What happens to a person when the place that’s supposed to keep them safe… isn’t? In this raw conversation, Jonathan Fennell opens up about growing up in chaos, living with hypervigilance, loving a brother in crisis, and trying to build a life while carrying trauma that never fully lets go. EPISODE SUMMARY In this episode of Leading Through Loss, Jason sits down with Jonathan Fennell, whose childhood was shaped by instability, untreated mental illness, and responsibilities no child should ever be asked to carry. Jonathan describes the early chaos that rewired his nervous system and the vigilance that followed him into adulthood — into relationships, leadership, work, and daily life. The two discuss what happens when the coping strategies that once kept you safe become the very things that limit your ability to connect, trust, and feel grounded. Jonathan also shares the painful journey of supporting his brother through addiction, incarceration, and ultimately loss — and the grief of mourning not just a person, but the future you hoped they might reach. This conversation is unfiltered, human, and deeply relatable for anyone who grew up doing more emotional labor than their age made sense for — and who’s now trying to build stability in a body that still expects danger. WHY THIS EPISODE MATTERS This episode is for you if: * You grew up in a home where safety wasn’t guaranteed * You’ve lived with hypervigilance or emotional reactivity you can’t always explain * You’ve supported a loved one through addiction or mental illness * You’re trying to lead, parent, or love while carrying unresolved trauma * You want a deeper understanding of grief, empathy, and emotional safety If any of those land, you’re in the right place. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Loss needs room — avoiding it strengthens its hold. * Naming emotions is the first step toward loosening their grip. * Childhood trauma often becomes adult hypervigilance. * Empathy doesn’t mean approval; it means understanding. * People in crisis need your presence more than your solutions. * Coping strategies that protected you as a kid can limit you as an adult. * Families often pull away when someone struggles — the opposite of what’s needed. * Healing requires knowing what you want, not just what you survived. * Tiny moments of joy matter, especially when life is heavy. CHAPTERS 00:00 — Introduction to Jonathan 03:06 — Loss, vulnerability, and early instability 06:03 — Growing up inside a family in crisis 09:08 — Childhood trauma and the origins of hypervigilance 11:49 — Coping mechanisms that bleed into adulthood 14:56 — Trust, relationships, and emotional safety 17:56 — Searching for stability after a chaotic childhood 20:53 — Naming truth: agency, fear, and survival 23:32 — Supporting a brother through addiction and incarceration 26:54 — Mental health, choice, and consequence 29:45 — The layered complexity of grief 32:45 — Creating a future informed by — not ruled by — the past 35:39 — Showing up for people who are struggling 43:56 — Heartbreak, responsibility, and family dynamics 45:51 — How trauma shows up in work and leadership 49:11 — Making space for real conversations 50:38 — Why we misread other people’s intentions 54:23 — The human story behind “bad decisions” 55:48 — What true support looks like 01:00:39 — Grace, perspective, and self-compassion 01:05:33 — Triggers, agency, and unlearning 01:11:42 — Carrying loss while trying to live fully 01:19:48 — Finding moments of joy in hardship This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.grief.tools
