasn’t going to repeat it. I had to build something different — something steadier, something safer.”~ Jack ~ Masculinity In Review In this 15th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Jack for a deeply personal conversation about trauma, transition, and the uneven terrain of support. Raised by an abusive father and a mother struggling with her own unresolved trauma, Jack found refuge in a grandmother who offered space and stability. As a trans man who has lived both female-presenting and male-presenting lives, Jack offers rare insight into masculinity from both sides of the social divide. His journey reframes intelligent masculinity not as inheritance or dominance — but as something consciously built through reflection, healing, and self-discipline. Jack’s story is one of unsteady mentorship and no clear male modeling—his story is one shaped by contrast: an abusive father whose masculinity was rooted in control and volatility; a mother living within her own trauma, often emotionally unavailable; and a grandmother who created space — quiet, nonjudgmental, stabilizing space. These disparities matter because intelligent masculinity is often easier to define when you have healthy examples. Whereas Jack did not—he had to build it himself. Jack’s relationship with his father forms the psychological backdrop of the conversation. He opened up about the distorted lessons of masculinity he learned at the hands of abuse: that power equals fear, authority equals unpredictability, and strength equals domination. When those are your earliest exposures to “manhood,” masculinity becomes something to either fear or reject. For Jack, that early model did not become destiny—it became a warning on what not to do or be. The absence of safe masculinity forced him to reflect on what real strength looks like, without the cruelty. It also left scars—and a lingering self-doubt. On the other side of that abuse, Jack sees what his mother was going through and uses that as context. When a parent is fighting their own internal battles, emotional availability becomes scarce and support becomes inconsistent at best—that combination creates a unique form of isolation. In that environment, Jack’s concepts of masculinity had to emerge through observation and trial. His growth into accepting his adult masculinity required separating compassion for his mother’s trauma from accepting the consequences it had on him. That separation is emotional maturity—and is at the heart of Jack’s journey. In contrast to volatility and instability, Jack’s grandmother offered him the space he desperately needed—no yelling, manipulation, or conditional love—just room to exist as himself. That space became foundational, because masculinity is a thing that can be constructed—and to construct something, it needs the space to feel safe enough to emerge. In providing this space, his grandmother did not define him—she allowed him to discover himself without fear. And that kind of support can be life-saving. Perhaps the most unique dimension of this discussion is Jack’s lived experience as both female-presenting and male-presenting. He has lived and understands many of the things men do not: what it feels like to be dismissed, what it feels like to be talked over, what it feels like to move through the world without physical safety assumptions, and what changes when those assumptions shift. He describes the jarring experience of being treated with increased deference once male-presenting—conversations changing tone and authority is assumed rather than questioned. That contrast exposed an uncomfortable truth that masculinity carries unearned social power. And the difference between intelligent and not, is whether you use it recklessly or responsibly. In the end, there is something profoundly important underlying all of Jack’s emotional discipline. To Jack, restraint is a concrete need—it is the power to be corrective. Where his father used anger, unpredictability, and fear as power—Jack practices regulation as responsibility, he models consistency, and shapes masculinity to mean safety. ~ Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new: Sick of this Shop! * Check out the new network and affiliate calendar: BroadBanner Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, Soso's World, Ms.Yuse, Cheryl Beck-Ruff, Heather Olivier, and many others for tuning into my live video with Jack, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    2h 2m
  3. Intelligent Masculinity with Qasim Rashid, Esq.

    17 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Qasim Rashid, Esq.

    “There’s no such thing as serving God without first serving humanity… If your religiosity doesn’t translate into dignity and care for your neighbor, then it’s just ego. There are no asterisks on humanity." ~ Qasim Rashid, Esq. ~ Masculinity In Review In this 14th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, I sit down with Qasim Rashid, Esq. for something completely different, yet entirely on theme. Where all of the other interviews have focused on masculinity directly through the lenses of fatherhood, discipline, and self-correction—Qasim takes us in a wonderful new direction: faith, built around a life of service where acts towards humanity always precedes professed faith to a God. And in doing so, Qasim reinforced and sharpened the series thesis that: Intelligent Masculinity is the refusal to outsource accountability onto others—and the discipline to live with the consequences of your actions and values. Throughout this conversation, we see Qasim return to a powerful idea: masculinity begins when we separate the ego and embrace active self-reflection. This self-reflection fuels one of the most important through-lines of the conversation where Qasim insists that reaction is a choice—road rage, spousal conflict, public disagreement, online provocation—and that choice is the difference between intelligent masculinity and not. He frames this choice as the pause between the stimulus and the response—that moment when you bite your tongue, take that breath, and think. That is discipline. That is intelligence. That is power. And this moment of control is what separates those willing to accept accountability for their actions, and those who aren’t. Perhaps the clearest practical moment of the entire interview came when discussing boundaries. Qasim described deliberately keeping his hands visible in group photos to remove ambiguity and ensure no boundary is ever crossed. He also stated plainly: “Keeping your hands and your eyes to yourself is not something you should struggle with.” This is intelligent masculinity in its simplest form. It is: respecting consent, accepting “no” as a complete sentence, and taking responsibility for male behavior instead of blaming women. He reinforced this again with certainty when it comes to consent: “No is a complete sentence.” This clarity matters in a culture where men often look for loopholes—and intelligent masculinity closes loopholes. Qasim brings us to a place we haven’t gone before with his discussion on an important theological distinction: there is no such thing as serving God without first serving humanity. He referenced a teaching where a person deeply devout in prayer but cruel to their neighbor is condemned, while someone less outwardly religious but kind to their neighbor is elevated. That principle cuts against authoritarian religious nationalism—and it asserts: * Humanity has no asterisks. * Rights are not conditional. * Faith that harms neighbors is ego, not devotion. And this aligns profoundly with the evolving series arc where masculinity that claims divine justification for domination is not intelligent—it is insecure. Qasim also offered a powerful reflection on male privilege — not as superiority, but as unexamined safety. His story about realizing, as a teenager, that he could run at night without fear while his female friend could not, was a defining moment of awareness. Acknowledging privilege without weaponizing it and recognizing safety disparities without defensiveness—that is intelligent masculinity. It doesn’t deny reality—it accepts it—and then works to correct it. Another key contribution to the series: structured self-reflection. Through daily prayer and meditation, Qasim described carving out intentional time to detach from noise and re-evaluate his responsibility to others. He framed this as a constant internal struggle—not against others, but against ego—and telling us: “The greatest struggle is the struggle against the self that incites you to do wrong.” This echoes earlier guests in different language: the discipline described by Marlon Weems, the cultural history of Arturo Dominguez, the personal accountability of Bobby Jones, and the intentional reflection of Kristofer Goldsmith. Qasim’s articulation gives spiritual vocabulary to a theme that has been building organically through the series. As we bring this discussion together, Qasim adds new depth to three critical elements within the overall series: * He spiritualizes accountability without weaponizing religion. * He frames boundaries and consent as a male responsibility, not female safeguards. * He reinforces that ego is the real threat—not emotion, not vulnerability, not connection. And perhaps most importantly of all, Qasim Rashid, Esq. recenters masculinity around service—not leadership for control, not strength for dominance, and not faith for exclusion—rather service towards all of humanity. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Elizabeth Raven, Under the Golden Boot, Jack, Donna Everett, Sandy W, and many others for tuning into my live video with Qasim Rashid, Esq., Nick Paro, and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 17m

