Become A Calm Mama

Darlynn Childress
  • 5.0 (31)
  • PARENTING
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 15 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all. Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, The Emotionally Healthy Kids course, where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home.

  1. 5D AGO

    My Go-To Strategy for Getting to CALM [Stop Yelling Series, part 6]

    In this episode I’m sharing with you my definition of CALM and giving you my go-to strategy for getting to calm using a tool I call The Pause Break. You’ll Learn: Why Mad Mom Syndrome happensWhy your kid’s behavior triggers such strong feelingsHow your stress response influences your actionsThe 3 simple steps of The Pause Break that you can do anytime, anywhere The Pause Break allows you to access calm, even in the middle of a moment when you feel overwhelmed or angry. ---------------------------------------- Before we get to that, let’s talk about what the absence of calm looks like. I know you’ve been there, and so have I. Get Calm with the Pause BreakShowing up when you aren’t feeling calm looks a little different for everyone, but you might find yourself: yellingsaying mean thingsmaking threatsrescuingbribingbeing rough with your kid's bodygiving in to your kid's demandsfeeling exhaustedlecturingtalking a lotshutting downnot following through on consequencesnot taking care of yourselfsleeping poorlygrumpiness that you can't shakeescalating things when your kid gets upsetshutting your kid down …generally acting in ways you don’t love. When you have a mad mom episode, it’s easy to beat yourself up and tell yourself things like I’m a bad mom or I’m messing up my kids. Which makes you feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated and confused. The more negative thoughts you have, the more defeated, discouraged, and guilty you will feel. And when you feel bad, it’s hard to change your behavior. So you end up yelling again. I call this Mad Mom Syndrome, and it is a vicious cycle of negative thoughts leading to negative feelings leading to negative actions and then back again. So how do you break that cycle? That’s what we’re diving into for these 30 minutes. The Pause Break is the single most important tool I teach. It is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this podcast episode, I hope it’s this: You can always take a PAUSE BREAK. It’s the first, and most important, step towards CALM. Listen to the full...

    24 min

  2. FEB 5

    How Childhood Trauma Shapes Parenting [Stop Yelling Series, part 5]

    Today, I’m getting pretty personal about things I experienced in my childhood and how trauma informed my parenting. We’ll also talk about some ways to feel better and heal from traumatic experiences in your past. You’ll Learn: How trauma in your childhood can impact your parentingMy story of childhood trauma and healingHow learning the language of feelings is like talking about waterWhy healing your trauma and taking good care of your nervous system is so important for your kidsHow to start your own healing journey Please note, this is a really emotional episode, for me and possibly for you listening. If you feel stressed, embarrassed or overwhelmed at any point, please stop reading or listening, and take care of yourself. --------------------------------------- My best friend, Tiffany Howsam, is here with me today. Tiffany is a licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a certified life coach. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years, and she has created a safe place for me and been a big part of my healing and parenting journey.    How Trauma Informed My ParentingWhen my son Lincoln was 4 years old, he was having major meltdowns, getting in trouble at preschool and being aggressive. And I was screaming all the time. There were times that I felt like a victim, like I was being abused by my son. When I told Tiffany this, she explained that it was not normal to feel this way and that I didn’t have to continue feeling this way. That is when I realized I needed some help.  One of the first parenting workshops I attended was also my first experience with inner child work. I realized that when Lincoln was being aggressive, I felt like I was in danger, being attacked.  As a result of my adverse childhood experiences, I never really felt safe in my body, environment or relationships. Everything always felt dangerous, so I was constantly seeking security and a sense of control.  I tried to find the rules of how I was supposed to live, and it often showed up as perfectionism. I wanted to crack the code on everything - figure it out so I could do it “right” and be safe.  This trauma also showed up for me in the form of eating disorders, people pleasing and a high sense of vigilance,  When I had kids, there were so many decisions to make, and I didn’t feel like I knew the right answer to any of them. And when it came to behavior, I didn’t know how to not yell at them. So I’d yell. Then I’d feel ashamed and beat myself up, tell myself that they were bad. When you don’t have good parents, you actually don’t know what else to do. There’s no template to follow. As parents, we can have the best intentions. Then, we’re triggered and an old wound or stress response comes back up, and we’re in it, doing the thing we don’t want to do.  There are so many things I went through that I wanted to protect my kids from. I made their emotional health my #1 parenting goal, which meant that I lowered my standards in other areas. I just wanted them to feel safe and held and cared for.    How I’m Healing From Childhood TraumaThere are several choices I made and strategies I used over the past 15-ish years to help me out of the trauma response, overreactivity and toxic stress.  A lot of my childhood stress came from growing up in an unpredictable environment. When I was a kid, I never knew what was happening. There was so much confusion, and nobody talked to me about it.  As a mom, I became really focused on not having chaos in our family. I wanted everything to be simple and flow smoothly. When my kids were young I was doing a lot of healing work, and I needed routines...

