The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset

Betsy Pake
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The Art of Living Big is a weekly podcast designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life.

  1. MAY 14

    423: Betsy’s Birthday Q & A

    Big things are on the horizon for Betsy! A book deal, a beach move, a birthday. Tune in to this Q & A to get to know the woman behind The Art of Living Big and The Navigate Method. With lots of laughs and a few tears, this one is a great one to watch or listen to. Check out the video version on YouTube. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big  All right, I’m excited. I’m excited to do this. I’m excited, and Feels very official. actually am, um, nervous, which is weird, ’cause I d- I mean, I’ve had this podcast for how long? Like 10 years. But I’m nervous, because I feel like we’re not… Yeah, we’re not just ask- can’t believe I’m not nervous, but I’m just excited for it. All right, I’m excited too. Okay, so let’s tell everybody who you are that’s listening. So I’m, I’m Joy, and I am Betsy’s ops person, um, her virtual assistant, go-to person hopefully. And, uh, I Yeah. job. It’s been an honor and a privilege to work for someone so innovative and caring and, , I , I can’t say enough good things about Navigate. I’m an No. member myself. I am Yeah. be working for you now years later after I completed the program. But, , I love my job. Yeah. Oh, that makes me happy. And now you can add podcast host Yeah, a resume. I don’t know about that. We’ll see. So this episode is gonna be a little different than typical. My birthday’s next week, which I wanna say, like, I don’t care, whatever, but I do. I think I do kinda care. I think I’ve always tried to not care, but I think it’s kind of fun that my birthday’s next week. , I’ll be 55, and my birthday is on 5/15, and I feel like the numbers are all, like… I feel like it’s kinda magical, and I don’t know why. I’m not, , a numerology buff or anything , but , it just feels like 55 and then this. So I’m excited to kinda do this. And so I thought what we would do is, , we asked on Instagram just for, , questions of what people had. ready. Yeah, and you’ve got them ready. Okay, and then you had some other ones of your s- your own that I don’t necessarily know all of them, , so yeah. So we’ll… we can just dive in and see where the conversation takes us. I know. I’m excited. Okay. So also I wanna say about 5:15, that’s a special number for you, isn’t it? Yeah, well, uh, uh, I think because it’s my birthday, I always am looking for 5:15. Like, I’m always… I think it’s, like, a message from my mom. I do too, because we post your podcast at 5:15. Yeah. Yes, that’s right, yeah. We post it at 5:15 a- on Thursday mornings. Yeah, yeah. That’s, I like it, and I feel like it feels balanced and also, , I know this is a weird thing, but like 5-1-5, it feels balanced, and it feels like the one is, uh… It’s not a hyphen, but a what would go this way? Do you know what I mean? Up and down. So it feels like 5-5, which feels like a mirroring and- Like, , it’s not infinity, it’s not an eight, but it feels like that to me. Like, kind of chaotic, but also measured, you know? So anyway, I love the 515, yeah. Yeah, I, I like numbers too, but I’m a, I’m an even number person. Yeah. pump gas without ending on an even number. It’s so weird. Oh, really? Yeah. I know it’s weird. I love that. It is weird. So But thanks. love that ’cause it’s weird. Are you ready for your first question? Okay. Yeah, I think so. Okay. ., So this is a question that kind of encompasses everything that you do, so it’s a good starting point, I feel like. Okay. you help women decide whether to stay or leave, and you left. , So looking back, was there a single moment that you knew, or was it a slow build that you only saw clearer in the rearview mirror? Oh, okay. That’s a really good question. I’m so scared right now. Okay. So here’s what I think to answer this question. I wanna, like, zoom way, way out, and I’m gonna start with, like I’m gonna s- I’m gonna start, like, when I’m a kid, and you’re gonna be like, “Oh my God. Is she gonna tell her whole life story?” But for those of you that are listening that are fairly new, so I believe that we are always doing things, our actions are coming from a place of trying to keep us safe. Like, emotionally safe or physically safe, right? And so even if we’re doing things sometimes that is clear that that’s not helpful, it’s because our brains think that it’s keeping us safe, and part of the reason it thinks it’s keeping us safe is ’cause we’re alive, and it’s our, our unconscious mind’s prime directive is to keep us alive. So whatever we’re doing is hypothetically working ’cause you’re alive, okay? So when I was in high school, my mom died in a car accident, and pretty soon after that my dad got remarried. Now, he was married to my mom and, , f- by all accounts was happy enough, you know? And then he started dating somebody, I would say within, , eight or nine months of my mom dying, and then they got married very quickly. It wasn’t, , the best relationship. They’re all still alive, so I wanna be careful of how I speak about it. But it wasn’t… I, I, I was se- 17 by the time they got married, and it wasn’t a safe relationship for me, and so I think I did a lot of accommodating to- Feel safe. So I would get in trouble for a lot of things, and I had never been a kid that ever got in trouble. Do you know what I mean? , My, my mother was always so, so kind and , respectful of my sister and I. So that whole relationship, I think, really changed the dynamic of how I experienced relationships. And I think I was pretty, like when we think about attachment theory, like I think I was securely attached and then became anxious after my mom died in that whole experience. Okay. So now, when the question is, like, when you got d- divorced, was it all at once or was it a, a, you know, slow burn? I wanna say… I- I’m gonna tell you my journey of … Joy’s like, “This is a longer answer than I expected.” But the, , the jour- the journey of, of… Let me tell you why I am so chic. Because I have been married several times. And so to answer that question I’m like, “Well, which time?” Okay. When I was in college, I got married right after college, and, I got divorced very quickly. … We didn’t have kids. Like, there was no… And so I know that that was a marriage. We had a wedding. It… But in my brain it doesn’t feel like one. It feels like such a blip, and I was so young, and honestly, I was coming right off the heels of my mom dying, like five years before or something. Do you know what I mean? , It all feels very blurry. And so then years later I met my son’s dad, and that was my second marriage, but felt like my first. It operated like my first. And more importantly, my third marriage operated like my second. I sound very chic, Joy. I’m very chic. Um, so my first marriage, I think I, I, I… What I have found in my relationships in general, marriages or otherwise, is that I have chosen people that I could try and heal that relationship with my dad. Like, I’m gonna tell you something’s wrong, and you’re gonna ignore me and tell me I’m misreading it, which is what happened when I was young. And so I would find people unconsciously that I could play that out because that felt safe, because that was so familiar, right? And so I, I think that I did that with my first marriage, and I was not mature enough to recognize that there was something going on within me. And then I got divorced when my son, m- and I have a trans son, so when my son was four. And then again, you know, replayed stuff. Had some terrible relationships in between all of that. And then married my last, my last and final. I will never get the government involved ever again. So my, my most recent marriage, and that was a marriage that lasted… We were married for 12 years. We were together, like, 15 years. And I think I was playing the same exact thing out, but the difference this time, and what I teach inside the Navigate method, is that we can trust ourselves, right? That we can find the, our side of the street and heal our side of the street. That we can use the relationship as a mirror to figure ourselves out so much deep, much deeper. And so I think I knew almost immediately that my marriage wasn’t good, and for a lot of circumstances, I stayed for a long time. I think I didn’t wanna fail again. I think my , r- you know, relationship with my, then my daughter at that time was complicated, ’cause she was getting sick as a teenager, and there was just a lot of things going on where, , it didn’t… I couldn’t leave. And I say I couldn’t. I had options, but, , I, I didn’t feel like I could leave, and I didn’t want to. I wanted desperately for it to be good. And what I realize now is that going through that whole process and actually using it to heal myself, and now I would say I’m absolutely securely attached, earned secure, because I earned it back. But that relationship, although, , one of the most heinous in my life I think, I’m the most grateful for it. It changed me in such profound ways because I did the work, because I looked at it, because I paid attention and didn’t say, “I’m gonna let…”, I was like, “I’m not letting…” This is, it, to me, and I’m gonna say this too as we continue this conversation, in my relationships, any of them, I’m not the only one in them. And so, you know, if you brought my former husband, any of select one, any of the many former husbands, like they may have a totally different story, and it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means that’s our versions, and there’s a truth in t

