Love Shack Live: Helping Couples Rescue Their Relationships

Staci Bartley, Relationship Expert
  • 4.9 (52)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

  1. 6h ago

    #276: Your Trust Questions, Answered: Clean Slates, Disgust, and When Their Refusal Is the Answer

    Ask Us A Question They apologized. Maybe more than once. So why do you still go quiet when they walk in the room? After last week's episode on how trust actually gets rebuilt, your questions poured in. And you weren't asking us to re-explain anything. You were asking about the moments where it gets hard: the apology that never turned into repair. The conversation that somehow ended up being about your reaction instead of your hurt. The disgust you didn't expect to feel and can't seem to shake. And one from a listener who finally walked away and still wonders, what could I have done different? So this week, we picked three of your real questions and sat with them. Along the way, we get into why some people fight so hard for a clean slate, what defensiveness is actually protecting, the question that tells you whether risking again is even possible for you, and the one conversation worth having before you decide it's over. Brooke also shares a story from her own relationship about the moment she realized her defensiveness was about to cost her everything. We won't tell you whether to stay or go. That's a promise. But somewhere in these answers, you might hear your own situation more clearly than you have in months, and your next step might finally feel like your own. Plus, a Follow the Fun challenge that might change how you walk into every hard conversation this week: stop trying for the home run and ask one small question instead. And if you listened to this whole episode with one situation in mind, pay attention to that. That's your answer trying to get through. You don't have to know whether you're staying or going to book a private session with Staci, and your partner doesn't have to be ready. One person can change the trajectory of a relationship, and it can start with you at stacibartley.com/private-sessions. Not ready to talk to someone yet? Take the Better Love Quiz at betterlovequiz.com and find out what's actually missing. Spoiler: it's probably not love. Remember: love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today. Timestamps:  01:58 Trust And Accountability Recap 03:14 Four Steps To Rebuild 04:32 No Stay Or Go Answers 05:16 Question One Clean Slate Trap 11:00 Defensiveness And Impact 16:33 Why We Avoid Repair 20:06 Question Two When Disgust Hits 23:09 Can Couples Recover From Disgust 25:27 When Disgust Hits 26:37 Rehumanize Without Excusing 27:56 When Repair Gets Refused 29:48 Actions Are The Answer 31:34 One Last Clear Ask 33:42 Rebuilding Self Trust 36:24 Don’t Wait To Get Help 39:15 Make It 10 Percent Safer 42:33 Tiny Wins Build Trust

  2. Jul 5

    #275: How to Trust Again After Betrayal (Without Waiting for a Guarantee)

    Ask Us A Question You're watching everything they say and do. Reading into every word, every tone. They're showing up, taking accountability, doing the things you asked for, and somehow you feel more panicked, not less. Underneath it all is one quiet question: is this real, or am I about to get hurt all over again? This episode comes from a listener question on one of our trust videos: "When someone has genuinely changed and is taking responsibility now, how do you let them back in enough to even see it? And how do you know when it's actually safe to risk trusting them again?" One promise up front: we're not going to answer "should you trust them." We're going to look at how trust actually works so you can find your own next steps. We open with Esther Perel's line that cultivating trust requires "millions of micro risks," then unpacks why most of us have trust completely backwards. It's not something your partner earns by behaving. It's not something they can give you, no matter how consistently they show up. "I can't trust you anymore" really means "I don't feel safe risking with you anymore," and that changes everything about what to do next. In this episode: Why the more they do the right things, the more panicked you can feel, and what that's actually telling youThe driving metaphor that explains why your partner's mistakes feel malicious but yours feel forgivableHow waiting for them to "pay enough penance" quietly turns into a power and control dynamic that breaks trust furtherBrooke's question about "once a cheater, always a cheater," and what that advice costs you when everyone around you is saying itWhy the real question isn't "can I trust them" but "do I trust myself to see clearly and speak up"What's happening to your relationship while you wait for perfect conditions (hint: it's not staying neutral)Next week we're answering your questions about trust. Send them to us on social media or email love@stacibartley.com. Ready to stop spinning in your head at 2am? The Trust Sprint starts July 27: two weeks of live coaching, guided practice, and real conversations to help you rebuild trust one small risk at a time. Secure your spot here: https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/rebuild-trust Timestamps:  03:01 Listener Question Setup 03:57 What Trust Really Is 05:07 Plumbing Metaphor Detour 07:13 Disappointment And Double Standards 10:55 Trust Is Something You Give 12:29 Acknowledgement Before Rebuilding 13:52 Penance And Power Struggles 17:43 Both Partners Must Risk 20:51 Self Trust Vs Outside Noise 23:43 Once A Cheater Always A Cheater 26:13 Outsourcing Agency And AI 27:24 People Can Change For Real 28:42 Change Needs Safety 29:22 Trauma Is Not Destiny 30:39 Everyone Has A Rap Sheet 31:07 Rebuild Trust With Micro Risks 33:24 Stop Punishment And Rumination 36:17 Self Trust Is The Guarantee 41:28 Co Create By Starting Small 43:50 Begin Anywhere Together 45:58 Trust Sprint Invitation