    54 min

  3. JAN 29

    Understanding and Nurturing Your Nervous System [Stop Yelling Series, part 4]

    In order to feel less stressed (and stop yelling), you've got to learn to understand and care for your nervous system.  You’ll Learn: The two parts of your nervous system and how they work togetherWhy managing your stress is so importantSignals that you’re in a stress responseSome of my favorite mini stress resets (and where you can get a list of them for free) I’m zooming out to talk about the bigger picture of your entire central nervous system. And I’ll show you how you can use your own nervous system to calm yourself more quickly. ------------------------------------------- Your Nervous System ExplainedThere are two main parts of your nervous system. The first is your sympathetic nervous system. You might also have heard this talked about as your fight/flight/freeze/faint/fawn response). The second part is your parasympathetic nervous system, which includes the vagus nerve.  The two parts work together to help you respond to stressful situations and then decrease that stress response, kinda like a teeter totter. One is activated at a time, while the other is decreased.  Think of your nervous system as an information highway running through your body at all times. It takes in information through your senses and tells the brain how to respond to what you are experiencing. Neurons (brain cells) carry this message all throughout your body.  If your brain interprets any of this information as dangerous, it triggers your stress response and activates the sympathetic nervous system. To your brain, a threat can be something like a kid spitting in your face or getting a bad grade or spilling juice all over the table. Stress juice floods your body, giving you the oomph to respond to the danger.  When your stress response is activated, there is a period of time where you aren’t able to regulate your nervous system. When that threat has passed, you start to come back online and your parasympathetic nervous system comes into play.  The parasympathetic nervous system is your best friend when it comes to managing your stress response. It has its own network of nerves and helps relax your body after periods of stress or danger.  It typically activates on its own after a stressor, but when we have triggers coming at us all the time (like in parenting life), it gets weakened and doesn’t respond as well. That’s why you need tools to reset the system on your own.  When we talk about calm and taking pause breaks to reset, the parasympathetic nervous system is the piece that we’re resetting.    Chronic StressYour stress response is healthy and necessary. But often, our brains misinterpret things (like spilled juice being a life-or-death emergency). Parenting is a lot. What ends up happening is that you have a lot of demands and stressors coming at you one after the next, and you don't always have enough time to recover from them. This causes us to be chronically stressed. We constantly have stress juice pouring through our bodies, and it makes it really difficult to stay calm. This is what’s going on when you find yourself getting angry and annoyed about every single thing your kid does. You’ve probably been in an activated stress response for a while, so you are dysregulated.  As a mom, you’re dealing with stressors all day long, especially if you have more than one kid. But there are little breaks in between. Our goal is to practice getting ourselves into the parasympathetic nervous system so that we can more easily recover from stress. We want that teeter totter to go easily up and down so that we flow smoothly between the two states of stress and non-stress.  The way to do this is to...