    1h 3m

  2. MAY 7

    422: She’s in Your Custody

    What if you were given a human being and that human was in your ‘custody’ would you do everything in your power to take good care of her? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy emphasizes that loving yourself isn’t a feeling but an approach and a job, built through repetitive, practical daily acts. The custody and care of you is up to you, don’t hand that job off. Have a listen and allow the profound message in this podcast really sink in. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big Hi everyone. Welcome to the show Today. I saw something online this week. I saw something and I think it was kind of an old clip. It was something that Drew Barrymore shared. And , I wanna tell you about it and I wanna kind of talk about this. ’cause I’ve been thinking about it and it was like, weirdly not, she had somebody on the show that isn’t somebody that I’m almost embarrassed to say, I don’t even know who this guy is. I guess he’s an actor. I’m gonna say his name and then you’re gonna be like, how does Betsy not know that? But I don’t, , so I saw it and then I thought about it and then it was the kind of thing where I must have, it must have really. Hit something. ’cause I thought about it and woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it. Do you know what I mean? When you’re trying to put something in the appropriate bucket in your brain? So. I was scrolling and I came upon this clip that Drew Barrymoore shared from her show, and it was this guy named Matthew Hussy. . Hussy Hussy, I think. And he said. And I went back to watch the clip and I want, I’m gonna get it as close as I can. But what he said was, imagine that you got handed a human being at the beginning of your life and your one job, like the one job for the rest of your life is to take care of that human. And most of us don’t realize that that’s our job. So we finish being parented. And then we kind of walk out into the world looking for somebody else to show up for us. But the truth is, we are our human. The only person who is here to take care of me is me. And then he said she’s in my custody. The custody word, I think is the part that really stuck with me, you know? I have been thinking recently and , if you’ve been here for a while, you know, I was married for a long time and , decided to leave my marriage, I don’t know, maybe about five years ago. And then after a short period of time, six months or something like that, decided to come back, I had hope that maybe things could change or work out. And then after a couple years I realized that they weren’t, and I had the wisdom to leave. Fully. And one of the things that I have personally been grappling with, I guess you could say, is the idea that I don’t feel, and I bet many of you feel like this too, I don’t feel like any time in my life has there really been somebody that was. Looking out for me or taking care of me. There was, when I was young, when my mom died when I was 16, I think that shifted and I became hyper independent. I know so many of you are that same way. I know we are the same, but hyper independent, which I could go down a whole rabbit hole about why that is really appealing too. , People with different attachment styles really like hyper independence, but I always have been able to do everything on my own. I’ve always been able to, , pay my own bills and do my own thing and make my own decisions and all, all of these things. And I’ve been thinking recently. As I have been packing up a lot of my stuff, I’m gonna get ready to leave to move to the beach in August. So I still have a little bit of time here. , And there’s several really good reasons why I am delaying. I have a retreat that I wanna focus on and some other things I have to give 60 days notice at my apartment. And the timing just worked out really well to, to give it in July and to leave in Midaugust. So when I think about this, as I have been going through old papers and pictures and all of this stuff, I have really been thinking about , is there, is there ever, is there ever a moment where I’m going to meet someone who. I wanna say like wants to, wants, that’s, this is the ideal word, to take care of me. And I don’t think I’m, I know I’m not looking for somebody, I’m absolutely not looking for anybody right now. But I would like to be open to the idea that someday I would meet somebody who could really, truly meet me where I’m at. I’m no longer willing to. Bend or make accommodations for somebody, it has to be right. Okay. So I have been thinking this thought of like, is there gonna be somebody that could take care of me? And then I hear this, the only person who is here to take care of me is me. She is in my custody, and I wanna talk about what that word means because I’ve thought about it a lot. And what it means for women in the kind of decision that so many of you, I think are in, because if you have been following along on my Instagram or, or maybe just been here for a long time, like that decision of trying to figure out whether to stay or leave your marriage might be right, top of mind, right? And so that whole idea of. She is in my custody may land a little bit differently for you and I wanna walk through kind of the why. So, , here’s how I see this. Like the math kind of goes, like goes like this. If he would just see me, I would be okay if he would just do the work. I would be okay if the marriage would heal. Right then I could make this be okay. Or if he became the kind of man that I have been hoping he would become, then I could finally, ah, feel safe. I could finally like rest. Right, and I’m gonna guess that you’re a lot like me, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever really rested. I think when I was in high school, if I took a nap on the couch, somebody would be like, get productive. Do you know what I mean? Like I, is there ever gonna be a place where I can finally rest where my human, the one I’m supposed to be taken care of, would finally get taken care of? And I have been so good at that taking care of myself that even now when I say I wonder if there’s ever a time where I’m going to meet someone who would want, and this is such an important, who would want, this is the important part to take care of me. I don’t need to be taken care of, but I want somebody to want to. And underneath all that math of like, what I could be okay. I could, , I could rest, I could catch my breath underneath all that. I, don’t, I don’t even feel, and even when I look back on my own journey, I don’t feel like there is anger. It’s, maybe not even sadness, but it is exhaustion. It’s like, it feels like a kind of tired. Like where all your blood’s been drained outta your body, like in your bones. People say like bone, I’m bone tired. When you have been waiting for somebody to meet you or to come and pick you up, and they keep not coming or they keep saying, I’m coming, but they never do. And you just , keep adjusting. You keep telling yourself like, okay, maybe today, maybe he’ll hear me. Maybe this will be the time that they will finally understand maybe there’s like this one next conversation that’s gonna make all of this happen. Or a therapy they’re gonna decide to go to. I wanna say they, ’cause it could be a man, it could be a woman they will go to. Maybe it’s a new book. And the reason that you’re tired is not because the marriage is hard. I mean it, it’s likely really hard, but that is not why you’re tired. You’re tired because nobody has been minding you. Nobody’s been minding your shop. Not him, but not you either, because a long time ago. You handed that job over. So you know, when I heard Matthew Hussey say she’s in my custody, the word custody, it’s a legal word, right? It’s a very formal sounding word. It is the word that we use. I think when we’re talking about like deep responsibility. Right when we’re talking about whose responsibility a person actually is, like who’s on the hook? Like who’s gonna feed ’em and get ’em outta bed and keep them safe? And when I heard him say that, my brain went right to lawyers and courthouse. My former husband was an attorney. So like, I immediately was like, we think about. Custody arrangements or language that we use about children in divorce. And then I was kind of like, oh, I didn’t have children with my former husband that was an attorney. I had children with my other former husband because I’m very chic and I’ve had a couple. But that wording made me go, oh, I do have a human in my custody. I have her, like right here. I have me and she has been with me my whole life and I have been pretending that someone else was on the case, right? That someone else was gonna do this like that. If I could be paying attention to them, they would be paying attention to me. And I, I sat with that , for a long time because I was like, well, I don’t know. That feels nice. I would be paying attention to them and they would be paying attention to me. That feels really good to me. But the trick I think is knowing, and I thought about this for a long time and I thought about all the women that I work with, right? Women in this same exact place, maybe a place where you are. And I realized that this. Is what is sitting in the middle of every single clarity decision that I have ever sat with another woman in my program. Right? Is the, is it true that if I’m taking care of him and he’s taking care of me, everything will be okay? And that may be true, but the trick is to be partnered with someone who is doing the other side of that. Or to be able to take care of

  3. APR 30

    421: What Version of You do You Need Right Now?

