Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler
  • 4.7 (856)
  • Religion & Spirituality
  • Weekly

Welcome to our podcast! My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren. I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group. I am the author of three books: “Listen Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) “Listen Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022. The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations. Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566) “Listen Learn and Love: Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023. The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion. Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280) The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations. Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016. Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️ I am the author of two Ensign articles: ‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use. This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children. Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Thank you for joining us. You can't donate to this podcast. There are no sponsors. But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books. With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤ Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler Facebook: facebook.com/richard.ostler.5 Substack: https://substack.com/@papaostler E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com

  1. 2d ago

    Episode 949: JaQuavious Harris, Gay, Active LDS, World Class Runner, Black/Native American

    ** This episode talks about suicide. If you are suicidal, please call, text 988 ** My friend JaQuavious Harris (late 20s, lives in Utah, world class runner including a 2:13 marathon finish) joins us to share his story about Jesus being the center of everything and his invitation for all of us to do the same. JaQuavious shares: Growing up LDS in South Carolina. Mother had him at age 13 Love of running and making his way to BYU Argentina mission—come home to address mental health Coming out to himself (and then others) as gay How his BYU Eternal Families class and constant focus on straight marriage caused him to feel like an abomination leading to believe “I am going to hell and I’m living in hell” All this led to an unsuccessful suicide attempt Following all this, he took to social media to help other come unto Christ and find hope Wise and powerful words from his dying father in 2022 How people can better love and support him Why he stays an active Latter-day Saint His impactful and inspiriting mission to help others Thank you JaQuavious for being on the podcast. Your courage, heart, and goodness inspire me. You are so brave. Your story is helping so many know that God loves them and Christ should be the focus of our lives. I encourage everyone to listen/share JaQuavious’ podcast and follow his Instagram account. You are a good man JaQuavious (and a super-fast runner). Honored to have you on the show. Links: Instagram: @harrisjaquavious

  2. 6d ago

    Episode 948: Patrick and Melissa Mason New Book: “Rooted: Centering Christ in Everything”

    My friends Patrick Mason (Holds the Leonard J. Arrington Chair of Mormon History and Culture at Utah State University) and Melissa Mason (Clinical Social Worker, Master of Social Work, Utah State University) join us to talk about their new book called “Rooted: Centering Christ in Everything” The authors share that too often, Latter-day Saints have centered their religious lives on rules, worthiness, obedience, institutional loyalty, and cultural expectations rather than on Jesus Christ Himself. They invite readers to rethink what it means to be a disciple of Christ—placing greater emphasis on grace, compassion, love, belonging, and the transforming power of Jesus Christ. Their message isn't that commandments, covenants, or Church participation don't matter. Rather, these things should point us toward Christ, not become substitutes for Him. They offer practical suggestions to bring Christ the focus of our church talks, lessons, conversation—and in all aspects of our lives. This is a super powerful podcast to help all of us better focus on Christ. Thank you, Melissa and Patick, for being on the podcast. I encourage everyone to read their book as we work to become a more Zion people. Links: Book at Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1639935703 New he was different as a child—but felt loved and supported by his family Didn’t fit in with the boys—had lots of girlfriends (but never romantic) Felt belonging with the high school swim team Went on a mission (still closeted) praying “God will finally cure this”—felt “tormented all the time” Great mission experience—felt brotherhood and belonging Crushing post-mission life at BYU realizing he is still gay and falling in love with a roommate Finally had the courage to talk to his BYU bishop about his attraction to men. Bishop rejected him and forced to withdraw from BYU Jess asks, “what do you do with the Bishop rejects you” and “not even worth trying to help” Come out to his parents Started to accept being gay and date men—that acceptance helped him to thrive in school and have hope Married Alex in 2015—great marriage “Fully embraced Babylon—eventually “life collapsed” Unconditional love from family and some spiritual experiences caused him to consider God and the Church again Starting to attend his San Diego Ward—deep feelings of belonging Incredible things his Ward did to help him and Alex feel welcome—including assignments for Jess like working tours for the San Diego Temple Open House Reading the Book of Mormon and knowing God loves Jess Non-agenda love from his LDS community to both him and Alex This is one of the best episodes we’ve recorded—Jess is one of my new heroes. Jess is honest about incredibility difficult church and extended family experiences, and how he has been able to get past those experiences to reconsider the Church again and is now feeling love, acceptance, and a needed member of the congregation. It is the best episode on what a ward family can do to support a couple in a same-sex marriage. Thank you, Jess, for being on the podcast. Your story will help so many. You are a good man with a great heart, testimony, and ability to give hope to others. Honored to have you on the podcast. Glad you and Alex have each other Thank you, listeners, for listening/sharing this episode. Links: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@sandiegodogdads Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dogtopians_of_san_diego Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jess.porter.77

