EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kids

Dr. Taylor Day
  • 4.8 (69)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Weekly

welcome to a parenting space actually designed for YOU! where you can get answers about navigating a life that includes autism. I’m Dr. Tay, a licensed child psychologist specializing in autism and neuroaffirming care. I have supported 100s of autistic children and their families and have been in the autism field for over a decade. on this podcast, we focus on supporting your autistic child AND your whole family, including you! every topic is on the table, and your questions (which you can submit through my social media) inspire the episodes created. I share some of my personal stories growing up with a brother who was diagnosed at 23 months of age as well as feature other families' stories so you know you are not navigating this journey alone. this is a space for you to be SEEN. HEARD. SUPPORTED. and get reputable and reliable information about autism instead of searching Google endlessly for hours. I am so dang grateful that you are here. ***disclaimer: not clinical advice, for educational purposes only*** subscribe to this podcast by hitting the plus or follow button so you don't miss an episode.

  1. 17h ago

    219 | why pride month matters for parents of autistic kids: autism and LGBTQIA+ identities

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇it's pride month, and if you're parenting an autistic child, this conversation matters. whether your child has expressed anything about their identity or not, understanding the overlap between autism and LGBTQIA+ identities is important. it's about creating a home where your child knows they can come to you with questions, curiosity, and self-discovery. in this episode, Dr. Tay explores the research behind the overlap between autism and LGBTQIA+ identities, why this matters for mental health, and what parents can do to create a safe and affirming environment. in this episode, you'll hear:what the research says about the overlap between autism and LGBTQIA+ identitieswhy autistic individuals are more likely to question social norms around gender and sexualitywhy acceptance at home is one of the strongest protective factors for mental healthhow autistic people often approach identity differently than neurotypical peersthe role of authenticity, self-discovery, and questioning social normswhy affirming your full identity is just as important as affirming your child's neurotypepractical ways to create a safe space for conversations about identity and belonging timestamps00:00 why this conversation matters for parents of autistic kids 02:30 understanding the overlap between autism and LGBTQIA+ identities 09:49 why younger generations are talking about identity differently 16:30 creating a safe landing place for your child 17:43 why autistic individuals may approach identity differently 24:57 what happens when only certain parts of a child feel accepted 27:23 the mental health impact of acceptance and belonging 30:15 practical ways to support your child without having all the answers 32:03 what it really means to be neurodiversity affirming 35:15 the question every parent should ask themselves resources⚡️ LGBTQIA+ resources Twainbow — an online community and information hub created to support autistic LGBTQIA+ individuals and provide identity-affirming resourcesAutistic LGBTQIA+ | I CAN Network — peer mentoring groups for autistic teens and young adults who identify as LGBTQIA+, including age-matched peer spaces and autistic mentorsAutistic Women & Nonbinary Network (AWN) — a nonprofit organization providing advocacy, community, and resources for autistic women, nonbinary individuals, and trans femmesThe Trevor Project — crisis support, education, and mental health resources for LGBTQIA+ youth and their familiesPFLAG — resources, education, and support for parents and families navigating conversations around sexual orientation and gender identity ⚡️ listen to autistic LGBTQIA+ voices — seek out autistic self-advocates sharing their lived experiences with gender, sexuality, identity, and belonging ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's current clinical services offered as well as her educational membership at drtaylorday.com

    38 min

  2. 6d ago

    218 | the brain-body disconnect: what Spelling to Communicate taught me about autism and communication

