Avoiding My Anxiously Attached Boyfriend

AMAABF
  • 4.7 (3)
  • Sexuality
  • Weekly

Welcome to "Avoiding My Anxiously Attached Boyfriend"! (AMAABF). A podcast that delves race, relationships and the LGBTQ+ community.Join the first visual and audio LGBTQ+ podcast hosted by a mixed heritage couple! Get to know Faris (anxiously attached), who's always seeking reassurance, and Josh (Avoidant attached), who self-sabotaged every relationship, until this one! No matter how hard he tried. This podcast came to fruition from long night chats in the garden with a cuppa, solving all of the world’s issues. Originally, starting as a podcast in our garage, to a beautiful studio in London. We want this podcast to be a place our beautiful listeners can enjoy, have a laugh and escape yaylity! So, join us and subscribe for new episodes every MONDAY! Peace, Love, and Rubber Gloves. 

  1. Oct 27

    RuPaul, Gay Dating & The Dark Side of Drag Race: Rom-1

    In this episode, we’re joined by musician, former RuPaul’s Drag Race UK contestant and queer artist Rom-1 (formerly known as Baby) for an honest and revealing conversation about the dark side of reality television, racism in the gay community, Black masculinity, cultural identity and his decision to walk away from drag. Romone opens up in detail about their experience on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK, revealing why they really chose to leave the competition and the lasting impact it had on his mental health. From allegations of manipulation by producers and having anxiety and depression used for entertainment to uncomfortable racial comments from RuPaul himself, Romone reflects on what happened behind the scenes, why they felt exploited and how the experience ultimately changed their relationship with drag. We also explore Romone’s upbringing in a Jamaican family, growing up Black and gay in London and the complicated relationship between sexuality and cultural belonging.  The conversation also explores racism, fetishisation and the unspoken hierarchies within gay dating. Romone opens up about being made to feel undesirable because of their race and femininity, dating white men who held racist attitudes and the pressure he once felt to change their body to fit into predominantly white gay spaces.  Finally, Romone reflects on leaving their drag persona behind, embracing their non-binary identity and building a music career that allows them to express every part of himself without compromise.

    RuPaul, Gay Dating & The Dark Side of Drag Race: Rom-1

  2. Oct 13

    Growing up Gay in Jordan, Israeli Pinkwashing & Gay Arab Identity : Hasan Kilani

    In this episode, we’re joined by Palestinian-Jordanian queer activist and writer Hasan Kilani for an honest and open conversation about growing up gay in Jordan, LGBTQ+ life in the Middle East, Palestine, Israeli pinkwashing and the complicated relationship between sexuality, identity and political liberation. Hasan challenges the narratives often pushed about queer people in Arab and Muslim communities, particularly the argument that LGBTQ+ people shouldn't support Palestine because of homophobia in the region. Drawing on his experiences growing up between Jordan and Palestine, he explains how Israel's promotion of LGBTQ+ rights can be used to distract from the realities of occupation and why queer Palestinians often find themselves fighting for their rights while having their experiences used against their own communities. We also get into Hasan's upbringing in Jordan, where his experience of being gay was very different from the stereotypes often associated with the Middle East. From growing up in an accepting family and experimenting with femininity to discovering Amman's gay bars, queer spaces and LGBTQ+ activism, Hasan reflects on the queer Arab communities that have existed for decades but rarely receive recognition.  The conversation also explores Western hypocrisy, racism, Islamophobia and the assumptions made about Arab and Muslim men. Hasan discusses why he approaches conversations about homophobia differently in Arabic and English, the contradictions he has experienced living in Britain compared with Jordan and how colonial attitudes continue to shape perceptions of the SWANA region.  Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Growing up Gay in Jordan, Israeli Pinkwashing & Gay Arab Identity : Hasan Kilani

  3. Sep 29

    Mixed-Race Identity, Colourism & Racial Fetishisation: Dr Chantelle Jessica Lewis

    In this episode, we’re joined by sociologist, writer and researcher Dr Chantelle Lewis for a wide-ranging conversation about mixed-race identity, Blackness, whiteness, family, colourism and the complicated realities of growing up between different racial worlds. Chantelle takes us into her PhD research on Black mixed-race families who moved from multicultural cities into predominantly white suburban areas. She reflects on speaking to different generations within the same families and hearing children describe racism, bullying and isolation that their parents often didn’t realise they were experiencing. We unpack the idea of being “torn between two identities” and why Chantelle believes the conversation around mixed-race identity needs to move beyond simply feeling rejected by both sides. We also get into the relationship between mixedness, desirability and privilege. Chantelle discusses the fetishisation of mixed-race people, why mixed-race men in particular can be hypersexualised, the desire some people have to “have mixed babies” and how proximity to whiteness can shape the way mixed-race people understand themselves. We also explore why saying “I don’t see race” can be damaging within interracial families and what happens when children feel unable to talk to their parents about racism. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Mixed-Race Identity, Colourism & Racial Fetishisation: Dr Chantelle Jessica Lewis