  3. Oct 22

    Episode 947: Thomas Hostetter, Gay Latter-day Saint, New Book, Super Powerful Story

    My friend Thomas Hostetter (mid-30s, lives in southern Colorado, engaged to be married to his future husband, deep testimony of the Church) joins us to share his remarkable story, including: - Growing up and having an interest in men—but never realizing he was gay - After his mission, falling in love with his straight roommate, realizing he might be gay, and experiencing heartbreak when that friendship ended—driving him back into the closet and leading him to date women - Long journey dating women and not being able to make that work - Dating men and feeling genuine connection (romantic, emotional, and physical) - Deep testimony of the Church and desire for a long-term partnership - Meeting Al and falling in love—a beautiful and healthy relationship, especially after years of dating experience - Panic attack as he realized he was not going to be able to fully participate in the Church he believes to be true - His debut novel, *Grammar of the Scar* (see show notes) - Backstory of the name of his book—discussion of vocabulary and scars—super unique insights - Importance of personal revelation and his hope for the future This episode is full of unique insights to help other LGBTQ folks and all the rest of us. Thomas has been on this road for 20+ years and brings all his lived experiences to his new book and this podcast. Thank you, Thomas, for being on the podcast. You are inspiring. You are a good man, and I’m glad you and Al have found each other. I’m glad you have “someone who wants to love you back.” You are a good man. I encourage everyone to listen to and share this episode, and to read Thomas’s book. **Links** Thomas’s debut novel, *Grammar of the Scar*, by T.H. Calder, on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HN8SLZZ6 Thomas on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thomash.hostetter YouTube of this podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRmvSvqs-zU

  4. Oct 18

    Episode 946: Jess Porter, Gay Latter-day Saint, Same-Sex Marriage, Reconnecting with God/Church

    My friend Jess Porter (oldest of six, Hong Kong RM, married husband in 2015) joins us to share his super unique and remarkable story including: Knew he was different as a child—but felt loved and supported by his family Didn’t fit in with the boys—had lots of girlfriends (but never romantic) Felt belonging with the high school swim team Went on a mission (still closeted) praying “God will finally cure this”—felt “tormented all the time” Great mission experience—felt brotherhood and belonging Crushing post-mission life at BYU realizing he is still gay and falling in love with a roommate Finally had the courage to talk to his BYU bishop about his attraction to men. Bishop rejected him and forced to withdraw from BYU Jess asks, “what do you do with the Bishop rejects you” and “not even worth trying to help” Come out to his parents Started to accept being gay and date men—that acceptance helped him to thrive in school and have hope Married Alex in 2015—great marriage “Fully embraced Babylon—eventually “life collapsed” Unconditional love from family and some spiritual experiences caused him to consider God and the Church again Starting to attend his San Diego Ward—deep feelings of belonging Incredible things his Ward did to help him and Alex feel welcome—including assignments for Jess like working tours for the San Diego Temple Open House Reading the Book of Mormon and knowing God loves Jess Non-agenda love from his LDS community to both him and Alex This is one of the best episodes we’ve recorded—Jess is one of my new heroes. Jess is honest about incredibility difficult church and extended family experiences, and how he has been able to get past those experiences to reconsider the Church again and is now feeling love, acceptance, and a needed member of the congregation. It is the best episode on what a ward family can do to support a couple in a same-sex marriage. Thank you, Jess, for being on the podcast. Your story will help so many. You are a good man with a great heart, testimony, and ability to give hope to others. Honored to have you on the podcast. Glad you and Alex have each other Thank you, listeners, for listening/sharing this episode. Links: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@sandiegodogdads Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dogtopians_of_san_diego Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jess.porter.77 YouTube on this podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKHR7AOAbwg