    In this week’s episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy reminds us that we can become the version of ourselves that we need at that moment. How we do one thing is how we can do everything. We have the power within us to navigate bad news and hard times as well as the power to make decisions that will move our lives in the direction we want to go little by little. Take a listen and remember that the next step you take, you are ready for because it’s all yours. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show today. I’m excited. I’ve got all these little like updates that I wanna give you. Um, and I swear when I do this show the, the leaf blower lawn men do not come until I start this recording. So we’ll see. I can see them out there, but we’re gonna, we’re gonna hope for the best. Okay? Okay. Quickly before we get started, if you have seen, we have launched. A retreat in Belize in July. It is going to be. Really amazing. It’s called The Reimagined Life. And we are gonna move through creating a whole blueprint for you and how you really want to live your life. And so we’ve got workshops like twice a day, but the then the like in the morning and the evening, and then the whole day is full of snorkeling and laying in the sun and chatting and processing and journaling. And then in the end you move forward with. A blueprint for how you wanna move through the rest of the year, the rest of your life. So. Join me. We filled up really quickly. There’s only like, like half the spots are full already, so if you would like to come, please don’t delay. If you have questions, email us at support@betsypake.com. I will jump on the phone with you and answer any questions and see if it’s a good fit. I think it’s gonna be so fun and some of the ladies that are in already are. Women that I know from my program, some of them are people that I don’t know, and I’m so excited about that and I’m excited for them because I know they’re gonna make all kinds of besties in there. So, um, you can find the link to it in my Instagram profile, or you can go to my website under live events. You’ll see it there, but it’s gonna be at this really beautiful resort. And I heard that the snorkeling there is like snorkeling in a fish tank. Like it’s amazing. So. Please join me if you would like. All right. This week I went with a friend to a fashion show that was a fundraiser for Cancer Research and this center here in Atlanta. And, you know, I thought it was, it, it was so moving. Honestly, it, it, it, I was so honored to be invited and to be with her and her friends and to, you know, get, to get to experience the whole day. And the thing that I kept thinking when I was watching the fashion show, because it was caregivers, doctors and nurses, and it was women who had been through their cancer journey and it was family members and they were all modeling these really beautiful clothes from local boutiques, and it was really fun for that. Also my little, my little aggression, my microaggression towards the patriarchy was to call all of the men with the, they, they would carry a white rose if they were a, a caregiver. And if they were a man, I, I assumed they were nurses. And if they were a woman, I assumed they were the oncologists. And that was kind of fun to be like, oh, I wonder what kind of nurse he is. So. I’m watching this thing and I’m watching these women and I, it’s, it’s really so moving. ’cause you’re like, how do you move through something so big? Right? Like, how do you get presented with that? And so many of them were like, I had no idea this came out of the blue. Like, I wasn’t expecting this. And you know, I think with a lot of big things in our lives we’re, we’re just not expecting it. And so we can’t be prepared. For things. We can’t be prepared for everything. And what I started thinking about when I was watching them is, you know, of course like we go to like, oh my God, what would I do? What would I think, you know, who would I call? What would happen? And I realized that the women that were walking down the runway were likely different women that were told. That they had the diagnosis and that they didn’t have to be that final version of them in the beginning, it was going through the process that made them that way. Now, nobody wants to go through that journey in order to grow or to become a a, a, A D, I wanna say a different or improved version. I don’t know. Uh, that’s a subjective thing. But I think with all of our journeys, and you know, so many of you listen and follow me because you’re struggling in your marriage, but the version of you who has a clear decision, who knows the path she’s gonna take, who’s walking that path, isn’t the version of you that listens here today. And that’s by design. You’re not supposed to be. So it’s okay if it feels really scary. It’s okay if it feels like you can’t do it. It’s okay if it feels like overwhelming. How would I figure this out? Because you only have to figure out the thing that’s right in front of you and then you begin to become the kind of person who is able to walk through the journey. And I wanted to share that ’cause I just was thinking about it. I mean, the lens that I see the world right, is through this work in so many ways. And I thought it was just like such a beautiful example of, of victory, you know, on the other side of that. And it was really cool. Anyway, I was honored to be there. It was, it was great. You know, my birthday’s coming up. I, I’m about to be 55, I gotta say. I remember on my 50th birthday, I remember I brought myself to the beach. Yeah, my former husband went with me, but I planned it. I paid for it, luckily, and went to the beach. And I remember sitting by the beach going like, I am not gonna do my fifties like this. I, I’ve never been as miserable on a birthday as that birthday. And I was at the beach, which is like my favorite place ever. And I have a picture of me like just pulling the. My hoodie down over my face because I was crying. I don’t know that anybody noticed, but I noticed it was so miserable. And this year I’m going to the beach on my birthday to look for my beach house, and that is really fricking cool. And so we get to make a choice. We get to notice it’s okay to be in the crap because then we get to make a totally different decision. And we get to become the person who can make that decision. So I’m gonna be going down to Florida, actually. And if you listen to my episode, several, maybe like a month ago about how to make big decisions and I was talking about making this big decision and I felt so strongly, it’s California. California is the thing, and I feel a little differently now. I have done a hella research over the last month. I got really into the research so much that it began to get paralyzing because here’s what I teach, is that you can’t make pros and cons lists. And then what did I do? So I was like, let’s make a pros and cons list. Let’s figure it out. And you know, I recognize that in every decision, and even with the women that I work with inside the Navigate Method, there are. Practical decisions that also need to be made. So the decision from your gut and the practical choices that surround that. And I’ll be honest, I did my Q1 taxes for my business and we had a huge tax bill, which was great. I, you know, very proud. I saved the money every month, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, although it’s always painful and. I put, I figured out like what the, you know, looked at the p and l and if I was in California, what that tax bill would be. And that was for one quarter. And then if I multiplied that by four quarters for a year, and that’s just on my business. And then to be practical, I’m 55 years old. I’m not 30 where I have room for a lot of, you know. Mistakes, I guess, or, uh, I, I have room for mistakes, but, but the, the trajectory is shorter for me to retirement, right? So I wanted to pay attention to those that felt in alignment to pay attention to that. And so then I started down this rabbit hole of Florida and where in Florida. And when I tell you you can go on YouTube and you can find a walking tour of every city you can find apartment. Um, walkthroughs, home walkthroughs. I mean, you could real estate shop, like you could do all the things from YouTube. It’s, it’s pretty amazing. And so I went up and down the coasts and, um, you know, my aunt lives in Sarasota. It. She’s only there part of the year and then it gets too cold. So she goes to Puerto Rico to her place in Puerto Rico. But I, you know, there is somebody there, right? So like. My dad would likely come down. He would see his sister. I would be able to see him. Like there was things about it. I have several friends that live in the Tampa area area, Sarasota area. There’s a huge airport there, which I, it was important to me. I want to be close enough to the water and be able to afford to be on the water. Like that feels in alignment to me. So I started doing all this recon, like paralyzing amount of recon. I cleaned out my little, I had like a little storage closet. With some things I had put in there and totally cleaned that out, narrowed everything down. I got my whole life into one bucket, you guys? One bin. One bin. And then I just kind of got where I was like, you know what? There’s things I really love about Atlanta, where I live, there’s things I’m gonna really miss. And I started noticing when I would make plans or I’d hear from a friend, I’d be like, oh, I’d really miss that. And so t

