Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Dr. Chip Dodd & Bryan Barley
  • 4.9 (106)
  • SELF-IMPROVEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Dr. Chip Dodd’s ”The Voice of the Heart” is one of the seminal and most practically impactful books of the last several decades in the counseling, coaching, and mentorship space. In ”Living with Heart,” Dr. Dodd joins co-host, Bryan Barley, to discuss with greater depth, detail, and practicality how to live with heart through the entire journey of life - from birth to death.

  1. 2D AGO

    105 - The Triangle and Addiction: Relinquishing Defenses

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.  Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE:  Relinquishing Your Defenses   Ultimately, every person who becomes addicted to any substance or behavioral process is running from knowing how to or being willing to contend with four realities and four promises (from episode #104), which requires that we know what to do with our feelings and needs.    We must become “response-able” to contend with life on life’s terms. While life is wonderful, it is also very painful. Even love, which is what we most desire, is very painful.    We are emotional and spiritual creatures, and we are created to live fully. We are created to find fulfillment in relationship with ourselves, others and God.   If we run from feelings and needs and the responsibility, we have to deal with them as emotional and spiritual creatures, we cannot fulfil our desire to live fully and love deeply.   On my website, chipdodd.com, you will find a FREE RESOURCE called, Relinquishing Your Defenses.  This resource uses a triangle diagram to show the trap we can get caught in if we run from feelings and needs.  We can become trapped in a never-ending cycle of avoidance and projection, “mind-reading,” and judgmental conclusions about everyone (Codependency Episodes, 32-44, Season 4).    People can get trapped in the victim-martyr-persecutor roles that become a person’s reaction to any forms of vulnerability that produce emotional arousal.   Anxiety fuels the defensive roles.    Judgmentalism creates a repetition of behaviors that a person uses to block or defend themselves from perceived threat.   The Victim - The victim role is not about being immature or weak.   It is about life experiences in which a child “discovers” that their feeling responses to life are ignored or negated in some other form.    The experience creates a sense of helplessness, which means “no help is coming.”    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    31 min

  2. FEB 24

    104 - The Four Promises and Addiction

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE:   Four Realities and Four Promises  Ultimately, every person who becomes addicted to any substance or behavioral  process is running from knowing how to or being willing to contend with four  realities and four promises.   Because the four realities are in conflict with the experience of the four promises,  a person must find a way to integrate the conflict or avoid real life.   We are emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully. We are created to  only be able to find fulfillment in relationship with ourselves, others and God.  As emotional and spiritual creatures, if we run from feelings and needs, we cannot  resolve the conflict between reality and the truth of God.  Four Realties  The best we ever become is still clumsy.  We are all like “giraffes running on ice.” Perfection is not attainable.  We must live life on life’s terms. We don’t make the rules about how life  works. No one defeats death, pain, or the craving to connect in relationship.  To love always requires that we learn how to tolerate pain.  Everything in life is practice. Doctors practice medicine, lawyers practice law. Parents, likewise, are  practicing being parents, as are people practicing being human. Children are  working very hard practicing being children. No one has all the answers. We  are all works in progress, not works of perfection.  It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Whether a person is eight or eighty-eight, we still have questions about  living and life, relationships, love, success, needs, and God.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    37 min

  3. FEB 17

    103 - The Cycle of Addiction

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   FREE RESOURCE:  The Addiction Cycle   Addiction is a disease, but its genesis is related to the trauma, and subsequent toxic shame that occurs relationally.   It is actually a neuro-physiological sickness that originates relationally and emotionally.    When we, as children, reject our vulnerable need for emotional connection with our important caregivers and other emotional influencers, we end up suppressing our true self and this creates toxic shame.   A person with addiction is driven by his/her anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes, and they seek to relieve themselves from this anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes. The need for relief from anxiety and the energy required to suppress genuine feelings and needs sets a person up to seek relief from anxiety.  The relief comes in the form of counterfeit fulfillment of genuine relational connection.   Counterfeit fulfillment “feels” like relationship with self, others, and even God temporarily, but it is not genuine relational connection because the person is avoiding their core feelings and needs.   A person who is addicted continues to struggle in a cycle of escaping his/her feelings.  This cycle is usually associated with what people call “stress.”  This cycle works as follows: An event occurs that a person has feelings about and the feelings need to be addressed. The person has increased anxiety, promoting a “need” for escape. Preoccupation with control over unwanted feelings and negative anxiety begins to be the focus of the “threatened” person.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    39 min

  4. FEB 10

    102 - Toxic Shame and Addiction

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   FREE RESOURCE:  The Toxic Shame Cycle  Go to Free Resources at chipdodd.com   What is Toxic Shame?  Toxic shame is the rejection of healthy shame.    Healthy shame allows us to recognize and accept our dependence upon others and God as we struggle to live fully in a tragic place.    Every child is “okay” being in need. When we lose our ability to be comfortable needing others, we develop toxic shame.    Ultimately, we become (a)shamed, which means “no healthy shame.”   Addiction grows out of the poisonous ground of toxic shame.   As toxic shame is developing, it begins to disrupt our normal sense of inborn  worth.    Every child comes into life with a sense of self-worth. It is a God-given attribute of being created in His image.   Self-worth drives the child to cry out for his/her needs to be met. It drives him/her to have confidence that their craving is good.  Toxic shame occurs when the normal human responses of the child are rejected, neglected, abused, or simply ignored.    Normal human responses are:  feelings needs desire longings hope    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    23 min

