Secret Habit: Porn Recovery for Christian Men

Shawn Bonneteau | Porn Recovery Coach
  • 4.9 (45)
  • Christianity
  • Updated Weekly

This podcast is for Christian men tired of managing compulsive pornography use and wanting to understand what's keeping them stuck. Because quitting porn isn't just about changing behavior. It's about fulfilling your hungry heart and learning to lead yourself into God's truth. Hosted by Shawn Bonneteau, the show helps men move from confusion to clarity, coping to self-leadership, fear to confidence, and sobriety to real freedom. Shawn's wife Helena joins him from time to time to explore vulnerability, relationships, marriage, sexual wholeness in Christ, and lasting change

  1. 1d ago

    165. Why Does Quitting Porn Feel Like Losing Something? A Journey Through Grief

    Why do I feel grief after quitting porn? Many men expect quitting pornography to feel like immediate freedom. Instead, they may find themselves feeling sad, lonely, restless, or even grieving something they know they needed to leave behind. That's because quitting porn isn't always just about stopping a behavior. Sometimes you're also letting go of a coping mechanism, a source of comfort, or something that has been part of your life for years. Understanding that grief can help you make sense of what you're feeling and move forward with greater clarity. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Jason Flynn, a grief coach at Vault Life Coaching and someone who personally helped Shawn work through grief and loss. This conversation explores what grief actually is, why some losses remain unresolved, and what it can look like to move toward a sense of completeness without pretending the relationship or the pain never happened. Jason explains why grief is a normal response to a change in the pattern of your life, but why unresolved grief may require more intentional work. He also challenges several common ideas about grief, including “just give it time,” “grieve alone,” and the idea that replacing a loss will automatically resolve it. One of the most powerful ideas in this episode is that completeness does not necessarily require the other person to be present. There may be things left unsaid, apologies that need to be acknowledged, forgiveness that needs to be processed, or parts of a relationship that still need to be understood. Jason shares how writing a letter to a lost relationship can become part of that process. In this episode, we explore: What grief actually isThe difference between normal grief and unresolved griefWhy relationship loss can involve multiple different lossesWhy “just give it time” isn't always enoughWhy grieving alone can keep you stuckHow honesty and being truly heard can help you process lossWhat it means to find completeness after a relationship endsHow grief, loss, betrayal, and pornography can overlapWhy your grief journey may continue to change as you gain new perspective If you're carrying a loss that still affects you, this episode is an invitation to stop judging yourself for the pain and start understanding what may still need to be processed. Take the next steps with your recovery Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz Start understanding what your heart may be hungry for beneath your pornography struggle, emotions, thoughts, and daily challenges. https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/ Book a Personal Recovery Plan Session If you know you need help but aren't sure what your next step should be, the Personal Recovery Plan is a focused conversation where we look at your story, patterns, Heart Hunger, and current season of life and build a practical strategy for moving forward. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering the deeper framework behind his approach to pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly and let us know what you're looking for: https://secrethabit.ca/contact/ Disclaimer: The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Grief and Loss | Relationship Loss | Divorce Recovery | Betrayal | Porn Addiction Recovery | Christian Men | Healing From Loss | Grief After Divorce | Grief After a Relationship Ends

