The Leftover Pieces: Suicide Loss Conversations

Melissa Bottorff-Arey
  • 4.9 (76)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • WEEKLY SERIES

Suicide loss changes everything. The Leftover Pieces® Podcast explores life after suicide through honest conversations with survivors, experts, and grieving parents learning to live forward after unimaginable loss. Parents, partners, siblings, and friends share what it means to keep living when the world has been forever changed. Hosted by Melissa Bottorff-Arey, whose 21-year-old son Alex died by suicide in 2016, the show blends intimate conversations with survivors, healers, and mental health professionals with short solo reflections you can actually use. Together we explore child loss, trauma and nervous-system care, anniversaries and seasons, stigma, faith and meaning, legacy, and the everyday practices that help make life livable again. At its heart, this podcast is about learning to live forward after loss. We never move on from the people we love, but we can learn to carry the grief differently. This road can feel incredibly lonely—but you are not alone here. For supporters, educators, and professionals, these conversations also offer insight into the realities of suicide grief and what genuine, non-fixing support can look like. If you’d like to share your story or expertise, you can request to be a guest through Melissa’s website. 💜 Content Note This podcast speaks candidly about grief and suicide loss and may feel activating for some listeners. We avoid graphic descriptions and discussion of suicide methods. Please care for yourself as needed. Melissa is not a doctor or licensed therapist, and nothing shared here should be considered medical or mental-health advice.

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  1. EPISODE 1

    Year Ten of Grief: A Quiet Return and the Bridges We Build

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa A Quiet Return: Ten Years of Grief and the Bridges We Build After an unexpected, unplanned two-month pause, Melissa returns to The Leftover Pieces Podcast with a quiet and honest reflection on what it means to reach the ten-year mark after losing her son Alex to suicide. So, as she says, this wasn’t a planned break. But as the calendar turned toward a full decade of living without her child, something in Melissa needed to slow down, reflect, and listen more closely to what this next season of grief — and this next season of the podcast — might look like. In this relaunch episode, Melissa shares openly about the weight of long-term grief, the ways child loss continues to shape identity even many years later, and the realization that healing doesn’t mean leaving our children behind. She also reflects on a powerful dream that helped her understand the guiding word that arrived at the beginning of the year: bridge — a symbol of learning to live forward while still carrying everything that matters. This episode marks the beginning of a new chapter for the podcast. In the months ahead, Melissa will be leaning into deeper conversations about what grief looks like beyond the early years, especially for bereaved mothers navigating the long road of life after child loss. Upcoming episodes will include: • conversations with mothers further along in their grief journeys  • reflections on identity, resilience, and rebuilding life after loss  • honest discussions about the parts of grief that rarely get talked about once the world assumes we’re “better”  • continued support for those navigating suicide loss and traumatic child loss Whether you are early in your grief or many years down the road, this season will explore what it truly means to live forward while carrying the love and memory of those we’ve lost. As always, take what serves you… and leave the rest. Resources & Support If you are looking for additional support after suicide loss, or you are a bereaved mother navigating life after traumatic child loss, you can explore coaching, writing support, and grief resources at: www.theleftoverpieces.com Melissa offers: • one-on-one grief coaching  • support for mothers navigating child loss  • guidance for those who feel called to write or share their loved one’s story  • resources for suicide loss survivors and families Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    19 min
  2. When the Mind Breaks: A Mother, A Doctor, and the Reality of Psychosis

    EPISODE 2

    When the Mind Breaks: A Mother, A Doctor, and the Reality of Psychosis

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa In this episode, I’m joined by Colleen Kraft—a pediatrician of 36 years and a mother of three—who shares the story of her son Tim, who died by suicide in February of 2022 at the age of 31. Tim’s journey included late-onset schizophrenia, beginning with early psychosis in his late twenties. Together, we explore what it looks like to love someone through serious mental illness, the challenges families face within the mental health system, and the difficult reality of navigating care when answers are limited. Colleen brings both her medical insight and her lived experience as a mother into this conversation, helping us better understand psychosis, its impact, and why it can lead to dangerous or unpredictable outcomes. We also talk about the questions so many of us carry after loss—the what ifs, the unknowns—and how we begin to move forward while still holding love, grief, and connection. This conversation is both informative and deeply human—offering insight, validation, and a reminder that you are not alone. Resources mentioned in this episode: Schizophrenia and Psychosis Action Alliance https://sczaction.org/ Podcast: Schizophrenia: Three Moms in the Trenches https://schizophrenia3momsinthetrenches.buzzsprout.com/ Norway’s Patient Pathways for Mental Health & Substance Use https://www.helsenorge.no/en/psykisk-helse/patient-pathway-for-mental-health-and-substance-abuse/ EPI-NET (Early Psychosis Intervention Network) https://nationalepinet.org/ Children and Screens: Digital Media & Youth Mental Health (Free Handbook) https://www.childrenandscreens.org/newsroom/news/children-and-screens-announces-groundbreaking-handbook-on-digital-medias-impact-on-children-and-adolescents/ Book: The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller  Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    49 min
  3. Do We Ever Stop Grieving?: Life After Suicide Loss and the Truth No One Tells You