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇communication is not only about spoken words. and for many autistic individuals, especially non-speaking or minimally speaking individuals, the challenge is not a lack of thoughts, understanding, or desire to communicate. it may be that their body does not reliably do what their brain wants it to do. in this episode, dr. tay shares reflections after observing several Spelling to Communicate (S2C) sessions, including sessions with open spellers who were able to describe their own experiences of motor planning, communication, and brain-body disconnect. this conversation is about more than one communication modality. it is an invitation to think differently about communication, apraxia, motor planning, autonomy, consent, and what it means to presume competence. even if your child uses complex spoken language, this episode offers powerful insight into why communication can still break down, why behavior may not always mean what we think it means, and why giving time, space, and access matters. a special shoutout to Olivia of Brain2Body Therapy (Instagram: @brain2bodytherapy) and the families who allowed me to observe sessions - I am SO grateful! in this episode, you’ll hear:why communication should not be defined only by spoken languagehow S2C supports communication through motor planningwhat apraxia and brain-body disconnect can look like in autistic individualswhy some autistic individuals may say one thing while their body or spelling communicates something differenthow autonomy, agency, and consent can show up in communication workwhat open spellers can teach us about presuming competencewhy time, regulation, and a trusted communication partner matterhow these lessons apply even when a child has spoken language timestamps00:00 introduction to Spelling to Communicate (S2C) and why this topic matters 02:08 understanding communication beyond spoken language 05:49 observations from S2C sessions 12:00 autonomy, agency, and consent in communication work 18:08 motor planning, apraxia, and communication challenges 23:48 key insights from open spellers 28:05 when communication does not match what the body is doing 30:20 understanding how much effort communication can take 34:29 the brain-body disconnect and what it can teach us 39:10 navigating consent, autonomy, and “no” 46:53 the importance of time, space, and regulation in learning 51:51 reflections on communication, presuming competence, and learning differently resources⚡️ listen to episode 132 for more information on S2C and episode 159 to learn more about apraxia ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's current clinical services offered as well as her educational membership at drtaylorday.com

    54 min

  3. May 27

    217 | can you travel with your autistic child?

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇traveling with an autistic child can feel overwhelming to even imagine. what if they struggle with the routine change? what if the flight is hard? what if the unpredictability feels too overwhelming for everyone? in this episode, dr. tay reflects on her recent european trip and her thoughts on traveling with autistic children. this episode is a conversation about fear, accommodations, and why having an autistic child does not automatically mean your family can't explore the world. dr. tay discusses how preparation, research, flexibility, and realistic expectations can help families feel more confident trying new experiences, while also honoring their child’s nervous system and support needs. in this episode, you’ll hear:how fear and uncertainty can quietly stop families from travelingwhy research and preparation can make travel feel more manageablepractical ways to build accommodations and predictability into tripswhy flexibility matters more than a perfectly structured itineraryhow vacations and novel experiences can sometimes support regulationpractical accommodations like TSA cares and sunflower lanyardswhy autistic children deserve opportunities to explore the world too timestamps00:00 why traveling with your autistic child can feel overwhelming 03:32 understanding fear, uncertainty, and routine changes 06:58 travel, budgeting, and accessibility realities 12:10 planning, prep, and reducing stress while traveling 18:21 balancing flexibility with structure on vacation 21:21 the mindset shift that changes everything 25:46 how travel can support growth and regulation 27:28 stories of autistic children thriving while traveling 29:02 final reflections and encouragement for families resources⚡️ follow our travel account @explore.to.evolve if you want to learn more about travel and logistics ⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services

    31 min

  4. May 20

    216 | can kids actually mask? understanding autism in high-masking children

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇one reason autism can be missed in children is the belief that kids “can’t mask.” but they absolutely can. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down what masking can look like in autistic children, including why a child may seem “fine” at school but completely fall apart at home. you’ll learn how masking can be conscious or unconscious, how culture and reinforcement shape behavior, and why subtle signs matter so much during autism evaluations. this episode is especially helpful if you’ve ever wondered why your child seems so different across environments, or if you’ve been told their challenges must be “just behavioral” because they are not showing up everywhere. in this episode, you’ll hear:why autistic children can mask, even at young ageshow masking can contribute to delayed or missed autism diagnoseswhy kids may hold it together all day and then melt down at homethe difference between conscious masking and subconscious maskinghow reinforcement, modeling, and culture, can shape masking behaviorswhy people pleasing and anxiety often plays a role in masking and self-advocacywhat evaluators need to understand when assessing high-masking childrenhow to create safer spaces for kids to unmask and build self-advocacy over time timestamps00:00 understanding masking in children 02:50 the cycle of masking and rebound effects 05:49 the nuances of masking: conscious vs. unconscious 09:05 cultural influences on masking behaviors 11:52 modeling and reinforcement in masking 15:01 people-pleasing traits and their impact 17:57 the role of anxiety in masking 20:47 evaluation challenges in high-masking individuals 23:52 subtle indicators of autism in masking 26:54 creating safe spaces for unmasking 29:47 empowering self-advocacy in autistic children resources⚡️ autism traits guide — a $7 parent-friendly resource breaking down autism diagnostic criteria and sharing more in-depth traits, including those in high masking individuals ⚡️ high masking continuing education (CE) training for clinicians ⚡️ learn more about diagnostic evaluations through dr. tay concierge clinical care

