Calming the mind sounds simple, right? And yet most of us would rather do almost anything other than sitting quietly with our thoughts. In this episode, Dr. Aimee Prasek and Dr. Henry Emmons dig into the science of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), the surprising research on just how much we think, and the powerful practice of the observer self: the part of your mind that can step back, see what's happening, and choose differently. This episode makes the case that our relationship with our own minds might be the most important resilience work we do. Try It Free 🎉 The Joy Lab Program is free for 30 days — offer ends May 31st. Head to JoyLab.coach/program to sign up. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, ease anxiety, and uplift mood. Join Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek for practical, mindfulness-based tools and positive psychology strategies to build resilience and create lasting joy. Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with the Joy Lab Program. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts! And... if you want to spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free, then please join our mission by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch on YouTube Full transcript here Sources and Notes for our Element of Resilience: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Joy Lab Episodes referenced: Last episode: From Surviving to Thriving: The Science and Soul of Resilience (ep. 263) Chemistry of Calm (Dr. Emmons' book referenced in this series) Dr. Catherine Panter-Brick- Yale faculty page Resilience definitions, theory, and challenges: interdisciplinary perspectives Annual Research Review: Positive adjustment to adversity -Trajectories of minimal-impact resilience and emergent resilience Adaptive growth of tree root systems in response to wind action and site conditions. Brain meta-state transitions demarcate thoughts across task contexts exposing the mental noise of trait neuroticism. Effects of a 12-week endurance training program on the physiological response to psychosocial stress in men: a randomized controlled trial No man is an island: social resources, stress and mental health at mid-life How does the brain deal with cumulative stress? A review with focus on developmental stress, HPA axis function and hippocampal structure in humans Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mind (this is the study of people shocking themselves out of boredom) Emotion Suppression and Mortality Risk Over a 12-Year Follow-up Cumulative Stress and Health Ordinary Magic, Resilience in Development Summary of the Project Competence Longitudinal Study The Times of Our Lives: Interaction Among Different Biological Periodicities Key moments: [00:00:00] — Welcome Back to Joy Lab & Resilience This month's focus is Resilience, and today we're tackling one of the most deceptively simple things — calming the mind. [00:00:20] — The 4-Year-Old and the Balloon: How Convincing (and Wrong) Our Thoughts Can Be Aimee opens with a story about her daughter, who came to her in tears over a thought that she'd float away in a balloon. When asked if it was true, her daughter said yes — because her brain was thinking it. With her feet planted firmly on the floor and not a balloon in sight. [00:01:45] — Introducing ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts Building on last episode's tree metaphor, Aimee introduces ANTs — Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are recurring, often unconscious negative thoughts, so deeply patterned through repetition that they arise automatically. They show up about ourselves, our futures, and the world around us — and they're strongly linked to anxiety and depression. The good news: everyone has them, and we can learn to navigate them. [00:02:20] — Categories of Cognitive Distortions Aimee connects ANTs to the broader framework of cognitive distortions familiar to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) practitioners. Common types include black-and-white thinking, overgeneralization, and emotional reasoning (feeling like an imposter, therefore being one). Essentially: seeing scary balloons that aren't there, grabbing onto them, and letting them carry us deeper into worry and rumination. [00:02:55] — The Numbers: How Many Thoughts Do We Actually Have? Aimee shares the research: approximately 7 thought-changes per minute — meaning a completely different thought roughly every 9-10 seconds. Accounting for sleep, that's around 6,200 thoughts per day. Henry wonders how many of them are the same thought. (Spoiler: a lot of them.) The real problem isn't just the volume — it's that we believe so much of what we think. [00:04:30] — The Internet, Our Collective Brain, and the Power of Belief Henry draws a parallel between the internet and our minds: just as we know the internet isn't always true but somehow still believe it, we treat our own thoughts as if they're sourced from some objective ground truth. He connects this to the Buddhist teaching from the Dhammapada — Buddha's opening lines: "with our thoughts we make the world" — written 3,500 years ago and still holding up. [00:06:30] — Aimee's Counter-Take: Idiocracy and the Stakes of Mental Autonomy Henry takes the optimistic philosophical turn. Aimee takes the Idiocracy route. Both, somehow, arrive at the same conclusion: now more than ever, we need to reclaim the power of our own minds — for our inner worlds and the world we create around us. [00:07:45] — Why We Grab Our Phones Instead of Facing Our Thoughts If we're not actively training our minds, it's infinitely easier to reach for a phone and chase dopamine than to sit with difficult thoughts. Aimee and Henry name this dynamic honestly — not to shame anyone, but to make the case for why this work matters. [00:08:30] — Learned Optimism: The Skill of Choosing How You See Henry introduces Martin Seligman and his landmark work Learned Optimism — one of the foundational texts of positive psychology. A key finding: pessimists often do see reality more accurately. And yet pessimistic thinking is strongly correlated with depression. Optimism, whether or not it's always technically accurate, is a learnable skill — and training it is one of the most effective preventive tools against depression. This isn't toxic positivity. It's a practice. [00:10:30] — The Observer Self: Your Most Underused Mental Superpower Henry introduces the concept of the observing self, a part of the mind that is fundamentally different from the part doing all the thinking. The observer doesn't get swept into the thought. It simply notices. It steps back. It stays above the fray. And once you can access it, you have a choice: do I want to believe this thought, or do I want to choose a different one? [00:12:00] — Awareness Is the First Step (and It's Harder Than It Sounds) Aimee affirms: becoming aware that we are thinking sounds obvious but is genuinely difficult. Most of us are oblivious to our own thought process most of the time — and until we're not, we're at the mercy of it. [00:13:00] — The Electric Shock Study: Why Sitting With Your Thoughts Is So Hard Aimee shares one of her favorite studies from Dr. Timothy Wilson and colleagues. In brief: 55 participants were left alone in a room with nothing to do They were instructed to entertain themselves with pleasant thoughts for 15 minutes A button in the room would self-administer an electric shock 42 of 55 participants had previously said they'd pay money to avoid the shock 43% of those 42 people shocked themselves anyway The conclusion: being alone with our thoughts is genuinely, measurably uncomfortable. We sometimes choose pain over mental stillness. This isn't weakness — it's the reality of an untrained mind. And it's exactly why this work matters. [00:16:30] — Learning the Observer Self: Like Riding a Bike Henry reassures: this skill is learnable, and once you've got it, you've got it — like riding a bike. It seems impossible until it suddenly isn't. Practicing the observer self gives us back our freedom: the ability to see a thought as just a thought, and choose what to do with it. [00:17:30] — Energy Vampires: Negative Thoughts as a Drain on Resilience Henry extends the resilience metaphor from the previous episode (the container of magic elixir) to a new one: a battery. Unconscious negative thoughts are energy vampires — like cords left plugged in around the house, silently drawing power even when you're not using them. Awareness lets us unplug them, stop the drain, and start recharging. [00:18:40] — Anne Lamott, Unplugging, and the Power of Simply Noticing Aimee brings in Anne Lamott's wisdom: "Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you." The goal isn't to silence all thoughts — it's to notice them, step back, and stop letting the automatic ones run the show. [00:19:15] — Joy Lab Program Invitation Aimee invites listeners to join the Joy Lab Program — free this month — where the practices in this episode are applied step-by-step. Head to JoyLab.coach to sign up. [00:19:45] — Closing Quote: Brené Brown on Owning Your Story Aimee closes with Brené Brown: "When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don't go away; instead, they own us, they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending — to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will
