Friend Crush with Amber Akilla

Amber Akilla

Subscriber episodes also available on Patreon! https://patreon.com/amberakilla Welcome to Friend Crush with Amber Akilla! I am an Australian Chinese multi-hyphenate working in music and the creative industry. I am currently based in Shanghai, China. This is a space where I share my cute, chaotic and critical thoughts around friendship, love, relationships, dating, memes, pop culture, politics, self-help, self-empowerment and more ☆ come and join the party so you ensure you are staying hot & having fun!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

  1. baddie book club: rejecting perfection, break-ups, gap year, failure & success

    2D AGO

    baddie book club: rejecting perfection, break-ups, gap year, failure & success

    Recording of the second discussion group for part 1 of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden ~ Baddie Book Club! We discuss reflecting on times where we've noticed we've had low self-esteem, dealing with uncertainty that comes with transition periods after break-ups and during gap years, having self-compassion for your former self, how to integrate "failure" into our definition of success and more! join the Patreon to join the next discussion sessions! patreon.com/amberakilla The Six Pillars of Self Esteem (affiliate link*) https://amzn.to/496J0SD follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion 00:00 01:30 - knowing you deserve to be happy/ dealing with triggers 02:46 - integration vs healing 04:32 - distinction between mind and body, managing over-thinking 05:52 - being ok with not knowing 06:35 - whimsy and rejecting perfection 07:34 - illusion that everything has to be ‘good’ 08:20 - how low-self esteem translates into how you live your life - gap year: freedom vs uncertainty 09:15 - absence of community after school 10:16 - enjoying who you are as a person 11:25 - dance & yoga 14:57 - work and self-worth 17:05 - protecting and prioritising joy 19:40 - self-esteem and love, not feeling loveable 22:13 - people with high self-esteem do not stay with partners who don’t treat them well 24:08 - self-esteem and knowing you don’t have to tolerate poor treatment 24:45 - childhood experiences that condition us to accept or normalise poor treatment 25:40 - remembering when you were able to walk away 26:49 - doing the best with the information you had at the time 27:00 - the illusion of “this time will be different” 27:27 - processing breakups 28:10 - self-compassion for your former self 29:58 - you are not alone 30:40 - looking forward to an abundant life 31:44 - accepting accountability - seeing dynamics as neutral and avoiding fixation on context 33:14 - distinguishing accountability from blame 34:20 - how time changes your perspective - one day it will mean something different 35:38 - “failure” is part of success 36:55 - how you learn and integrate “failure” 37:20 - self efficacy and self respect 38:10 - being to see your progress and improvement 39:12 - knowing when to get off the wrong train 41:08 - you never fail, you win or you learn 41:28 - unquantifiable success and growth 43:00 - relationship with time, responsibility and purpose - being present 45:14 - being on the hamster wheel 45:20 - delayed gratification, pushing yourself vs punishing yourself 49:55 - your relationship to your circumstances 51:11 - the immune system of consciousness

    52 min
  2. 2D AGO

    how to lock-in so hard your crush dies (metaphorically): limerence, yearning & being delusional