  5. FEB 3

    101 - Addiction and "The Castle"

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here.   Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   We are created to live fully, and we do so through relationship with ourselves, others, and God, as we bring the true heart of feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope to relationships.    Relationship requires vulnerability.    If the ability to be “comfortable” with dependence is fractured in one’s earlier years of life, the result is a set up for that person to feel the need to “hide” his/her heart. Instead of remaining present and connected, he/she has a compulsion to perform in order to belong or matter.    Trauma is experienced when one’s ability to accept their need for dependence is fractured.    The need to suppress emotional pain in order to survive, belong, and matter is the foundation upon which addiction is built.   Addiction is a false fulfillment of how we are created to live.    Addiction is relationship with a substance or process that gives a sense of connection without having to be vulnerable; in other words, a person can distract or numb themselves from having to feel by using some form of avoidance of relationship with one’s self, others, and God.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    25 min

  6. JAN 27

    100 - One Hundred Episodes of Heart

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   What is the purpose for creating this podcast, Living with Heart: From Birth to Death? When Chip and Bryan began Living with Heart: From Birth to Death, they hoped to communicate one central message: Helping people see who they are made to be, so they can do what they are made to do, which will move them to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that bless others.    In today’s episode, they take a break from their current series on addiction to celebrate with listeners the achievement of the milestone of episode #100.    Bryan asked Dr Dodd to explain the driving force that has motivated him to continue in his work.   Dr Dodd’s responses: The most productive time in a person’s career when he/she is in their 60s.  We so often make the mistake of seeing the 60–70-year-old age bracket as a time for retirement or “letting the younger generations have it now” period. Nothing could be more mistaken or sad.  The younger generations need paths to follow and the older generations still need to remain beneficial to their communities.  A wise person once said that the fullest life is one of maximum service. From the age of 60 onward is potentially the most productive period of one’s life for four reasons: The wisdom gained from experience and proven capability are most integrated at that age.   Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    49 min

  7. JAN 20

    99 - The Addiction Pandemic

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails   The pervasive impact of addiction   The pervasiveness of addiction and its impact makes it a pandemic, perhaps the deadliest human beings have ever experienced.   A pandemic is an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area (continents in the case of addiction.) It affects a significant proportion of the population.  An epidemic is localized.  A pandemic refers to “all demographics.”   Tragically, Addiction impairs the addict’s ability to see the impact of their addiction.  This impairment is called denial. It prevents the addict from seeing clearly and accurately the consequences of his/her addiction.     We have 30+ million alcoholics in this country and 15+ million people addicted to illegal drugs.    For every one person chemically dependent on alcohol or illegal drugs, 3 to 4 other people are emotionally, mentally, if not physically harmed.    These addictions result in emotional trauma, setting up the high probability of tendency toward addiction.    Adding up the numbers using only the impact of addiction upon 3 people is 135 million people in this nation harmed. When the addicted person is added to the number, the impact is monstrous.    Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    20 min

  8. JAN 13

    98 - Addiction and its Formation

    Click here to read the episode highlights.    The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.    Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership.  What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com.   In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails   How Addiction Operates   Addiction as a feelings problem   Addiction is a “feelings” disorder. A disorder of not knowing how to face, feel, and deal with the feelings that come with living life on life’s terms.    Life is a “feelings” experience, one we don’t control as much as we must face, feel, and deal with as wisely and productively as we possibly can.   To face life wisely and productively requires that we live in connection with others and God in an intimate way.    The substitute for living relationally connected is to distract ourselves from our own needs. This means that we attempt to find a counterfeit connection that offers a relief, but not what we genuinely need.   The distraction from our own hearts becomes the addictive process. Addiction is marked by negative consequences for the addicted person, but their actions don’t change.   Addiction also has its foundation on the defense of denial.   Denial has five characteristics: Denial of facing the reality of what is occurring. Denial of the feelings related to reality. Denial of the needs related to the feelings. Denial about talking about the first three characteristics. Denial of the need to trust that things can actually be different.   Addiction is rooted in toxic shame.   Toxic shame is the internal sense of contempt a person has towards  their feelings and needs the “clumsiness” of being human  the reality of imperfection Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

    36 min
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4.9
out of 5
106 Ratings

About

Dr. Chip Dodd’s ”The Voice of the Heart” is one of the seminal and most practically impactful books of the last several decades in the counseling, coaching, and mentorship space. In ”Living with Heart,” Dr. Dodd joins co-host, Bryan Barley, to discuss with greater depth, detail, and practicality how to live with heart through the entire journey of life - from birth to death.

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