  5. Oct 13

    Episode 945: Heidi and Daniel Applegarth Sharing About Their Mixed-Orientation Marriage

    My friend Heidi (straight) and Daniel (gay) join us to share their powerful story including: * Daniel came out to Heidi about 6 years ago, after 18 years of marriage * Their marriage today is more honest, healthier, and stronger than it has ever been * Things that helped Daniel end shame, find hope, and why he came out to Heidi. * How Heidi (who became a Marriage and Family Therapist during this time) navigated her honest feelings “no one believes in my marriage” and a discussion on “what are my tears about”—and learned to address and understand them. * How they have seen God's hand in their individual journeys * How/why they gradually started sharing their story with others and things people did to support them in being so vulnerable * Why Heidi started Complex Couples Coaching and a podcast for others facing uncertainty in their relationships (link below) * Super helpful insights about coming out to their children (4 boys and 1 girl) and their children’s love and acceptance of their Dad—and how being a great Dad is not connected to sexual orientation. * Daniel's deep acceptance of himself—including not “waving a wand to have this taken away” This is a super powerful podcast—one of the best mixed orientation marriages podcasts we’ve done. It also has super unique and helpful insights from Heidi—the straight spouse learning about all this after 18 years of marriage and navigating all those emotions/questions. Thank you, Heidi and Daniel, for sharing your story and all you are doing to help us create Zion and come together as the same human family. Note: Heidi and Daniel will be in a breakout session at Gather on Friday November 13th (see show notes for registration info and a 20% discount). Links: Complex Couples Podcast: https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/podcasts/complex-couples-podcast For coaching with Heidi: https://www.complexcouplescoaching.com/coaching-application Gather Conference: https://www.liftandlove.org/gather (use code OSLTER26 for a 20% discount)

  6. Oct 10

    Episode 944: Dr. Lance Peterson and Dr. Angela Baerwolf, Insightful New LGB Research

    My friends Dr. Lance Peterson and Dr. Angela Baerwolf join us to talk about their new research called “Acceptance Journeys of LDS Families of their LGB Child: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis”. Their article is published in the “Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Social Servies” (see show notes). Lance and Angela talk about how their team (which includes Sarah Chan Peterson and Katelyn Opperman) conducted qualitative research from ten of the brave stories shared on our podcast and using those stories to create four key themes of parents acceptance and love for their LGB child. In the podcast, they discuss the methodology (super fascinating), research, and their finding around these four themes: 1) Self-education and internal growth 2) Creating support and finding community 3) Encouraging and Supporting Spirituality 4) Sacred Advocacy and Spiritual Work I learn so much from their research. If are a parent, ally, or friend to an LGB person, I encourage you to listen to their podcast and check out their research. It will help you and empower you to better support the good LGB/Queer people in your life—and also give you ideas on how to be a “pioneer” to help others. Thank you, Lance, Angela, Sara, and Kate, for your much needed work. You give me hope. I encourage everyone to check out this episode and their research. Links: Research link (behind a paywall): https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/10443894261471608 Social Work Collaboration on Religion, Sexuality and Gender: https://sites.google.com/view/socialworkcollaborative/home Lance Peterson’s e-mail: pete2703@stthomas.edu Lance’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lance-peterson-phd-licsw-b5a147b Angela’s email: baerwola@uwgb.edu Angela’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/angelabaerwolf/ Angela’s article based on her dissertation: LGBTQ+ youth experiences of the COVID-19 pandemic as observed through gender-sexuality alliance advisors

  7. Oct 7

    Episode 943: Jennifer Dobberfuhl Quinlan, Sexually Fluid, Super Brave and Unique Story

