Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl

Cheryl Fraser
  • 4.9 (98)
  • Health & Fitness

Ever notice that everything you thought would make you happy ever after...didn’t?   Me too. Turns out Shaun Cassidy was NOT my soulmate, orgasms only last a few seconds, and happiness is an inside job.   As a psychologist, Buddhist teacher, sex therapist & author of Buddha’s Bedroom my mission is to kick you off the couch and into your unfolded life. But first, you gotta meet your elephant. So let’s go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. Oct 22

    Make Love Before Dinner - Free Couples Workshops this week

    BRING BACK THE THRILL: Free Passion Masterclass, October 20th to 24th 2026 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE Does your relationship feel more like roommates running a business? Do you have nasty arguments that never seem resolved? Is your sexual life slowing down, or stopping altogether? Sign up now for one of Dr. Cheryl Fraser's four free online Couples workshops and learn the three keys to lasting love and passion. ✅ Discover the Passion Triangle model ✅ Learn how to make your relationship feel new again with science based tools that work✅ Free workbook included, plus a confidential live Q&A 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE “How do I make sex a priority in a long-term relationship?” “How do you make time for sex when you’re busy and tired?” “Why does my marriage feel like a business partnership?” When was the last time your relationship came before the to-do list? In this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl makes the case for a simple, slightly cheeky rule: make love before dinner. Put another way, treat your love life like a hobby. You choose it, you make time for it, and you want to get better at it. Drawing on 30 years of work with couples, Cheryl names the signs she sees again and again. People wake up lonely next to a snoring spouse. Small arguments turn into flooded fights where every old wound gets thrown in. Couples avoid the big three topics (kids, money, and sex), and 30 to 40% of long-term couples rarely or never make love. She explains how couples slide into “Marriage Incorporated,” why wanting more from a long-term relationship is reasonable, and the difference between reasons and excuses. She also describes a real Sunday with her husband during the busiest three weeks of her year: tea on the deck, a sexy shower at 10 a.m., and a dog walk past a hundred sea lions. This episode is a sneak peek at Cheryl’s free live Passion Masterclass, and a nudge to stop waiting for passion and start building it. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Make love before dinner, hobby loving, and waking up lonely (03:27) Contempt, threats to leave, avoiding conflict, and forgotten birthdays (06:42) A Sunday off, mismatched desire, Cheryl’s story, and reasons vs. excuses (12:20) Why wanting more is reasonable, and Marriage Incorporated (15:07) Boredom, temptation, and making love before dinner at Cheryl’s house (17:36) Passion Triangle, Become Passion, and today’s Love Bite Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  2. Oct 19

    Talk Tuesday Flowers Friday Sex Sunday - 3 Actions to help you Fall Back in Love

    BRING BACK THE THRILL: Free Passion Masterclass, October 20th to 25th 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE Does your relationship feel more like roommates running a business? Do you have nasty arguments that never seem resolved? Is your sexual life slowing down, or stopping altogether? Sign up now for one of Dr. Cheryl Fraser's four free online Couples workshops and learn the three keys to lasting love and passion. ✅ Discover the Passion Triangle model ✅ Learn how to make your relationship feel new again with science based tools that work✅ Free workbook included, plus a confidential live Q&A 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE “How do I get the passion back in my relationship?” “How do you keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship?” “Is it normal to schedule sex with your partner?” Do you remember how much effort you put in when you first started dating your partner? In this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl shares a simple three-part formula for bringing that energy back: Talk on Tuesday, Flowers on Friday, Sex on Sunday. You’ll hear how each action ties to one side of her Passion Triangle (intimacy, thrill, and sensuality), why almost all of us were nicer when we were dating (yes, you too!), and why 20 to 40% of long-term couples aren’t making love at all. Saver vs. spender fights, early-morning tea with her husband, a roadside flower stand and the case for scheduling sex all come up along the way. This episode is a sneak peek at Cheryl’s free live Passion masterclass, and a reminder that great relationships take effort, attention, and action. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Talk on Tuesday, Flowers on Friday, Sex on Sunday, and the passion triangle (03:22) Intimacy: arguing like a lawyer, the four ugly fighting styles, and affair recovery (06:36) What we’re really fighting about, how you acted while dating, and Cheryl’s morning ritual (12:58) Thrill: third-date butterflies, the research on appreciations, and Cheryl’s own examples (16:40) Thrill as effort, why a triangle, and the childhood patterns behind arguments (20:12) Repairing bad fights, the “we used to” trap, and Flowers on Friday (23:22) Sensuality, why sexless relationships are normal, and therapists with no sex training (27:43) Shifting desire, aging bodies, adapting Sex on Sunday, and the “men always want sex” myth (31:26) Make your love life a hobby, plus today’s Love Bite Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  3. Oct 12

    What’s It Like Being Married to a Love Expert? Meet Dr. Cheryl’s HUSBAND!