  4. 14 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Marlon Weems

    “If I got pissed off every time something like that happened, I’d just run my own blood pressure up. Writing about it lets me examine it. Sometimes I realize I was wrong. Sometimes I realize I reacted better than I would have years ago. But I try to be honest with myself — because if you’re not honest with yourself, you’re not growing.” ~ Marlon Weems ~ Masculinity In Review In this 13th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Marlon Weems for one of the most layered conversations in the series so far. What unfolds is not a rigid definition of masculinity, but a lived evolution — from corporal punishment to restraint, from reaction to regulation, and from ego to reflection. Marlon’s story moves through Arkansas, Wall Street, fatherhood, race, humiliation, discipline, and writing as therapy. At the center of it all is a quiet but powerful truth: “Growth does not happen by accident. It happens when you are willing to examine yourself honestly.” Marlon begins by describing the men who shaped him—a stepfather who raised him as his own (until he didn’t), an uncle who prepared him for racial hostility in professional spaces, and a mother who filled in the gaps. Two lessons stand out from this: * Ambition through expectation — being pushed intellectually, even when it felt harsh. * Survival through restraint — knowing when not to react. One of the most striking stories involves his uncle warning him before entering a predominantly white investment firm: “The first time someone calls you a slur, you can’t hit them — because you’ll be the one who loses everything.” That lesson becomes foundational. Here we see masculinity is about long-term survival and strategic control, not about dominance or retaliation. This is Intelligent Masculinity in practice: you don’t outsource your reaction to someone else’s provocation. Perhaps the most vulnerable portion of the discussion centers on Marlon’s two phases of fatherhood. With his older sons, he describes a harsher approach—belt, switch, intimidation—not out of cruelty, but because that was the model he inherited. Later, raising his younger children—particularly his daughter—something shifted. He describes a moment when he struck his daughter lightly in discipline and saw hurt, fear, and disbelief in her eyes: “I couldn’t live with that look.” That was the pivot. He did not double down and he did not justify it—he evolved. Discipline became regulation instead of force. Authority became presence instead of threat—and that is intelligent masculinity. It’s correction, not perfection. One of the most powerful stories in the interview is a childhood memory where Marlon was caught stealing a bar of soap. Instead of being beaten, Marlon was marched back into the store and made to confess publicly to the manager. There was no physical punishment—just accountability and embarrassment. He never stole again because the lesson wasn’t fear—it was natural consequence. For Marlon, masculinity is modeled as ownership, public accountability, and long memory. When asked how he self-reflects, Marlon gives one of the most important answers in the entire series—writing. He describes revisiting a memory of judging someone’s appearance at a formal dinner and realizing, decades later, that the bias revealed more about him than them. Writing forced him to confront that truth—through the written reflections he did not frame himself as a victim or excuse himself—he examined himself and became disciplined. He teaches us that intelligent masculinity requires actively reviewing your own behaviors, identifying our own biases, and correcting internal narratives. One of the more subtle threads in the interview is the theme of projection. After moving to North Carolina, Marlon recounts neighbors openly admitting they Googled him to verify who he was—unable to reconcile his appearance with his résumé. Instead of exploding in anger, he reframes it and refused to allow every micro-aggression to destabilize him, knowing that anger would consume his peace. This isn’t dismissal of racism—it’s disciplined energy management. He chooses when to engage, when to document, and when to move on. That is power under control. The playful Mulan-inspired closing questions (“swift as a coursing river,” “force of a great typhoon,” etc.) reveal something deeper. When asked about being swift, Marlon tells a story about nearly losing $250,000 in a trading error — and how composure saved him. When asked about being a raging fire, he speaks about persistence and refusing to accept defeat. When asked about mystery, he tells stories of being scrutinized, Googled, and underestimated — and choosing humor over bitterness. As Marlon Weems tells us and shows us—strength here is not loud, it is steady. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Eleanor Anstruther, Rachel @ This Woman Votes, Cris Northern, Sue Ploeger’s script to novel, Eric Lullove, and many others for tuning into my live video with Marlon Weems. Hosted on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 49m
  5. Intelligent Masculinity with Bobby Jones