  4. APR 23

    420: NOW He Wants to do ‘The Work’

    Oh WOW, this one hits different for sure. In this episode, there are many ah-ha moments as Betsy outlines three signs to watch for when your partner promises change. Is it performance change, or real transformation? This podcast will leave you with the clarity you have been craving. You may even want to take notes during this one! Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. Our trip to Belize has been finalized, so if you heard me on last week’s episode, talk about this retreat that I’m doing the Reimagined Life in Belize this July. It’s the 23rd to the 27th, please join me. There is a link, on my website. In the header bar if you go to live, and I’m posting about it every day on Instagram. I think we got, we opened yesterday afternoon and we’ve already got a really great group of women coming, so I am so excited. I’m like thrilled. This is gonna be just really so much fun. And we had our first live coffee here in Atlanta, and that was so fun to see everybody. I was planning on going to California in May, and I was gonna do one of these in May, and then my trip got changed. But we are still looking at all of these and, and trying to plan. Times to go. And also, and also why is the airlines, the flights are so expensive ’cause of gas. It’s so exhausting. I remember years ago when I took that trip to Iceland, I flew from Atlanta to London and it literally was like. 30,000 delta points, what would translates to like 500 bucks. Now it’s like 1500 bucks. , It’s just so sad. And so to kind of circle back to Belize, I know that if you come to Belize, I know that it is a challenge and I’m gonna show up for you. There’s still, I think, one spot left, maybe not by the time you hear this, but maybe, , for the VIP swag bags, so, you know, get in there and who knows it. Maybe all the early people that get in right away will get a swag bag like that. So we’re working on all that stuff in the background here too. So today though, what I really wanted to talk about was this thing that I have posted about online. And it’s something that people ask me about all the time. It is something that many women have seen me post about. And so when they have seen that particular post is when they decide to investigate working with me. And then they go through the whole program. And then when it happens to them, I think they’re like, oh my God, what? What is this? And I’ll tell you, it. It is a really, really hard thing when you have been working so hard and fighting for your marriage and not feeling as if you are heard to then get to the heart wrenching decision that you can no longer stay intact as a human in this relationship. To then decide to leave, to ultimately save yourself, and then to have your partner go, Hey, I’m gonna do the work. And so I wanna talk about that moment because it is something that I have a lot of thoughts about. And also, even as I go to talk about it, I wanna preface, and this is something I say inside my program all the time. Is that there is no right answer here. It’s just about what’s right for you and honestly, what’s right for you today may not be the same thing that’s right for you six months from now, , or two years from now, and you’re allowed to move through things and change your mind and lean into hope and get your bearings and make a decision. Like all of those things are really, really valid. And so even as I say all this, I just wanna say there’s no right decision, and I am certainly not coming here telling you what to do because if I knew what to do, then I would be, I don’t know, sucking on a pina colada somewhere in, in the deep Caribbean. But my point is that if I knew what to do. Then that would have made my whole journey easier. I was in indecision too. So I understand deeply this place, and I think that this place of indecision has value. I know that sounds so crazy, but I think there’s something to learn in every single part of our lives. And so I wanna talk about this and I wanna talk about this specific moment where you get to the place where you decide you wanna leave. So first of all, I wanna talk about. What is historically what I have seen and what I have experienced in my own life experience of what happens before you get to this moment. Now, I believe you can choose to believe differently, but I believe that women will stay long after it has fizzled out for them because they want to have. A partner, . They wanna have a partnership. They wanna have a life that they had hoped and dreamed about. , When women get married, we want this vision. We, have an idea of what partnership will be, what it’ll be like to possibly raise kids with that person. What our vacations will be like and how we’ll make joint decisions and what all of those components of building a life with somebody actually entail. And when those things are never realized, I truly believe women. I’m using a lot of blanket statements here. I get that. So if you’re a man listening, this can go both ways. , I work with women, whether they’re married to a man or a woman. So I’m just talking from a woman’s perspective here. I believe that women will just try to make things work and they will try. If the vision that they had doesn’t work, they’ll try to adapt to a new vision. I don’t believe that it’s that women only want their way or the highway. I really believe it’s that they’re trying to navigate, well, what does this mean? And when there’s communication issues or when hard decisions are being avoided, or when they as human beings aren’t being seen and met. It becomes this really confusing swirl of, I don’t know what to picture from here, because this isn’t, not only not what I imagined, but it’s also not clear what it is. And I think that moment for a lot of women is where the indecision and the circular thinking about it sets in. Because they can’t make a decision to stay or go when they don’t fully understand what they have. Some moments he meets them where they’re at some moments he doesn’t he’ll, ask for what they’ll need and he’ll say that he’s going to do it and then never does. So that confusion starts to really set in. And so, , the men in my comments sometimes get really angry with this particular post. Because of their own experience with it. But I believe that when you get to this moment where the woman says she’s gonna leave, there is a whole lifetime of work and exhaustion and pleading and trying and adapting that happens before they ever get to that place. And so when they get to that place. It is really a moment where they’re throwing their hands up and saying , I don’t know what else to do from here. And I believe it is a moment where their life force energy is rising up and saying, I will not be lost in this. I cannot be lost in this. And I think the women that really get to the place where they are grasping for their own air in this. And so now here you are. You have been through it trying to get him to hear you and step up and do things differently and become a partner. Even if it’s not the partnership you had in mind. You are willing to adapt and to discover and to create something different, but you never get any clarity or any communication. To tell you what this is, and now you’re taking your one last big deep breath of air before you feel like you just will drown and you say, I can’t do this anymore. I’ve decided that this marriage no longer works for me anymore. And what I see so often in my program is, there’s a moment he maybe takes a beat, maybe he gets mad, maybe he just ignores you. But what I have found in the program is that there is always a pause of some sort, and then it sort of settles. And as it settles, he begins to understand that his experience is about to change. And when that awareness happens, when he recognizes that you are no longer willing. To just keep doing things the way that you had been. Then he wants to show up differently. He wants to talk. He wants to go to therapy. He’s reading the books. He’s saying all the things. Maybe he’s even crying, which you haven’t seen maybe in years. He’s asking you what is it that you need, and he’s telling you that he’s willing to do it. , He will do anything. He’s telling you I am changing. Like it’s been three days. And he’s like, I am changing. , I’m looking at this book, I’m reading this, listening to this podcast. I’m whatever. He’s just telling you to give him a chance.. And so what I wanna talk about today is what, that is what happens inside you when that happens, and how to tell the difference between. Real change and , the same kind of pattern, maybe showing up a little bit differently. And I think most importantly, how do you hold onto what you know to be true without turning into a shell of yourself trying to do it right? Because I think that’s the trap, right? Like in order to protect yourself and your clarity, you think, okay, well I’ve got. Get hard, like I’ve got a armor up here. And so you think that you, need to stop feeling stuff because it is a shell shock. It’s like you got whiplash from it. And so what I wanna talk about is how to move through that whiplash and finding where it is that you really need to go. So I wanna talk about what is actually happening. Inside your body when this change happens, right? When he says this is gonna happen, and when he says, I’m already changing, I’m already doing the work. And maybe he’s learning some words, right? He’s learning some new vocabulary words that make it sound like hopeful and that maybe