    EPISODE 3

    Do We Ever Stop Grieving?: Life After Suicide Loss and the Truth No One Tells You

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa Do we ever stop grieving after losing a child to suicide?  In this episode, we go 'down the rabbit hole' to explore the reality of long-term grief after suicide loss and what happens after the initial survival years.  Many grieving mothers find themselves asking “what now?” after the first few years, when support fades but the grief remains. This episode introduces a new way of understanding grief—not as something to overcome, but something we learn to live with as we rebuild our identity, our life, and our sense of meaning after loss.  If you’re searching for answers about life after suicide loss, ongoing grief, or how to move forward after losing a child, this episode begins that conversation.  n this episode, we talk about:  The truth about whether grief ever “ends” after suicide loss  Why surviving the first few years is not the same as learning to live again  The difference between grief and healing—and why both matter  The “now what?” space that often comes after the early years of loss  That child loss and suicide loss fundamentally change who we are  That this loss means we must rebuild your life, identity, and sense of self after loss  Why this year (season) of Down the Rabbit Hole episodes will focus on living forward—not just surviving A gentle reminder: If you’re early in your grief, this conversation may feel heavy. You are not meant to have this all figured out right now.  Survival is enough in the beginning. This episode is here to offer perspective—not pressure. Take what serves you, leave the rest. 🎙️ Want to share something with me? I’ve created a space where you can leave me a voice message— whether it’s a question, something you’re carrying, or just saying your loved one's name -- I am here for you & it would be my honor to hear from you. Your message may help shape a future episode, and you can always remain anonymous - just let me know at the beginning or end of your message 🎙 Leave a message here:  🔗 theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    25 min
  4. Mother’s Day After Child Loss: If I’m Telling the Truth

    EPISODE 4

    Mother’s Day After Child Loss: If I’m Telling the Truth

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa Mother’s Day after child loss can feel impossibly complicated. In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa speaks honestly about the layered reality of motherhood after suicide loss—the grief, the love, changing family dynamics, and the truth that this day never feels the same again.  💜 In this episode:  Why Mother’s Day changes forever after child loss  The duality of gratitude and grief  How later grief lands differently than the early years  Navigating complicated family relationships after loss  Giving yourself permission to move through the day gently  Why you are still a mother—always  Mother’s Day, If I’m Telling the Truth Mother’s Day can feel brutal. Not because I’m not grateful to be a mother, but because there is no clean way to hold love and loss in the same pair of hands. There is no simple way to celebrate motherhood when one of your children is gone, or far away, or when the shape of your family has changed in ways you never would have chosen. The world wants to make this day about flowers and smiles and neat little moments of gratitude. But grief does not care what day it is. It rises where it rises. And sometimes it rises here. If I’m telling the truth, there are years I want to lean in and years I want to hide. Years I want to say your name all day long, and years I can barely breathe through the weight of missing you. And still— I am your mother. I am your mother in the ache, in the remembering, in the longing, in the love that did not leave when you did. I am your mother when this day feels sacred, and when it feels cruel. When I feel grateful. When I feel shattered. When I want to celebrate, and when I want to disappear. So maybe this day doesn’t need to be beautiful. Maybe it just needs to be honest. Maybe it looks like a candle, a tear, a whispered name, a quiet no, a memory I let myself keep touching. Maybe honoring this day just means telling the truth: I love deeply. I grieve deeply. I am still a mother. And that is enough. Looking for deeper support? Whether you’re in the early years of grief or feeling stuck further down the road, let’s walk through it together.  Click Here and Schedule a 30-minute Chat with Me. It would be my honor to speak with you about coaching.  Between May 10–17, mention this episode when you contact me and I’ll have a special gift ($) waiting for you. Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    15 min
  5. Survival, Hope, Healing… Then What?: Why Grief Changes Years After Child Loss & Suicide Loss

    EPISODE 5

    Survival, Hope, Healing… Then What?: Why Grief Changes Years After Child Loss & Suicide Loss