    165. Why Does Quitting Porn Feel Like Losing Something? A Journey Through Grief

  2. 4d ago

    164. How Do I Build More Intimacy in My Marriage? The 6 Pillars of Intimacy

    How do I build more intimacy in my marriage? And is intimacy really the same thing as sex? In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Tony and Lisa DeLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage to explore what intimacy actually looks like in a healthy Christian marriage. Tony and Lisa have been married for 26 years and have spent more than a decade helping couples understand marriage, communication, connection, and sexual intimacy. Their book, The Six Pillars of Intimacy, grew out of their own marriage and their desire to give couples a simple framework for strengthening their relationship as a whole. One of the biggest ideas in this conversation is that intimacy is much bigger than sex. Tony explains intimacy as closeness and connection, opening up a broader conversation about emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual intimacy. We also talk about how vague language can create confusion in marriage. Instead of simply saying, “I want more intimacy,” couples can learn to identify what they actually need: more emotional connection, better communication, more affection, or greater sexual intimacy. Clarity makes it easier to take action. In this episode, we explore: How to build more intimacy in your marriageThe difference between sex and intimacyWhy emotional intimacy mattersThe 6 Pillars of IntimacyHow communication creates connectionPractical ways to have better conversationsWhy intimacy is a learned skillHow couples can strengthen different areas of marriageWhere sexual intimacy fits into the bigger picture Tony and Lisa also share practical ideas couples can use immediately, including their “walk and talk” approach for creating meaningful conversations without making every serious conversation feel intimidating. One of the most encouraging parts of the conversation is hearing how small, consistent choices transformed their own marriage. Their message is simple: understand the principles, talk about them with your spouse, and then make them your own. About Tony and Lisa DeLorenzo: Tony and Lisa are the co-hosts of One Extraordinary Marriage, where they help couples make their relationship a priority and pursue greater intimacy in every area of marriage. They have been married for 26 years and have spent years teaching couples practical ways to strengthen communication, connection, and intimacy. Take the next steps with your recovery: *Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz Start understanding what your heart may be hungry for beneath your pornography struggle, emotions, thoughts, and daily challenges. https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/ *Book a Personal Recovery Plan Session If you know you need help, the Personal Recovery Plan is a focused conversation where we look at your story, patterns, Heart Hunger, and current season of life and build a practical strategy for moving forward. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ *Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide Go through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, emotional maturity, the inner world, and lasting freedom. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link Disclaimer: The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Secret Habit Podcast | Christian Marriage | Marriage Intimacy | Emotional Intimacy | Sexual Intimacy | Marriage Communication | Christian Couples | Six Pillars of Intimacy | Porn Recovery | Porn Addiction Recovery | Healthy Marriage

    164. How Do I Build More Intimacy in My Marriage? The 6 Pillars of Intimacy

  3. Sep 28

    163: Can God Still Love Me If I Keep Struggling With Porn?

    Can God still love you if you keep struggling with porn? This is one of the deepest questions many Christian men carry in silence. You may believe in God's grace, but after another relapse or another season of hiding, you may start wondering whether God is disappointed in you, whether you've gone too far, or whether your relationship with Him has been damaged beyond repair. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores the difference between your relationship with God and your fellowship with God, and why understanding that distinction can completely change the way you approach pornography recovery. Shawn shares a discipleship lesson that deeply impacted his own life and that he has since used with the men he coaches. The central idea is simple: sin can disrupt fellowship with God without changing God's love and relationship with His children. Using the relationship between a parent and child and the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15, Shawn explains how confession and repentance aren't about earning God's love back. Instead, they are about returning to fellowship with the Father. This matters deeply in porn recovery because shame can make a man believe he needs to clean himself up before he can come back to God. Shawn offers a different perspective: God isn't ashamed or repulsed by you. He is calling you back into fellowship with Him. In this episode, Shawn explores: • Can God still love me after I relapse?• The difference between relationship with God and fellowship with God• Why sin affects fellowship but doesn't erase God's love• What happens when shame causes you to hide from God• How confession and repentance restore fellowship• What the story of the Prodigal Son teaches us about God's love• Why understanding God's unconditional love matters in porn recovery• How Christian men can stop confusing God's discipline with rejection• How this truth can change the way you respond after failure If you've ever thought, “How could God still love me after what I've done?” or “I've failed too many times for God to want me,” this episode is for you. You don't need to pretend you haven't struggled. You don't need to hide. The invitation is to come back. Take the next steps with your recovery: *Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide Work through Shawn's 14-episode Freedom Foundations teaching series and explore the deeper framework behind his approach to pornography recovery, emotional maturity, the inner world, and lasting freedom. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link *Book a Personal Recovery Plan Session If you know you need help but aren't sure what your next step should be, the Personal Recovery Plan gives you an opportunity to look honestly at your story, patterns, and struggles and build a clear strategy for moving forward. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ Disclaimer: The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Secret Habit Podcast | Porn Addiction Recovery | Christian Porn Recovery | Does God Still Love Me | God's Love and Porn Addiction | Christian Men | Porn Relapse | Shame and Faith | Grace and Recovery | Freedom From Porn

  4. Sep 25

    162.How Do I Fight the Lies in My Head When Quitting Porn?

