Able to Care

Andy Baker (Able Training)
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Able to Care with Andy Baker helps caregivers, teachers, parents and people who care, better understand behaviour, care and connection. Hosted by Behaviour Specialist, author and trainer Andy Baker, the podcast explores dementia, neurodiversity, mental health, education, parenting, safeguarding, communication and the human stories behind support.

  1. 5h ago

    How This Card Protects People With Dementia From Scams | Part 1

    Money can become one of the most difficult areas for families to navigate when someone they love becomes more vulnerable. In Part 1, Andy Baker speaks with Jayne Sibley, Co-founder and CEO of Sibstar, about the early signs that someone may be struggling to manage money safely, including repeated purchases, unusual cash withdrawals, overspending and increased vulnerability to scams. Drawing on her lived experience supporting both of her parents with dementia, Jayne explores how families can start difficult conversations about money without creating shame, embarrassment or a sense of being controlled. Andy and Jayne also discuss the difficult balance between financial safeguarding, dignity, choice and independence. Although Jayne’s own journey began with dementia, the same challenges can affect families supporting someone with a learning disability, mental health condition or someone in recovery from addiction.  Three key messages 1. Notice changes early. Repeated purchases, unusual withdrawals or changes in normal spending habits may be early signs that someone needs additional support. 2. Talk before there is a crisis. A calm conversation about scams and financial safety is much easier than trying to intervene after money has already been lost. 3. Safeguarding should not automatically mean taking over. The aim should be to keep someone safe while preserving as much independence, choice and dignity as possible. Why listen to this episode? This episode is particularly useful if you: Support someone living with dementia Are worried about an ageing parent’s spending Have noticed unusual purchases or cash withdrawals Are concerned about scams or financial exploitation Support an adult with a learning disability or mental health condition Find conversations about money uncomfortable Want to understand when it may be time to step in For family caregivers especially, this episode tackles the uncomfortable transition where you may begin to feel responsible for protecting someone who has always been independent. Chapters 00:00 - Early signs that money may be becoming a problem Repeat purchases, unusual withdrawals and changes in understanding money. 01:58 - How dementia can affect everyday financial decisions Memory, impulsivity and spending without recognising the consequences. 03:36 - How to talk to a parent about money Starting with support rather than accusation. 05:17 - Choosing the right moment Why calm conversations work better than reacting after something has gone wrong. 06:17 - Why you shouldn’t wait for a crisis Starting the conversation sooner rather than later. 07:20 - Jayne’s experience supporting her parents The real-life challenges that led to Sibstar. 09:21 - Independence versus safeguarding How do we protect someone without simply taking control? 12:56 - Scams and financial vulnerability Why modern fraud is becoming increasingly sophisticated. 13:49 - Financial vulnerability beyond dementia Learning disability, mental health and addiction recovery. 15:31 - Romance fraud, investment scams and exploitation 17:08 - The emotional impact of being scammed Embarrassment, shame and loss of confidence. 19:08 - When is it time to step in? 20:40 - The question that guided Jayne: “Is my mum safe?” 21:11 - End of Part 1 Resources mentioned Sibstar Sibstar is a debit card and app designed to help vulnerable adults spend safely while protecting against fraud and overspending. Website: https://www.sibstar.co.uk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sibstar_card/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayne-sibley-24ab1444/ Jayne has also appeared on Dragons’ Den and has featured in media discussing financial inclusion and dementia.  About Jayne Sibley Jayne Sibley is the Co-founder and CEO of Sibstar and a family carer with lived experience. She created Sibstar after years of helping both of her parents, who live with dementia, manage their money. Unable to find a simple way to keep them financially safe while protecting their independence, Jayne decided to build one herself. Today, she advocates for protecting vulnerable adults without unnecessarily removing their independence and for widening the conversation about financial vulnerability beyond dementia.  Follow Able to Care Podcast: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Part 2 continues next Tuesday, looking at practical ways to create safer spending, how Sibstar works and what families can do before financial vulnerability becomes a crisis.

  2. Oct 5

    Three Questions Every Social Worker Should Ask Before Writing a Record

    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Rebekah Pierre, the discussion moves from how professionals write about children to how care-experienced people can have greater ownership over their own stories. Rebekah explores what genuinely respectful care records could look like, including transparency, the right to reply and recording the ordinary, joyful moments of childhood rather than creating a permanent “lowlight reel”. The conversation also explores Rebekah’s acclaimed anthology Free Loaves on Fridays, which brings together the voices of 100 care-experienced children and adults. Rebekah explains why meaningful participation must go much further than inviting someone with lived experience to deliver an emotional keynote and then sending them home. For social workers, foster carers, residential childcare professionals, teachers, managers and anyone commissioning lived-experience work, this episode provides practical challenges around voice, consent, power, tokenism and psychological safety. In This Episode Andy and Rebekah explore: What respectful and understandable care records should look like Why care-experienced people need to know they can access their records Writing with children instead of only writing about them Voice notes, videos and different ways children could contribute The importance of a right to reply Whether children should be able to challenge or contextualise historic records Why records should capture ordinary and positive childhood moments How Free Loaves on Fridays came about Why the anthology had a no-rejection policy Giving people control over their own stories What the title Free Loaves on Fridays really means Tokenistic versus meaningful lived-experience participation Why participation needs support before, during and after an event Trauma mining and the risks of asking people to repeatedly tell painful stories Psychological safety, power imbalance and consent Three questions every professional could ask before saving a record Three Key Messages 1. Children should be written with, not simply written about. Transparency, opportunities to contribute and a meaningful right to reply can help restore some ownership over a story that otherwise belongs entirely to professionals. 2. Childhood records need ordinary moments too. First football goals, sleepovers, certificates, jokes and everyday achievements may appear insignificant to a professional, but they can become precious pieces of personal history later in life. 3. Lived experience participation must involve power, not just presence. Inviting someone to tell a difficult story is not genuine co-production if they cannot shape the agenda, set boundaries, control how their story is stored or see what changed afterwards. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Want children to have a stronger voice in their own records Commission speakers or consultants with lived experience Work in children’s services, fostering or residential care Want to understand the difference between participation and tokenism Are designing conferences, training or consultation involving care-experienced people Want to create greater psychological safety Work with children who worry about what adults are recording about them Want services to move from “nothing about us without us” towards genuine shared power The episode asks an important question: if someone gives you part of their story, what responsibility do you have for how you hold, use and act upon it? Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - What should professionals think about when writing care records? Writing for the child as well as managers, inspectors and services. 00:22 - Centre the child, not the inspection Why the future reader matters more than we often realise. 02:33 - Children know they are being written about The anxiety of living with an ongoing professional record. 04:07 - Writing with children instead of about them Voice notes, video, written contributions and increasing transparency. 05:20 - The right to reply Why care-experienced people should be able to challenge or add context to their records. 07:25 - Recording the ordinary moments of childhood Football goals, sleepovers, photographs and the things families usually preserve naturally. 09:54 - Free Loaves on Fridays How Rebekah created an anthology centred on care-experienced voices. 10:22 - Why the book had a no-rejection policy Creating space for seasoned writers and first-time contributors alike. 12:39 - The response to the book Why giving 100 people the pen in their own story mattered. 14:08 - Meaningful participation versus tokenism Why lived experience should not be parachuted into an organisation for inspiration and then forgotten. 16:26 - Why is it called Free Loaves on Fridays? Bread, poverty, choice and reclaiming control over how your story is told. 20:27 - Psychological safety for lived-experience contributors Power imbalance, allies, consent, boundaries and the right to leave. 22:18 - If Rebekah could change care records tomorrow Building reflection into the recording process. 23:08 - Is it kind, necessary and helpful? Three simple questions to ask before finalising what you write. 24:05 - What comes next for Rebekah? Article 39, relationship-based practice, training, writing and advocacy. Resources Mentioned Free Loaves on Fridays Free Loaves on Fridays: The Care System as Told by People Who Actually Get It is an anthology edited by Rebekah Pierre featuring the voices of 100 care-experienced children and adults. The project was designed around a no-rejection policy, helping people who may never ordinarily have access to publishing tell their own stories in their own voices. Free Loaves on Fridays Rebekah Pierre Training, consultancy and keynote support are available through: Rebekah Pierre's website Contact: info@rebekahpierre.co.uk LinkedIn Rebekah Pierre on LinkedIn The Guardian Rebekah has written extensively about care experience and children’s social care. Rebekah Pierre's Guardian profile An Open Letter to the Social Worker Who Wrote My Case Files Read the open letter through BASW Article 39 Rebekah currently works as Deputy Director of Article 39, which campaigns for the rights of children living in institutional settings. A Useful Reflective Question for Professionals Before finalising a record, Rebekah suggests considering: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it helpful? These questions can apply beyond social work - including school records, incident reports, safeguarding notes, care records and any professional documentation that may contribute to someone else’s lasting story. About Rebekah Pierre Rebekah Pierre is a care-experienced author, registered social worker, award-winning campaigner, trainer and consultant. Her work focuses on children’s rights, care records, language, cultural competence, meaningful participation and improving how services work alongside children and adults with lived experience. Her book Free Loaves on Fridays amplifies 100 care-experienced voices and challenges a system in which children have traditionally been written about far more often than they have been invited to write for themselves. Follow Able to Care Podcast: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If this conversation changes the way you think about records, language or lived-experience participation, please share it with a social worker, foster carer, teacher, residential childcare professional or service leader who may benefit.