    33 min

  5. APR 16

    419: You’re Not Too Much

    Do you use words in everyday communication that make you smaller? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy shines a light on the little things we were taught as children that we may not even catch ourselves doing as adults. Betsy invites us to catch this reflex, claim our accurate self worth, stop using apologetic language, and maybe we can collectively eliminate shrinking once and for all. PS, who wants to join us in Belize? Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. So, alright, before we get started, I wanna tell you about this show that I have been watching. I have a hard time, and maybe you’re like this too, but I have a hard time finding a, show to like chill out and watch that isn’t. , I’m gonna say like scary. I don’t want true crime. Like I’m pretty careful about what I put in my brain, you know what I mean? And so it’s hard for me to find something that I actually really enjoy that feels light enough that I’m not stressed out before I go to bed. And , I talked a couple weeks ago about how I got that bed jet. I swear this isn’t. It. I’m not sponsored. I want to be, but I’m not. But I got this bed jet and you turn it on. It’s like this. It blows hot air, basically. Hot or cool air. But my favorite thing in the world is to take a shower at night, get all the pollen off me from the day, turn on turbo mode so that when I get in bed, it’s like cozy and warm and then put on a show and watch a show for 30 minutes or something, and then go to bed. This has become like my, I, it bring, this brings me so much joy. Okay. But what do you watch? Because I don’t wanna be stressed out. I’m not really into reality shows. Like it’s just, I, , maybe I’m super picky, but, I found a show and I started watching it, and it was just so quirky and weird and fun. And then it never ended. I was like, why is this, how am I still watching this show after days and days and days? And I realized there were two seasons. And so it’s a great show to watch ’cause there’s like eight episodes but two seasons and it’s just gets kookier and crazier. So the show is called Palm Royale and it’s on. Apple tv. It’s totally worth getting Apple TV for it. I think , if you’re like me, did you ever see that show the residents on Netflix? It is a Shondaland mystery about a murder at the White House, and it’s quirky and weird like a clue. Remember that board game Clue. , Anyway, this reminds me of it, Palm Royale, but it’s set in Palm Beach, so it’s in the sixties and it’s just quirky and weird and really fun. So anyway, that’s my hot tip for a show if you like to watch something light and not get stressed out before bed. So I’ve got some fun things that are coming up and one of them. Is that we are going to Belize. I know. It’s so fun. I’m so excited. So I don’t have the exact dates, but by the time this airs, it should be live on my website. If you go to betsypake.com and you’ll see live events in the menu and it’ll be there. But we found this place that you’ll fly into the main Belize airport. And then we’ll pick you up and put you on a little plane and shuttle you to like a little island, and we’re gonna spend time together, chilling out and recreating your life. , I’m so excited about the little workshops that have got planned for us. So be on the lookout for that. We’re gonna do it in. July. I think it’s gonna be around the 24th. I don’t have the exact, like I said, I, met with them on our final appointment yesterday to finalize everything. They were gonna confirm everything. The people that I hired to do this, and it will be live hopefully by the time you’re listening to this. So I’m like so, so excited to get to see people and hang out and spend time together at the beach. And just like that place I heard is like amazing snorkeling. It’s like going into an aquarium. Anyway, it’s gonna be amazing. I haven’t had a beach trip yet this year, and , I need to have a beach trip before it hits like hurricane season. And so anyway, I’m super excited and I hope, that you can join me, which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about today. We’re gonna talk about something that I think that every single one of us that’s listening has probably done. Maybe you’ve already done it today, multiple times. And I wanna talk about all the ways that we make ourselves smaller, and I don’t mean physically, although we have been told to do that too. But I mean, in the way that we shrink our opinions, dismiss ourselves the way that we use words to make ourselves appear more submissive or. Smaller, you know, your, your needs are not as important and you’re just asking, you’re just suggesting you can dismiss my thought if you want, and maybe this is something that you’ve got good at and you’re not doing anymore, but I noticed that I did this yesterday and when I did it, I was like, oh my gosh, I’m doing this thing. So here’s what happened. I’ve been working on this retreat with this really lovely company that’s helping me plan it, and I’ve been working with this woman and she set up like a preliminary page for our retreat, and they asked me, like for my bio, and I sent over the bios that I have and pictures of me, stuff like that. So she puts all the information on there. And when I’m looking at it under my name, it says Coach. It says coach, speaker, and writer. And that is what’s in my bio. It’s like a media bio that we sent her. But it said, coach and I looked at it for a long time and look, , I am a coach. But it didn’t feel right. To me, you know, I’ve been coaching since 2012. I’m a certified master coach. I’m, trained up to the level of trainer. I can train coaches and therapists to do what I do. I have multiple certifications and I’ve gone in deep with those. I’m highly, trained and I have spent over a decade doing this work. I have built a program, I have had a podcast for nine years. I wrote a book. I have another book that’s. In process right now, I have helped thousands of women go through some of the hardest decisions of their lives, and when I looked at it, it said coach. And so when I went to write her an email. And I thought, I’m just gonna ask her to update that. , It should at minimum, say, master coach and I don’t need to have all my credentials and the letters after my name and all that stuff, but , I needed to have it, not just say, coach, that wasn’t accurate. And I started the email and I wrote, I know this is gonna sound silly, but. And as soon as I got that out, I was like, oh my God. I, was at a coffee shop and I like sat back at the coffee shop, looked around the room, like I looked around the room actually at women and men that were there, and I thought, would the men do that? , And this has nothing to do with. Our chromosomes. I’m not, it doesn’t have anything to do with our gender. It has to do with our socialization. Right? Would men do that? Why is this silly? Like, why did I wanna say, I know this sounds silly. Why am I pre apologizing for asking to be accurately represented? Why am I padding a, completely reasonable and totally professional, not even remotely complicated request with language that immediately tells the other person that I don’t fully believe that I deserve what I’m asking for. And so I deleted the email, deleted the opener, changed it, sent the email, and just said, Hey, I see that I’m. Posted and listed as Coach. Would you mind changing that to Master Coach? Done. But I kept thinking about that moment because of the, I know it sounds silly. I know it sounds silly. That wasn’t for her. She didn’t need it. She probably didn’t even notice. She didn’t care. Like she doesn’t, okay. Master coach, whatever that language was for me, it was a reflex a, habit, right? That is. I think so deeply grooved in the way that it ran before I even noticed it, like before I even consciously noticed it. I typed it out. That language was for me. And so that’s really what I wanna talk about today. So here’s what I want to make, , I wanna make clear, here’s what I would like you to understand in this. Making yourself smaller isn’t humility. It’s not being humble. It’s just a habit, and it’s a habit that most of us have been practicing since we were really little. It’s a habit that kept us safe, that we were taught like explicitly and implicitly that confidence is arrogance. Boys aren’t taught that. We were taught that taking up space is really selfish and that being proud of yourself or being proud of what you’ve built or who you are means that you think you are better than someone else. And so we learned to pre-frame everything, , almost like to pre apologize, to downplay every accomplishment that we have. So we say things like, I don’t know if this is right, but, and this is probably a dumb question, I’m just wondering. I’m just a mom. I’m just a coach. I’m just a woman trying to figure it out. Just I’m just, ugh. And I feel like that word is doing so much damage. We use it to. , I wanna say like even cut ourselves down before somebody else gets the chance to, in my comments a couple days ago, I have been doing these posts once a week for the past three weeks, and it is a carousel post on Instagram where I share something about how I’m rebuilding my life in my fifties. So the first one was sort of like an overview of how I got here. The second one was about how I am choosing to rent instead of buy, and the reasons why and why I think that can be a really good choice for people. And the third one was about doi