    BRING BACK THE THRILL: Free Passion Masterclass, October 20th to 25th 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE Does your relationship feel more like roommates running a business? Do you have nasty arguments that never seem resolved? Is your sexual life slowing down, or stopping altogether? Sign up now for one of Dr. Cheryl Fraser's four free online Couples workshops and learn the three keys to lasting love and passion. ✅ Discover the Passion Triangle model ✅ Learn how to make your relationship feel new again with science based tools that work✅ Free workbook included, plus a confidential live Q&A 👉 Sign up for Dr. Cheryl's Free Passion Masterclass HERE “How do real couples keep the spark alive after years together?” “Why does passion fade in long-term relationships?” “How can I bring back romance when my relationship feels boring?” Have you ever wondered what it’s really like to be married to a sex, love, and passion expert? In this very special (and hilarious) re-release episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, Dr. Cheryl invites her husband—known here only as “my sweetie”—into the studio for the first time. You’ll hear their unfiltered take on the Passion Triangle, the struggles every couple faces (yes, even them!), and why keeping Thrill alive is not optional if you want long-term love. From Marvel movies and surprise kisses, to spooning rituals and adventure birthdays, this candid conversation shows that love experts are still gloriously human—and that passion requires practice, play, and sometimes a ferry ride to see grizzly bears. Want to know more about my program? Check out the Become Passion testimonials for reviews from actual couples that I’ve helped through this profound program. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (02:50) Why this fall is your last chance to join Become Passion until late 2025 (05:15) The danger of “Marriage Incorporated” (aka roommates running a business) (07:30) The calming power of placing your hand over your partner’s heart (11:37) Why Cheryl and her husband waited five weeks before having sex—and how it changed everything (21:01) The truth about keeping Thrill alive (and what happens when you don’t) (28:09) Their “Adventure Birthday Challenge” — and why you should steal it (36:46) Today’s LoveByte: It's never too late to revisit and rebuild your passion triangle. Thrill can last forever, it just needs a little help. Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  4. Sep 28

    Learn to Fight Fair - How to Get Off the Anger Train

    LEARN TO FIGHT FAIR: Free Live Workshop Tired of having the same argument over and over? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser's free workshop and learn how to stop small irritations from turning into big fights. ✅ Stop arguments before they escalate ✅ Learn to apologize and forgive ✅ Free workbook included 👉 Register for Dr. Cheryl's Free Fighting Fair workshop HERE "How do I stop fighting with my partner over little things?" "How do you fight fair in a relationship?" "How do I calm down during an argument with my partner?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser asks a simple question: when you argue with your partner, does it feel like you've boarded a runaway train you never chose to get on? Using that train analogy, Cheryl breaks down how small irritations, like an unloaded dishwasher or a little backseat driving, turn into big, damaging fights. She explains the difference between the data of what happened and the story we build around it, shares the case of a retired police officer who couldn't let go of how the forks were loaded, and walks through two ways out: catching the irritation while it's small, or getting off the train once it's already moving. This episode is a preview of Cheryl's free Learn to Fight Fair workshop. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) The runaway train analogy, the "same argument, different day" pattern, and an invitation to Cheryl's free Learn to Fight Fair workshop (02:58) How small irritations like the dishwasher and backseat driving lead to big arguments, and why you should ask yourself whether you'd rather be happy or right (07:33) Separating the data from the story, and how one detail about a speeding red car can change your whole perspective (09:53) The train station analogy, how a story picks up speed until couples break up, and a retired police officer's dishwasher standoff (15:15) Cheryl's "other side of the clock" technique for perspective taking, and why two different ways of doing things can both be right (17:41) How to get off the train once you're on it, why strong emotions take 20 to 30 minutes to settle in the body, and the value of a timeout (20:26) Catching an argument two steps down the staircase, pulling emotional weeds while they're small, a preview of the workshop, and today's Love Bite Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  5. Sep 14