  3. Sep 28

    I Read My Childhood Care Records - I Wasn’t Prepared for What I Found

    Part 1 - Language, Labels and the Legacy of Care Records A care record might feel like an administrative task to the professional writing it, but for a care-experienced person it can become part of the story they use to understand their childhood decades later. In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with care-experienced author, social worker, campaigner and trainer Rebekah Pierre about the lasting impact of language in children’s social care records. Drawing on both professional experience and the deeply personal experience of accessing her own care files, Rebekah explains how factual inaccuracies, misspelled names, labels and judgemental language can shape identity, influence future placements and leave adults trying to reconstruct their childhood from records written during some of their most difficult moments. For foster carers, residential childcare staff, social workers, teachers, parents and anyone recording information about children, this episode is a powerful reminder that the person you are writing about may one day become the person reading it. In This Episode Andy and Rebekah discuss: Why children may read their care records decades later What it felt like for Rebekah to access her own files Why something as simple as repeatedly misspelling a child’s name matters How labels can influence placements, education and professional decisions Why behaviour needs context Moving from “attention seeking” towards understanding attachment and connection Why words such as manipulative, lazy or aggressive can create damaging narratives The difference between professional intention and the impact of what is written Victim-blaming language in children’s social care Why professionals need time to regulate before recording emotive incidents How artificial intelligence could help - or reinforce existing bias Professional jargon and making records understandable Why parents and children should be treated as people with identities, not simply roles or case labels Three Key Messages 1. Write for the future reader, not only the current system. Managers and inspectors may read a record once. The child may return to it decades later while trying to understand who they were and what happened to them. 2. Behaviour without context creates labels. A child who lashes out after several placement moves, a bereavement or trauma needs that context recorded. Describing only the behaviour can create a distorted picture that follows them. 3. Intent does not erase impact. A professional may not intend to stigmatise, blame or belittle, but careless language can still have a profound effect on the person who eventually reads it. Why Listen to This Episode? This episode is particularly valuable if you: Write care notes, incident reports or assessments about children Work in foster care or residential childcare Are a social worker, teacher or safeguarding professional Support children whose behaviour can be misunderstood Work with care-experienced young people or adults Want to make recording more trauma-aware and person-centred Use AI or digital systems to create or summarise records Want to understand how professional language can influence identity It challenges professionals to move away from records that simply capture what went wrong and towards recording that preserves context, dignity and the humanity of the child. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Who will eventually read a child’s care records? Why the computer screen is not the final destination. 00:42 - Rebekah’s experience of reading her own care files Misspelled names, inaccuracies and trying to reconstruct a childhood. 03:08 - Why care records become so emotionally powerful Records as a map of what went wrong - often without the joyful or ordinary moments. 04:42 - The lifelong impact of labels How descriptions of behaviour can influence placements, education and professional decisions. 07:11 - Attention seeking, attachment searching and manipulative behaviour Why changing language can change how we understand the child. 09:23 - Intent versus impact Why record-writing improvement should be about reflection rather than guilt. 10:02 - When records blame children for their own abuse Why language around exploitation and consent matters. 11:39 - Burnout, secondary trauma and professional judgement How the emotional state of the adult can influence what gets written. 13:01 - Should we record immediately after an incident? Regulating first, separating facts from feelings and reflecting before finalising notes. 15:40 - AI and children’s social care records Could technology reduce bias - or simply reproduce it? 19:05 - Jargon and accessible language Would the child or parent actually understand what professionals have written? 21:02 - Why calling someone simply “mum” can matter Identity, institutional language and thoughtless habits. 21:52 - End of Part 1 Resources Mentioned Rebekah Pierre Rebekah provides training, consultancy and keynote speaking around children’s social care, including: The legacy of language and improving care records Cultural competence Meaningful participation and psychological safety Creative approaches to direct work Working with care-experienced children and adults Rebekah Pierre's website Contact: info@rebekahpierre.co.uk Rebekah Pierre on LinkedIn Connect with Rebekah on LinkedIn An Open Letter to the Social Worker Who Wrote My Case Files Rebekah discusses the open letter she wrote after accessing her own care records and finding inaccuracies and language that had a profound emotional impact. Read Rebekah's open letter via BASW Free Loaves on Fridays Free Loaves on Fridays: The Care System as Told by People Who Actually Get It brings together the voices of 100 care-experienced children and adults. Free Loaves on Fridays About Rebekah Pierre Rebekah Pierre is a care-experienced author, award-winning campaigner, registered social worker, trainer and consultant specialising in children’s social care. With around 16 years of experience working with children and families in the UK and overseas, her work combines professional expertise with direct lived experience. Rebekah is the editor of Free Loaves on Fridays: The Care System as Told by People Who Actually Get It, an anthology bringing together 100 care-experienced voices. She is currently Deputy Director of Article 39, a charity defending the rights of children living in institutional settings, and also delivers keynotes, consultancy and training across the children’s social care sector. Follow Able to Care Podcast: able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Part 2 continues next Tuesday, exploring how children can meaningfully shape their own records, Free Loaves on Fridays, lived-experience participation, psychological safety and moving beyond tokenism.