    13 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Bobby Jones

    “When you die, there’s a birth year, a death year, and the dash in between. How did you define the dash? Did you maximize your time to help other people? Because you can slap your name on a building, but buildings fall. What lasts is how you conducted yourself and who you lifted while you were here.” ~ Bobby Jones ~ Masculinity In Review In this 12th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with retired Navy Commander, Lincoln Square contributor, and founder of Veterans for Responsible Leadership Bobby Jones for one of the most grounded and powerful discussions in the series to date. What begins as a sharp political critique evolves into a deeply personal exploration of fatherhood, emotional regulation, service-based leadership, and legacy. Bobby frames masculinity as reliability, partnership, self-discipline, and generational impact. At the core of his philosophy: “It’s not about you.” Early in the discussion, the conversation confronts the political spectacle dominating the news cycle. But rather than getting stuck in outrage, Jones pivots toward something deeper: the collapse of responsibility at the highest levels of power. From there, we sharpen the series’ thesis: Masculinity without accountability becomes a spectacle, hidden behind a mask—while masculinity with discipline becomes intentional service. And that word—service—defines this entire interview. When asked about the most influential masculine figure in his life, Bobby does not hesitate: his father. Born into Jim Crow poverty in northern Florida, his father fought his way into college football, played in the NFL during an era without massive contracts, and worked night shifts so he could attend his children’s games. What stood out the most was the refusal to boast—a humble, yet unapologetic expression of power. Bobby recalls that his father just did the work and never sought any accolades for it—the importance of the actions, not the perceived need for praise that might (or might not) follow. This boiled down into an important contrast for our discussion: lasting masculinity comes when you accomplish first, speak intentionally while performative masculinity is one where you speak constantly and accomplish very little. Bobby names this difference plainly: “The legacy of a man is not how much he obtains, but who he affects and how.” That line alone could define the rest of the series. When pressed for a concrete definition, Bobby offers us a three-part framework: * Mental fortitude to push forward in difficulty, * Emotional awareness of your own shortcomings, and * Commitment to partnership rather than domination. He calls out a serious, ongoing cultural regression: instead of stepping up as equals to strong women and marginalized communities, too many men attempt to tear others down to protect their own mediocrity—and his message is blunt: “Step your game up.” In a society obsessed with ranking, comparison, and grievance—Bobby re-centers masculinity around self and community improvement—not personal entitlement. A powerful moment emerges when Bobby discusses the so-called “emotional” critique often aimed at women in politics . He uses this to fuel a philosophy we can all adopt: “Emotion powers courage.” He takes this a step further and issues a simple challenge: if you cannot understand your own emotions, you cannot lead effectively. He invokes Abraham Lincoln writing condolence letters and Eisenhower facing D-Day—leaders who absolutely felt fear and grief—but processed it in service of others. Emotional regulation and intelligence, not suppression, becomes the dividing line. Perhaps the most resonant concept of the episode is one Jones returns to with gravity: The dash. On every gravestone there is a birth year, a death year, and a dash in between. That dash is the legacy. Bobby left us with a question: “How did you define the dash?” It’s simple—and devastating in its clarity. Did you maximize your time to help others? Were you reliable when things fell apart Did you collaborate, or compete destructively? In a culture obsessed with accumulation, Bobby reminds us that wealth fades—while meaningful impact echoes. Bobby outlines his self-evaluation process in practical terms: writing goals down physically in a notebook, rejection of vague dreaming in favor of defined execution, and the conscious effort to ask himself daily if he get better or did he get worse? Bobby highlights this with a quote from Jimmy Johnson: “You’re either getting better or you’re getting worse. There is no in-between.” Growth requires discomfort—discomfort requires humility—humility requires partnership. And without those, masculinity collapses into grievance. Our discussion closes with levity—sports jokes, Falcon heartbreak, playful reflections—where even those moments reinforce the underlying theme that masculinity requires control, emotional intelligence, and emotional literacy over flatness. Bobby jokes about being underestimated throughout his career and sometimes “sandbagging” intelligence for strategic advantage—and even that story underscores a recurring theme of perception vs. substance. In the end, we find that real strength doesn’t need to announce itself—it shows up consistently, often quietly, and leaves an impact that will resonate through generations. Bobby Jones showcases that unyielding, unapologetic strength as he defines what ends up between the dash. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you NeuroDivergent Hodgepodge, Noble Blend, Samantha Paige (she/they), Under the Golden Boot, Christina Gurchinoff, and many others for tuning into my live video with Nick Paro and Bobby Jones, presented on Sick of this Shit Publications and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 3m