  3. Jun 20

    #274: When Your Partner Won't Change: What to Do Next

    Ask Us A Question There's a sentence a lot of us think but never say out loud: "I don't think they're going to change." The second you say it, you feel like you have to do something about it, so you push it back down. This episode sits with that sentence. A couple weeks ago we looked at whether you're an assumer or an asker. This week picks up the harder part: you finally got good at asking, you said it clearly, you said it more than once, and the same thing keeps happening. Now what? Staci, Tom, and Brooke get honest about why asking gives you clarity but not control, why your ask is not a vending machine, and the "rabbit hole" your brain falls into the moment you decide "they don't care, I don't matter." In this episode: Why 69% of relationship conflicts keep circling back, and why happy couples have them tooWhy asking gives you clarity, not control, and the "vending machine" trap that wrecks your expectationsFour reasons a partner may not be changing, none of which mean they don't love youThe difference between not caring, not being capable, and not having the capacity right nowStaci and Tom's answer to a listener whose partner's drinking has become the conversation she can't have anymoreThis one's a sweaty-armpit conversation, and they go there on purpose. Take the Better Love Quiz to find out which relationship skill is costing you the most right now: betterlovequiz.com Song for this episode: Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now." More here. If this one moved you, share it with someone and leave a review. Love isn't enough, but skills are. Timestamps: 02:43 When Asking Fails 04:16 Disappointment to Resentment 07:24 Vending Machine Myth 10:05 Possibility One Misunderstanding 16:10 Emotional IQ Mismatch 20:50 Possibility Two No Skill Yet 24:34 Possibility Three They Disagree 25:39 Co-Creating Priorities 26:30 Saying No Honestly 28:09 Emotional Capacity Matters 30:48 Truth Over Guilt 33:00 Vulnerability And Clarity 34:23 Asking Is Not Control 41:14 Addiction And Bandwidth 44:16 Better Love Quiz Update 46:15 Detective Game Ask 48:44 Both Sides Of Love 49:48 Final Takeaways And Goodbye

  4. Jun 6

    #273: How to Actually Ask for What You Need (Without Blame, Guilt, or Manipulation)