  4. Sep 21

    Belonging, Emotional Regulation and Behaviour - Part 2

    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Samantha Dholakia, the discussion moves beyond behaviour strategies and into the wider environments that shape children’s emotional wellbeing. Andy and Samantha explore why schools need to teach far more than academic knowledge, including emotional intelligence, mindset, conflict management and self-regulation. Samantha discusses how modern childhood has changed, why many children are overloaded by information and stress, and why emotional regulation can become a significant barrier to learning. The conversation also takes a deep dive into belonging. Samantha explains why feeling seen, safe and accepted can profoundly influence behaviour, motivation and identity - and why children who do not experience belonging in families, schools or communities may look for it elsewhere. This episode is particularly relevant for teachers, parents, caregivers, school leaders and anyone trying to understand why relationships, emotional safety and belonging matter so much for behaviour. In This Episode Andy and Samantha explore: Why emotional regulation should be part of the school curriculum Teaching mindset, self-talk and emotional awareness Why conflict-management skills need to be taught explicitly How the modern world has changed childhood Stress in parents, teachers and children The emotional load children carry into the classroom AI versus emotional intelligence Preparing children for an uncertain future Why human connection may become even more important as technology develops Belonging as a foundation for behaviour Psychological safety and acceptance Why rejection can feel physically painful Gang culture and the search for belonging How schools can create stronger cultures of connection Family agreements and shared expectations Looking beyond “good people” and “bad people” Why survival strategies can lead people towards harmful choices Understanding behaviour through needs rather than judgement Three Key Messages 1. Emotional intelligence is a core life skill. Children need help understanding self-talk, emotional regulation, relationships, conflict and resilience if they are going to navigate an increasingly complex world. 2. Belonging changes behaviour. When children feel safe, accepted and valued, they are more able to learn, communicate, regulate and form healthy relationships. 3. Harmful behaviour does not necessarily mean a harmful person. Understanding someone’s experiences, unmet needs and survival strategies creates far more opportunities for change than labelling them as simply “good” or “bad”. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Want to understand why emotional regulation affects learning Believe schools should teach more life skills Support children who struggle to feel they belong Work with children affected by exclusion, disadvantage or gang culture Want to understand why rejection can drive behaviour Are interested in the impact of AI on future education Want to build emotionally safer classrooms or homes Are trying to move away from judgement and towards curiosity Want children to develop resilience without relying on shame or punishment This episode offers a broader view of behaviour by asking what kind of environments adults need to create if children are going to feel secure enough to thrive. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Should emotional regulation be part of the curriculum? Why mindset, emotional awareness and conflict management are essential life skills. 01:09 - Why childhood has changed but education has not Technology, information overload and the growing pressures on children. 02:06 - The stress carried by adults and children How financial, relational and workplace pressures shape family and classroom life. 03:24 - The emotional backpack children bring into school Why children cannot always learn while their brains are busy managing stress. 04:45 - AI versus emotional intelligence Why human emotional skills may become even more valuable in the future. 07:18 - Using technology to create more human connection Could AI reduce administration and allow teachers and caregivers to spend more time with people? 08:32 - Why belonging matters so much How feeling seen, safe and accepted affects behaviour. 10:33 - Humans are wired for community Why connection and belonging influence wellbeing and resilience. 11:39 - Gang culture and the search for belonging Why children may seek acceptance elsewhere when they do not experience it at school or home. 13:52 - Rejection, shame and emotional pain Why exclusion can create powerful behavioural responses. 15:31 - Belonging is a culture, not a policy Creating classrooms and families where acceptance is genuinely felt. 16:54 - Family agreements and shared expectations Building collaborative boundaries rather than imposing rules. 19:16 - Looking beyond good and bad people How life experiences and survival shape behaviour. 20:46 - The choices that change a life Why emotional state, development and circumstance influence decision-making. 22:25 - Behaviour as survival Understanding maladaptive behaviour through needs, stress and belonging. 23:59 - Moving from judgement to curiosity Why understanding function creates more opportunities for sustainable change. Resources Mentioned The Behaviour Bank™ The Behaviour Bank supports schools, nurseries, professionals and parents with ongoing guidance around: Behaviour Emotional regulation Inclusion Executive functioning Neuroscience Relationships Parent support Classroom strategies Whole-school implementation Email: spd@thebehaviourbank.com Behaviour Balance System™ The system helps adults understand behaviour through regulation, sensory needs, beliefs, communication and the child’s wider environment. The Behaviour Pod Samantha also hosts The Behaviour Pod, exploring behaviour, emotional regulation and practical strategies for parents and educators. YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@SPDTrainingandConsultancy3216 LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/samantha-dholakia-142ab57a/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/spdtrainingandconsultancy/ Further Samantha Dholakia Resources HiPP Organic: https://www.hipp.co.uk/expert/samantha-dholakia Connect Childcare - Big Feelings, Big Behaviour: https://connectchildcare.com/blog/big-feelings-big-behaviour/ Twinkl: https://www.twinkl.co.uk/blog/author/samantha-dholakia The Voice of Early Childhood - The Full Emotional Diet: https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/the-full-emotional-diet-finding-emotional-balance-in-the-early-years/ TTS World of Education podcast: https://worldofeducation.tts-group.co.uk/meet-podcast-guest-samantha-dholakia/ About Samantha Dholakia Samantha Dholakia is CEO of The Behaviour Bank and a behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation coach, consultant and trainer. With nearly 20 years of experience in education and a background as a Deputy Headteacher, Samantha supports schools and families to create environments where children can feel emotionally safe, included and capable of thriving. She is the creator of The Behaviour Balance System™ and The Behaviour Bank™, and her work focuses on helping adults move beyond traditional behaviour management towards approaches based on neuroscience, relationships, emotional regulation and belonging. Follow Able to Care Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If this conversation changes how you think about behaviour, emotional regulation or belonging, please share it with a teacher, parent, caregiver or colleague who may benefit.

