Better Loving, by Laura Ellen

Become a better lover – within, and with others.
  • 4.7 (33)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
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Hosted by Laura Ellen, intimacy educator and practitioner with over six years of experience, Better Loving explores the inner and relational landscapes of love, sex, and connection. Drawing on Eastern philosophy, depth psychology, clinical insight, and lived, embodied experience, the podcast invites a more attuned, honest, and alive way of relating—to yourself, to others, and to the life you’re living. bylauraellen.substack.com

  1. Painful Sex, Numbness & Dissociation

    6D AGO

    Painful Sex, Numbness & Dissociation

    Links & Resources: Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen? Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw Episode Summary: This episode explores the often unspoken reality of pain, numbness, and pressure in women’s sexual experiences. Drawing on clinical insight and research, including findings from OMGYes that one in four women experience pain during sex, I speak to the layers of shame, bracing, and self-judgement that many women carry behind closed doors. We unpack the psychodynamics and somatics of painful sex, including overwhelm, lack of safety, medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment. This conversation offers practical and compassionate tools for creating sexual contexts grounded in safety, attunement, and responsive desire. Designed with female bodies in mind, this episode will also support partners who want to better understand the pace and conditions that allow pleasure to unfold organically. Key Topics Covered: The prevalence of pain during sex and the impact on confidence and self-worth Shame, bracing, freezing, and fawning in intimate moments The nervous system responses that can shape sexual experiences Medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment Responsive desire and the importance of attuned, female-centered touch Creating safety as the foundation for genuine pleasure Practical tools for building a sexual context that supports your body Supporting a partner with patience, attunement, and care Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    20 min
  2. Keeping Love Alive: Eroticism, Desire & the Art of Long-Term Loving

    FEB 25

    Keeping Love Alive: Eroticism, Desire & the Art of Long-Term Loving

    Links & Resources: Work with Laura About Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: In this episode, I explore long term love beyond the pressure to perform wellness, growth, or relationship mastery. We look at how modern ideas of conscious partnership can quietly create shame when relationships become ordinary, familiar, or less charged than they once were. I reflect on the emotional and somatic realities of staying with the same person over time, including boredom, irritation, longing, and the softening of passion. Drawing on different relational perspectives, including Esther Perel’s work and more devotion oriented views of intimacy, this conversation invites a gentler, more humane understanding of love as something that deepens through repetition, shared reality, and presence inside everyday life. Key Topics Covered: The pressure to perform emotional and relational maturity How wellness culture can impact intimacy and self perception Normalising triggers, boredom, and repetition in long term relationships The transition from novelty into familiarity and depth Desire, security, and intimacy over time Working with autopilot and presence in daily relating Holding individuality and togetherness in partnership Staying connected to erotic aliveness within yourself Finding intimacy inside ordinary life Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    32 min
  3. Q&A: Attracted to Trouble & Why You Keep Falling for the Bad Boy

    FEB 17

    Q&A: Attracted to Trouble & Why You Keep Falling for the Bad Boy

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit bylauraellen.substack.com This episode is exclusive to monthly and annual subscribers. Join to access all Q&A episodes, monthly experiential workshops, and personal essays here. Links & Resources: Work with Laura About Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: In this episode, I explore why we often find ourselves drawn to relationships that feel intense, exhausting, or familiar in ways that don’t serve us. Even when we know what we want, have done the work of self-awareness, and see the patterns clearly, our bodies can pull us toward dynamics that feel irresistible but stressful. I discuss how our nervous systems shape our attraction, why calm and safety can feel unfamiliar, and the ongoing practice it takes to reorient toward relationships that actually support ease, connection, and wellbeing. This is a reflection on the interplay between mind, body, and attachment, and an invitation to notice what your nervous system is truly drawn to. Key Topics Covered: How familiar patterns of intensity show up in relationships Why cognitive awareness is not always enough to change choices The role of the nervous system in attraction and relationship dynamics Understanding why safety and ease can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable The practice of re-orienting toward calmer, more supportive connections Learning to feel at ease within a secure baseline Insights into choosing relationships that nurture rather than drain Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

    2 min
  4. A Non-Negotiable Dating Tool That No One Talks About

    FEB 10

    A Non-Negotiable Dating Tool That No One Talks About

    Links & Resources: Work with Laura About Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: Starting to date again can feel exciting and unsettling at the same time. In this episode, I explore the subtle tension your body might feel when stepping into the dating world, whether fresh out of a relationship, enjoying single life, or seeking something more meaningful. I discuss why self-trust is the foundation for choosing well, and how to cultivate the ability to say no, walk away from what doesn’t feel right, and enjoy connection without guilt or compromise. Drawing on clinical insights, personal experience, and what I’ve learned from working with clients, I offer practical tools to help you feel embodied safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships. Key Topics Covered: Recognising the body’s subtle signals of caution and readiness in dating How cultural pressures, apps, and past disappointments shape nervous system responses Why self-trust is essential for dating well Strategies to build walk-away power and make choices that feel right in your body Enjoying connection without guilt or compromise Creating safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    21 min
  5. Sex, Self-Worth & Developing a Healthy Relationship to Physical Intimacy