    ok so i originally said this was going to be one long video with an accompanying substack article - now it will be a few videos with one or more substack articles… stay tuned! i hope you enjoy the first instalment of the 2026 love, lust & loathing valentine’s day series! this started as a mix series on soundcloud (you can still listen to the previous mixes) but in 2024 i added a lil Q&A which i thought to bring back this year! this first video focuses on differentiating between crushes and limerence - i fear many people might be mis-identifying a crush as limerence or being overly hard on themselves with the over-pathologisation of therapy speak etc… don’t let the desire to grow and evolve kill the whimsy in you!!! cute, CHAOTIC and critical thinking can co-exist, just make sure that its a balance that works in your favour!!! love u xx youtube video: https://youtu.be/rOtI0i13dIA 00:00 intro 02:15 1. defining love 03:51 - question 1 05:05 - 2. defining limerence 05:39 - 3. the stages of limerence 06:33 - 4. limerence vs a crush 07:50 - 5. a crush is a lack of information 08:19 - 6. sexual energy is a form of creative energy limerence is becoming overly attached to the fantasy you create 08:51 - 7. weigh the attention you receive accordingly 09:12 - 8. get a creative hobby or 5 if you need 10:04 - 9. it takes longer to know someone than you think 10:51 - 10. they represent something that you need to nurture or work towards for yourself/maybe you just wanna be him 10:59 - 11. career woman blindspot 11:30 - 12. avoid working with your romantic interests 12:04 - 13. storytime :P 12:39 - 14. the disrespect is the closure 12:48 - 15. you don’t need other people’s approval to validate what you want to do 14:09 - 16. never assume that a man is more capable than you 14:25 - 17. the dangers of prioritising male attention 14:49 - 18. what do i get out of being delusional over this person 14:51 - 19. men rarely go out of their way unless they perceive a benefit to themselves 14:59 - 20. actions speak louder than words 15:45 - 21. the road to recovery for pickmeshas 16:05 - 22. men need to learn to love others, women need to learn to love themselves 16:08 - question 2 18:02 - 23. awareness is a privilege 18:39 - 24. you can’t consume your way into a new pattern 18:57 - 25. if you have complex trauma, seek the guidance of a mental health professional 19:12 - 26. eliminating triggers and isolation is not enough 19:19 - 27. you need to add activities that bring you joy and activate your creativity and self-expression 19:45 - 28. the “flow state” 19:56 - 29. the illusion of a flow state from external sources 20:25 - 30. journalling 21:01 - 31. keep an ick list speak to professionals 21:21 - 32. set a good example for yourself 22:18 - 33. lock in 22:52 - 34. believe in your future self 23:39 - 35. speak to professionals!

    25 min
  3. baddie book club vol. 1 week 1: discussion session ☆ the six pillars of self-esteem

    FEB 7

    baddie book club vol. 1 week 1: discussion session ☆ the six pillars of self-esteem

    audio recording of our first baddie book club discussion session!! thank you to the baddies who attended and shared their questions, thoughts and feelings! if you would like to join the baddie book club, please join us on patreon! i am re-working the reading schedule and am open to hosting additional discussion sessions to accommodate different timezones. let me know!!! ♡ please share your own insights in the comment section too so we can continue the conversation!! Session notes: 00:00 - introdution/first impressions 05:14 - self-esteem is essential for survival, self-esteem and work 10:39 - continuing to learn outside of formal academic environments 14:08 - self-esteem and how to think vs what to think 16:00 - self-esteem and relationships, social circle 19:21 - the road less travelled - ‘bracketing’ the ego 30:26 - happiness without self-sabotage 32:40 - fear of success 32:26 - being comfortable in familiarity 32:35 - letting go of pain 34:36 - changing how to relate to pain, trauma, events, relationships 34:52 - healing vs growth, inegration, authenticity, self-actualization - self-help industry 38:36 - the difference between pursuing growth vs perfectionism 41:41 - the pillars of health vs the health industry 43:40 - mind & body 44:31 - being too in your head - you can’t think your way into perfection or growth 46:33 - give yourself space to process, observe and respond 47:26 - on the other side of anxiety 48:07 - hot girl habits - prioritizing yourself so that you can show up for your responsibilties 50:37 - the importance of self-esteem in turbulent times 52:10 - identity and purpose through stress/anxiety 52:42 - how can i be content, do you don’t need to be in a constant state of ecstasy 53:17 - noticing when you are treating it like a destination and not a journey 54:25 - question everything 54:55 - its ok to make mistakes

    55 min
  4. JAN 29

    when your bestie becomes a stranger - social circles & types of friendship

    youtube episode: https://youtu.be/DhFmgfKp73Q?si=D7aWmgHwrbQueGq3 outlining some ideas around different types of connection and social circles - this is just a starting point and i actually found out about aristotle's 'types of friendship' (pleasure, utility, virtue) after filming this video and there's a lot of parallels between what is discussed in the video, so i would say its kind of like an expansion pack to his original idea. i think even though being social is inherent to human nature, there are so many factors that can complicate how we relate to ourselves and others, it doesn't hurt to take the time to reflect on our friendships and relationships generally so that we can ensure we are showing up with intention and authenticity! please share your thoughts and experiences too so we can continue the conversation!! 03:08 - being hot & having fun revision 04:47 - give yourself time to grow and evolve 05:50 - categories of friendship/connection 08:18 - social circles 09:17 - your relationship with yourself 10:37 - social circles 11:14 - inner circle 11:43 - acquaintance circle 11:56 - balancing online and offline relationships 13:27 - beware of performative values 14:29 - realistic pacing 14:46 - adjusting focus 15:45 - moving between circles 16:38 - don’t take change personally follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :・゚✧:・゚✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270