  5. Sep 14

    Beyond Rewards and Sanctions - Part 1

    What if some of the behaviour strategies adults rely on most are actually making things harder? In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Samantha Dholakia, behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation specialist and CEO of The Behaviour Bank, about why rewards, sanctions and behaviour charts can sometimes undermine the very behaviours adults are trying to encourage. Samantha explains the difference between short-term compliance and sustainable behaviour change, why intrinsic motivation matters, and how gamification, collaboration, celebration and compassionate boundaries can create better outcomes. The episode also introduces Samantha’s Behaviour Balance System, which focuses on emotional regulation, sensory needs, relationships and the whole child rather than simply trying to manage behaviour. This episode will be particularly useful for teachers, parents, caregivers, school leaders and anyone supporting children who struggle with behaviour, emotional regulation, demand avoidance, motivation or belonging. In This Episode Andy and Samantha explore: Why rewards can work for simple tasks but become problematic when overused The difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation Why behaviour charts and escalating rewards can lose their impact How gamification can make everyday tasks easier Why celebration is different from bribery How demand avoidance can make traditional reward systems ineffective Turning “no” into “yes” without removing boundaries Why children need compassion and structure at the same time The Behaviour Balance System Moving away from behaviour management and towards regulation Teaching the skills that sit underneath behaviour expectations The importance of sensory input, sleep, nutrition and communication Replacing “good” and “bad” behaviour with “useful” and “not useful” Helping children build an inner cheerleader instead of an inner critic Three Key Messages 1. Rewards may create short-term compliance without creating long-term motivation. If children learn that every task requires an external payoff, they may stop seeing the value in the activity itself. 2. Behaviour is communication. Behaviour is influenced by sensory needs, emotional regulation, beliefs, experiences and unmet needs. Sustainable change requires us to understand what is driving the behaviour. 3. Boundaries do not need to disappear to become compassionate. Adults can hold clear expectations while reducing unnecessary friction, offering connection and helping children feel safe enough to cooperate. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Regularly use sticker charts or reward systems and wonder why they stop working Support children who become more oppositional when offered rewards or consequences Work with children with demand-avoidant profiles Want alternatives to traditional behaviour management Are trying to build intrinsic motivation Want practical approaches to emotional regulation Feel stuck between being “too strict” and “too permissive” Want to better understand what sits underneath behaviour The episode challenges some familiar behaviour-management assumptions without suggesting that adults abandon structure or expectations. Instead, the focus is on building environments where children can develop emotional regulation, confidence, intrinsic motivation and sustainable behavioural skills. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Can rewards and behaviour charts make behaviour worse? Why some behaviour systems work for simple tasks but fail when creativity, motivation and emotional regulation are involved. 02:46 - What rewards can do to intrinsic motivation Why children are naturally driven to learn and what can happen when every task becomes transactional. 03:26 - Gamifying everyday tasks Samantha shares how games can replace repetitive reward systems. 05:25 - Celebration versus reward Why sharing pride and celebrating achievement can be more powerful than “if you do this, you get that”. 07:10 - Why external motivation eventually loses its power The problem with continually increasing the size or value of rewards. 08:42 - Why traditional behaviour psychology can oversimplify children Rewards, punishment and why humans are more complicated than simple stimulus-response models. 10:10 - Demand avoidance and the need for control Why rewards and sanctions can increase anxiety for some children. 10:38 - Turning a “no” into a “yes” Reducing friction while still holding a clear boundary. 14:10 - What is the Behaviour Balance System? Moving away from managing behaviour and towards emotional regulation, sensory needs and sustainable change. 16:21 - Teaching the skills underneath behaviour Why expectations such as sharing need to be explicitly broken down and practised. 18:05 - The Behaviour Bank Sleep, nutrition, communication, emotional regulation and a whole-child approach. 19:40 - Useful behaviour versus “good” and “bad” behaviour Removing guilt, shame and blame from conversations about behaviour. 21:23 - Building an inner cheerleader Helping children develop a more compassionate internal voice. 23:59 - End of Part 1 Resources Mentioned The Behaviour Bank The Behaviour Bank is Samantha’s online behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation hub for schools, nurseries and families. It includes: Expert-led CPD Practical behaviour strategies Emotional regulation tools Downloadable resources Parent support Implementation guidance Neuroscience-informed approaches Support around sleep, nutrition and wellbeing Email: spd@thebehaviourbank.com Behaviour Balance System™ Samantha’s Behaviour Balance System focuses on: Emotional regulation Sensory needs Relationships Intrinsic motivation Belonging Executive functioning Communication Sustainable behaviour change YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@SPDTrainingandConsultancy3216 LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/samantha-dholakia-142ab57a/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/spdtrainingandconsultancy/ Other Samantha Dholakia Resources TTS World of Education podcast: https://worldofeducation.tts-group.co.uk/meet-podcast-guest-samantha-dholakia/ HiPP Organic expert profile: https://www.hipp.co.uk/expert/samantha-dholakia Connect Childcare - Big Feelings, Big Behaviour: https://connectchildcare.com/blog/big-feelings-big-behaviour/ Twinkl articles: https://www.twinkl.co.uk/blog/author/samantha-dholakia The Voice of Early Childhood - The Full Emotional Diet: https://thevoiceofearlychildhood.com/the-full-emotional-diet-finding-emotional-balance-in-the-early-years/ About Samantha Dholakia Samantha Dholakia is a behaviour, inclusion and emotional regulation specialist with nearly 20 years of experience supporting schools to create emotionally safe and inclusive learning environments. A former Deputy Headteacher, Samantha is the founder of SPD Training and Consultancy and creator of The Behaviour Balance System™ and The Behaviour Bank™. Her work helps educators and families move beyond traditional behaviour management towards approaches rooted in neuroscience, emotional regulation, relationships, belonging and inclusion. She delivers keynote presentations, consultancy, professional development and parent strategy sessions across the UK and internationally. Follow Able to Care Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Part 2 continues next Tuesday, exploring emotional intelligence, the future of education, belonging, rejection, gang culture and why children need more than behaviour management to thrive.