    35 min

  5. May 14

    215 | parent therapy beyond talking: EMDR, IFS, ketamine, and intensive therapy with Dr. Carolyn Solo

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇parents of autistic kids are often told, “you need your own support too.” but what happens when traditional talk therapy doesn’t feel like enough or a good fit? or hasn't historically worked? in this episode, dr. tay is joined by dr. carolyn solo, a therapist specializing in EMDR, IFS, ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, and intensive therapy models. together, they explore why parents of neurodivergent kids may carry more chronic stress and nervous system overwhelm than they realize, and why bottom-up therapy approaches can be so helpful. this conversation is not about “fixing” you as a parent. it’s about understanding how your nervous system has been carrying the weight of advocacy, hypervigilance, uncertainty, and caregiving, and what kinds of support may help you show up with more grounding, compassion, and capacity. in this episode, you’ll hear:why parents of neurodivergent kids may experience chronic stress and trauma symptomshow supporting the parent can support the entire family systemwhat IFS is and why “all parts are welcome” fits so naturally with neurodiversity-affirming carehow EMDR helps process experiences that continue to activate the nervous systemwhy bottom-up therapies can be helpful when insight alone is not creating changewhat ketamine-assisted psychotherapy is and how it may support deeper therapeutic workhow intensive therapy models can offer a different path for busy, overwhelmed parentswhy noticing your child’s progress, not just their next goal, can be part of your own healing timestamps00:00 introduction to alternative therapies for parents of autistic kids 02:54 the journey of a therapist and parent 06:00 understanding trauma in parenting neurodivergent children 09:01 the importance of parental self-care 11:57 exploring internal family systems (IFS) therapy 17:53 the benefits of bottom-up therapies 22:50 understanding eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and its mechanism 29:09 exploring the intensive model of therapy 31:29 the role of ketamine in therapy 39:22 mindset shifts for parents of neurodiverse children resources⚡️ connect with dr. carolyn solo + learn more about her therapy approach here plus follow on Instagram @integritas_wellness_recovery ⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services

    40 min

  6. May 7

    214 | what autism looks like in toddlers (and why it’s often missed)

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇one of the biggest misconceptions parents hear is: “they’re too young to diagnose autism.” but research tells us something very different. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down what we actually know about early autism diagnosis, including how autism can present in toddlers, why early signs are often missed or explained away, and what parents should be paying attention to when something feels different. you’ll also learn why the phrase “wait and see” can sometimes do more harm than good and how to think about timing, evaluations, and support through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. in this episode, you’ll hear:why autism can be reliably diagnosed much earlier than many parents are toldhow to recognize patterns that may point toward autism in toddlerswhy “wait and see” advice can sometimes delay meaningful supporthow an early diagnosis can shift understanding, accommodations, and access to serviceswhat it looks like to advocate for your child when something feels different timestamps00:00 what age can autism actually be diagnosed? 07:22 why early diagnosis matters 12:26 “mindful waiting” vs. “wait and see” 20:03 access to supports and services 24:02 early autism signs in toddlers 34:10 trusting your instincts and advocating early resources⚡️ autism traits guide — a $7 parent-friendly resource breaking down autism diagnostic criteria and sharing more in-depth traits ⚡️ nuanced discussions on ABA: episodes 26, 59, 128, and 131 ⚡️ learn more about diagnostic evaluations for young children through dr. tay concierge clinical care ⚡️study referenced in today's episode (Pierce et al., 2019)

    37 min

  7. Apr 29

    213 | "could I be autistic too?" what many parents realize after their child’s diagnosis

