Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

Ashleigh Butterss
  • 5.0 (30)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. 4d ago

    Ep 188. The Unexpected Gift of Trauma and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth, with Dr. Edith Shiro

    My guest this week is Dr. Edith Shiro, a clinical psychologist and author who has spent more than three decades working with trauma survivors, refugees, and communities navigating profound adversity. She is also the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors and Syrian refugees, and that lived experience sits at the heart of everything she does. In this conversation, Dr. Shiro and Ash explore what trauma really means, how it shows up in perfectionism, people pleasing, dissociation, and addiction, and why so many people move through life not realising they are carrying wounds at all.  Dr. Shiro also touches on her five-stage framework for post-traumatic growth, including the science behind why spirituality changes the brain and how individuals can transform their pain into purpose.  We will all experience trauma in some form. This conversation is about what you choose to do with it, and whether you allow it to define you. Episode chapters: 00:22 Introducing Dr. Edith Shiro 02:03 What Trauma Really Means 03:35 Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn 06:32 Minimizing Trauma: When You Don't Think You Qualify 07:56 Micro Traumas and How They Accumulate Over Time 10:22 Dissociation: The Protective Tool That Keeps Us Stuck 13:25 The Invisible Armor and the Emptiness Underneath 17:41 The Universal Wounds: Shame, Rejection, and Not Belonging 20:53 The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Book and the Title 23:06 Why Two People Can Experience the Same Trauma So Differently 27:47 Intergenerational Trauma and the Science of Epigenetics 29:29 Becoming the Intergenerational Alchemist 30:52 Radical Acceptance: The Hardest and Most Essential First Step 31:43 The Parallel Between Stage One and Step One 36:21 Why We Lie: Fear, Shame, and the Double Life 39:10 Why Spirituality Is Essential for Post-Traumatic Growth 41:45 Turning Pain into Purpose 45:55 Dr. Edith's Own Spiritual Practice 49:25 There Is Hope and There Is a Way Out Connect with Dr. Edith below: Instagram  Website Linkedin The Unexpected Gift of Trauma: The Path to Posttraumatic Growth by Dr. Edith Shiro Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 188. The Unexpected Gift of Trauma and Pathway to Post-Traumatic Growth, with Dr. Edith Shiro

  2. Aug 9

    Ep 187. The Spiritual Thread Between Recovery and Yoga, with Mark Purser

    My guest this week is Mark Purser, a yoga teacher, meditation guide, and founder of the Yogic Meditation Institute, based in Byron Bay. With over 20 years of study across almost every major yoga tradition, Mark brings a rare depth of knowledge to his teaching. But behind all of that wisdom is a story of years spent swinging between intense spiritual practice and alcohol, trying to find a way out that didn't involve fully surrendering. In this conversation, Mark shares the moment his last drink became his last, alone in a national park on his birthday with no phone reception and a choice to make. He and Ash explore the relationship between yoga philosophy and 12-step recovery, the power of stillness as a daily practice, and why Yoga Nidra remains the one tool he would never give up. This is a conversation for anyone looking to understand what it really takes to build a life rooted in meaning, community, and presence. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Mark Purser 03:29 Life in Byron Bay: Surfing, Tango, and Sadhana 07:04 How Tango Became a Moving Meditation 10:00 Scent of a Woman and the Seed That Was Planted 12:07 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Byron Bay 15:15 Yoga Without the Inner Work 18:31 The Tango Class, the Pub, and the Night It All Unravelled 21:28 Being a Dad and the Shame of a Blackout 26:29 The Last Drink: Alone in the Bush on His Birthday 29:44 Choosing Sydney Over the Pub 31:49 The Balance Between Horror and Hope 33:05 A Cousin 35 Years Sober and the Power of Living Proof 35:29 Why Ash Resisted AA and What Changed 37:13 The Gift of Desperation 45:00 Where Yoga Philosophy and the 12 Steps Meet 51:48 Why He Still Needs Help After 15 Years 53:44 The Stillness Practice and Why It Changes Everything 57:45 Yoga Nidra: The One Tool He Would Never Give Up 59:39 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Mark below: www.bambooyogabyron.com  Instagram Podcast: The Gentle Revolution Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 187. The Spiritual Thread Between Recovery and Yoga, with Mark Purser

  3. Aug 2

    Ep 186. How Sobriety Revealed the Truth About Her Sexuality, with Alexandra McRobert