  6. Sep 7

    Dementia Care, Boundaries and Family Conflict with Lisa Daniels - Part 2

    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Lisa Daniels, the focus moves from diagnosis and grief into the day-to-day emotional reality of caring for someone living with dementia. Lisa and Andy explore why caregivers often feel guilty for needing a break, why saying “I can’t do this today” can actually be a healthy boundary, and how family relationships can become strained when siblings or relatives experience the same dementia journey very differently. Lisa shares her own experience of feeling relief during COVID when she was temporarily unable to visit her mother in care - and the guilt that came with that relief. The episode also explores family conflict, communication patterns, Transactional Analysis, ego states and how counselling can help families understand why conversations keep breaking down. This episode is particularly useful for family carers, sandwich carers, professional caregivers and anyone who feels emotionally exhausted, guilty or stuck while supporting someone living with dementia. In This Episode Andy and Lisa explore: Why no two dementia experiences are truly the same Setting boundaries without feeling selfish Recognising when you are not emotionally able to visit Why caregivers need permission to put themselves first sometimes Relief, guilt and complicated emotions during caregiving Creating quality interactions instead of forcing long visits How to make visits more meaningful Using activities, meals and touch to create connection Family conflict between siblings and relatives The Drama Triangle in dementia caregiving Financial decisions and disagreements around care How counselling can support difficult family conversations Transactional Analysis and ego states Parent, Adult and Child communication patterns How dementia can change the way conversations are reciprocated Why emotional support after diagnosis is often missing The importance of individualised counselling Taking the first step when you feel you cannot carry the load anymore Three Key Messages 1. Boundaries are part of good caregiving. If you are exhausted, angry or emotionally overwhelmed, taking a break may protect both you and the person you support. 2. Family members can experience the same dementia journey very differently. Distance, gender roles, history, personality and grief can all shape how people respond, which is why sibling conflict is so common. 3. Communication patterns matter. Understanding how we move between Parent, Adult and Child ego states can help families recognise why conversations escalate and how to respond differently. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Feel guilty for needing time away from your loved one Are struggling to set boundaries Feel relief when you do not have to visit, then feel guilty about that relief Are arguing with siblings about who should provide care Feel like one person in the family is doing everything Find visits uncomfortable or emotionally draining Want to understand Transactional Analysis and communication patterns Feel emotionally exhausted and unsure how much longer you can continue Work with families and want to understand the hidden emotional pressures behind caregiving The episode offers an important reminder that good dementia care is not about sacrificing yourself completely. Sustainable care depends on recognising your own needs, limits and emotional wellbeing too. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Why no two dementia journeys are the same Sameness in diagnosis does not mean sameness in experience. 00:18 - Boundaries in dementia caregiving Why saying “I can’t do this today” is not the same as abandoning someone. 01:53 - Giving yourself permission not to visit What good will actually come from the visit if you are already overwhelmed? 03:08 - Relief and guilt during COVID Lisa shares the difficult truth that part of her felt relieved not to have to visit. 04:14 - Sandwich carers and competing responsibilities Trying to be emotionally present for children while worrying about a parent. 05:25 - Making visits more intentional Why activity, mealtimes or practical tasks can make visits easier. 07:00 - Connection without conversation Touch, presence and recognising familiarity even when words have gone. 08:06 - Family conflict and sibling dynamics Why dementia can expose long-standing differences within families. 09:46 - The Drama Triangle Victim, persecutor and rescuer roles in caregiving relationships. 11:33 - Financial decisions and care-home disagreements How emotional pressure can turn practical decisions into conflict. 12:12 - How counselling can support family relationships Helping people understand each other rather than simply deciding who is right. 13:00 - What is Transactional Analysis? Analysing conversations and understanding communication patterns. 14:19 - Understanding Parent, Adult and Child ego states How our childhood experiences shape our adult communication. 17:21 - Why dementia conversations can break down The person may not be able to meet you in the communication state you expect. 18:54 - What professionals should understand after diagnosis Why families can feel emotionally abandoned even when practical support exists. 21:11 - Sameness does not mean identical experience Culture, gender, language, relationships and life history all matter. 22:08 - “I don’t know how much longer I can carry this” Lisa’s advice for anyone reaching their emotional limit. 23:42 - Counselling as a safe space Why talking can help people feel lighter and understand their own patterns. 25:06 - Finding the right counsellor Why one difficult experience of therapy does not mean counselling cannot help. 27:42 - How to contact Lisa Where to find The Dementia Counsellor and access support. Resources Mentioned The Dementia Counsellor Lisa offers counselling for: People living with an early dementia diagnosis Family members Partners Adult children Sandwich carers Families experiencing grief and conflict Website: https://www.thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Email: lisa@thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Lisa Daniels on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-daniels-32214623/ Instagram The Dementia Counsellor UK Facebook The Dementia Counsellor.co.uk Therapeutic Support Group Lisa has received local funding to deliver a six-session therapeutic support group for people affected by dementia in Coventry. Alzheimer’s Society Lisa contributes to the Alzheimer’s Society Research Network and supports research into improving the future of dementia care and support. The Shakespeare Hospice Lisa also volunteers with The Shakespeare Hospice in Stratford-upon-Avon. The Adaptive Caregiver Model The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead - A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adaptive-Caregiver-Model-Practical-Diagnosis/dp/1918283060 About Lisa Daniels Lisa Daniels is a Level 7 Transactional Analysis Counsellor specialising in supporting people impacted by dementia. Her work combines professional counselling expertise with lived experience of dementia within her own family. Lisa supports people who have received an early diagnosis, family caregivers, spouses, adult children and sandwich carers. Her work explores grief, identity, difficult family histories, boundaries, relationship conflict and the emotional demands of caring. She works online and from private practice in Kenilworth and Coventry, as well as within hospice and community settings. Follow Able to Care Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If this conversation resonates with you, consider sharing it with a family caregiver, professional carer or someone navigating a dementia diagnosis who may need to hear that struggling does not mean they are failing.