  6. 12 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with Arturo Dominguez

    “Intelligent masculinity is really nothing more than common sense. You want respect? You have to give it. You can’t say toxic masculinity means all masculinity is toxic—that’s not what it means. It means stripping away the parts that harm people. You can be strong, protective, rational, and compassionate at the same time.”~ Arturo Dominguez ~ Masculinity In Review In this 11th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with journalist and Decolonized Journalism publisher Arturo Dominguez to examine masculinity through the lenses of culture, community, immigration, race, and family. The conversation reframes intelligent masculinity as communal responsibility rather than rugged individualism, cultural respect rather than strict purity politics, and unbridled joy as resistance in the face of unrelenting chaos. Our discussion opens with a cultural celebration—Bad Bunny’s halftime performance at the 2026 Super Bowl—before we pivoted into the needed, deeper conversation: the political power of representation. For Arturo, culture is living memory—its resistance and survival—and survival, especially in marginalized communities, has always required collective strength. He highlights an under-discussed topic in Stater masculinity discourse: “Latin American and Caribbean cultures, despite machismo elements, often maintain stronger communal frameworks than white Protestant American individualism.” This becomes the central contrast in our discussion: * White Christian nationalist masculinity → domination, purity, superiority * Communal masculinity → protection, responsibility, uplift Arturo explicitly names how toxic masculinity merges with white nationalism, imperialism, and foreign policy aggression. In our framing, masculinity is more than just a personal stance—it shapes geopolitics. One of the most important themes throughout our discussion is Arturo’s critique of “bootstrap masculinity.” This old, Protestant ethic of self-reliance—“I don’t need help”—is a cultural distortion that intentionally isolates men from community support systems. He contrasts this with his learned, communal traditions from Cuba; the differences between community-first “Latin American” vs the self-first “Euro American” social structures; and the use of parallel systems supporting interdependence within immigrant neighborhood. Where rugged individualism says: “I built this alone.” Communal masculinity says: “We survive together.” Arturo’s reframing fits perfectly with the underlying political thesis that: democracy is community at scale—and fascism is abuse at scale. Arturo’s reflections on his mother and grandmother provide us the needed emotional anchor. These women shaped his understanding of masculinity through respect and protection. His grandmother’s pride in Afro-Cuban heritage, her insistence on honoring African lineage, and her refusal to erase culture in favor of assimilation illustrate a key point: “Intelligent masculinity does not erase identity to feel safe. It protects it.” When asked to define intelligent masculinity, Arturo strips it down to a list of deceptively simple traits: be respectful, be rational, be compassionate, add protection without dominating, and be reflective before reacting. He repeatedly emphasizes that toxic masculinity is not “all masculinity”—it is masculinity stripped of respect—and his framing is refreshingly direct: “You get what you give in this world. If you want respect, you must give it.” That golden rule framing—do unto others as you want done unto you—is behavioral discipline. One of the strongest moments in the interview is Arturo’s discussion of self-reflection. He discusses this through a history of fighting Nazis, defending his family physically, and the responsibility around owning firearms. While also drawing an important line: Self-reflection is how you ensure you are defending—not becoming the aggressor. This is critical—as intelligent masculinity requires discipline in force—while shedding the false model of passivity. Arturo’s “three steps ahead” mindset—thinking through consequences before acting—embodies this principle. He offers a powerful insight: Most of life is outside your control. Your reaction is not. That distinction may be one of the clearest definitions of intelligent masculinity in the entire series. Another powerful theme emerges near the end: joy. Even amid all of the political chaos, constructed fears on immigration, targeted threats to Cuba, and rising community instability—Arturo emphasizes finding small moments of happiness. Moments separated from escapism or denial—rather, intentionally using joy as a survival strategy. In our understanding of intelligent masculinity, joy becomes an integral, intentional discipline—not a vain indulgence—and Arturo Dominguez shows us the power of using it. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Melissa Corrigan, she/her, Will Fullwood, Yanni Hamburger, Lori Modafferi, Whatzgoinon, and many others for tuning into my live video with Arturo Dominguez and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 12m
  7. Intelligent Masculinity with The Opinionated Ogre