    Getting sober gave Alexandra McRobert more than freedom from alcohol, it gave her the clarity to explore who she truly was. Despite having dated men and previously being married to a man, it was during a deep meditation that Alex came to the life changing realisation that she was a lesbian. Alexandra is a yoga teacher, author, and founder of the Mindful Life Practice and Mindful Bali Yoga School. She got sober in 2019 after years of drinking her way through life in the Middle East, where securing her next drink had quietly become the centre of everything she did. In this conversation, Alexandra shares how sobriety created space for her sexuality to unfold, the assault that cracked her life open and propelled her to build the yoga shala she had always dreamed of, and why she created the sober community she wished had existed when she needed it most. Alexandra and Ash also explore the profound overlap between yoga philosophy and the 12 Steps, and what becomes possible when you stop numbing long enough to hear the truth of who you are. TW: This episode contains discussion of assault. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Alexandra McRobert 03:09 Life in Ubud: Yoga, Pilates and Kirtan 04:34 How Bali Called Her In 06:19 A Marriage That Lasted Two Months 09:08 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile in Morocco 11:42 When Alcohol Consumes Everything 13:08 The Rock Bottom in a Classroom in Abu Dhabi 16:12 Deciding to Get Sober on the Plane Home 18:00 Getting Sober Without Traditional 12-Step Access 19:54 Finding Community Through an Online Sobriety Group 22:35 How COVID Gave Birth to Sober Girls Yoga 24:02 Why Yoga and Sobriety Are the Same Thing 26:23 The Yoga Sutras and the 12 Steps 28:19 Ahimsa and Satya: Love Everyone and Tell the Truth 30:07 Building a Life and a Business in Bali 32:00 Being Drugged and Assaulted: The Turning Point 34:33 Building the Shala and Starting Kirtan 36:11 Trusting the Universe Over the Plan 38:19 How Alcohol Shaped Her Relationships and Marriage 40:19 Coming Out as Queer 43:11 The Vipassana That Changed Everything 51:48 Kirtan, Meditation, and Moving Through Self-Hatred 55:45 Craniosacral Therapy and What the Body Holds 58:01 What Daily Life Rooted in Presence Looks Like 01:02:13 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Alexandra below: Check out Alexandra’s Substack here.  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 186. How Sobriety Revealed the Truth About Her Sexuality, with Alexandra McRobert

  4. Jul 26

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

    My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run. In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again. Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.  TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh 03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink 07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol 08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul 09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture 11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction 13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage 18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From? 18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will 20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant 22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing 27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives 33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire 35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together 39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath 41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open 43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back 45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community 47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor 47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence 50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety 56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place 57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women 59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected 01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power 01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All 01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home 01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children 01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

  5. Jul 19

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss

    What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere? In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life. From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her. If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little Ash Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss

  6. Jul 12

    Ep 183. The Transformational Power of Meditation, with Tom Cronin

    This week, Ash sits down with Tom Cronin, meditation teacher and international speaker, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really looks like to hold everything together on the outside while quietly falling apart within. Tom opens up about the two parallel lives he was living during his 26 years in the high pressure world of global financial markets, one of outward success, pinstripe suits, and Bondi beachside living, and another of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression, and a growing reliance on drugs and alcohol that eventually led to a breakdown at age 29. It was from that rock bottom that Tom discovered Vedic meditation, a practice that not only transformed his mental health but ultimately became the foundation of an entirely new life and purpose. Ash and Tom explore the science of stress, why alcohol numbs but never heals, and how meditation actually expands brain function rather than impairing it. Tom shares the journey from seeker to finder to sharer, including the challenges of leaving the golden handcuffs of finance behind, producing his feature film The Portal, and building his mission to inspire a billion people to meditate daily. The conversation weaves through ego, ego transcendence, contribution, and the holistic practices Tom uses to remain grounded and performing at his best. It is a rich and wide-ranging episode about the courage it takes to change course, the intelligence of the body's warning signals, and the profound freedom that comes from finally looking inward. Episode chapters: 00:07 Introducing Tom Cronin 04:44 Hiding Behind the Smile: Life on the Trading Room Floor 06:16 Shame, Guilt, and the North Star 11:48 The Golden Handcuffs 12:54 When Drugs and Alcohol Entered the Picture 15:53 Rock Bottom and the Rashi 18:06 The Breakdown and the Turning Point 20:09 Discovering Vedic Meditation 24:46 The Allostatic Load and Why Alcohol Does Not De-stress 28:43 Why Sobriety Supercharges Meditation 33:37 From Seeker to Finder to Sharer 35:44 Leaving Finance and Leaping into Purpose 38:08 Navigating Challenges with Meditation as a Tool 41:09 The Stillness Project and the Making of The Portal 46:45 The Importance of Service and Contribution 49:02 B1G1: Giving Back Through Business 54:05 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Tom: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stillnessproject Website: http://www.tomcronin.com/ Tom's free book to reduce anxiety and depression https://tomcronin.com/free-calm-book/ Socials: https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/ https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoach https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/ https://www.tiktok.com/@_tomcronin_  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 183. The Transformational Power of Meditation, with Tom Cronin