  6. APR 9

    418: Are You Ham or Eggs?

    Have you ever been asked this? Which way does your intuition want you to answer? In this week’s podcast, Betsy asks her listeners if they are fully committed or loosely involved and how that outlook can apply to the everyday choices we make. She encourages us to ask ourselves if we are bravely invested or a little wishy washy, because we may be in mid life but we don’t want to be mid. Also, if you are local to Atlanta, please consider meeting up for coffee on April 11th. All of the information is on betsypake.com. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hey everyone. Welcome to the podcast today. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. How has your adventure been going over the past week? I am suffering from the pollen, so you may kind of hear it in my voice. Pollen in Atlanta right now is unhinged. It’s always really bad. But right now it’s really unhinged. I am taking Zyrtec or Claritin, depending on the day. Flonase. I have a air purifier in my apartment. I’m wearing a mask, like an infected person walking around outside to keep the pollen out. I am Netty potting every time I go outside and come back in. I shower before bed and wash my hair and change my pillowcases, and I am still really suffering. It’s really bad. I got one of those memberships to get your car cleaned because the pollen was coming into my car. And so every other day, I am going to bring my car. It gives me, it gives me a project. You guys, it gets me outta the house, but I’m going to wash my car, go through the car wash because. Everything is just covered in yellow. It’s just insane. So anyway, I will keep this one short ’cause I know my voice is a little funky and , that may be really annoying. It may not have been annoying if I hadn’t said it, but now that I’ve given you permission to have it be annoying, you won’t be able to not hear it. But let’s, just move along with the show today. Okay. So in the spirit of keeping this one short today, I have a. A thought. Something I was thinking about this morning when I was getting ready for my day and I was thinking about this possible move to California. I was thinking about how. I realized I really need to be consistent with my working out and not from a, like I need to lose some weight perspective or I need my body to look different. It’s actually ’cause I need my body to work a little bit different. I had a massage therapist come this morning, early. Early. She came at eight o’clock in the morning. I was barely awake. This is a woman that I’ve used for years and she just comes to my apartment. It’s, it sounds luxurious and it is that she comes to my apartment, but, , she’s really not any more expensive that if I went to a spa, , ’cause she just works for herself and came over. And I told her that I sit so much for work and I do try and sit stand throughout the day. I have one of those standing desks, but I sit so much that my back is just, it’s just tight. My lower back is tight, my shoulders are hunched ’cause I’m working away my keyboard, , looking down all the time and I’m like, I really need to be. Getting a lot more activity for my posterior chain, , for like all down my back. , I need to have my hamstrings engaged. The bottoms of my feet have been hurting, and I’m not walking, I’m sitting. But it’s because everything is just tight from being kind of like folded like a lawn chair, you know? I was thinking about that and about how I need to just move my body because it needs to be moved, not because the mood has hit me, or I suddenly have a goal for something. And I was thinking about all these choices that we have in our lives and how committed we are to those choices. And I remember years ago I used to ask coaching clients when we would come up with goals. For things is, this was before the navigate method, but I would say, are you hammer eggs? Are you hammer eggs? That was the question. And they would say, Hmm. It feels more like eggs. Eggs is like, you know, , an egg is, you know, the chicken doesn’t have to die to have to give you the egg, right? It’s, it’s the egg, ? But if you’re ham, you’re committed. You’ve committed so much to breakfast that you’ve given your life for breakfast. So is it eggs or is it ham? And I was asking myself like, oh, if I’ll think about it that way, am I hammer eggs with this moving my body? And I’m, I’ve moved into ham because it has to be ham. I was eggs before, so I moved, uh, you know, I worked out, I had my little workout thing I do once or twice a week when it, the mood struck. I was thinking about this move to the beach. Am I ham or eggs? I’m not sure. I’m, I’m leaning into ham territory of like, I’m going to make a brave choice. And so I started thinking about this with everything that we do, and if we put it in the perspective of what is it that I really want and do I really want anything? That’s just eggs. I wrote something on social media a week or two ago and so many people resonated with it. And what it was, this idea of being, having a life that is mid. I like, I’m in midlife, but I don’t want a life that’s mid, that’s how I explained it in the post mid is eggs. Mid is eggs. It’s not, it’s not ham. Now, I know this is kind of a silly little thing, but I wanted to share it with you this week so that you can just think through my choices. Think through your choices. Am I ham or eggs? Am I wishy-washy or am I committed? , Sometimes it makes sense to be eggs, and sometimes you choose eggs when it’s time to be ham. So. I think when you know the difference, that is how you live a big life. All right. I will see you next week with a much more lengthy episode when I am feeling like my brain is back in my body. All right, y’all, I love you so much. Don’t forget, in uh, , in Atlanta on April 11th, we’re having a live coffee live. We’re gonna all meet up for coffee. And the point of this is so. That I get to hug you, but also so you meet other people and make friends, and that could be a really cool thing. So you can find out all the information on my website. It’s right in the header. It’ll say like live events, and just choose Atlanta Coffee, and I will see you there. All right. Bye y’all. See you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

