Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW

Ken Howard, LCSW
  • 4.6 (132)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Daily

Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST A gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships podcast If you've ever wished there were a therapy-informed podcast just for gay men, you're in the right place. I'm Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – a gay men's specialist psychotherapist, SHA Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Psychiatric Social Worker (USC), longtime LGBTQ+ advocate and activist, and gay men's life/career/relationship coach with over 34 years' experience working almost exclusively with gay male individuals, couples, and polycules. On Gay Therapy LA, you'll get more than clichés or recycled pop psychology. This is a deep-dive podcast for gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships—rooted in real clinical experience with thousands of clients over three decades. We talk about what actually shows up in gay men's lives: Mental health for gay men: anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, internalized homophobia Gay men's relationships: monogamy, open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, polycules, jealousy, trust, communication Sex therapy for gay men: desire, performance, erections, ejaculation, kink, porn, HIV, PrEP, sexual confidence Gay men and aging: body image, muscles, appearance pressure, midlife, older gay men, long-term HIV survivorship Dating and intimacy: hookup culture, apps, ghosting, rejection, attachment, finding and keeping a partner Gay men and success: career transitions, burnout, money, retirement, purpose, and building a life that actually feels good Episodes are mostly just me—so you get unfiltered, no-nonsense, therapist-level insight without fluff, plus occasional guests whose expertise or lived experience can help you grow. Every episode is designed to give you practical tools, perspectives, and strategies you can use immediately in your life, not just "interesting conversations." If you're a gay man who wants better mental health, stronger relationships, more satisfying sex, and a more successful, meaningful life, this podcast is for you—whether you're in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or beyond. About the practice behind the podcast Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is the podcast of my private practice: Psychotherapy for gay men in California (online) Coaching for gay men worldwide (online) I'm the founder of GayTherapyLA.com and GayCoachingLA.com, based in West Hollywood, California, serving gay men all over the world via webcam and phone. My credentials include: California Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) - 1997 Certified Psychiatric Social Worker - 1994 Certified Sex Therapist (Sexual Health Alliance, SHA) - 2021 Certified in Consensual Non-Monogamy and Polyamorous Families Retired Adjunct Associate Professor in Social Work (USC) Through both psychotherapy (California) and coaching (worldwide), I help gay men improve their mental health, strengthen their relationships, upgrade their sex lives, and maximize their quality of life and career, leveraging their past to enhance their future. While this podcast cannot substitute for personal therapy and is provided for educational purposes only, the episodes reflect the kinds of themes and strategies I work on with clients every day. Your questions, comments, ratings, and reviews are very welcome, as are suggestions for future episodes. © 2025 Ken Howard, LCSW, CST. All rights reserved.

  1. 4d ago

    I Can't Stop Thinking About My Ex: When a Gay Breakup Takes Over Your Mind

    Months after a gay breakup, you may still think about your ex every day. You might miss the sex, the companionship, or how you felt about yourself when he wanted you. Losing those parts of the relationship can make it harder to let go. In this episode of the Gay Therapy LA Podcast, Ken Howard, LCSW explores why you keep replaying the relationship and when thinking it through becomes rumination. He discusses rejection, aging, sex with an ex, open relationships, and the pull of checking his dating profiles and social media. He also considers how easily we remember the good times while overlooking what wasn't working. The episode offers ways to understand what you miss, set boundaries around contact and reminders, and rebuild friendships, routines, and self-worth after a breakup. Ken also discusses when persistent distress may call for additional support.