  7. Jul 5

    Ep 182. Have You Had Enough? Why Your Old Ideas Are Keeping You Stuck, with Ash Butterss

    How much longer are you willing to suffer before something changes? In this powerful solo episode, Ash explores a recurring theme she’s been discussing with people lately: have you truly had enough? Because whether it's alcohol, a relationship, a career, perfectionism, or an old way of thinking, lasting change rarely happens until we're willing to let go of the ideas, stories, and identities that are keeping us stuck. Drawing on her own recovery journey, Ash speaks candidly about the gift of desperation, the stigma surrounding the word alcoholic, and why so many of us continue negotiating with our own suffering long after we've realised something isn't working. She shares what it really takes to create meaningful change and why partial willingness often keeps us trapped in the very cycles we're desperate to escape. This conversation extends far beyond sobriety, inviting listeners to honestly examine where fear, familiarity, and old beliefs may be preventing them from stepping into a more authentic life. Ash also reflects on celebrating her first wedding anniversary and the unexpected lessons that came from eloping in Italy, including a deeper understanding of people pleasing, self-worth, and the quiet cost of abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. She shares why esteemable acts are one of the most powerful ways to build genuine self-worth and how authentic relationships are forged when we stop performing for approval. Plus, Ash leaves listeners with five thought-provoking journal prompts designed to help you uncover where you may be ready, or almost ready, to finally let go. Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:12 Life Update: A Busy Week and a Wedding Anniversary 03:31 Elopement in Italy and Lessons in People Pleasing 05:53 The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes When You Mean No 08:12 Building Self-Worth Through Esteemable Acts 10:33 Have You Had Enough? 12:53 What It Really Takes to Be Ready for Change 15:16 Breaking the Stigma Around Alcoholism 17:39 The Power of Identification and Finding Your People 19:56 Sobriety as a Superpower 22:18 The Gift of Desperation 24:26 Divine Timing and Letting Go of Old Ideas 26:48 The Difference Between Pain and Suffering 29:09 Reflective Journal Prompts to Provoke Change Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 182. Have You Had Enough? Why Your Old Ideas Are Keeping You Stuck, with Ash Butterss

  8. Jun 28

    Episode 181. How to Truly Love Your Life, with Danni Carr

    This week, Ash welcomes back her sober soul sister Danni Carr, for a wide ranging chat on Bali, yoga, and the spiritual practices that underpin their sobriety. Danni shares the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, the three-part connection to the divine, community, and land that keeps life in balance, and reflects on how a once reluctant relationship with yoga, born from hungover gym sessions and stormed out shavasanas, slowly became the foundation of her recovery and her sense of coming home to herself. The conversation moves into deeper territory as Danni and Ash explore what the divine means to them now, the science behind spiritual practice and the brain, and the unexpected friendships that sobriety has made possible. Danni speaks candidly about needing daily practice not to recover but to keep expanding and staying regulated, and reminds listeners that spirituality doesn't have to be serious or precise to be powerful. It’s a heartfelt conversation between two friends about connection, consistency, and choosing a life that feels good without needing to numb out to get there. Episode chapters: 00:00 Reconnecting in Bali: A Spiritual Journey 03:56 The Balinese Philosophy of Trihitakarana 07:23 Cultural Immersion: Sharing Bali's Rich Heritage 11:59 The Transformative Power of Yoga 18:55 Finding Stillness: The Challenge of Shivasana 21:17 Embracing Autonomy in Yoga Practice 22:45 Finding the Right Teachers 24:07 Provoking Thought Through Stillness 25:51 Navigating Friendships in Sobriety 28:56 The Importance of Consistency in Recovery 32:27 Spirituality as a Foundation for Sobriety 34:16 Understanding the Divine 37:05 The Value of Connection and Community 37:48 Finding Joy in Spiritual Practices You can connect with Danni through: Check out Danni’s 4 Week Sober & Transformational Challenge  IG: @howiquitalcohol  Recommendations: The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Episode 181. How to Truly Love Your Life, with Danni Carr
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5
out of 5
30 Ratings

About

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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