    6 FEB

    Intelligent Masculinity with The Opinionated Ogre

    “I’m a big guy. I take up space whether I want to or not. Intelligent masculinity means understanding what that looks like to other people and moving through the world with that in mind. I don’t get to pretend I’m not threatening just because I don’t mean to be. With the power I have comes the responsibility not to abuse it—especially in a world already designed to cater to my ego.” ~ The Opinionated Ogre ~ Take a dive into The Opinionated Ogre’s backstory — be forewarned this article contains instances of child abuse, both physical and emotional — “I’m Not Your Biological Father” - My Life As A Jerry Springer Episode. Masculinity In Review In this 10th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro speaks with The Opinionated Ogre about what it means to live responsibly inside power—physical, social, and structural. Through Ogre’s reflections on childhood trauma, fatherhood, restraint, and self-discipline, we reframe masculinity not as dominance or intimidation, but as constant awareness of impact. Intelligent masculinity, he argues, is knowing what you are capable of—and choosing not to become what harmed you. One of the most important contributions Ogre makes is his insistence that intent does not erase impact. Because of his size, voice, and presence, Ogre understands that he is perceived as threatening regardless of his internal state. Intelligent masculinity, for him, begins with accepting that reality—not resenting it, denying it, or demanding reassurance. This awareness shapes how he moves through public spaces, speaks to strangers, engages women, and navigates conflict. Masculinity here is not a form of self-expression—it is situational awareness and responsibility. Ogre repeatedly rejects the idea that strength requires projection. Instead of volume, he uses restraint. Instead of intimidation, he uses clarity. Instead of rage, he uses timing. A masculinity that understands a critical truth: being capable of harm makes restraint an obligation, not a virtue. The “manager voice,” the deliberate pause, the refusal to escalate—these are not signs of weakness. They are signs of discipline. One of the most powerful points in the interview is very reminiscent of the interview with Sharad Swaney—here Ogre’s description of fatherhood as a lived experience in counter-programming. Having grown up in abuse and neglect, he made a conscious decision to parent in reverse: Asking “what would my father do?” Then doing the opposite. What begins as effort becomes habit. What begins as discipline becomes instinct. This is intelligent masculinity as training, not identity. It is learned behavior, practiced daily, then reinforced over years. Ogre is explicit about the danger he poses if he loses control—physically and verbally. This self-awareness and honesty matters here. Rather than denying violent capacity, he accepts the responsibility—confronting it head-on and building systems to contain it: therapy, constant self-reflection, avoidance of substances, and rules for himself that do not bend under stress. This type of masculinity does not confuse restraint with passivity—it understands that it requires active containment. A deceptively simple but profound theme emerges near the end of the conversation: never act without knowing why. Whether parenting, setting boundaries, or making decisions, Ogre insists that “no” without reason is just inherited authority masquerading as judgment. This insistence on explanation—first to oneself, then to others—is the opposite of authoritarian masculinity. It is reflective, accountable, and corrigible. The Opinionated Ogre models a masculinity that understands danger—and chooses care instead. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shit Publications Merch Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case * Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions * Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Thank you Beth Cruz, Eric Lullove, Elizabeth Raven, Robert Sawers, Sandra, and many others for tuning into my live video with The Opinionated Ogre and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app. Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All ~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck | Mason/She/Her🩷💜💙 ~ For support, contact us at: info@sickofthisshitpublications.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sickofthis.substack.com/subscribe