    Dr. Jennifer Dobberfuhl Quinlan (PhD in Instructional Psychology and Technology from BYU, MTC Director managed the language curriculum development across more than 60 languages, mother of 3, early 50s,) joins us to share her story including: * Being sexually fluid * Having few resources and others with the same shared experience to give perspective and hope * Lots of advice from people—much of which was painful—but also giving grace to them * Dealing with and working through shame of not having it all figured out * Working through her darkest days being suicidal—how she felt “my life was ruining the lives of those around me”. * How she found a way forward with hope—and how her story gives hope to others Managing her “toolbox”—great insights * Upcoming Gather Conference (Nov 13-14, 2026, see show notes) This is one of the bravest stories ever shared—the first with someone being sexually fluid. I learned so much from Jennifer. Thank you, Jennifer, for being on the podcast and helping our LGBTQ friends find hope in their story by listening to the principals, perspectives, and gospel insights you shared. Your story also helps us allies better support the good LGBTQ friends and family in our lives. I encourage everyone to listen to Jennifer’s podcast and attend Gather. Links: Gather Conference: https://www.liftandlove.org/gather Jennifer’s email: quinlanconsulting@gmail.com

  8. Oct 4

    Episode 942: Discussion on Masturbation

    This is a short podcast where I read excerpts from three Substack articles on this subject: Substack excerpt one: My thoughts on this subject as a former YSA Bishop Full Substack: https://papaostler.substack.com/p/thoughts-on-masturbation-after-serving Substack excerpt two: Anonymous male: “My lifelong struggle against masturbation and shame, and how individuals, families and the church as a whole can reduce the shame around masturbation.” Full Substack: https://papaostler.substack.com/p/overcoming-masturbation-and-shame Substack excerpt two: Anonymous female: “I wanted to expand this great dialogue about masturbation to address the underlying reasons many YSA’s turn to this in context of their alternative choices.” Full Substack: https://papaostler.substack.com/p/how-it-feels-to-be-an-older-24-ysa Note: My Substack is free and will always be free

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About

Welcome to our podcast! My name is Richard H. Ostler and I am a native of Salt Lake City, small business owner, married father of six with several grandchildren. I believe in and am deeply committed to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and want it to work for a wider group. I am the author of three books: “Listen Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” published in 2020 available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462135773) “Listen Learn and Love: Improving Latter-day Saint Culture” published in 2022. The book explores who we can do better to help all Latter-day Saints feel more welcome, needed and a feeling of belonging in our congregations. Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462139566) “Listen Learn and Love: Building the Good Ship Zion” released in Sept 2023. The book explores additional topics to help all Latter-day Saint feel welcome and needed on the Good Ship Zion. Available at Amazon (amazon.com/dp/1462145280) The purpose of all three books is to help us better create Zion by helping more feel welcome, a sense of belonging, and needed in our congregations. Proceed from the books go the Stockton Power Memorial Scholarship (www.standingforstockton.com) in honor of Stockton Powers a gay Latter-day Saint teenager who died of suicide in 2016. Everything I do is a self-funded labor of love ❤️ I am the author of two Ensign articles: ‘How the Savior’s Healing Power Applies to Repenting from Sexual Sin’ (August 2020/YSA Digital Only) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/08/young-adults/how-the-saviors-healing-power-applies-to-repenting-from-sexual-sin ‘7 Tips for Overcoming Pornography Use’ (October, page 72) www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/10/young-adults/7-tips-for-overcoming-pornography-use. This podcast is designed to discuss some more complicated issues in our church to help all of us better “listen, learn and love” so we can minister in a more effective way to all of our Heavenly Parents’ children. Podcasts are indexed by category at listenlearnandlove.org/podcasts Thank you for joining us. You can't donate to this podcast. There are no sponsors. But you can leave a review/rate the podcast on the platform you are listening and/or leave a review at Deseret Book/Amazon on my books. With love, Richard 'Papa' Ostler ❤ Twitter: twitter.com/Papa_Ostler IG: www.instagram.com/papa_ostler Facebook: facebook.com/richard.ostler.5 Substack: https://substack.com/@papaostler E-mail: richard@ostlergroup.com

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