Redemptive Living Radio

Redemptive Living Radio
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Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We're Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we've been there. We're nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and the challenges couples face as they pursue redemptive living.

  1. FEB 10

    #109: How to Navigate Valentine's Day

    Valentine's Day can be a tender holiday for most women working to heal from sexual betrayal, namely, a painful reminder of what she doesn't have. In this episode, we discuss how to navigate this loaded holiday well, no matter where you are on the healing journey.   What I would love for all women to do is reframe the holiday as an opportunity for her to truly take up her space, practice using her voice, and asking for (and figuring out) what she needs in order to make it a day that works for her. Jason chimed in and challenged men to see it as an opportunity to show her that he will honor her needs and her wants.   So how do we do this exactly?   #1 - Check out page 19 in the Rescued workbook - for the "Four Questions" mentioned in the episode. #2 - We talk about some of the things she might need Valentine's day to be, given it's such a loaded holiday: an ordinary day with no discussion. a galentine's day celebration. a day to grieve: get angry, sad, feel the hurt. a day to be known. #3 - Allow there to be NO pressure on her. Hard stop. This is both for her (and him) to embrace.   Jason's practical strategies for guys:   #1 - No expectations for the day (take it from Jason, as he clearly had expectations from me, as you will hear in this episode, given his resentment!!!). #2 - Hold off on surprises. #3 - Grandiosity is not the answer. #4 - Don't do something that reminds her of his past acting out. #5 - Humble Ownership. #6 - Initiate a conversation about the day. Front-load; expect the conversation could spiral. This is part of the process.   After we stopped recording, I regretted not sharing a couple of other things. Four days later, as I type these show notes, I can't remember what they were. But at the time, they were GOOD thoughts. Hope what we did share is helpful!   We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. For my mother's famous sugar cookie recipe (or possibly the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook recipe, not sure?!) - click on this link, I will include it in the next two {almost} monthly letters, to make sure all of you receive it! If you are interested in a couples conference/event, we would love for you to let us know by filling out this quick form. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups - there are two new groups starting in March!  You can snag all the details here. Same with 1:1 Coaching - if you are curious about 1:1 coaching - start here. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT.  It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here.  No stress, it WILL come back! The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    35 min

  2. FEB 6

    #108: One Bad Decision Away

    Hey Guys!   Thanks for joining us today on Redemptive Living Radio, where we talk about healing from intimate betrayal relationally, as well as for women who have to make the choice to heal without him by her side (whether because he won't do the work or because she is done).   In this episode, we discuss a listener question rooted in a comment Jason often makes: "I'm one bad decision away…".  Her question: How do we continue to move forward / go through life with the reality that it could happen again?  (To be clear, "it" being anything from acting out with pornography or affairs or anything and everything in between.)   We start with clarifying Jason's comment (I'm one bad decision away…"). Jason says he doesn't share that to scare anyone, but to stay connected to humility and to the reality that a series of small decisions could lead him back there. We add in a third qualifier pertaining to the default setting being broken.  None of this is an excuse, but rather the reality we are dealing with.  I love it when Jason said,  "It's not a statement of danger.  It's a statement of capability."   We then discuss the second part of the listener's question: how to move forward given this reality.  I'm not going to fully recap it here, which makes it even more important to listen to what we share.  It's important.  But here are the three big things we talk about: his character change and continued growth - SO important. taking our husbands off the pedestal, which certainly cultivates humility in us gals. permission to continue to ask him questions / have convos about what had happened and how he is doing pertaining to integrity. At one point, I reference Genesis 2:21. I have a note to the side: "ribs" from v 21, with the note "close to his heart, under his arm."  And isn't that what each of us desires pertaining to our husbands?  (Oh, how hard this is!!!)   We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. If you are interested in a couples conference/event, we would love for you to let us know by filling out this quick form. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups - there are two new groups starting in March!  You can snag all the details here. Same with 1:1 Coaching - if you are curious about 1:1 coaching, start here. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT.  It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here.  No stress, it WILL come back! The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    40 min

  3. JAN 30

    #107: Blocks to Anger - Part 2

    Welcome to Part Two of Blocks to Anger!   In part 2 of the episode, we discuss the benefits of anger for both him and her, the root of anger, how to get angry, and the fear of getting stuck in anger.   We jump right in and talk about some of the reasons Anger is so important - not just for HER to express but also for HIM to experience FROM her. If you don't listen to anything else, please listen from 4 to 8 minutes in. So incredibly important for everyone to hear.   Benefits for her: Releases the pain and gets it OUT of her. SO important. Benefits for him: He gets connected to the gravity of the pain. The relationship won't be as susceptible to long-range resentment. Reframing the anger:   It shows us what we value and also what we need to protect (as Jason said, it points us TO something).   It will also help her stand firm, say "no", thus helping us as women find our boundaries. It will motivate her to work toward making things right. HOW does she find the 11/10 anger: Name what is NOT right. Create a space for the expression of it. Have a witness to your anger. We wrap up by talking about getting stuck in anger: We ride the wave when we get angry. We have to do it a couple of times to see if we can do it and move through the cycle (wave). Try it - we can always go back to stuffing our anger, why not try the reverse and get it out, and then reassess. We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. If you are interested in a couples conference/event, we would love for you to let us know by filling out this quick form. Guys, for more information on the February MasterClasses, click here and here; they start next week. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT.  It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here.  No stress, it WILL come back! The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups - there are two new groups starting in March!  You can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    44 min