    1h 24m

  8. 4 FEB

    Disciplined & Practiced

    Intelligent Masculinity isn’t proven by how a man talks about his values. It’s proven by whether a man can live with the consequences of them—especially when it’s inconvenient, unglamorous, and unobserved. That’s really what discipline boils down to: it’s not self punishment, not strict rigidity, not dominance over the self or others—rather, it’s the repeated act of choosing your values over your impulses. We started this series with a thesis: “Intelligent masculinity is the refusal to outsource accountability onto others—and the discipline to live with the consequences of your actions and values.” Through the first 3 articles—Masculinity and the Lie of Outsourced Accountability, Who Shapes A Man, and Defining Intelligent Masculinity—we have clarified this definition. Now, we do the heavy lifting: we treat masculinity as an active practice instead of a passive identity. Frederic Poag’s framing provides us with the perfect entry point into this practice—he rejects the modern temptation to treat masculinity as a self-expression. Instead, he describes it as something more—stewardship—and stewardship is always a disciplined practice. It’s the obligation to remain reliable when you’re tired, frustrated, unseen, and un-praised. Frederic says: “Masculinity that lasts isn’t built in moments of intensity—it’s built in repetition, consistency, and the willingness to be accountable even when no one is applauding.” That’s the philosophical pivot point: discipline isn’t intensity, it’s continuity. It’s the willingness to be the same person on the boring days too. Discipline is often purposely misconstrued because fragile masculinity worships the appearance of control while avoiding the internal work required to actually achieve that control. We are living through an age where men are trained to confuse dominance with strength—while ‘discipline’ becomes just another way to control others, rather than regulating one’s self. So what do we do about it? First, we collapse this confusion into a simple, clear idea outlined by Dr. Eric Lullove: “Power without restraint is destruction.” His statement is more than a piece of moral advice—it’s a reality check about what power does when it’s ungoverned and unaccountable. In intelligent masculinity, discipline is what turns power into protection while replacing the harm. Restraint and self-control aren’t weaknesses—they’re the foundations of the ethical container that keeps strength from becoming a weapon. Restraint and self-control aren’t abstractions either—they’re behavioral. They manifest as living mindfully—finding the balance on the scales between our intelligent mind and our emotion mind—the wise mind—while knowing that that balance is a sliding scale. That scale appears as the pause before the text, the breath before the reply, the ability to slow down in conflict so you don’t punish someone else with your nervous system. If Dr. Eric gives us the core principle—restraint—Walter Rhein gives us the method—repair. A disciplined man doesn’t just avoid harm. He knows what to do when harm happens anyway. Naming the simplest practice that ego-based masculinity tries to outlaw, Walter says: “An unqualified ‘I’m sorry’ is one of the strongest things a man can say.” What makes that “strong” isn’t the phrase itself—it’s the refusal to slip out of consequence with qualifiers, excuses, or counterattacks. An unqualified apology is discipline because it demands you stand in reality without reaching for a mask. And this is where the series’ thesis becomes physical: refusing to outsource accountability means you don’t dump your guilt onto someone else through defensiveness. You carry it. You own it. You repair what you can. You change what you must. Sharad Swaney’s story adds something that many men often forget: discipline is not just a skill—it’s also a survival response to instability. When you inherit disorder, you either reproduce it or you become intentional. Sharad said it plainly: “I had to figure out how to be my own father.” That isn’t motivational. It’s costly. But it produces a particular kind of masculine clarity: the recognition and acceptance that nobody is coming to do the inner work for you. Discipline becomes the bridge between who you were shaped to be and who you choose to become. Sharad’s arc reinforces the core theme of intelligent masculinity: responsibility without shame. You don’t punish yourself into growth—you train yourself into it. Lawrence Winnerman gives us the daily nuances of that training. He refuses the idea that intelligent masculinity can be reduced to a tidy definition—it has to be lived, chosen, and practiced. This texture is best