    Ask Us A Question You already know you should speak up. That's not the problem. The problem is the moment arrives, your mouth opens, and nothing useful comes out. So you drop a hint instead and hope they catch it. They don't. And you add it to the pile. Last week we talked about being an asker versus an assumer, and the response was huge. But it exposed something: knowing you need to ask and knowing how to ask are two completely different skills. Almost nobody teaches the second one. So we're bringing back the episode that does. I tell the story I don't love telling: growing up watching my mom, a wise, loving woman who never learned to advocate for herself, and how I walked straight into a 13-year marriage where I had no voice either. Tom shares the eerily similar story of his own mother. This isn't a women's thing. If you've ever gone quiet to keep the peace, this is about you. Here's some of what we get into: Why something this simple makes your armpits sweat and your knees buckle. The four reasons we stay silent, and why every single one is really you rejecting yourself before your partner ever gets the chance. How "being considerate" quietly turns into manipulation: the hints, the guilt, the withholding, the spin so they can't say no. And the part most people get wrong, the difference between a sincere ask and a demand that comes down to a handful of words. Then we walk through the actual framework, the same one we teach couples every day. Ask for what you want at 100 percent, not the watered-down version. There's a specific way to open it, a specific thing to do right after you ask that almost everyone skips, and one line that changes everything: "Would you be willing?" And the truth underneath all of it. The second you ask, you've already won, even if the answer is no. We explain why, and it has nothing to do with getting your way. One more thing. There's a question we deliberately don't answer in this episode: what happens when you've asked, clearly and kindly, again and again, and nothing changes? That's where we're going next week. Listen to this one first, because it's the setup for everything that comes after. Links and resources: Take the quiz: betterlovequiz.com (10 minutes, find out which of the four skills is costing you the most)Conversation Cards for Connection: https://stacibartley.com/cardsLove isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, live them. Timestamps: 03:47 Stacy’s Family Story 09:10 Childhood Conditioning 11:11 Common Reasons We Don’t Ask 14:13 Mind Reading Myth 18:38 Selfish vs Self Advocacy 20:36 Manipulation and Coping 28:01 Courage and Self Respect 31:16 Benefits and Better Intimacy 36:01 Hungry at a Friend’s House 37:54 Offering vs Asking Analogy 38:56 Stop The Snack Story 40:18 Ask For 100 Percent 41:30 Sincere Ask Not Demand 43:00 Lay It Out Then Pause 45:54 Capacity And Clarifying 47:13 You Already Won 51:47 Teach Each Other To Ask 53:38 When Asking Still Fails 56:43 Conversation Cards For Connection 58:05 Surprise Gift Banter 01:00:15 How To Use The Cards 01:01:39 Rock Anthem To Ask 01:04:10 Next Week When No Change 01:05:27 Final Goodbye And Resources

  5. May 30

    #272: Are You an Asker or an Assumer?

    Ask Us A Question Most of us think we're asking for what we need. We're not. We're hinting, complaining, dropping signals, getting quiet, hoping our partner figures it out. And when they don't, we add another tally to the list of reasons we feel alone in our own relationship. This episode started with a question Brooke saw go viral on TikTok: are you an asker or an assumer? Staci, Tom, and Brooke do a gut check around the table, then unpack why so many of us stopped asking, what it's quietly costing us, and the three sentences that make asking feel possible again. If you've ever swallowed a need because asking for it felt like too much, this one's for you. In This Episode Why anticipating someone's needs sometimes backfires (and creates more anxiety than help).The fear underneath assuming: too much, too needy, too selfish, too weak.How you stop knowing yourself when you stop voicing what you need.The power of saying no and why honest no's protect honest yes's.How complaining, blaming, and hinting feel like asking from the inside but never land that way.Staci's three-sentence framework for asking without the dread.Take the Better Love Quiz Wondering where your own relationship actually stands right now? The Better Love Quiz is a free, few-minute assessment that walks you through the real skills that keep love steady: knowing yourself, staying grounded when triggered, holding boundaries, communicating clearly, and repairing after conflict. When you finish, it shows you where you're already strong, where the strain is coming from, and what kind of support would help you most. Take the quiz: betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 02:47 Hinting Isn’t Asking 03:18 The Trap of Anticipating 08:15 Emotional Safety Basics 09:32 Recovering Assumers 11:33 Teach Me How to Love You 14:40 Saying Yes, Meaning No 15:28 TikTok and the Lost Village 19:00 Neighbor Saints and Community 23:41 Fear Behind Assuming 26:17 Fear Of Needing 26:57 Losing Your Voice 28:48 Talking To Understand 30:09 Optimizing Joy Away 32:34 Performance Trap 35:06 Complaints And Guilt 36:00 Power Of No 39:15 Rebuilding The Village 40:34 Simple Asking Script 43:10 Specificity Builds Love 45:10 Practice And Play 48:21 Quiz And Farewell

  6. May 23

    #271: Feeling Like Roommates? How to Rebuild Emotional Safety in Your Relationship

