Yesterday was the Fourth of July, and Cliff and I had absolutely no plans. That was our choice. We could have gone to the lake house with my in-laws, but this year we decided to stay home. Matthew is still in Japan, McKenna is still in her college town, Meagan was resting after a very busy couple of weeks at work, and Jacob was spending time with his mom. So I woke up on the Fourth of July with a calm Saturday ahead of me. And then I noticed something. I had a very specific craving: a grilled hot dog, macaroni salad, watermelon, and potato chips. It felt like deep-rooted childhood conditioning. I was not even hungry. I had already eaten breakfast. But my brain seemed convinced that this was the only acceptable food for the Fourth of July. Later that day, Cliff came upstairs and suggested that we pack everything up, stop by the store for the few things we needed, and go to Big Bone State Park for a small cookout. Just the two of us and Leo. So that is what we did. We packed the car, took Leo’s outdoor pen, brought our food, drinks, ketchup, and everything else we needed, and headed to the park. When we got there, the park was surprisingly empty. We found a shaded spot, started setting everything up, and Cliff began working on the grill while I sat and read with Leo nearby. Then a man got out of a nearby car carrying a tiny baby. His name was Alex. He came over and told us that he had been watching us work together. He said we looked like a couple who had been together for a long time, and he asked us what the secret was. Cliff shared that one of the biggest shifts in our marriage came when he learned that I am not responsible for his happiness. I cannot make him angry, sad, hurt, or happy. He is responsible for his own emotional state. When Alex asked me what I would say, I agreed with Cliff, and I added that communication has been one of the biggest keys for us. Communication is not just speaking words. It is taking the time to make sure your partner actually understands what you are trying to say. Sometimes that means using different words. Sometimes it means trying an analogy. Sometimes it means slowing down long enough to ask, “What did you hear me say?” We also talked with Alex about self-love, having your own interests, giving each other space, and the importance of loving yourself instead of expecting another person to complete that work for you. On the way home, I told Cliff that I honestly believe the reason we went to that park was to meet Alex. Yes, I got my grilled hot dog. I got my macaroni salad, watermelon, and potato chips. We had our little Fourth of July adventure. But I believe the deeper reason we were there was that conversation. In this episode, I also share a passage I highlighted in a book this week about treating yourself with respect and kindness, loving yourself, and speaking your thoughts and desires out loud. That connected deeply with a recent conversation I had with my brother, where I encouraged him to speak truth out loud when his mind begins to spiral into dark places. There is power in the spoken word. And sometimes what we need most is to speak our worth out loud. You never know what last-minute decision may lead you into a meaningful encounter. You never know who may cross your path. You never know when a small conversation might matter more than you realize. So be open. Until next time, live your life on purpose.