  4. JAN 23

    #106: Blocks to Anger - Part 1

    In this two-part episode series, we are talking about her anger and grief. We start by putting a name to some of the common things that cause her anger and grief to be blocked.   1 - Him doing good quantitative but not so great quantitative work. (Add to this the external validation he might be receiving, which further blocks her from tapping into her anger.) 2 - Childhood vows and how anger was modeled as a child. 3 - Church. 4 - Her being labeled as co-dependent. 5 - Him seen as the victim (struggler, addict, etc.). 6 - Bad recovery work on his part overall. 7 - If the cement hasn't dried yet.   We will be back next week with reframing anger, speaking to the fear of getting stuck in it, and a "how-to" on engaging anger.   We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Guys, for more information on the February MasterClasses, click here and here. For more on qualitative versus quantitative work, see episode #68 - "What exactly IS good work?" Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is SOLD OUT.  It is a fantastic class, and if you are interested in taking this class in the future, join the WaitLIst here.  No stress, it WILL come back! The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Pocast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    42 min

  5. JAN 16

    #105: Criticisms and Comparisons

    Hey Guys! In this episode, we dive into another listener question (or rather, a series of questions) pertaining to him comparing and criticizing her in his addiction (and oftentimes, well after the addiction has stopped).  We have a more casual conversation about this, so if you like structure, check out the show notes below for some scaffolding.  This is such a GREAT question, and as you will see from our conversation, this is complex, important, and STILL something we both work on. Question #1 - Can a husband help heal his wife's wounds from years of criticism and comparisons to other women?   The quick answer is unequivocally YES.  We return to this in the latter half of the episode. Question #2 - Why does he compare her to other women, in his immaturity and in his addiction?   Some of the reasons include:  To shore up his 3I's - (his criticism of her shores up insecurities in him.) Faulty standard due to a history of sin around sexual integrity. Standards in our culture and our Christian subculture. Projecting. (This is similar to shoring up the 3I's.) For us women, knowing these whys can help us depersonalize comparisons and criticism. Question #3 - How will this ever work?  How will I ever measure up to what he saw? We want to encourage women to be themselves and to NOT change themselves to "be" who they think he is "more" attracted to.  (That is complete nonsense and crazy-making!) Question #4 - The listener also asked - OR, is this primarily the wife's work, to see her value aside from her husband's actions and words? There is grief for us women that it's not even possible to look like what he consumed.  This is a part of our work. We also work toward embracing our uniqueness and who we are, not who we are not. Finding security (and our value) in the right things. We then loop back to the first question: can a husband help heal his wife's wounds from years of criticism and comparisons to other women?  I ask Jason what he did to help me heal from his comparisons and criticisms.  And he shares a lot and talks a lot.  Which I am okay with, I'm just letting you guys know what happens - haha! We end with talking about this real longing for women to feel highly esteemed by him and to be seen as beautiful by him, because of everything she is, not just because of the physical. We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Anchored, led by Kate Jones, is open for registration.  It is a fantastic class, and you can find all the details here. The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    47 min

  6. JAN 9

    #104: Using Her in His Addiction

    In this episode, we talk about something that is fairly common yet rarely discussed:  when he uses her as a part of his addiction.  I'm listening to the episode right now (as I type the show notes), and I am on edge.  It's an important conversation and also hard to have.  Thanks for being brave and joining us for this episode. I start by sharing how important it is for there to be sexual separation for her early on in the recovery process because we can get so tangled up (as women) when sexual intimacy continues early on in the recovery process, which makes boundaries and coming back to ourselves a challenge.  This is something we, as professionals, need to ask more frequently.  Unfortunately, there is a lot of misguided and outdated information out there stating that once his sexual energy isn't expended outside the marriage, he and she can enjoy that inside the marriage.  This is a problem, as it's simply a transfer of the sexual energy from outside the marriage to inside the marriage, but not in a healthy way.  Jason and I talk through this for the first 20 or so minutes, and then I come back to this question: First Question - How do we know if this is happening in the marriage? Pressure from him to be sexual. Pressure from within herself / Do you (she) feel obligated? If the sexual intimacy feels disconnected from the other forms of intimacy. If she feels objectified, focus on more,  and/or a cavalier attitude around sexual intimacy. 1:1 transfer from the infidelity to the relationship. Second Question - What does she need to work on so that she can set boundaries and create space pertaining to sex in the marriage? Talk to someone about it. Using the 'enough is enough' muscle - we can't save him. Fortitude - strength under pressure. Getting honest about what she is experiencing in her body. See the links below for everything mentioned + more! We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. I mention Episode #19 (Sexual Abstinence in the Recovery Process), Episode #43 (Pressure to Have Sex) and Episode #80 (The Shame She Experiences). The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is SOLD OUT. Join the WaitList for the next workshop here. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. Podcast Freebies can be found here. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + monthly polls + all the things. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    47 min

  7. JAN 2

    #103: Preliminary Boundary Work

    Hey Guys! In this episode, we talk about preliminary boundaries.  I mentioned at the beginning of the episode that most women know boundaries are an essential part of the process and are interested in learning how to set solid boundaries.  However, fully internalizing (or embodying) boundaries takes time to engage and implement.  This is where preliminary boundaries come into play. So let's dig into preliminary boundaries.  Keep in mind that 'preliminary boundaries' refers to the preparatory work, comprising 10 questions that women need to ask themselves early on in the process.  I love Jason's qualifier around these questions he mentions for men to be aware of: women are in a free fall and are looking for handholds, and they need them early on in the process.  This isn't an indictment on him; it's not to get 'safety from the monster, it's so that she can grab onto some things as everything slips away. I also want to highlight that as we go through these questions, some of you listening who aren't at the VERY beginning of this process might feel regret (that you didn't do this or that).  Let's be curious about any pangs of regret - it might point to a need for added safety and assurance in the here and now. Here are the 10 questions: 1 - Do you want or need him to be out of the bed you guys share? 2 - Do you want or need no physical contact? 3 - Do you want or need to take sex off the table? 4 - Do you want or need to get STI/STD tested? 5 - Do you want or need him to get STI/STD tested? 6 - Do you want or need him out of the house? 7 - What do you want or need to share with your children? 8 - Do you want or need him to have supervision when he is with your children? 9 - Do you want or need to see someone who specializes in sexual integrity issues versus a generalist?  (Only one answer to this question.) 10 - Do you want or need a written full disclosure? All ten of these questions are geared toward helping you get your feet back under you, gain some protection and safety and will help with future boundary setting as you continue to heal. We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Shelley mentioned a link to a preliminary boundary article as well as a 7-page printable. Click on the links for those two resources. Shelley also mentioned an episode regarding what to say to our children - I think I was actually thinking of this episode, which is more about protecting our children (episode #36). We need to add this to the podcast queue: what to say to our kids when this all starts to go down. The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is right around the corner in January 2026. Click here for all the details. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team.  Shelley mentioned adding the legitimate needs list to the Podcast Freebies. You can do that here.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list. Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    46 min

  8. 12/26/2025

    #102: Her Request to Never Notice Others

    Welcome back to RL Radio!     In this episode, we talk about a wife's request that he never notice another woman.  While this request might seem impossible for him to carry out, keep in mind that it's a deeper need beneath the one she is expressing.  Jason also comments that oftentimes a rhetorical question (from her) points to a statement of grief.  The question is giving expression to something deeper, usually a deeper need.   Here are the myths we discuss: Myth #1 - Noticing someone in public is the gateway to acting out. Myth #2 - Her expectations are unrealistic and completely out of line. Myth #3 - If he's doing good recovery work, he will NEVER notice another woman. And here are the truths that offset the myths: Truth #1 - His noticing is NOT the starting point.  Instead, the internal 'going-on's' are the starting points. Truth #2 - A broader sense of security is lacking, and there is an underlying need that IS valid. Truth #3 -  It's impossible for him to never 'notice others'. What we need to focus on is her deeper needs, and whether character change is happening in him.  In good recovery, it shifts (for him) from noticing with objectifying to simply seeing. We are so glad YOU are here. Thanks for joining us for Season #8. Ladies, would love for you to consider one of our support groups in the New Year!  We have several starting, and you can snag all the details here. The Worthy of Her Trust Workshop for men, outside San Antonio, TX, is right around the corner in January 2026. Click here for all the details. We will be uploading the video portion of the podcasts to the WOHT Academy website. If you scroll to the bottom of this page, you'll find the signup button for our Public Content Section. If the content is helpful, you might consider joining the Academy membership to access more teaching videos and weekly live teaching with our team. Shelley mentioned adding the legitimate needs list to the Podcast Freebies. You can do that here.   For more information on RL Academy, click here. Join the community on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus. We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses, and online courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop! Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list! Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast

    38 min
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About

Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We're Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we've been there. We're nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and the challenges couples face as they pursue redemptive living.

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