    32 min

  4. JAN 22

    3 Ways to Get Out of the Parenting Stress Cycle [Stop Yelling Series, part 3]

    I want to let you in on a little secret. You don’t yell because there’s something wrong with you (or your kids). You yell as a response to stress and what your brain perceives as a threatening situation. In this episode, I’m talking about the stress cycle - what it looks like, why it happens and how it shows up in your parenting.  You’ll Learn: How stress shows up and why we feel activated even if we’re not actually in dangerWhat the parenting stress cycle is and how to know if you’re in one3 ways to get out of the stress cycle But it’s not healthy for us to live in a state of chronic stress. Let’s break the cycle. ------------------------------------ Before we get into the details, I want you to first imagine walking your dog at night and seeing a pack of coyotes. They start chasing you. Your brain activates the stress response, quickly assesses the threat and decides that you should RUN. You get back home, come in and close the door. You are technically safe, but your body doesn’t know that yet. It still has all of the stress juice running through your system. Once you are inside and safe, it’s time to deal with the stress that has accumulated in your body. You do that by getting your breath back, telling someone what happened, getting a hug, shaking, crying. Stress cycle complete. YAY! Now imagine that instead you come inside, but before you get a chance to deal with the stress juice, there is a new stressor. You walk into the house and your kids are arguing and your husband is yelling at them. Then you head to the kitchen and notice the dishes piled in the sink and there isn’t any meat thawed for dinner. Stressful situations keep popping up and the stress juice continues building up inside you.   2 key parts of the stress cycleNotice that there are two parts of the story above: the actual threat of the coyotes and what happens after.    The stressor. The stressor is the external situation that is happening around you. This can look like your child screaming, crying, being aggressive, arguing with you, peppering you with questions, blaming you for things, etc.   The stress response. This is the stress juice. It’s a sort of chemical cocktail of hormones and neurochemicals that course through your body and create your stress response.  And it’s not a bad thing. It helps us respond to our environment and keep ourselves safe.  But it’s not healthy for us to live in a state of chronic stress. When stress juice builds up in you and isn’t released, it can make you more reactive, less effective and clouds your thinking. The problem many parents face is that we are constantly surrounded by stressors, but we don't give ourselves a chance to release the stress juice and reset. Sometimes, we don’t even realize that stress is building up inside of us. We think we’re handling things well until something unexpectedly sends us over the edge.   Parenting stress cyclesThink about some of the stressors above. If you were out in the world and another adult was screaming at you or being aggressive toward you, it would likely mean that you are in a threatening situation and that you need to do something to protect yourself. So when your kid is screaming, crying or complaining, your brain can’t tell the difference. It thinks you’re being attacked, and your stress response is activated. Aggressive behavior isn’t the only thing that triggers us, though. You might also notice yourself reacting to things like dilly dallying, rudeness, bad grades or your kid just being grumpy.  These behaviors activate us because we feel we’re being threatened not physically, but socially. As a community-based species, we fear rejection from...

    35 min

  5. JAN 15

    Stop Trying to “Fix” Your Kid’s Feelings [Stop Yelling Series, part 2]