said in Lawrence’s words: “I think the word intelligent masculinity is more of a theme than it is a definition… it’s more about how you live your life… It’s about the choices you make each day…” Then he brings it down into a concrete behavioral contrast: the difference between domination and coaching; between humiliation and repair. Offering us this contrast, Lawrence says: “It’s taking a different approach that’s more calm, more collected… instead of… coaches grabbing my hockey mask and getting in my face… [you] put your hand on the kid’s shoulder and say… ‘Okay, so you made a mistake… So how can we fix this?’” That is discipline as relational ethics. It’s not about being “nice” or “soft.” It’s about rejecting the idea that power must be expressed through fear. The disciplined man doesn’t reach for dominance when someone fails—he reaches for instruction, calibration, and stability. Lawrence’s other practice is deceptively hard: listening. Putting this into words, Lawrence says: “Even if you don’t agree, listen… Listen twice as often as you speak.” Listening is discipline because it blocks the ego’s favorite move: turning every conversation into a performance. Evan Fields forces the next step: discipline can’t remain a private practice. If masculinity is only an internal self-concept, it can stay untested forever. Refusing that escape, Evan says: “Values create obligations, not identities.” Obligations mean friction. They mean cost. They mean showing up when it would be easier to posture online or retreat into cynicism. Evan names that temptation directly when he says: “Cynicism is avoidance dressed as intelligence.” Discipline is what keeps moral seriousness from dissolving into baseless commentary. It makes participation possible without spectacle—because disciplined masculinity doesn’t need to be seen to be real. Tim Fullerton layers in an essential civic dimension: discipline isn’t just personal. It’s cultural. It’s narrative. It’s what we normalize and what we refuse to normalize—especially for men. Tim describes his mission using clear behavioral terms: reach men, move them, and build something that changes outcomes. Backing this up, Tim says: “We are building content to appeal to men, which we hopefully think will move more of them to our side on the left.” That’s not just strategy. That’s accountability at scale: refusing to outsource the work of persuasion, refusing to abandon men to grievance ecosystems, refusing to treat masculinity as someone else’s problem. This is one of the heaviest philosophical points in the whole project: a man’s discipline is not only what he does when tempted—it’s also what he refuses to let become normal around him. With that in mind, what is the ‘philosophical heavy lifting’ of discipline? Simply put: discipline is the mechanism by which values become consequences you can live with. Without discipline, our values become mere decorations. With discipline, values become structure—reliable, repeatable, and real. Frederic Poag’s calm becomes the emotional container. Dr. Eric Lullove’s restraint becomes the power container. Walter Rhein’s apology becomes the repair container. Sharad Swaney’s self-fathering becomes the agency container. Lawrence Winnerman’s daily choices become the practice container. Evan Fields’ obligations become the civic container. Tim Fullerton’s narrative work becomes the cultural container. In other words: discipline is not just one thing—it is the full architecture of accountable masculinity. ~Nick Paro Actions You Can Take * Check out the new Sick of this Shit Publications Merch Shop! * Check out Banner & Backbone Media’s new BroadBanner network and affiliate calendar — including all Sick of this Shit Publications branded shows! Sign the Petitions: * Demand Congress Subpoena Key Figures on the Epstein Case Submit questions, feedback, and artwork for Notes of the Week with Nick and Walter: * Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form Support Ukraine: * Donate towards generators Call your public servants on important issues: * 5calls.org Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement: * safedc.info Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals: * B. Cognition Labs Nick’s Notes I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community! Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you * Forever at 50% off * Forever at 60% off A special th

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A series dedicated to reclaiming what true masculinity is - not an old, fragile masculinity of domination; rather, a new, intelligent masculinity built on accountability. sickofthis.substack.com

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