  7. APR 2

    417: How I Made a Big Decision

    Do you remember the ‘choose your own adventure’ books? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy explores the idea of living out our choices in life just like the books we remember from childhood. What if we decided to go to an Early Bird Dance Party? What if we moved to the place we always dreamed of living? What if you only thought about those things but never acted on them? If you have pondered an idea over time and need a little nudge, this will be it! Enjoy it on a walk or a drive and be sure to join us for our Fireside Chat on April 5th and if you are close to Atlanta, come have coffee with Betsy on April 11th. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. Okay,, I wanna tell you about the Early Bird Dance Party. Before we get started, I wanna tell you about this thing that I went to. You know, as I have talked over the past, like couple years about recreating my life as a single person in my fifties, and how I’ve found friends and the things that I have been interested in and discovered about myself and all of those things. And , like me, , you probably get most of your information from Instagram. And I got an ad that kept being shown to me for the Early Bird Dance Club and it is a. Idea that these two women had about wanting to go out and dance, but not wanting to start the night at 10:00 PM and get home at three. , They had stuff to do in the morning and so they created. These events at clubs like all over the country where you come at six and it ends at like 10, I think. So it’s like for women who want to go out but still have shit to do in the morning, I think that’s the tagline. So I had seen it and then my friend Elizabeth reached out to me and she’s like, do you wanna go to this with me? The tickets sell out really fast. So if we wanna go, we gotta get tickets. And this was like in January, and so I was like, yeah, let’s do it. So we got tickets. It was me and my friend Elizabeth, and my friend Dina. Now I’m gonna pause for one second. ’cause I wanna tell you, if you listened to my episode about how I was rebuilding my life in my fifties as a single woman, I talked about going to those time left dinners, Elizabeth. Somebody that I met at time left and then she invited me out for dinner with two of her other friends a few months later. And this woman, Dina was there. So I went out to the early bird dance party with Elizabeth and Dina. I’m, connecting the dots there. Just so you can see, and I know this sounds silly ’cause you’re probably like, I know how we make friends Betsy, but for me that. Can, that was not an obvious thing. I just thought like, I’m, I,, I don’t know how to meet people, but that’s how, so you meet, I went to a million time lefts. I met several good friends from there, and then. , They had other friends and so we all met up. So I will have Elizabeth meet my other friends and we’ll go to dinner together too, so she can meet them. So I think it, it’s like just a nice way. And I see women doing this all the time including, , we’re, we’re not in a circle, we’re in a horseshoe. Everybody’s welcome in. And so that’s who we went with. So back to the story. So Elizabeth is like, let’s go me and Dina and you will go. So you get there at six o’clock, you get there at six o’clock, you dance your little heart out, and we ended up leaving at eight 30. Dina had to get up really early in the morning on Saturday, and Elizabeth I think was heading off on a trip , out of state or out of the country. She travels a lot, so. We went. I mean, I gotta tell you, we got there right at six. We were the first ones on the dance floor. ’cause we basically just walked in and walked right to the dance floor. The songs in the beginning, I’m gonna be honest, weren’t the best. Like they had a work in nine to five when it hit the work in nine to five. I was like, okay, , we gotta, we can, do better. We can do better. That’s a good, it’s a banger, but it not. Really what I want for my dance party. Disco balls are going, you know what I mean? All the lights and it really did get better, but it was a lot of like nineties music. The place was packed., It was women only, so it was just like packed with girlfriends having fun. , It was just so fun and so nice. And then it was so fun. But we were all pooped and everybody had to stuff to do in the morning. We left at eight 30. We got outside. I was like, first of all. I’m really proud of everyone’s knees in there because people were doing the low, low, low, low, you know, apple bottom jeans and the boots. I was like, how are people getting so low? ’cause my knees, I just will not. And then when we left, Dina was like, oh my God, it’s still light out. It was still light out, but it was really so fun. So if you have a chance to go to the early bird dance party, go to that. It’s really fun. And just like a cool thing, , if you haven’t seen my Instagram stories, we are having a coffee. In a bunch of different locations, live coffees where you can come meet me for coffee. It’s less about meeting me and more about meeting other people in your community, right? So like other women that follow me or whatever, , have come across the page and want to come and meet and make friends. So we’re doing them in Atlanta. It’s April 11th in Atlanta, and. On my website, there’s gonna be a link that says coffees, and then there’ll be a dropdown with all the different locations. I, Atlanta is up there. Now the other ones are being put up as we get the date, but it’s gonna be Atlanta, San Diego, New York City, Nashville, London, and I think there was one other place. Maybe that’s it. We’re thinking, I know I get a lot of requests for Chicago, , and maybe we’ll do something in South Florida. So just a way to be able to get together, grab a coffee, come and meet people, and then you have meeting people in your community. You know what I mean? Which I think is so fun. So be on the lookout for the coffee and community events. And then of course our fireside chat is live this month and it’s on the website. You can get to it. On the menu we’ll have it put like events so we can have all of that underneath. ’cause I don’t want you guys to get confused. But the fireside chat is virtual. It’s on Zoom and it’s on Easter. It’s at night on Easter. So I get it. If you can’t, if you got family stuff, but you might have family stuff in the morning, and then by 7:00 PM Eastern, you’re done with family and you wanna come join me or you don’t have any family stuff going on, and then you have a chance to come and do something and be with other people. You know that also are free at 7:00 PM Eastern. So that is just like a non-scripted, not recorded zoom time for everybody to get together and just have community no matter where you are. So those are some of the events that you could come and join me, which I would love. Okay, so now I have a story and I’m gonna tell you this story. With a caveat. And the caveat is the same caveat that I tell women in the Navigate method, which is everything is written in pencil. Like we get to change our minds, we get to shift, we get to learn more information, we get to go back, go forward, whatever it is that we need. Okay. So as we move forward in the months ahead, I want you to keep that in mind because it’s. A little risky that I’m telling you this, but it’s also true and it feels really true. And so I wanna tell you this weekend I was. Free most of the weekend I had my dance party, and then Saturday I ran errands. And then Sunday was just meant to be like a rest day. And on Saturday morning I was making my coffee. And I do this thing that I do, which is I make my coffee and if I don’t have a message from a friend, lots of times I have two girlfriends that I. Voice memo with. And if I don’t have a voice memo to listen to, I call it my morning podcast. I pretend I have a roommate and I listen. , But if I don’t have one of those, then what I do is I talk as if I’m standing in the kitchen of my beach house and I’m talking to some friends who have come to visit and they’re planning their day. And I’m asking what the beach plans are for the day. I’m letting them know if they walk right out the back door on the beach and they take a left, there’s a volleyball tournament. , Sometimes I let them know that I get done at three. If they wanna meet up for cocktails, I’ll have cocktails. Sometimes I say , I’m gonna have Chef Greg come. I know, I know. This is crazy. I’m gonna have Chef Greg come. At six. So you guys have your whole day at the beach, and then if you wanna come home and shower and then just be ready, chef Greg’s gonna make sushi or whatever. I decide the meal is gonna be okay. So I’ve been doing this for months, months, talking about my beach house and welcoming my friends. It’s the most fun, like it puts me in the best mood like it. I just love it. Now, if you’re fairly new here, you might not know for the past, , 40 years, I have wanted to move to the beach. Why don’t I live at the beach? Well, there was always a lot of reasons and , I, my daughter was here, she was growing up, she, her dad lives here and I was married to my former husband who is an attorney and he’s licensed in Georgia. So then we thought about moving to the coast of Georgia, but that’s not really the beach I had in mind. Like so many things. It just never was the right timing. And , there was a time. When I very first left my mar