    Ask Us A Question There's a particular kind of loneliness that happens inside a relationship, not outside of it. You still share a home, a bed, a life. But somewhere along the way, you stopped really talking. Not the logistics, those still happen. The real things. The thoughts you used to share without thinking twice now get held back. You measure your words. You wait for a better moment that never quite comes. If that feels familiar, this episode is for you. In this fan-favorite replay, Staci, Tom, and Brooke unpack emotional safety, what it actually is, how it quietly erodes, and why its absence is so often mistaken for the end of love. You'll learn why no amount of begging or pushing can pull honesty out of someone who doesn't feel safe, what's really happening when a couple drifts into feeling like roommates, and how emotional safety can be rebuilt, slowly, and on purpose. Staci shares the simple balloon metaphor that reframes every hard conversation, the role of permission in healthy communication, and an honest, vulnerable story from Brooke's first marriage about what can dismantle emotional safety in an instant. Whether your relationship is thriving, strained, or somewhere in emotional limbo, this conversation will help you see your silence, your conflict, and your distance in a completely new way. What You'll Learn What emotional safety is, and why it's the foundation beneath every healthy relationshipThe small, often invisible ways emotional safety erodes over timeWhy begging, pushing, or prodding a partner to "just talk" almost always backfiresThe two survival responses: shutting down (collapse) and attacking (control)What it really means when a couple starts to feel like roommatesHow to rebuild emotional safety through permission, practice, and small repeated winsWhy we tend to hurt the people we love the most, and how to interrupt that patterTake the Better Love Quiz Wondering where your own relationship actually stands right now? The Better Love Quiz is a free, few-minute assessment that walks you through the real skills that keep love steady: knowing yourself, staying grounded when triggered, holding boundaries, communicating clearly, and repairing after conflict. When you finish, it shows you where you're already strong, where the strain is coming from, and what kind of support would help you most. Take the quiz: betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 04:13 Emotional Safety Explained 05:25 How Safety Erodes 07:44 Punishing Honesty 09:37 The Mess Metaphor 11:35 Safety First Principle 14:26 Building Safety Over Time 18:53 Dating Shows We Know 21:29 When Safety Is Gone 22:38 Rebuilding Is Possible 24:51 Balloon Metaphor 26:54 Catching the Leak 28:36 Permission Over Defensiveness 30:34 Emotional Pushups Practice 31:42 Hard Truths Example 35:58 Fragile and Sacred Safety 37:29 Investing in Love Daily 49:00 Quiz and Farewell

  7. May 15

    #270: Why Love Isn't Enough to Save Your Marriage (And What Actually Is)

    Ask Us A Question You love them. And still, you’re exhausted. The same argument keeps coming back. The same silence shows up after the fight. The same emotional distance keeps growing, even though somewhere underneath all of it, you still care deeply. That’s the part that can make you feel like you’re losing your mind. If the love is still there, why is this so hard? In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci, Tom, and Brooke revisit one of the most important questions in relationships: is love alone enough to make a relationship last? You’ll learn: ✓ Why “all you need is love” can quietly set couples up to fail  ✓ Why love is a beautiful foundation, but not the whole house  ✓ The relationship skills most of us were never taught  ✓ Why emotional regulation, communication, self-awareness, repair, and asking for what you need matter so much  ✓ How blaming yourself or your partner keeps you stuck  ✓ Why “skilling up” can help you see your partner with more humanity  ✓ How one person learning new skills can begin to change the dynamic  ✓ Why struggling doesn’t mean you’re broken, doomed, or with the wrong person Whether you’re married, partnered, separated, rebuilding, dating, single, or trying not to repeat old patterns, this episode will help you rethink what’s really missing when love still exists but the relationship feels hard. Because most relationships don’t struggle from a lack of love. They struggle from a lack of skills. And skills can be learned. 🎯 Take the free Better Love Skills Quiz at betterlovequiz.com and get your personalized Better Love Blueprint in under 10 minutes, including your Better Love Score, where you’re already strong, where you’re getting stuck, and where to focus first. Timestamps:  04:59 The Love Foundation Metaphor 06:32 Self Blame After Failure 08:40 Why Relationships Still Break 10:37 Skills Over Checklists 12:57 Myths That Trap Us 16:42 Asking and Listening Skills 20:11 Quick Fixes vs Skill Up 24:03 Stop Diagnosing Your Partner 26:44 Reclaim Your Power 30:40 Pressure Kills Connection 32:23 Resentment and Perfectionism 34:10 No Villains Here 35:37 It’s a Skill Issue 37:27 Why Love Isn’t Enough 39:57 Messiness and Coping 42:01 Skills We Never Learn 44:02 Stories We Make Up 47:42 Research and Real Stakes 49:17 Love as Firepower 52:40 Learn Skills Now 53:22 Better Love Quiz

