Episode 177 of The Innovative Therapist Podcast If you struggle with binge eating or emotional eating, you might assume the solution is pretty straightforward: Eat regular meals. Stop dieting. Don’t restrict foods. Practice intuitive eating. And those things can absolutely help. But what happens when you’re doing those things and still feel out of control around food? This was me for years. I knew a LOT about nutrition. I was getting my PhD studying eating and weight disorders. I ate regular meals and snacks. I understood the importance of fueling my body. And I was still incredibly stuck. One of the things I eventually realized was that restriction can be much sneakier than simply not allowing yourself to eat. Ready for support with binge or emotional eating? If you’re tired of knowing what you “should” do but still feeling stuck in cycles with food, I currently work 1:1 with people who want to heal their relationship with food, understand what’s underneath their patterns, and build deeper self-trust. My approach integrates evidence-based psychology with IFS/parts work, somatic awareness, motivation science, and self-compassion. Learn more about working with me 1:1 Or email me directly at info@drshawnhondorp.com to tell me a little about what you’re struggling with and learn more about how I might be able to help. First, What Do We Mean by Binge Eating? When people hear “binge eating,” they often imagine eating a very large amount of food until they’re extremely uncomfortable. And yes, binge eating can look like that. I experienced that kind of binge eating myself. But there’s another experience that doesn’t get talked about nearly as much: feeling out of control around food even when the actual amount of food isn’t objectively large. You might eat a cookie, dessert, or another food you’ve labeled as “bad” and immediately experience intense guilt or shame. The amount of food matters much less to me than what is happening internally. Do you feel out of control? Do you trust yourself around food? Does eating something you weren’t planning to eat trigger guilt, shame, or a need to compensate later? Those experiences can be incredibly distressing, regardless of how much food you actually ate. Restriction Doesn’t Always Look Like Dieting This was a huge piece of my own recovery. When I was struggling with binge eating, I wasn’t necessarily skipping meals or cutting out entire food groups. In fact, I was trying very hard to eat “correctly.” Three meals. Snacks. Adequate protein. Fiber. Meal plans. At different points, I counted calories or points, but even when I stopped explicitly doing that, I could still create a plan for what I believed constituted a healthy day of eating. On the surface, it didn’t necessarily look restrictive. But underneath it? There were still parts of me monitoring, judging, controlling, and worrying about what I ate. And those parts were trying to help me. They weren’t villains. They wanted me to be healthy, feel good in my body, and avoid gaining weight or losing control. The problem was that their attempts to control my eating were inadvertently helping keep the binge-restrict cycle alive. The Restrictive Part of You Might Sound Very Reasonable This is where things can get sneaky. Restriction doesn’t always say: You can’t eat that. Sometimes it sounds like: I’m just trying to be healthy. I should probably choose something with more protein. I already had dessert yesterday. I really shouldn’t be hungry yet. I’ll eat lighter today because we’re going out tonight. Some of those thoughts, in isolation, aren’t necessarily a problem. That’s why I often say that only the person in the body really knows whether something feels restrictive. The question isn’t simply whether a particular food choice is “healthy.” It’s also: Where is that choice coming from? Is it coming from connection with your body and what genuinely feels good? Or is there fear, pressure, guilt, scarcity, or control underneath it? Why Food Can Take Up So Much Mental Space I remember thinking about food constantly. What was I going to eat? What should I order at a restaurant? Had I eaten too much? Should I have dessert? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about this food? At the time, I genuinely felt addicted to food. But something interesting happened as I truly began letting go of restriction: That intense preoccupation with food eventually went away. I don’t mean that I never think about food now. I plan meals for my family. I think about how to nourish myself. I’m currently experimenting with how to make cooking easier and more enjoyable. But food doesn’t have the emotional charge it once did. I can go out with friends and enjoy what looks good to me. Dessert doesn’t become a referendum on whether I’ve been “good.” Food no longer creates that gray cloud that follows me through experiences that I otherwise want to enjoy. And if you’re currently thinking about food all the time, I want you to know that a different relationship with food is possible. Intuitive Eating Isn’t About Never Thinking About Nutrition This is another place where nuance matters. I see intuitive eating as a framework that can help create permission, freedom, autonomy, and choice. That doesn’t mean nutrition suddenly becomes irrelevant. It means that instead of relying exclusively on outside rules, you’re developing the ability to discern what your body needs and make choices from a place of deeper self-trust. That process may look different at different stages of healing. The way you approach foods you used to binge on early in recovery may not look exactly like your relationship with those foods six months, six years, or sixteen years later. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to follow intuitive eating perfectly. The goal is to develop a relationship with yourself where you can increasingly say: I trust myself to figure out what I need. What If the Goal Is Self-Trust, Not Perfect Eating? This is increasingly how I think about my work with binge eating and emotional eating. Of course we look at the behavior. Are you eating enough? Are you unintentionally restricting? What’s happening before a binge? What happens in your body? What thoughts and emotions show up? But I also want to understand the parts of you involved. Is there a part trying desperately to control your eating? A part terrified of weight gain? A rebellious part that’s exhausted from being controlled? A part using food to soothe or disconnect from something painful? Through IFS/parts work, somatic awareness, and evidence-based approaches to behavior change, we can become curious about those parts rather than simply trying to overpower them. Ultimately, we’re building your ability to lead yourself. You Can Care About Your Health Without Controlling Yourself This is one of the nuances I care deeply about. You can want to nourish your body. You can care about sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration, or other health behaviors. You can even have weight-related goals. The question isn’t whether you’re allowed to care about health. It’s whether your attempts to care for yourself are actually helping you develop more trust and connection with your body, or keeping you trapped in fear, shame, and control. These days, I’m still thinking about how I care for my body. I’m working on sleep. I’m drinking more water. I’m eating more plants. I’m figuring out how to make cooking something I actually enjoy. The basics don’t disappear. But they can come from a very different place. Instead of: I have to get myself under control. It can become: How do I deeply care for this body and this life that I have? And how can I make some of that care enjoyable? Listen to Episode 177 🎧 Why You May Still Be Binge Eating Even If You’re Not Dieting In this solo episode of The Innovative Therapist Podcast, I talk about my own 13-year struggle with binge eating, the less obvious ways restriction can show up, why I once felt addicted to food, intuitive eating, and how we can move toward a relationship with food built on greater freedom and self-trust. Hi, I’m Shawn I’m Shawn Hondorp, PhD, a clinical health psychologist. I help people recover from binge eating and emotional eating, build self-trust, and ultimately come more fully alive. And for me, that work goes far beyond food. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see me dancing, playing, traveling in ways that immerse me in other cultures, exploring creativity, and experimenting with what it means to build a life that actually feels like mine. Those experiences have been an important part of my own healing and growth, and they’ve only deepened how I approach my 1:1 work. Because ultimately, I don’t think healing your relationship with food is just about eating differently. It’s about learning to listen to yourself, trust yourself, reconnect with your body and desires, and make more room for the parts of you that want to play, create, connect, and feel fully alive. Looking for Help With Binge Eating or Emotional Eating? If you feel like you already know a lot about food but still find yourself stuck in cycles of binge eating, emotional eating, guilt, restriction, or trying to “get back on track,” I’d love to connect. My 1:1 work integrates evidence-based psychology with IFS/parts work, somatic awareness, motivation science, and self-compassion. We aren’t simply trying to give you another set of rules to follow. We can get curious about what’s underneath these patterns, help you develop a different relationship with the parts of you driving them, and build deeper trust in yourself and your body. Learn more about working with me 1:1 Or email me directly at info@drshawnhondorp.com. Tell me a little about what you’re strugglin