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇for a lot of parents, the autism journey doesn’t stop with their child’s diagnosis. at some point… it starts to feel personal. you hear the questions during an evaluation, you start learning more about autism, and suddenly you’re thinking: “this sounds like me…” in this episode, dr. tay walks through what this process actually looks like — why it’s so common, why it can feel complicated, and how it can impact not just you, but your relationship and your entire family dynamic. because this isn’t just about understanding your child. it’s about understanding yourself and what that means for how you move forward. resources⚡️ other episodes referenced in this episode: 180, 189, 208 ⚡️ autism traits guide — a resource to help you understand diagnostic criteria and recognize patterns across ages and presentations ⚡️ neurodiverse communication masterclass with Dr. Ali — tools and strategies to support communication and connection in your relationship ⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services, including booking a free consult call for our adult evaluations in this episode, you’ll hear:why so many parents begin questioning their own neurotype after their child’s diagnosishow this realization often unfolds (and why it doesn’t always happen right away)the likelihood of parents being neurodivergent and why this mattersthe grief that can come with realizing you weren’t supported or accommodated in the same wayhow self-exploration can feel both clarifying and overwhelmingwhere to start if you’re exploring your own neurotype (including self-identification vs evaluation)why understanding diagnostic criteria is key — not just relying on social mediawhy loved ones may resist or struggle to understand this processhow this shift can impact your relationship dynamic and communicationwhy many couples feel more disconnected during this stage and what’s actually happening underneaththe importance of understanding patterns in communication, not just surface-level conflicthow learning new communication tools can support your entire family system timestamps00:00 when the autism journey starts to feel personal 03:12 are parents of autistic kids more likely to be neurodivergent? 05:28 how parents begin exploring their own neurotype 09:25 should you consider an adult autism evaluation? 10:40 what happens when others don’t understand 16:00 why relationships can feel harder after a diagnosis 20:45 how to start improving communication as a couple

    29 min

  8. Apr 22

    212 | is this autism? 6 questions parents search (and what actually matters)

    about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇if you’ve ever found yourself googling late at night… “is this autism?” and somehow ended up more confused than when you started — you’re not alone. there’s a lot of information out there. and many time it doesn’t help you actually make sense of what you’re seeing in your child. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down the most common questions parents are searching and why those questions often lead to more confusion instead of clarity. you’ll learn how to move beyond one-off traits and start understanding the patterns that actually matter when it comes to autism so you can feel more confident in what you’re noticing and how to advocate for your child. in this episode, you’ll hear:why googling “is this autism?” often leads to more confusion (not clarity)the difference between a developmental delay vs. autism and when to look deeperhow to think through “is this autism or something else?” (like ADHD, anxiety, or sensory differences)why no single trait can confirm or rule out autismhow autism is identified through patterns, not isolated behaviorswhat to consider when your child seems “fine at school” but struggles at homehow masking and environment can impact what others see (or don’t see)why “wait and see” advice can sometimes delay needed supporthow to trust your instincts, even when others aren’t concernedhow to better articulate what you’re seeing so providers actually listen timestamps00:00 introduction to common parental questions about autism 05:30 is this autism or just a delay? 08:02 is this autism or something else? 11:54 can my child be autistic and still do x, y, and z? 19:29 they’re fine at school, but not at home — could it still be autism? 23:04 doctors say to wait and see — should i? 27:24 am I overreacting or just anxious? resources from today's episode⚡️ autism traits guide — a $7 resource to help you understand diagnostic criteria, recognize patterns, and advocate with clarity keep learning from dr. tay⚡️join EVOLVE the membership and submit your questions for dr. tay to answer ⚡️learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services ⚡️ follow on >> instagram → @the.dr.tay tiktok → @the.dr.tay

    32 min
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4.8
out of 5
69 Ratings

About

welcome to a parenting space actually designed for YOU! where you can get answers about navigating a life that includes autism. I’m Dr. Tay, a licensed child psychologist specializing in autism and neuroaffirming care. I have supported 100s of autistic children and their families and have been in the autism field for over a decade. on this podcast, we focus on supporting your autistic child AND your whole family, including you! every topic is on the table, and your questions (which you can submit through my social media) inspire the episodes created. I share some of my personal stories growing up with a brother who was diagnosed at 23 months of age as well as feature other families' stories so you know you are not navigating this journey alone. this is a space for you to be SEEN. HEARD. SUPPORTED. and get reputable and reliable information about autism instead of searching Google endlessly for hours. I am so dang grateful that you are here. ***disclaimer: not clinical advice, for educational purposes only*** subscribe to this podcast by hitting the plus or follow button so you don't miss an episode.

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