    How do you fight the lies in your head when you're trying to quit porn? For many Christian men, the struggle isn't only the temptation itself. It's what happens in the mind afterward: shame, condemnation, fear, secrecy, and the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores how shame can keep men stuck in pornography and why learning to face, challenge, and dismantle the lies underneath that shame is such an important part of recovery. Shawn draws from Jay Stringer's work in Unwanted and breaks down a practical four-step process he uses with men in coaching: facing the stories that create shame, defying the lies with truth, dismantling the beliefs that keep shame alive, and becoming vulnerable about what you're discovering. A major part of the conversation is learning to recognize the difference between what shame tells you and what God actually says about you. Rather than hiding from shame, Shawn encourages you to move toward it, examine the story behind it, and use truth to challenge the lies. In this episode, Shawn explores: • Why shame can keep pornography addiction hidden and powerful• How to identify the stories underneath your shame• What it means to “swim toward the shark” instead of running from shame• How to challenge shame with the truth of Scripture• The difference between defying shame and dismantling shame• Why looking at evidence from your own life can challenge false beliefs• How vulnerability can bring hidden shame into the light• Why quitting porn involves more than simply resisting temptation• How learning to live from what is true can change the way you approach recovery If you've been trying to quit porn but keep getting trapped in shame, condemnation, or the same thoughts over and over again, this episode will help you start asking a better question: What is the lie I'm believing right now, and what is actually true? Take the next steps with your recovery: *Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery GuideGo through Shawn's 14-episode Freedom Foundations teaching series and learn the core concepts he uses in his coaching with Christian men working toward lasting freedom from pornography. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link *Book a Personal Recovery Plan Session Ready to stop guessing and get clear on your own story? The Personal Recovery Plan is a focused session where Shawn helps you understand your patterns and build a practical recovery strategy around your actual life. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ Disclaimer: The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Secret Habit Podcast | Porn Addiction Recovery | Quit Porn | Christian Porn Recovery | Shame and Porn | Porn Relapse | Porn Addiction and Shame | Overcoming Porn Addiction | Christian Men | Freedom From Porn

  5. Sep 21

    161. I Like How Porn Feels, Does There Have To Be More?

    What if “I like how porn feels” is true… but it isn’t the whole story? In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores what guys often mean when they say they simply like how pornography feels. Yes, there is physical pleasure involved. But Shawn challenges us to look deeper at what pornography may be offering emotionally and psychologically, things like certainty, control, comfort, reassurance, escape, or a temporary sense of being wanted. The goal isn't to deny that porn can feel pleasurable. It's to become curious about what you're actually reaching for when temptation shows up. Shawn also explores the other half of the experience: what happens after the pleasure is gone. For many men, the cycle can include shame, regret, secrecy, disconnection, and the realization that pornography didn't actually give them what they were hoping it would. This is where the idea of the Hungry Heart becomes important. When you can begin identifying what you're actually hungry for beneath the temptation, you can move from simply reacting to an urge toward greater clarity and more intentional choices. In this episode, Shawn talks about: Why “I like how porn feels” may be only part of the storyThe emotional needs pornography can temporarily seem to satisfyWhy certainty and control can become part of the attractionThe connection between temptation, triggers, and your deeper storyWhat happens after the moment of pleasureHow shame and regret can become part of the cycleLearning to lead yourself out of what feels true and into what is trueWhy understanding your Heart Hunger can change the way you approach porn recovery Take the next steps with your recovery: If you've spent years trying to quit porn by focusing only on willpower, this episode is an invitation to get curious about what is happening beneath the surface. *Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide Go through Shawn's 14-episode Freedom Foundations series and work through the same core concepts he teaches in his coaching curriculum. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link *Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz Start identifying what your heart may be hungry for beneath your pornography struggle, temptations, emotions, and daily challenges. https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/ The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Secret Habit Podcast | Porn Addiction Recovery | Quit Porn | Christian Porn Recovery | Pornography Addiction | Porn Withdrawal | Heart Hunger | Porn Triggers | Recovery Strategy | Christian Men | Sexual Integrity