    “Fix it, change it, stop it, solve it” is a phrase I use often in my coaching. When you say it out loud, it captures that feeling we have as parents when our kids behave in a way that leaves us feeling overwhelmed, angry or worried.  In this episode,you’ll learn: How to view your kid’s big feelings as an opportunity instead of a threatThe question to ask yourself as you move your child through their dayHow to validate feelings in the midst of out-of-bounds behavior5 ways to help your kid manage their big feelings  What I hope you take away from this episode is it's actually good for kids to feel upset and have you be okay with their feelings. You do not need to fix your kid’s feelings. You only need to acknowledge them. ---------------------------------------- "Fix it, change it, stop it, solve it" is an emotional and physical response to what our kids are doing, and our brain jumps in and tries to fix, change, stop or solve the situation.   Your Kid’s Big FeelingsThe most common time I see parents experience this reaction is during a Big Feeling Cycle.  When your kid has big feelings, they might express them in ways that are overwhelming to you.  The tendency is often to try to shut down their behavior. But because that behavior is a reaction to how they’re feeling, we end up shutting down their feelings, too. The problem with jumping in to fix/change/stop/solve is that you miss an opportunity to connect with your kids and to help them connect with themselves and learn how to process their own negative emotion.   What “Fix it, change it, stop it, solve it” Looks LikeHere are some things I see parents do when they don’t like the way their child is expressing their emotion.   Minimizing. When our kids are upset, we want to say, “Oh honey, it’s not that big of a deal. It’ll work out.”  This sounds like a nice thing to say, but your child is left feeling like you don’t understand. It feels like a really big deal to them. We want to validate the emotion and acknowledge the intensity of their feelings instead of minimizing it.    Comparing. This looks like, “This sort of thing happens all the time,” or, “Other kids don’t complain about this,” or “This wasn’t a big deal to your brother.” It happens when you think their feelings aren’t warranted or justified.  We’re trying to get them to think and feel differently but, again, we’re doing it by shutting down their feelings.    Ignoring. There might be times when you need to take a break to calm yourself before dealing with a situation. Ignoring is different.  This is another way of shutting your kid down, and it makes them feel unheard, unfelt, unseen and unvaluable. Your child might think, “Mom only wants to talk to me when I’m happy.” Talking about their feelings is how they’ll learn to deal with them.    Weaponizing gratitude. Gratitude is an incredible emotion. I love it. Weaponizing gratitude is when we use it to bypass negative emotion.  You cannot get rid of sadness by thinking grateful thoughts. We have to feel the sadness (or anger or worry) and acknowledge it before we allow the brain to find another perspective.    Indulging. Sometimes, you might try to change the circumstance to make your kid feel better. Maybe you tell them they can skip practice or promise to go get ice cream afterwards.  Instead of letting them feel upset, indulging tries to give them a positive feeling so they forget about the uncomfortable feeling.    Logic-ing. This looks like...

    35 min

  6. JAN 8

    What Misbehavior Really Means [Stop Yelling Series, pt. 1]

    Today I’m talking about misbehavior and the #1 reason it is so hard for parents. Misbehavior creates a lot of conflict in families. It’s one of the main reasons parents yell. You’ll Learn: Why misbehavior often feels like an emergency (even though it’s usually not)How to recognize your body’s stress response and be aware of your reactionsDifferent ways to think about misbehavior - and prevent your stress response from kicking inSimple steps to use limits and rules to effectively manage behavior If you’ve ever thought “If they would just listen and stop acting out, I wouldn’t have to yell!” this episode is for you! ----------------------------------------- Maybe your brain has offered you the solution of getting your kids to behave better by having more rules and more limits and more consequences. By being more strict.  Many parents think the answer to misbehavior is in having better routines, or being more consistent, or being more firm. The problem with this solution is that it doesn’t address the roots of misbehavior. In this episode, I’m sharing why it’s so triggering and upsetting for you, and some concrete and practical steps to handling misbehavior without resorting to lecturing, avoiding, yelling, threatening or shaming.   Surprise! It all starts in your brain. As a parent, your child’s behavior often activates your stress response.  Your brain wants to INTERPRET your kid’s behavior as a DANGER to your physical or emotional safety.  It will TRICK you into thinking that your kid’s behavior is a threat to you. It will tell you that you need to protect yourself. Get bigger. Get louder. Fight back. Run away.  And that can make it hard to remain calm. But when you can understand what’s driving the behavior and view it as an opportunity rather than a problem, you can head off the stress response and feel more calm in the situation. Related Episodes:Episode 62: Parenting Stress Cycles [Part 3]  Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet! In this free guide you’ll discover: ✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.) ✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!) ✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.) ✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!) Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here Connect With Darlynn: Book a complimentary session with DarlynnLearn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.comFollow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

    39 min

  7. JAN 1

    Defining the Plan [Goal Setting Series, part 3]

