Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Barbara Carrellas, author of The Book of Ecstasy, about ecstasy as a transformative state that goes beyond pleasure, sex, and orgasm into connection, awe, and ego-dissolution. Carrellas describes how her work was shaped during the AIDS crisis in 1980s New York, where grief and catharsis often fueled joy, and explains ecstasy as a reset button that can be personally, spiritually, socially, and politically important. They discuss how ecstasy can arise through many experiences (including dancing, food, protest, nature, birth, and death), how intensity can help by balancing safety and risk, and how skills like breath, grounding, and intention support ecstatic states. Carrellas offers beginner practices—listing nonsexual turn-ons, meditating on “something more,” and embracing one’s inner teenager—and shares resources on her website.00:00 Welcome to Better Sex00:48 Meet Barbara Carrellas01:34 AIDS Crisis Origins03:51 Tragedy and Ecstasy05:21 Awe and Ego Dissolution06:46 Defining Ecstasy08:41 Everyday Ecstatic Life11:48 Joy as Resistance14:21 Ecstasy as Spiritual Practice15:33 Connection Me We Us18:03 Host Resources Break18:41 Ecstasy Not A Contest19:52 Speaking The Same Language21:43 Kink Safety And Risk24:14 Breath Energy Orgasms25:34 Beyond Sex And Politics27:50 Psychedelics And Everyday Ecstasy29:12 Solo Practice With A Partner33:08 Beginner Steps To Ecstasy35:45 Books Resources And FarewellWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.com Bio:Barbara Carrellas (she/her) is the bestselling author of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century and the upcoming Book of Ecstasy, from St. Martin’s Essentials. Barbara is the founder of Urban Tantra®, an international community, a philosophy, and an inclusive conscious sexuality practice that encourages people of all genders and sexual preferences to expand their capacity for both pleasure and spiritual fulfillment. Barbara was named Best Tantric Sex Seminar Leader in New York City by Time Out/NY Magazine, and was presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Sexual Freedom Awards in London. Barbara is a proud graduate of the Coney Island Sideshow School with a double major in fire eating and snake handling. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com/iwecourseThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass Intimacy with Ease is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe
