Grief doesn't only come from what happens to us directly. In this episode of our Grief Series, we'll look through the Seventh Gate: Trauma — specifically collective trauma and secondary (vicarious) trauma. We'll break down what these are, how they physically land in your body, what the Window of Tolerance really means for your day-to-day life, and what to do when you find yourself overwhelmed by stress. We'll explore super helpful theories like the tend-and-befriend stress response, the power of your hope circuit, the eternal wisdom of finding the Middle Way, and practical guidance for navigating a world that can feel relentlessly heavy. This episode is part of a 10-part series on grief. You can jump in here and circle back to Episode 248 when you're ready. p.s. Find a Simple Joy practice for this episode right here at our blog. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, ease anxiety, and uplift mood. Join Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek for practical, mindfulness-based tools and positive psychology strategies to build resilience and create lasting joy. Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with the Joy Lab Program. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts! And... if you want to spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free, then please join our mission by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram TikTok Linkedin Watch on YouTube Key moments: [00:00] — Introduce the Seventh Gate: Trauma [00:48] — A gentle reminder to listen with care [01:30] — Defining collective trauma: shared psychological impact affecting communities, societies, and the globe; examples include COVID, 9/11, mass shootings, natural disasters, and chronic collective traumas like racism and classism [02:00] — Defining secondary trauma / vicarious trauma: how negative effects occur through hearing accounts, watching videos, 24/7 news exposure; not uncommon in caregivers, healthcare workers, therapists, and first responders [03:30] — Why the brain doesn't always distinguish direct from indirect trauma; secondary trauma can produce symptoms identical to direct trauma; we are wired to survive in communities [04:00] — The losses this gate surfaces: safety, trust in institutions, community connection, shared understanding, and moral injuries [05:00] — Linda Thai's definition of trauma: "what happened that shouldn't have, and what should have happened that didn't" — and why the second half matters just as much [06:30] — Minnesota ICE surge reflection; what was missing that could have softened the trauma; community connection as a powerfully protective presence [07:45] — The tend-and-befriend stress response and why it's especially suited to collective grief [08:40] — Physical symptoms of collective trauma: brain fog, sleep problems, appetite changes, jumpiness, physical tension, digestive issues [09:20] — How collective stress lowers individual stress tolerance; why the tend-and-befriend response is so adaptive here [09:50] — Dan Siegel's Window of Tolerance introduced: the zone for healthy stress response; why collective trauma shrinks the window [10:20] — What happens outside the window: hyperarousal and hypoarousal introduced [11:00] — Deep dive on hyperarousal: panic, racing thoughts, anger, hypervigilance; why narrow focus is counterproductive; how sustained overactivation overwhelms the nervous system [13:00] — Hypoarousal: numbness, flatness, disconnection, apathy, brain fog; the freeze/"bite" stress response as protective feature, not personal failure; the COVID grocery bag arc [14:30] — Gentle activation strategies for moving out of hypoarousal: small movements, mindful breathing, connecting with safe people, small accomplishments [15:30] — Learned helplessness reexamined: the original researchers got it backward — helplessness is the brain's default, not something learned [16:00] — The Hope Circuit: prefrontal cortex overrides the helplessness default when actions are seen to matter; cross-stressor effect of agency [16:40] — What agency looks like in practice: self-talk, social connections, information choices, body care, small service acts, values [17:30] — Henry's activating-to-calming spectrum; using the Middle Way framework to self-regulate within the Window of Tolerance [18:30] — What to do when you've gone outside the window: micro-changes, one small choice at a time; deep rest when needed [20:10] — Balance is not a destination; the goal is not to eliminate stress responses but to navigate them more skillfully [21:15] — Self-care during collective trauma enables wise collective action [21:45] — Closing wisdom from Clarissa Pinkola Estés on standing up and showing your soul Sources and Notes for this full grief series: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Grief Series: The Grief Series: The Wholeness of Being Human [part 1, ep 248] Everything We Love, We Will Lose: Navigating the First Gate of Grief [part 2, ep 249] Welcoming Back the Parts of You That Have Not Known Love [part 3, ep 250] Why You Can't Escape the Sorrows of the World (and why that's a good thing) [part 4, ep 251] Born to Belong: Grieving What Should Have Been There From the Start [part 5, ep 252] Breaking the Cycle: Ancestral Grief, Epigenetics, and the Power to Change Your Legacy [part 6, ep 253] How Facing the Harm You've Done Can Set You Free [part 7, ep 254] Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller Linda Thai's website Dan Siegel's website Clarissa Pinkola Estés' website Beckes & Sbarra, Social baseline theory: State of the science and new directions. Access here Beckes, et al. (2011). Social Baseline Theory: The Role of Social Proximity in Emotion and Economy of Action. Access here Bunea et al. (2017). Early-life adversity and cortisol response to social stress: a meta-analysis. Access here. Eisma, et al. (2019). No pain, no gain: cross-lagged analyses of posttraumatic growth and anxiety, depression, posttraumatic stress and prolonged grief symptoms after loss. Access here Hirschberger G. (2018). Collective Trauma an d the Social Construction of Meaning. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 1441. Access here Kamis, et al. (2024). Childhood maltreatment associated with adolescent peer networks: Withdrawal, avoidance, and fragmentation. Access here Lehrner, et al. (2014). Maternal PTSD associates with greater glucocorticoid sensitivity in offspring of Holocaust survivors. Access here Maier & Seligman. (2016). Learned helplessness at fifty: Insights from neuroscience. Access here Sheehy, et al. (2019). An examination of the relationship between shame, guilt and self-harm: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Access here Strathearn, et al. (2020). Long-term Cognitive, Psychological, and Health Outcomes Associated With Child Abuse and Neglect. Access here Yehuda et al. (1998). Vulnerability to posttraumatic stress disorder in adult offspring of Holocaust survivors. Access here. Yehuda, et al. (2018). Intergenerational transmission of trauma effects: putative role of epigenetic mechanisms. Access here Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program. Please see our terms for more information. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