  8. May 10

    #269: Should I Stay or Should I Go? The Answer Google Can't Give You

    Ask Us A Question Have you noticed how quickly we reach for someone else's answers before we even slow down long enough to hear our own? We Google it. We poll our friends. We scroll for reassurance. And now, we ask AI. Quietly, underneath all of it, something deeper is happening: we are losing our relationship with our own inner wisdom. In this episode, Tom, Brooke, and I sit down to talk about what I believe is one of the greatest relationship crises of our time. When we can no longer hear and trust our own voice, we cannot deeply trust our choices, ourselves, or the people we love. The consequences are showing up everywhere. In our anxiety. In our self-doubt. In the emotional gap that keeps widening with our partners. In how easily we are manipulated by strong personalities, influencers, and fear-based narratives that promise us certainty. Here's what we explore: Why emotional overload and information overwhelm have led us into avoidance, self-doubt, and isolationHow social media, religion, self-help gurus, and now AI have become the oracles we hand our lives over toThe difference between "I don't want to do that because it's hard" and "this dismantles me" (and why discernment is the skill almost nobody is teaching)The simple two-minute practice that brings you back home to yourself, no childhood archaeology requiredWhy nuance is the real territory of life, and what black-and-white thinking is costing your relationshipThe bird and the branch metaphor that changed how I think about self-trustIf you have been feeling confused, overwhelmed, or like you have lost touch with who you actually are, this one is for you. You are not broken. You are living in a world flooded with noise, fear, and urgency, and the way back to yourself is closer and simpler than you have been led to believe. New: The Better Love Skills Assessment How are you actually showing up in your relationships right now? Take our brand new 16-question assessment to find out. You'll get a score in each of the four skills that build a thriving connection: knowing yourself, navigating your emotions, holding your limits, and communicating so others can hear you. Plus your next best step to grow from where you are. It's free, and it takes about three minutes. Take it now at betterlovequiz.com Timestamps: 06:12 Staci Origin Story 07:47 Tom Foundation Lessons 09:17 Religion And Inner Voice 13:07 AI As The New Oracle 16:34 Vulnerability And Manipulation 19:27 Discernment Versus Resistance 25:04 Couples Impact And Anxiety 28:49 How To Start Listening Inward 35:29 Skills Over Labels 37:34 Why We Avoid Ourselves 38:49 Emotions Two Choices 39:04 The Upside Of Self Work 41:31 Power Of The Pause 42:26 Recalibrating In Real Time 44:44 Clearing The Emotional Backlog 46:14 Self Esteem Through Self Knowing 48:17 Boundaries And Accountability 51:14 Discernment Defined 54:58 Nuance Over Black And White 57:54 Triggers Progress Not Perfection 01:00:11 Stop Outsourcing Your Answers 01:01:59 Three Minute Check In 01:04:04 Trust Your Own Wings 01:06:21 Better Love Skills Assessment

See All (276)

4.9
out of 5
52 Ratings

About

Relationships are complex. They are filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. And sometimes, it can feel like you're struggling just to keep your head above water. If you're feeling like this, then it's important to reach out for help. That's where Tom and Staci Bartley come in. As relationship experts, they have helped countless couples overcome the challenges that they're facing. And now, they're here to help you. The Love Shack Live Show is filled with advice and tips that will help you get your relationship back on track. So if you're struggling in your relationship, make sure to tune in, it could be the best decision you ever make.

Information

You Might Also Like