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa What (actually) happens after survival? In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa speaks honestly about the part of grief few people prepare grieving mothers for — the “now what?” space that often emerges years after child loss and suicide loss. After the shock fades, the anniversaries pass, and the world seems to move forward, many mothers quietly find themselves facing something deeper: identity loss, self-trust collapse, nervous system exhaustion, and the complicated reality of learning how to live with grief long term. This episode explores: 💜 why grief changes shape over time 💜 the difference between trauma and grief 💜 the hidden collapse of self-trust after suicide loss 💜 the later grief years no one talks about 💜 rebuilding identity after child loss 💜 nervous system healing and emotional survival 💜 why “moving forward” does not mean leaving our children behind Melissa also shares part of her own story, including the wake-up call that came several years after Alex’s death when her body finally forced her to slow down and confront the deeper rebuilding work grief was asking of her. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering: “Why do I still feel lost?” “Why is this showing up differently now?” “Why does healing still feel unfinished?” …this episode is for you. Looking for support? Melissa now offers two FREE monthly spaces for grieving mothers: 💜 You Are Not Alone A softer monthly (FREE) online support gathering for moms navigating child loss and suicide loss. 🌉 The Bridge Sessions inside The Rebuilding Room A (FREE) 1 x per month guided rebuilding space for grieving mothers learning how to live forward after survival. ✨ Click Links Above to both spaces. Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    16 min

  6. EPISODE 6

    20 Years After Suicide Loss: Tracy Oeser on Grief, Healing & Survival to Service

    Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa In this deeply honest conversation about suicide loss and long-term grief, Melissa sits down with Tracy Oeser, MSPsy — suicide loss survivor, grief educator, bereavement coach, and founder of Journey Thru Grief. Nearly 20 years after the suicide loss of her daughter Chelsie, Tracy shares the reality of grieving a child to suicide, what healing actually looks like over time, and how survivors can learn to carry grief while rebuilding life after devastating loss. Together, Melissa and Tracy talk about: • The reality of long-term suicide grief • What changes — and what doesn’t — over decades of loss • The emotional phases survivors often experience • Why validation matters so deeply in grief • The difference between surviving and eventually integrating grief into life • Building support spaces rooted in lived experience • The importance of postvention work and honest conversations around suicide loss • Tracy’s upcoming Journey Thru Grief Conference and her vision for bringing survivors and professionals together in community This episode is a reminder that healing is not linear, grief does not have an expiration date, and no one should have to carry suicide loss alone. About Tracy: Tracy Oeser is the CEO of Postvention Collective, LLC and the CEO and Bereavement Coach of Journey Thru Grief, LLC. She is a passionate advocate for mental health support and by using her breakthrough concept of “The 4 Phases of Suicide Loss,” she fiercely tries to speak for those who have lost family and friends to suicide. Tracy hosts the podcast, “Journey Through Your Suicide Loss” and has been a guest speaker on many different platforms discussing how the suicidal loss of her child affected her. She holds both a BA and MS in Psychology concentrated in life coaching. Tracy is an award-winning author and has received leadership and innovation awards for her work in the postvention field. She serves as a current member of various suicide prevention organizations throughout the United States and is a past board member of the American Association of Suicidology. Connect with Tracy: Tracy's Website: - Journey Thru Grief Tracy's Podcast: Journey Through Your Suicide Loss Journey Through Your Suicide Loss | Podcast on Spotify Conference Info: Conference - Journey Thru Grief (Coupon Code: Melissa for $50 off thru June 15, 2026) Social Media: Tracy Oeser (@tracyoeser) • Instagram photos and videos If this episode resonated with you: Please share it with someone who may need it, leave a review, or simply say your loved one’s name today. You are not broken. You are grieving. Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for informational and peer-support purposes only and should not be considered medical or mental health advice. Support the show __________________________________________________________________________ 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support for life after suicide loss. Click links below 🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail  🔗 Stay connected: Join my email community for weekly support, resources, and honest conversations.  🛠 Start here: Explore website for suicide loss resources for early grief, family support, and next steps.  🤝 For moms: One-on-one grief coaching for mothers navigating life after child loss. 📞 Need support right now? If you or someone you love is struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada), or text HOME to 741741.

    1h 11m
See All Season 9 (6)

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About

Suicide loss changes everything. The Leftover Pieces® Podcast explores life after suicide through honest conversations with survivors, experts, and grieving parents learning to live forward after unimaginable loss. Parents, partners, siblings, and friends share what it means to keep living when the world has been forever changed. Hosted by Melissa Bottorff-Arey, whose 21-year-old son Alex died by suicide in 2016, the show blends intimate conversations with survivors, healers, and mental health professionals with short solo reflections you can actually use. Together we explore child loss, trauma and nervous-system care, anniversaries and seasons, stigma, faith and meaning, legacy, and the everyday practices that help make life livable again. At its heart, this podcast is about learning to live forward after loss. We never move on from the people we love, but we can learn to carry the grief differently. This road can feel incredibly lonely—but you are not alone here. For supporters, educators, and professionals, these conversations also offer insight into the realities of suicide grief and what genuine, non-fixing support can look like. If you’d like to share your story or expertise, you can request to be a guest through Melissa’s website. 💜 Content Note This podcast speaks candidly about grief and suicide loss and may feel activating for some listeners. We avoid graphic descriptions and discussion of suicide methods. Please care for yourself as needed. Melissa is not a doctor or licensed therapist, and nothing shared here should be considered medical or mental-health advice.

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