    From Sexless to Sensual Part 2 – What to Do When Your Partner Keeps Turning You Down

    "Why does my partner keep rejecting me sexually?" "Can you rebuild a sex life after years without sex?" "Why don't I want sex anymore in my relationship?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares part two of her special advanced teaching on low desire and sexless relationships, picking up right where part one left off. Cheryl dives deep into responsive desire, the kind that has to be deliberately invited rather than waited for, and walks couples through what a scheduled "sensual date" can actually look like depending on where a couple is starting from. She leads a live touch exercise, unpacks why sex so often becomes purely transactional, and shares the real stories of three couples, married for decades, who went from sexless to sensual again in their 50s, 60s, and even 70s. If you haven't heard part one yet, Cheryl recommends starting there first. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Recap of part one and a listener's painful question about being turned down again and again when trying to initiate intimacy (02:55) Responsive versus spontaneous desire, Rosemary Basson's research, and why spontaneous desire tends to fade in long term relationships (08:44) Why scheduling sensuality is a critical first step, the caveat about not rushing straight into sex, and book recommendations including Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are (15:23) What a scheduled "sensual date" can look like depending on where a couple is starting, including a live guided touch exercise and why touch is a birthright (23:38) A listener's honest share on how timing and vulnerability affect connection, and what to do when scheduled intimacy starts to feel dreaded or anxious (32:42) Real couple stories of reconnecting after years, and even decades, apart (35:59) Addressing the fear that scheduled sex feels transactional, plus today's Love Bite and a first look at Cheryl's upcoming course 💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  6. Aug 31

    From Sexless to Sensual Part 1 - Is It Normal to Stop Having Sex?

    💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "Is it normal to not have sex in a long-term relationship?" "Why don't I feel like having sex anymore?" "How do I get my sex drive back after menopause?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares part one of a special two-part series — an intimate, advanced teaching originally given to her Become Passion group on the topic of low desire and sexless relationships. Cheryl unpacks the surprising truth that 30 to 40% of long-term couples aren't making love at all, and makes a heartfelt case for why sensuality still matters, even when it makes up a small percentage of a relationship. She introduces researcher Rosemary Basson's concept of responsive versus spontaneous desire, shares candidly about how menopause changed her own sex drive, and challenges the "goal-directed" model of sex in favor of Dr. Barry McCarthy's "good enough sex." Stay tuned for part two, coming in two weeks. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why 30–40% of long-term couples aren't having sex at all, and Cheryl's intro to this two-part advanced teaching on desire (03:07) Why sexuality still matters in a chosen monogamous relationship — how making love bonds couples emotionally and spiritually, even as orgasm intensity changes with age (09:31) Responsive vs. spontaneous desire: Rosemary Basson's concept of sexual neutrality, and Cheryl's own story of how menopause changed her libido and orgasms (17:43) The "blue violet dye" analogy — why a small percentage of time being sensual can flavor an entire relationship, and redefining sex beyond intercourse for changing bodies (24:01) Dr. Barry McCarthy's "Good Enough Sex" model: letting go of goal-directed sex, plus a teenage make-out memory that shows desire doesn't require intercourse (29:20) Today's Love Bite: libido is life force & what's coming in part two Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  7. Aug 17

    Why Play Is the Secret to a Passionate Relationship (And How to Bring the Fun Back)

    💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "How can I make my relationship more fun again?" "Why do long-term couples stop having fun?" "How do I feel more attracted to my partner again?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser tackles a question every long-term couple eventually asks: where did the fun go? Cheryl gives an inside look at the couples retreat she's hosting this week in Whistler, BC, from team cheers and bear tours to a blindfolded canoe race and a Lego-building grand finale, and unpacks the psychology behind why play, adventure, and laughter aren't frivolous, they're foundational. She shares the famous "suspension bridge study," explains why doing something novel and slightly out-of-your-comfort-zone with your partner makes you find them more attractive, and issues a challenge: plan a fun adventure date this month, and share a joke with your partner every other day. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why having more fun together is one of the most important things a couple can do, plus a first look at Cheryl's Whistler couples retreat, happening the week this episode airs (02:19) The science of play: why humans (and puppies, kittens, and kids) are naturally wired to play, and why growth happens outside your comfort zone (06:02) Inside day one of the retreat: team cheers, a scavenger hunt, and a bear tour, and why "seeing your partner with new eyes" is the real goal (08:48) Why "The Thrill Is Gone" and "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" hit so hard, plus a first announcement: Cheryl's 2027 couples retreat in Mexico (12:26) The blindfolded canoe obstacle course, and the surprising communication lesson it teaches about listening without judgment (15:15) Tricycle races, sponge kayak tag, and the Lego challenge "great leveler," plus Cheryl's challenge to you: plan your own fun adventure date (18:07) The Capilano Suspension Bridge study: the classic psychology research showing why excitement and novelty make us find our partner more attractive (20:53) Cheryl's Passion Triangle model, intimacy, thrill, and sensuality, and how "Become Passion," her 3-month program, is built around it (24:41) This month's challenge: share a joke or cartoon with your partner every other day, plus why "we can always begin again" (27:05) Why a fun date won't make your relationship worse, even if it surfaces some cracks, and how to turn insight into real change (28:58) Today's LoveByte: take yourself less seriously; being a big kid can help you be a better, more in-love couple Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 !  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

  8. Aug 3

    The Two Keys to Your Erotic Engine: Rekindling Desire After Years Together

    💖REIGNITE YOUR LOVE — For Free (Limited Time) How much better would life be if your romantic partnership was great? Join Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s Reboot Your Relationship program— the science-based course to help you reconnect emotionally, sensually, and playfully with your partner. ✅ 5 video lessons ✅ “Homeplay” exercises and action steps to help you rekindle intimacy ✅ Normally $197 — Yours FREE for a limited time 👉 Start My Free Course Now  "How common is it for long-term couples to stop having sex?" "Why don't I feel like having sex with my partner anymore?" "How do I turn my partner on when neither of us is in the mood?" On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser tackles the topic almost nobody talks about: the 30 to 43% of long-term couples who are in a low-sex or sexless relationship. Cheryl breaks down the two "keys" to what she calls your erotic engine — the body of arousal and the mind of desire — using her own 20-year-old Miata as the perfect analogy for a body sitting in neutral. She also unpacks why the old "spontaneous desire" model most of us grew up expecting doesn't hold up for most long-term couples, why responsive desire (and yes, scheduled sex) is the research-backed antidote, and shares the remarkable story of a couple in their 70s who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years — and turned it all around. In This Episode, You’ll Learn: (00:00) Why 30–43% of long-term couples are having little or no sex — and the three words Cheryl says to every one of them: you are normal (02:45) A first look at Cheryl's upcoming course, From Sexless to Sensual, plus the old "linear" model of arousal most of us were taught (06:03) The first key to your erotic engine: the body of arousal, and why your body is like a cold sports car sitting in a tent (08:56) The second key: the mind of desire, and how to use anticipation and language to turn your partner on before you're even in the same room (12:13) Busting the myth that men always want sex more than women (15:01) Cheryl's own coming-of-age story and what it taught her about consent, pacing, and knowing your own body (18:14) What changed after menopause — and the real difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire (21:04) The couple who hadn't seen each other naked in 30 years, and how they rebuilt intimacy step by step (23:55) Why most long-term couples start lovemaking from a place of "sexual neutrality" — and why that's not a red flag (26:53) Reframing "normal": why waiting for spontaneous desire can mean waiting forever (29:41) Today's LoveByte: make sensuality a hobby, not an afterthought Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!  Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open May 26, 2026 and we begin in June 5th 2026!  click HERE to join the wait list!  Check out some testimonials from real couples just like you and your partner. ON Saturday, May 16 from 10am–1pm PST join me, Dr. Cheryl, live on Zoom for a special FREE Relationship Reboot Workshop designed to help you take stock, reconnect, and create your next step as a couple. Previously only offered inside Become Passion, this live workshop will help you identify what’s working, what’s struggling, and where to focus! Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram Let's Connect! About Me Instagram Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here Facebook Page Youtube If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

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4.9
out of 5
98 Ratings

About

Ever notice that everything you thought would make you happy ever after...didn’t?   Me too. Turns out Shaun Cassidy was NOT my soulmate, orgasms only last a few seconds, and happiness is an inside job.   As a psychologist, Buddhist teacher, sex therapist & author of Buddha’s Bedroom my mission is to kick you off the couch and into your unfolded life. But first, you gotta meet your elephant. So let’s go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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