    I Can't Stop Thinking About My Ex: When a Gay Breakup Takes Over Your Mind

  2. 4d ago ·  Bonus

    You Might Enjoy: On Purpose with Jay Shetty

    Introducing EZRA FRECH: "I Was Put on This Earth to Change the Way We See Disability" from On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Follow the show: On Purpose with Jay Shetty Ezra Frech shares the mindset, discipline, and determination that have shaped his career and led him to win two Paralympic gold medals. From turning heartbreak in Tokyo into motivation to using visualization and meditation to perform under pressure, Ezra reveals how he prepares for the biggest moments of his career. He also opens up about competing on Dancing With the Stars, breaking down misconceptions about disability, and founding Angel City Sports to make adaptive sports more accessible to the next generation. Instagram Teen Accounts: Built-in protections for teens. Learn More. At https://chase.com/sapphirereserve JAY'S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here: https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Introduction 01:20 "Pressure Doesn't Exist" 02:51 The Day Ezra Was Born 06:24 The 15-Hour Surgery At Age 3 11:15 The Kindergarten Letter 13:29 Learning To Handle The Stares 16:21 Overcoming Stigma And Bullying 23:18 Falling In Love With Sports 27:00 Changing Culture & Looking Ahead to LA 2028 31:09 Mentorship From Pau Gasol 33:56 A Message From Novak Djokovic 36:53 How Do You Define Confidence? 40:43 The Moment That Inspired His Paralympic Dream 44:35 Making Team USA At 14 48:41 How Running Blades Actually Work 52:09 Tokyo Heartbreak & "The Man In The Arena" 58:53 Visualizing Paris Gold Every Morning 01:04:50 Protecting His Good Leg 01:11:33 Winning Double Gold & The 20-Minute Rule 01:17:00 Meditation Under Pressure 01:20:34 A Lifelong Dream to Compete on Dancing With the Stars 01:24:14 Inside the Dancing With the Stars Family 01:27:19 Learning To Dance On A Blade 01:30:12 Pressure Is A Privilege 01:32:10 Making Adaptive Sports Mainstream 01:37:10 Ezra On Final 5 Episode Resources Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/ezrafrech/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@ezrafrech Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/teamezra05/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices DISCLAIMER: Please note, this is an independent podcast episode not affiliated with, endorsed by, or produced in conjunction with the host podcast feed or any of its media entities. The views and opinions expressed in this episode are solely those of the creators and guests. For any concerns, please reach out to team@podroll.fm.

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  3. Oct 2

    The Gay High Achievement Paradox: When Success Isn't Enough

    You've built the career, earned the recognition, and reached goals your younger self once dreamed about. Why can success still feel exhausting—or strangely unsatisfying? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW explores the gay high achievement paradox: how the strengths that help gay men succeed can become difficult to set aside when it's time to enjoy the lives they've built. He considers the role of rejection and being underestimated, and the difference between achievement as a means of creating a fulfilling life and achievement as the foundation of your identity. The conversation also addresses the transition from skilled professional to effective leader, delegation and difficult workplace relationships, and why executive authority doesn't translate into equal partnership at home. Midlife, retirement, friendship, intimacy, and making time for postponed interests all raise a larger question: what was your success supposed to make possible? For gay men who want to explore these questions, learn about psychotherapy for California residents at GayTherapyLA.com or coaching at GayCoachingLA.com. Psychotherapy and coaching are distinct services; the appropriate approach depends on your needs and location.

  4. Sep 29

    The Psychology of 9/11: Perpetrator Motivations and Our Reactions

    Ken Howard, LCSW, explores the psychology behind September 11 and its lasting aftermath—from absolutism and dehumanization to grief, survivor guilt, anniversary reactions, and resilience. Drawing on personal memories and his work with gay men, he considers how experiences of vulnerability and loss shape our sense of safety, while distinguishing trauma responses from PTSD.

    The Psychology of 9/11: Perpetrator Motivations and Our Reactions

  5. Sep 21

    Gay Men and Sides: Sexual Self-Empowerment Beyond Tops and Bottoms

    What if anal sex simply isn't part of the sex you want? In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW, explores "sides"—gay men who prefer sexual expression without anal intercourse—and credits psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort for originating and developing the term. Ken reframes being a side not as an absence of sexuality, but as one valid choice within a broad erotic repertoire. He discusses consent, pleasure, sexual health, and the important difference between a genuine preference and avoidance driven by fear, pain, shame, or missing information. The goal is not to steer anyone toward a particular sexual act; it is sexual self-empowerment: understanding your desires, boundaries, health, and options well enough to make choices that truly belong to you.

  6. Aug 25

    Aging Without a Blueprint: Gay Men, Retirement, and What Comes Next

    Many gay men prepare financially for retirement, yet still feel uncertain about what they are retiring into. Ken Howard, LCSW, explores the "blueprint gap": reaching later life without an inherited picture of what a satisfying retirement should contain. Traditional retirement narratives often assume children, grandchildren, lifelong heterosexual marriage, and an extended family prepared to provide companionship and care—assumptions that may never have applied to gay men. This episode examines retirement identity, chosen family, purpose after work, financial security, LGBTQ+-affirming long-term care, and the AIDS-era loss of elders who might have modeled aging for subsequent generations. Ken offers reflective questions and practical ways to begin building a later life around connection, creativity, community, safety, and personal meaning.