    Today’s episode is the final installment of a series on setting (and achieving!) your goals. This week, we’re talking about making an action plan - one that you’ll actually follow through on. In this episode, I’m walking you through how to tackle a goal that is challenging for a lot of moms - simplifying weeknight dinners. You’ll Learn: A simple 3-step process to creating a goal plan you can actually stick toReal-life examples of simple first stepsHow to make time for your goal and keep yourself accountableWhat to do when you get stuck If you missed either of the previous episodes, go back and listen to the first two episodes about defining your goal and solving for obstacles. And be sure to grab the free workbook here. ----------------------------------------- I once read that former Secretary of State, Madeline Albright, decided to go back to college when she had three small children. She did all of her schoolwork while in the car waiting for them at pickup. Proof that big goals are achieved through manageable, consistent actions. Throughout this series, I’ve used the example of my own 2026 goal to publish a book to illustrate this goal process. Today, I’m tackling a goal that is a little more relatable for most moms - simplifying weeknight dinners. 3 Steps to Defining Your PlanStep 1: Do a brain dump Start by rewriting your goal, so you’ll keep it top of mind. Then, write down anything you can think of that will help you make progress toward your goal. What are all the things you could do in order to make your goal happen? Brain dumps are the time to get EVERYTHING out on paper. There are no bad ideas in this stage. No editing, just brainstorming. Think about what will keep you accountable, too. When I started my podcast, one of my action items was to share my goal with others. Don’t keep your goal a secret. When other people know what you’re working toward, they can check in and cheer you on. Step 2: Choose your first small step Emphasis on SMALL. The goal here is to start taking action without getting overwhelmed. Taking the first step will help you build momentum to keep going. When in doubt, start small - small, simple actions, small chunks of time. These are much easier to stick to than big, lofty goals that leave you with a feeling of dread. Step 3: Chunk your goal into phases There are a few phases that are common to most goals. They’ll look different depending on what you’re working toward, but the overall concept is the same. In the beginning of a goal, you probably won’t be sure what to do or which approaches will work best for you. There’s a lot to figure out, and your actions will take longer at the beginning. As you continue taking action, you’ll build routines and momentum, until your goal starts to feel easy. Getting started - This is the foundation. Start by looking at what’s already working. What have you already achieved in this area that you can build on?Building momentum

    30 min

  8. 12/25/2025

    Defining & Overcoming Obstacles [Goal Setting Series, part 2]

    Welcome to part 2 of the Goal Setting Series! Last week, I walked you through how to figure out what you want and clearly define your goal. Today, we’re talking about defining and overcoming obstacles on the way to your goal. I’ll share some common obstacles, as well as really tangible strategies to help you overcome them. You’ll Learn: 5 common obstacles and how to overcome them3 strategies to build belief in yourself and your goalWhat I wrote to myself back in 2022 when I was struggling with negative thoughts and lack of beliefWhy quitting doesn’t mean you’ll never achieve your goalA fun little rhyme to remember when life happens and you get off-track with your goal Obstacles are inevitable whenever you are achieving something big (or even something small). By preparing for setbacks, you’ll be less likely to get discouraged and thrown off course. If you haven’t already grabbed your copy of the free Goals Workbook, click here to get it and follow along. --------------------------------------------- I’m using my 2026 goal of publishing a book as an example throughout this series. This is a goal I’ve wanted to achieve for a long time, and I have PLENTY of evidence of the obstacles that have prevented me from achieving this goal in the past. Common Obstacles to Achieving a GoalThere are 5 obstacles that I’ve seen come up in myself and others over and over again. They are: Belief or mindsetKnowledgeJust plain old quittingTimeLife situations The good news is that these are all solvable! You just have to be committed and have some helpful tools and strategies ready to go. Obstacle #1: BeliefYour thoughts about yourself, your goal, and what's possible for you play a major role in whether or not you achieve your goals. We know that thoughts lead to feelings, which lead to action. That means that if you don’t have belief in yourself and your goal, you’re way less likely to take the actions needed to achieve it. Some of the negative thoughts that creep up can be sneaky. Watch out for ones like: This is going to be a failure.I’m not good enough.I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve tried before and failed, so of course I’m gonna fail again. Just because these thoughts pop up, it doesn’t mean they’re true! Strategies to Build Belief This first strategy is one of my favorites, and I do it often. I call it an “I love you” letter. Sit down and write yourself an encouraging letter, as if your best friend is talking to you. Or your purest...

    32 min
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About

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 15 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all. Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, The Emotionally Healthy Kids course, where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home.

Information

  • Creator
    Darlynn Childress
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    224
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Darlynn Childress
  • Show Website
    Become A Calm Mama