    18 min
  5. JAN 21

    people pleasing dynamics (GRWM)

    my thoughts on the people pleasing dynamic. i think healthy, balanced relationships take more work that we are willing to admit and it starts with your relationship with yourself first :') more thoughts to come!!!! let me know yours too!!! 01:10 1. people pleasing dynamic 02:29 2. connotations of people pleasing 03:46 3. re-defining love 04:07 4. underlying mindset 04:42 5. being questioned/dismissed 05:10 6. the habit of people pleasing 05:39 7. non-negotiable hobbies to create boundaries 06:59 8. consistency is key 07:17 9. living to your full potential is the priority 08:28 10. resentment and self-abandonment/disappointment 08:51 11. other people’s problems actually aren’t your problem 09:16 12. redirect the energy into something constructive/creative/for yourself 10:04 13. accept that you’ve underestimated your ability/capacity/potential 10:21 14. people pleasing creates an inauthentic dynamic 10:41 15. make a note of incompatibilities as they arise 11:10 16. notice the reflex of taking it personally 11:31 17. you feel like a bitch compared to the people-pleasing version of you 12:31 18. who cares 12:51 19. the price of being hot and having fun 13:18 20. learn to discern 13:38 21. don’t let people guilt you into a lose-win situation 14:00 22. pay me to care 14:58 23. boundaries are self-responsibility for your energy and attention 15:42 24. allow space to process your own emotions and triggers too 17:06 25. people pleasing in group dynamics 18:03 26. write down your priorities 18:58 27. accept the consequences & take responsibility, are you willing to pay the price 19:15 29. your integrity is compromised if you are always looking to assign blame to others follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla

    20 min
  6. JAN 14

    are all relationships transactional? what vibe do you bring to the function?

    youtube episode: https://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8 using an analogy about food to talk about transactional relationships and energy exchange. often times we are too externally focused on how other people behave and guessing their intentions. in reality, i feel like when you are locked in on what YOUR intentions are and contributing/giving/showing up from an authentic place, you take everything less personally and which relationships are mutually beneficial and reciprocal will naturally present themselves. your ability to discern who you do and don't want to be around will improve over time as well! let me know your thoughts and any other analogy ideas you have! follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :・゚✧:・゚✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla

    25 min
  7. JAN 9

    the book that changed my brain chemistry: the six pillars of self-esteem

    youtube episode: https://youtu.be/boT5swEW5vs if you've been following me for a while, you'll probably have heard me reference and recommend this book over and over. the six pillars of self-esteem by nathaniel branden literally changed my life, it put so much of what i was struggling to put into practice, into words and actionable steps. i can't recommend this book enough!!! rather than just repeating what is already in the book - because i recommend you read it for yourself - this video approaches the pillars of self-esteem through the lens of being hot & having fun. let me know if you've read the book and please keep me posted if you do! i've made a summary and sentence completion worksheet that is available for purchase and download. you can use it as additional journal prompts in your journalling or thought-dumping practice! The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem https://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) affiliate link this is the first video in the 'hot girl book club' series where i discuss books that have been directly or indirectly influential on me and the philosophy of being hot & having fun. 05:06 - being hot & having fun revision 05:54 - pillar i: the practice of living consciously 07:00 - pillar ii: the practice of self-acceptance 09:06 - pillar iii: the practice of self-responsibility 10:55 - pillar iv: the practice of self-assertiveness 12:57 - pillar v: the practice of living purposefully 14:38 - pillar vi: the practice of personal integrity 21:57 - the principle of reciprocal causation

    24 min
4.9
out of 5
38 Ratings

About

Subscriber episodes also available on Patreon! https://patreon.com/amberakilla Welcome to Friend Crush with Amber Akilla! I am an Australian Chinese multi-hyphenate working in music and the creative industry. I am currently based in Shanghai, China. This is a space where I share my cute, chaotic and critical thoughts around friendship, love, relationships, dating, memes, pop culture, politics, self-help, self-empowerment and more ☆ come and join the party so you ensure you are staying hot & having fun!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

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