  6. Sep 18

    160. Can My Marriage Recover From Porn?: How Couples Can Find Their Way Back to Each Other. Ft Clint & Charity Muñoz

    When pornography, sexual addiction, betrayal, or broken trust enters a marriage, the impact reaches far beyond the person struggling with the behavior. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Clinton and Charity Muñoz of Restored 2 More for a hopeful conversation about betrayal, recovery, marriage, trust, intimacy, and restoration. Clinton and Charity have lived this story themselves. After walking through betrayal, trauma, repentance, recovery, and restoration, they felt called to create a safe and hope-filled pathway for couples who are longing for healing. One of the biggest ideas we discuss is the “recovery gap.” A husband may begin recovery while his wife is still carrying deep hurt and broken trust. His recovery matters, but it doesn't automatically mean the marriage has recovered. Clinton describes recovery as having three parts: his recovery, her recovery, and the recovery of the relationship itself. We talk about why couples need to understand each other's experiences, how education can create empathy, and what makes a recovery group safe and effective. Restored 2 More has intentionally designed The Bridge Back to Us around trained facilitators, screened couples, and safety guidelines. Ultimately, this conversation is about hope. Not pretending the pain isn't real or rushing forgiveness, but believing that God can bring restoration to stories that once seemed too broken to repair. You will learn all about: • The “recovery gap” between individual and relationship recovery and how to fill it • Why both spouses need space to heal while growing together • How betrayal impacts husbands and wives differently • How education can create empathy for both partners • What makes a couples recovery group safe and secure • How The Bridge Back to Us brings husbands and wives into recovery together for maximum effectiveness • Why recovery is so about so much more than just sobriety ABOUT CLINTON AND CHARITY MUÑOZ: Clinton and Charity Muñoz are the founders of Restored 2 More, a Christ-centered nonprofit ministry helping couples heal after betrayal, pornography/sexual addiction, and broken trust. After walking through their own story of betrayal, trauma, repentance, recovery, and restoration, they felt called to create a safe and hope-filled pathway for other couples who are longing for healing. Through their podcast, courses, coaching, resources, and ambassador program, Clinton and Charity equip couples, churches, and leaders with practical tools to restore safety, rebuild trust, process pain with Jesus, and move toward deeper connection. Their heart is to see marriages not simply survive betrayal, but become restored to more. CONNECT WITH RESTORED 2 MORE: Website: https://restored2more.com/ Resources: https://restored2more.com/resources/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/restored2more/ Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/restored-2-more/id1503954507 TAKE THE NEXT STEPS WITH YOUR RECOVERY *DOWNLOAD THE FREEDOM FOUNDATIONS RECOVERY GUIDE: Start learning Shawn’s framework for understanding your struggle and building lasting freedom. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link *TAKE THE FREE CLARITY QUIZStart understanding what may be driving your struggle so you can build a better recovery strategy. https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/ *BOOK A PERSONAL RECOVERY PLAN SESSIONTake what you're learning and apply it to your actual story, patterns, Heart Hunger, and next steps. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ DISCLAIMER The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