  8. MAR 26

    416: Grief and my Superpower

    In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy shares some profound insights on grief. She explains that it’s not linear and how we can grow bigger than it. How relationships with those we have lost can change form rather than end, and why hope is a brave decision. This one will move you. Oh, and who doesn’t want a bed jet? Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I’m excited to do this episode today, which when we, as I say that, when we get to the topic, you’re gonna be like, wow, you’re excited about talking about this really heavy thing, but I, promise there’s hope in it, and I think that’s the really important part in all this. So last week I did an episode where it was really just me breaking the seal of coming back. So thank you for to so many of you for listening. I am so just so grateful that you accept me back into your ears while you go about your daily tasks. And,, and let me talk with you. I. Wanna tell you a couple other things, and again, if you’re new here, you’re gonna be like, why is she telling me this? I, I don’t know if you’ve been here a while, you’ve kind followed along the journey whether you wanted to or not. And so I’m gonna give you a couple quick updates. My teeth are complete. That is one of my updates. If you remember last year I had dental work that had to be done. I had, , cap and I had a couple weird teeth things. I don’t even remember now what it was, but it was a lot of stuff and it was stuff that I had kind of put off for a couple years. Anyway, once I had that done, I got Invisalign because I had a lot of strange gaps in my teeth that I didn’t have most of my adult life. It, just started happening as I really started clenching my teeth these past few years, and so I. Got my Invisalign. The Invisalign is over, and then I got two new front teeth, I guess I got bonded so that the little space between my teeth was. , Filled in, I guess you could say. I don’t know, I think, I don’t think anybody that meets me that doesn’t know me would notice to me. It looks like I have a couple of chiclets in my front, two front teeth, but I’m getting used to it and it does feel really good to have like a even smile, you know? And I see my teeth so much because of how I record on Instagram. So anyway. My teeth are complete. And it just feels really good to have that journey done. I mean, it’s been like a two year journey to get my, to get them teeth straight. And now I have this really incredible mouth guard that I can wear at night that is, I don’t know, it’s just space, age and amazing. And , I’m happy about that. So that’s keeping my teeth from ever moving again, and it feels really good. So, if you’ve been here for a while, you know that I am. A big fan of sleep, like I really like my bed and I like to sleep, so I wanna tell you about something that I bought. It is not sponsored. I tried to get them to sponsor me for a year. I was messaging and filling out forms on their website. Never, did they reach out to me, which I was like, I am the perfect person to talk about this because I’m obsessed with sleep for one thing, and I. Have a whole audience of women who are right where I am, where you likely need this thing. Now I’m gonna tell you what the thing is, and I’m gonna tell you my honest to God truth about it. But first I just wanna talk about sleep and how much I love it. Okay? So, if you’ve been here, you know, cozy Earth is one of our sponsors. You can get 20% off anything on the website. , You use the code live big Betsy, and you can get 20% off, but. Yeah, that’s neither here nor there for this episode. What I really wanna tell you is that if you followed, you know that I’m obsessed with their house coat. Okay? So this is like my routine. Are you ready? Because if you really want some insane, , cozy sleep, I’m about to give you all the things. I have an aura ring and that gives me my sleep score, right? So if you’re familiar with that, I routinely get 94, 96 sleep scores. I don’t know what happens when you get a hundred. I have a feeling I’d there would be a parade outside for me if I got to a hundred. But my point is I get really high sleep scores now. It. Is it one thing or another? I don’t know. But I’m gonna tell you all the things because there may be a piece of one of these things that helps you. Okay. Enough of the lead up, let me tell you. So there is this, and again, none of this is sponsored except for Cozy Earth isn’t really sponsored. They give us a, they sponsor this show, not this particular episode, but I love them. So what I do is I have this. Bath salts. That’s a magnesium bath salt, and it’s called flu, F-L-E-U-D fluid. I have a subscription, I don’t know, it’s 20 bucks a month and I get three of them. So I do a fleud about once a week, and it is like a high concentration of magnesium, but different from Epsom salts. It makes me feel so chilled out. , There’s other stuff in it, but it is amazing. I put it in my tub and I set a timer so that I stay in there at least 20 minutes and those nights,, and I typically notice this will last four or five nights, and then I notice I need to do another one, or that it makes my sleep better if I do another one. So what I’m about to tell you, the rest of the, this is why I could never have a partner ’cause of all, the things I’m about to tell you. So I take my fleud bath, I put on my cozy earth. House coat, that’s what it’s called on the website. It is basically a comforter that they cut into the shape of a house coat. I put it in the dryer. Okay. I put it in the dryer so it gets warm, and then I put it on when I’ve just gotten outta the shower or gotten outta the bathtub. Okay? Now I walk into my bedroom and I turn on. Turbo. Turbo mode of my bed jet. Okay, so the bed jet is the thing I was saying. I was trying to get them to sponsor me and they didn’t. I’m gonna tell you, the bed jet is like a machine that goes underneath your bed and there’s a hose, like a vacuum cleaner hose that goes into a sheet, a special bed jet sheet. Okay. This sheet lives above your top sheet and under your comforter. Okay? And it’s got these channels that go all the way up through the sheet. And on the bottom part of that sheet, it’s like a, it’s like a envelope. Do you know what I mean? It has two sides. The bottom side is porous, and so the air comes out. From the bottom onto you, and the comforter that you have on top keeps that air contained inside the bed. Okay? So they have turbo mode and it’s 10 minutes of hot air and high fan, and it heats your little bed up to the coziest thing. So now I have on the cozy earth housecoat, I am deliciously relaxed because I’ve had a fluid bath. I’m cozy. I turn on turbo mode, it gets everything all set up. I get in and it’s warm. It’s not too hot, it’s warm. It’s really great. Now. Now the next thing I do. Is I have a special pillow for between my knees, so my knees don’t go knocking together. ’cause I sleep on my side. I, have, I didn’t realize how ridiculous this was until I started really telling you I have a purple bed, which is a specific kind of bed and that I love. I’m obsessed with it. I have a friend that told me to buy one. She bought one for everybody and her family, they’re amazing. Again, no sponsorship. I should have one purple bed. The pillow that keeps my knees from knocking together. I have a NOD pod, which I’m a huge fan of the Nod Pod. A couple years ago I spent $3,000 at Christmas time on Nod Pods for people I love. So the Nod Pod is a weighted eye pillow that goes over your eyes and helps your parasympathetic nervous system and helps you relax into a deeper state of relaxation. So here I am. I’m in the cozy bed. The fan is off now ’cause it’s been 10 minutes so Turbo Mode is done. I’m in the purple bed. I have the Nod pod. I also have a Nod Pod body. I will tell you, I bought the no brand one on Amazon, but it’s, , a weighted blanket that’s just the size of your torso. Okay, so now I got this weight. I got my mouth guard in. Now I hit the dry button. On my bed Jet, it has cool mode, but it also has dry, which just rotates the air around so it’s not too hot, it’s not too cold. And then when I get really hot, , as one does at one o’clock in the morning, I press the cool button. The, remote control is huge and lit up, and , the words are big. So I don’t need my glasses and I can hit cool in it. Sends like shot a shot of cool air around the inside of my bed and it is heaven. So I know that’s a lot of things. What did I say? Food bath. The. Housecoat heated housecoat turbo mode on the bed jet, the purple bed, the nod pod, the nod pod body, and the custom mouth guard. But I’m telling you what like it is. It is really good. It is really good. I sleep really good. Okay, so what was that like 10 minutes of telling you all my crazy, sleep schedule. But we do what we have to do. I do believe that sleep may be like one of the most important things. To keep ourselves healthy and to keep ourselves going, , and to have the energy to be able to do all the things we need to do every day. So anyway, that is my crazy sleep story. But you can get your cozy Earth stuff. Make sure to use the coupon code ’cause it’s 20% off, which I think is great.. I’m a big fan of the Cozy Socks too. Anyway, this episode is not sponsored by them, but I’m obsessed, so I feel like I, they’re like, which episodes do you want u

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The Art of Living Big is a weekly podcast designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life.

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