  7. Aug 31

    Dementia, Grief and Counselling with Lisa Daniels - Part 1

    What happens emotionally when dementia enters a family? In Part 1 of this conversation, Andy Baker speaks with Lisa Daniels, a Level 7 Transactional Analysis Counsellor and founder of The Dementia Counsellor, about why counselling can be so valuable for people affected by dementia. Lisa explains how dementia counselling is not about clinically explaining the diagnosis, but about helping people process what the diagnosis means for their identity, relationships, independence and future. The conversation explores ambiguous loss, anticipatory grief, shame, fear, changes in communication and the emotional impact on partners, children and other loved ones. This episode is particularly relevant for paid and unpaid caregivers, family carers, professionals and anyone supporting someone newly diagnosed with dementia. In This Episode Andy and Lisa explore: What dementia counselling actually is Why counselling is not routinely offered after a dementia diagnosis The emotional impact of diagnosis on the individual and the wider family Shame and confidence when communication begins to change Ambiguous loss and grieving someone who is still alive Young-onset dementia and the loss of anticipated futures Supporting both the person diagnosed and their loved ones Why confidential counselling can create space for difficult or unresolved conversations Lisa’s own lived experience of dementia in her family The loss of driving, work, independence and financial control How counselling can help someone reconnect with identity and meaningful memories Guilt, anger and resentment in family caregivers The emotional pressure experienced by sandwich carers Three Key Messages 1. Grief can begin long before someone dies. Dementia can change communication, relationships, roles and future plans, creating what is often called ambiguous loss. 2. The person diagnosed may be grieving themselves. Loss of driving, work, confidence, communication and independence can deeply affect identity and self-esteem. 3. Caregivers are allowed to struggle too. Feeling tired, angry, resentful or overwhelmed does not erase love. These emotions often need a safe, non-judgemental place to be explored. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Have recently received a dementia diagnosis Support a loved one who has dementia Feel guilty for grieving someone who is still alive Are struggling with changes in your relationship Feel pressure to stay strong for everyone else Are a sandwich carer supporting children and an older relative at the same time Want to understand what counselling can offer after diagnosis Work with families affected by dementia and want a deeper understanding of their emotional experience This episode may help listeners recognise that dementia affects far more than memory. It can affect identity, independence, relationships, confidence and the stories people hold about themselves. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - What is dementia counselling? Why counselling is different from clinical advice or dementia education. 01:35 - The ripple effect of a dementia diagnosis How a diagnosis affects families as well as the individual. 02:39 - Shame, communication and losing confidence Why changes in speech and processing can affect self-esteem. 04:42 - Is it normal to grieve someone who is still alive? Understanding ambiguous loss and unacknowledged grief. 06:58 - Grieving the future you expected Young-onset dementia, retirement and the loss of shared plans. 08:18 - Counselling for the person diagnosed Why confidential space matters. 10:52 - When caregivers feel they have to be strong Why loved ones can ignore their own emotional needs. 12:05 - Caring for a parent you had a difficult relationship with Guilt, duty and complicated family history. 13:04 - Lisa’s personal journey into dementia counselling Her mother’s diagnosis, her own counselling experience and becoming the support she once needed. 18:21 - What people with dementia may be grieving Driving, work, independence, financial control and identity. 22:16 - Helping a father write his daughter’s wedding speech How counselling helped evoke memories and create a meaningful moment. 25:45 - “I shouldn’t feel this way” Exploring caregiver guilt, resentment and inherited beliefs about duty. 28:47 - The emotional load of sandwich carers Children, work, ageing parents and constant responsibility. 31:56 - Why counselling should not only begin at crisis point Talking as prevention rather than waiting until everything becomes overwhelming. Resources Mentioned The Dementia Counsellor Lisa Daniels provides counselling for people affected by dementia, including: People with an early dementia diagnosis Partners and spouses Adult children Sandwich carers Families experiencing conflict, grief or difficult transitions Website: https://www.thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Email: lisa@thedementiacounsellor.co.uk Lisa Daniels on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-daniels-32214623/ Instagram The Dementia Counsellor UK Facebook The Dementia Counsellor.co.uk Alzheimer’s Society Lisa works with the Alzheimer’s Society Research Network and has also volunteered within dementia support. The Adaptive Caregiver Model The Adaptive Caregiver Model: Walking With, Not Ahead - A Practical Guide to Dementia Care That Adapts to the Person, Not the Diagnosis https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adaptive-Caregiver-Model-Practical-Diagnosis/dp/1918283060 About Lisa Daniels Lisa Daniels is a Level 7 Transactional Analysis Counsellor based in Warwickshire. She works online and in private practice in Kenilworth and Coventry, as well as within hospice and community settings. After more than 20 years in the pharmaceutical industry, Lisa retrained over four years before leaving her corporate role in December 2025 to build her counselling practice full-time. Her interest in dementia is both professional and deeply personal. Her grandfather lived with dementia, and her mother experienced young-onset dementia. Lisa supported her family through caregiving, grief and loss before specialising in counselling for people affected by dementia. She is particularly passionate about supporting people newly diagnosed with dementia, their loved ones and sandwich carers managing several caring roles at once. Follow Able to Care Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast Part 2 continues next Tuesday, exploring boundaries, caregiver guilt, family conflict, Transactional Analysis and why emotional support after a dementia diagnosis needs to be far more individualised.