    160. Can My Marriage Recover From Porn?: How Couples Can Find Their Way Back to Each Other. Ft Clint & Charity Muñoz

  7. Sep 14

    159. Heres How I Do Recovery Work Before I Play Hockey

    What does preparing to play hockey have to do with overcoming pornography addiction? More than you might think. In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau shares a personal story about hockey, competitiveness, belonging, and the expectations he carries, and how it helped him better understand his own Heart Hunger and learn to lead himself instead of simply reacting to what he feels. Shawn explores how the things happening beneath the surface - our emotions, expectations, wounds, fears, and unmet heart needs, can influence the way we respond to temptation, relationships, disappointment, and everyday life. Recovery isn't simply about quitting porn. It's about learning to understand yourself, regulate your inner world, and lead yourself toward what is true. This episode is a practical look at porn addiction recovery, Heart Hunger, emotional maturity, triggers, and building a healthier Green Zone so you can respond differently when old patterns show up. IN THIS EPISODE: Why quitting pornography is only part of the recovery journeyHow your Heart Hunger can shape the way you respond to stress and disappointmentThe connection between belonging, significance, reassurance, and porn addictionHow to recognize when old stories and emotional patterns are influencing youWhat it looks like to lead yourself instead of simply reactingWhy learning to live from what is true can change the way you approach recovery TAKE THE NEXT STEPS WITH YOUR RECOVERY 1. DOWNLOAD THE FREEDOM FOUNDATIONS RECOVERY GUIDE Work through Shawn’s free recovery guide and start learning the framework he uses to help men understand their struggle and build a path toward lasting freedom. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link 2. TAKE THE FREE CLARITY QUIZ If you're really seeking to understand your heart, start here. The Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz will help you identify what may be driving your struggle so you can stop guessing and start building a better recovery strategy. https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/ 3. BOOK A PERSONAL RECOVERY PLAN SESSION Ready to take what you're learning and apply it to your own story? A Personal Recovery Plan Session will help you get clear on your patterns, understand what is actually happening beneath the behavior, and build a personalized strategy for moving forward. https://secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan/ DISCLAIMER The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns. Secret Habit Podcast | Christian Porn Addiction Recovery | Quit Porn | Porn Withdrawal | Heart Hunger | Emotional Maturity | Recovery Strategy

  8. Sep 11

    158. Should I Be Free From Porn Before Dating or Marriage?

    Should you be completely free from pornography before you start dating or consider marriage? It's a question I hear all the time from Christian men—and it's one Helena and I have had to live through personally. In this episode, Helena joins me for a very honest conversation about pornography, dating, marriage, honesty, trust, healing, and the hope of redemption. I brought pornography into my marriage. I wasn't fully free. And while our story has involved real pain, betrayal, secrecy, rebuilding trust, counseling, and a lot of hard work, God has also done something beautiful with our story. So is being completely free from porn a prerequisite for dating? Our answer is yes, you can date if you aren't fully free—but that doesn't mean you should take the decision lightly. You need to be honest. You need to be willing to heal. You need to be vulnerable. And you need to be prepared for the real consequences pornography can have on intimacy, trust, communication, and marriage. In this episode, we talk about: Whether you need to be completely free from pornography before datingWhen and how to disclose a pornography struggle in a dating relationshipWhy honesty can actually be a sign of integrityWhy another person cannot "fix" your pornography addictionHow marriage can expose the places where you're still woundedHow pornography can erode trust even when you're technically soberThe impact pornography had on our sex life and emotional intimacyWhy secrecy and lying can be more damaging than men realizeThe difference between sobriety and deeper healingWhy dating can become part of your healing story without becoming your solutionHow to approach women without putting them on a pedestal or reducing them to sexual objectsWhy Christian men need courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to let themselves be knownWe also share one of the most powerful pictures we've ever used to describe trust in marriage: The Garden. When someone enters marriage, they're being given access to a deeply personal part of another person's heart. Pornography doesn't simply break a rule. It can begin trampling the garden you've been entrusted with. But gardens can also be rebuilt. Trust can be restored. And God can redeem what has been damaged. Our marriage isn't a story of perfection. It's a story of two imperfect people who kept bringing their hearts, failures, and relationship back to the Lord. So if you're asking, "Am I allowed to date if I'm still struggling with porn?", this conversation is for you. You may not need to wait until you're perfect. But you do need to be willing to walk in honesty, courage, vulnerability, and healing. WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S REALLY DRIVING YOUR STRUGGLE? Take the free Secret Habit Clarity Quiz at: 👉 secrethabit.ca It takes about five minutes and can help you start understanding what's happening beneath your pornography struggle and what your Hungry Heart may actually be looking for. And when you're ready to take that clarity further, explore the Personal Recovery Plan Session at: 👉 secrethabit.ca/personalrecoveryplan A one-on-one session to help you get clear on your story, your patterns, and what a recovery strategy could look like for you. Your past doesn't have to determine your future.

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About

This podcast is for Christian men tired of managing compulsive pornography use and wanting to understand what's keeping them stuck. Because quitting porn isn't just about changing behavior. It's about fulfilling your hungry heart and learning to lead yourself into God's truth. Hosted by Shawn Bonneteau, the show helps men move from confusion to clarity, coping to self-leadership, fear to confidence, and sobriety to real freedom. Shawn's wife Helena joins him from time to time to explore vulnerability, relationships, marriage, sexual wholeness in Christ, and lasting change

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