    FEB 3

    Sex, Self-Worth & Developing a Healthy Relationship to Physical Intimacy

    Links & Resources: - Work with Laura - About Laura - Subscribe to the Better Loving Substack - Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: In this episode of Better Loving, Laura Ellen explores the shift from performative sexuality—shaped by validation, approval, and desirability—to mature sexual power rooted in self-connection, presence, and authenticity. Laura unpacks how performative patterns show up in subtle ways, including faking enjoyment, over-accommodating, or shaping desire around external response, and reflects on how these dynamics impact intimacy and self-worth. Through personal insight, reflection questions, and micro-practices, this episode invites listeners to relate to their sexuality as a source of inner authority and embodied confidence rather than something to prove or exchange. Key Topics: - Sexual maturity and inner authority - Desire rooted in presence, not performance - Sexual identity beyond validation - Pleasure without agenda or outcome - Erotic self-connection and dignity - Authentic intimacy and mutuality - Self-worth beyond desirability - Non-transactional sexual relating - Embodied confidence and relational clarity - Healthy boundaries and conscious sexuality Chapters & Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction: The Power of Sexuality 00:40 Performative Sexuality vs. Mature Sexual Power 01:36 Understanding Performative Traps 08:20 Reflection Questions and Practices 11:46 Embracing Erotic Integrity 19:36 Final Thoughts and Invitation Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    22 min
  6. She returns.

    JAN 27

    She returns.

    Links & Resources: About Laura Work with Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: Starting again isn’t triumphant for me, it’s tender, resistant, and quietly/very confronting. In this episode, I reflect on what it’s been like to return to public creation after three years of choosing privacy, growth, and a life lived largely off the internet. Responding to your AMA questions, I share why I stepped away, what I had to let go of, and how I’m learning to hold creativity, visibility, and integrity without self-abandonment. This is a conversation about shame, courage, and allowing ourselves to be seen again. Key Topics: - Resistance, fear, and desire when starting again - Life beyond internet attention and external validation - Why I stepped away — and what that time made possible - Integrating growth through action, not just insight - Holding both visibility and integrity as a therapist - Reclaiming creativity without shame - The courage it takes to be seen Disclaimer This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    39 min
  7. It Takes Two To Be Toxic: How Stressful Patterns Are Co-Created in Love

    05/03/2023

    It Takes Two To Be Toxic: How Stressful Patterns Are Co-Created in Love

    Links & Resources: Work with Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary:Cue that moment when you realise you might actually be the common denominator in your relationships. This episode dives into why we lose our power when we stay stuck in victim mentality, drama cycles, and blame, and how embracing radical self-responsibility and self-ownership can transform the way you relate to others. I explore the importance of healthy boundaries, secure attachment, and releasing anger and resentment, offering insights into how owning your 50% can unlock more empowered, authentic relationships across friends, family, money, and lovers. Key Topics: Victim mentality and its impact on personal power Recognising drama cycles in relationships Radical self-responsibility and self-ownership Healthy relationships and secure attachment Releasing anger and resentment Setting and maintaining boundaries Ending blame and reclaiming your power Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    39 min
  8. Is Your Sex Life Nourishing You, or Draining You?

    04/26/2023

    Is Your Sex Life Nourishing You, or Draining You?

    Links & Resources: Work with Laura Subscribe to Substack Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here. Episode Summary: Sexual energy is more than something to discharge or “get over with.” In this episode, Laura explores sexual energy as a vital life force—one that can either deplete us or actively nourish our creativity, confidence, and capacity to take meaningful action. Drawing from embodied wisdom and reflective inquiry, this conversation invites listeners to become more conscious of how they relate to arousal, desire, and pleasure, and how that energy can be intentionally directed toward connection, self-trust, creative expression, and personal power. This episode is an invitation to relate to sexuality with greater awareness, agency, and depth. Key Topics Covered: Depletive sex versus nourishing sex Sexual energy as a creative and life-enhancing force Mindfully choosing where and how you invest your sexual energy Sexuality beyond performance or release Cultivating power, vitality, and embodied confidence Using arousal as fuel for creativity, clarity, and bold action Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact hello@laura-ellen.com. © Laura Ellen. All rights reserved. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit bylauraellen.substack.com/subscribe

    26 min
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4.7
out of 5
33 Ratings

About

Hosted by Laura Ellen, intimacy educator and practitioner with over six years of experience, Better Loving explores the inner and relational landscapes of love, sex, and connection. Drawing on Eastern philosophy, depth psychology, clinical insight, and lived, embodied experience, the podcast invites a more attuned, honest, and alive way of relating—to yourself, to others, and to the life you’re living. bylauraellen.substack.com

Information

  • Creator
    Become a better lover – within, and with others.
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    109
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Laura Ellen
  • Show Website
    Better Loving, by Laura Ellen

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