  8. Aug 24

    Tackling Child Poverty with Dignity - Part 2

    In Part 2 of Andy Baker’s conversation with Baroness Ruth Lister, the discussion turns to the wider cost of allowing child poverty to continue and the practical role schools, services, communities and policymakers can play. Ruth explains why reducing child poverty should be viewed as preventative investment rather than simply an expense. Poverty can affect children’s health, educational opportunities and future employment, while also increasing pressure on schools, local authorities, social care and the NHS. The episode also explores how schools may unintentionally deepen shame, the importance of poverty-proofing the school day, and the experiences of migrant families who have no recourse to public funds. Ruth discusses why poverty is not only about money but also dignity, rights, relationships and the way people are treated. This conversation is especially valuable for teachers, carers, parents, social workers and professionals who want to provide support without increasing stigma or making families feel blamed for circumstances beyond their control. In This Episode Andy and Ruth explore: The financial and social cost of failing to reduce child poverty Why spending on children can be understood as preventative investment How poverty affects health, education and future opportunities Ways schools can avoid unintentionally shaming or excluding children The importance of poverty-aware uniform, trip and meal policies What “no recourse to public funds” means for migrant families Why dignity and human rights matter alongside household income How professionals can involve people with lived experience in training and service design Where struggling parents may be able to seek practical support What individuals can do to advocate for change Three Key Messages 1. Failing to tackle child poverty has a significant long-term cost. Poverty can contribute to poorer health, reduced educational achievement and greater pressure on public services. Early financial support can therefore be understood as prevention and investment. 2. Schools and services can either reduce or deepen shame. Uniform rules, school trips, free-meal systems and requests for materials should be designed so that children are not publicly identified, punished or excluded because of their family income. 3. People experiencing poverty deserve support without judgement. Poverty is not only a shortage of money. It is also experienced through stigma, disrespect, powerlessness and the feeling of being treated as less worthy than other people. Why Listen to This Episode? Listen if you: Work in a school and want to make policies more poverty-aware Support children who lack uniforms, food, equipment or access to activities Work with migrant or refugee families who cannot access mainstream benefits Want to understand the long-term social cost of child poverty Are helping families navigate Universal Credit, food banks or local support Want to challenge stigma without turning the discussion into party-political conflict Believe services should be shaped by dignity, rights and lived experience Feel powerless about child poverty and want practical actions to take The episode offers both a national policy perspective and practical ideas that can be applied in schools, services and everyday interactions. Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 - Universal Credit is not only for unemployed families Why working parents may still qualify for financial support. 00:21 - The real cost of failing to tackle child poverty The long-term effects on health, education, employment and public services. 03:22 - What schools can stop doing How uniform policies, trips and classroom requirements can unintentionally increase shame. 04:40 - Poverty-proofing the school day Creating inclusive approaches to free school meals, equipment and participation. 06:28 - Practical support through schools and community services Laundry facilities and other forms of help for families in temporary accommodation. 06:51 - What no recourse to public funds means Why some migrant families cannot access social security or social housing. 10:41 - Poverty, dignity and human rights Why the experience of being dehumanised can feel as damaging as the material hardship itself. 14:23 - Understanding stigma and discrimination How language and assumptions shape the way families are treated. 15:37 - Practical advice for parents who are struggling Benefits checks, Citizens Advice, food banks and asking for support without shame. 18:39 - Reasons for hope and action Contacting representatives, joining local organisations and challenging poverty-related prejudice. 20:53 - Closing reflections The importance of empathy and recognising that people experiencing poverty are not a separate group. Resources Mentioned Ruth Lister’s Report - The Good Society Starts Small https://www.compassonline.org.uk/publications/the-good-society-starts-small/ Ruth Lister’s Book - Poverty, Second Edition https://www.wiley.com/en-gb/Poverty%2C+2nd+Edition-p-9780745645971 Ruth Lister - Loughborough University https://www.lboro.ac.uk/subjects/social-policy-studies/staff/honorary/ruth-lister/ Contact Ruth Lister listerr@parliament.uk Citizens Advice Support with Universal Credit, benefits entitlement, housing, debt and other financial concerns. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ No Recourse to Public Funds Collective Partnership The guest information highlights partnership work involving organisations supporting migrants and migrant families affected by immigration-status and public-funds restrictions: Praxis Migration Exchange Citizens UK Praxis: https://www.praxis.org.uk/ Migration Exchange: https://migrationexchange.org.uk/ Citizens UK: https://www.citizensuk.org/ Child Poverty Action Group Information, research and campaigning relating to child poverty and family support. https://cpag.org.uk/ Local Support Families may also be able to seek help through: Local welfare-rights organisations Food banks and community pantries Schools and family-support teams Local councils Housing and migrant-support charities Community and faith organisations Practical Ideas for Schools and Services Avoid sending children home because their family cannot afford the correct uniform Review whether trips and activities create visible differences between children Make free-school-meal systems as discreet and universal as possible Provide ingredients, equipment and materials rather than assuming every family can supply them Ask what is preventing attendance before treating absence as a lack of commitment Include people with lived experience of poverty in staff training Use respectful, non-stigmatising language in policies and conversations Ensure families know where they can receive confidential advice About Ruth Lister Baroness Ruth Lister is Emeritus Professor of Social Policy at Loughborough University. Her work explores poverty, citizenship, gender, inequality and social justice. A central theme of her work is that poverty should not be understood through income alone. It must also be examined through dignity, participation, voice, rights and the social relationships that shape how people are treated. Follow Able to Care Podcast website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/AbleTraining TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abletocarepodcast YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast If this episode helps you understand child poverty differently, please share it with a teacher, caregiver, parent, social worker or policymaker who may benefit from the conversation.

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About

Able to Care with Andy Baker helps caregivers, teachers, parents and people who care, better understand behaviour, care and connection. Hosted by Behaviour Specialist, author and trainer Andy Baker, the podcast explores dementia, neurodiversity, mental health, education, parenting, safeguarding, communication and the human stories behind support.

Information

  • Creator
    Andy Baker (Able Training)
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    100
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2022 Able Training Support Limited.
  • Show Website
    Able to Care

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