  7. Aug 21

    The Quiet Ambivalence of Open Relationships in Long-Term Gay Couples

    What happens when a long-term gay couple is no longer fully monogamous—but neither partner feels entirely comfortable calling the relationship open? Ken Howard, LCSW explores the emotional territory between monogamy and consensual non-monogamy: relationships that change gradually, sexual agreements that make sense intellectually but remain difficult emotionally, and the difference between genuine acceptance and reluctant permission. This episode examines erotic grief, aging, changing desire, hookup-app use, fear of losing a shared life, and the difficult conversations couples sometimes avoid. Rather than arguing that one relationship structure is superior, Ken encourages gay male couples to build relationships deliberately—with honesty, mutual awareness, emotional respect, and agreements that can evolve as their lives change. To learn more about therapy for gay men and gay male couples in California, or coaching services available worldwide, visit GayTherapyLA.com.

  8. Jul 31

    Five Love Languages Reimagined for Gay Men, Part 2: Gifts, Touch & Attachment

    In Part 2 of Five Love Languages Reimagined for Gay Men, Ken Howard, LCSW explores why receiving gifts and physical touch can mean far more than they seem. Gifts may communicate that your partner stayed in your mind; touch can offer comfort, safety, and belonging without needing to lead to sex. Ken connects these everyday moments to attachment, the histories gay men bring into relationships, and a central question for couples: does the way I'm loving you actually feel like love to you?

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4.6
out of 5
132 Ratings

About

Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST A gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships podcast If you've ever wished there were a therapy-informed podcast just for gay men, you're in the right place. I'm Ken Howard, LCSW, CST – a gay men's specialist psychotherapist, SHA Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Psychiatric Social Worker (USC), longtime LGBTQ+ advocate and activist, and gay men's life/career/relationship coach with over 34 years' experience working almost exclusively with gay male individuals, couples, and polycules. On Gay Therapy LA, you'll get more than clichés or recycled pop psychology. This is a deep-dive podcast for gay men's mental health, sex, and relationships—rooted in real clinical experience with thousands of clients over three decades. We talk about what actually shows up in gay men's lives: Mental health for gay men: anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, internalized homophobia Gay men's relationships: monogamy, open relationships, consensual non-monogamy, polycules, jealousy, trust, communication Sex therapy for gay men: desire, performance, erections, ejaculation, kink, porn, HIV, PrEP, sexual confidence Gay men and aging: body image, muscles, appearance pressure, midlife, older gay men, long-term HIV survivorship Dating and intimacy: hookup culture, apps, ghosting, rejection, attachment, finding and keeping a partner Gay men and success: career transitions, burnout, money, retirement, purpose, and building a life that actually feels good Episodes are mostly just me—so you get unfiltered, no-nonsense, therapist-level insight without fluff, plus occasional guests whose expertise or lived experience can help you grow. Every episode is designed to give you practical tools, perspectives, and strategies you can use immediately in your life, not just "interesting conversations." If you're a gay man who wants better mental health, stronger relationships, more satisfying sex, and a more successful, meaningful life, this podcast is for you—whether you're in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or beyond. About the practice behind the podcast Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST is the podcast of my private practice: Psychotherapy for gay men in California (online) Coaching for gay men worldwide (online) I'm the founder of GayTherapyLA.com and GayCoachingLA.com, based in West Hollywood, California, serving gay men all over the world via webcam and phone. My credentials include: California Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) - 1997 Certified Psychiatric Social Worker - 1994 Certified Sex Therapist (Sexual Health Alliance, SHA) - 2021 Certified in Consensual Non-Monogamy and Polyamorous Families Retired Adjunct Associate Professor in Social Work (USC) Through both psychotherapy (California) and coaching (worldwide), I help gay men improve their mental health, strengthen their relationships, upgrade their sex lives, and maximize their quality of life and career, leveraging their past to enhance their future. While this podcast cannot substitute for personal therapy and is provided for educational purposes only, the episodes reflect the kinds of themes and strategies I work on with clients every day. Your questions, comments, ratings, and reviews are very welcome, as are suggestions for future episodes. © 2025 Ken Howard, LCSW, CST. All rights reserved.

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