  4. Sep 22

    Gay Hierarchies, Racial Fetishisation & Black Masculinity: Topher Campbell

    In this episode, we’re joined by artist, filmmaker and activist Topher Campbell for a wide-ranging conversation about Black queer history, race, sexuality, masculinity, fetishisation and the experiences that shaped his understanding of identity. Topher takes us back to growing up in care before moving in with his Jamaican mother as a teenager, navigating religion, sexuality and eventually finding his way into London’s Black queer scene. He reflects on coming of age in the 80s and 90s, a time when Black queer people were rarely visible in mainstream culture and how those experiences later influenced his work documenting and preserving Black LGBTQ+ history through the Rukus! archive. We also get into the complicated relationship between race, masculinity and desire. Topher opens up about being fetishised by white gay men from a young age, the expectations placed on Black men and how his appearance and the way he spoke could simultaneously give him access to certain spaces while still leaving him boxed in by racial stereotypes. He also reflects on racism within theatre and the arts and the feeling of being wanted sexually while still being denied professional opportunities. Later, we unpack Topher’s complicated relationship with the word “gay”, why he believes mainstream gay culture can centre a white male experience and why he prefers the openness of “queer”. We also get into the history behind top and bottom labels, their links to BDSM culture and how the internet helped turn sexual preferences into identities and categories. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Gay Hierarchies, Racial Fetishisation & Black Masculinity: Topher Campbell

  5. Sep 15

    Code-Switching, Internalised Homophobia & Black Queer Identity: Laquarn Lewis

    In this episode, we’re joined by actor Laquarn Lewis, known for *What It Feels Like for a Girl* and *Jamie Johnson*, for an honest conversation about growing up Black and gay, code-switching, masculinity and finding your place in a queer community that doesn’t always reflect your own experiences. Laquarn opens up about the reality of being a Black queer actor and why opportunities can still feel limited for people who don’t fit what the industry is looking for. We get into playing Lady Die in *What It Feels Like for a Girl*, how stepping into the role introduced him to a side of queer culture he’d never experienced before and why he was warned that taking the part could lead to him being typecast. We also explore Laquarn’s relationship with masculinity and femininity, growing up pretending to be straight and becoming so good at code-switching that he felt like he had “100 personalities”. He reflects on entering queer spaces for the first time, feeling disconnected from parts of gay culture and learning that being queer doesn’t mean having to fit into one particular version of what a gay man should be. From his parents’ reactions to his sexuality to learning to stop editing himself depending on who was around him, Laquarn reflects on what it took to finally become comfortable with every side of himself and the advice he would give to the younger version of himself who was terrified of being found out. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Code-Switching, Internalised Homophobia & Black Queer Identity: Laquarn Lewis

  6. Sep 8

    Sexual Shame, Queer Therapy & The Gay Loneliness Epidemic: Dhiren Doshi-Smith

    In this episode, we’re joined by therapist Dhiren Doshi-Smith for an honest conversation about therapy, queer identity, race, culture, sex and the shame so many gay men carry without even realising it. Dhiren specialises in working with queer, neurodiverse people of colour and explains why traditional approaches to therapy don’t always account for people whose identities are shaped by family, religion, culture and community. We get into the idea of decolonising therapy, why setting boundaries can look completely different when you come from a collectivist culture and the loneliness that can come from feeling othered by your family, wider society and even within queer spaces. We also have a frank conversation about gay sex and why Dhiren believes it needs to have a place in the therapy room. From the shame around bottoming and the idea that being a bottom makes someone less masculine, to racial stereotypes around who is expected to top or bottom, we explore how misogyny, internalised homophobia and cultural expectations can shape the way gay men understand their own sexuality.  Dhiren opens up about his own journey as a queer Indian man, balancing a culture he deeply loves with a sexuality that hasn’t always felt accepted within it.  From once carrying shame around being brown, queer and neurodiverse to appearing in a Pride in London campaign and becoming visibly, publicly gay, Dhiren shares how he reached a place where he can say he genuinely loves his queerness and why helping other queer people get there has become such an important part of his work. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Sexual Shame, Queer Therapy & The Gay Loneliness Epidemic: Dhiren Doshi-Smith

  7. Sep 1

    Closeted Men, Bacha Bazi & Queer South Asians: Saad Zain

    In this episode, we’re joined by Saad Zain for an honest and at times provocative conversation about growing up gay across Pakistan, Kazakhstan, Dubai and London and what queer life can really look like in cultures where sexuality is rarely spoken about openly. Saad opens up about knowing he was gay from an early age, growing up surrounded by shame around his sexuality and why he believes there’s a huge difference between what happens behind closed doors and what people are willing to accept publicly. We get into his now infamous claim that “everyone in Pakistan is gay”, the contradictions around gay sex and masculinity across Pakistan and the Middle East and the darker reality behind practices like Bacha Bazi and dancing boys. We also explore Pakistan’s complicated relationship with gender and sexuality, including the history and visibility of the Khwaja Sara community and the impact British colonial rule had on attitudes towards gender diversity. Saad reflects on growing up gay in Kazakhstan, sneaking into gay clubs at just 13 and later navigating a London gay scene where he says being openly gay once felt like a “white privilege”. From racism and fetishisation in gay spaces to feeling pressure to assimilate, reconnecting with his Pakistani identity and questioning how inclusive queer spaces really are, Saad shares how his relationship with both his culture and sexuality has changed as he’s got older. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Closeted Men, Bacha Bazi & Queer South Asians: Saad Zain

  8. Aug 25

    Pretty Boys, Modelling & Coming out: Tyrell Trey

    In this episode, we’re joined by Tyrell Trey for an honest conversation about modelling, sexuality, mixed-race identity, music, dating and the long process of figuring out who you actually are when you’ve spent years becoming what other people expect from you. Tyrell opens up about entering the modelling industry at just 16, going from feeling like the “ugly” kid growing up in a predominantly white area to being signed, modelling in Milan and suddenly having his appearance become his career. We then get into sexuality and identity. Tyrell talks about growing up mixed-race and gay, learning to become a “chameleon” depending on the space he was in and why being perceived as masculine or “straight passing” comes with its own expectations. Music has become a way for Tyrell to move away from those expectations and back towards himself. He takes us inside his writing process, explains how he uses phonetic singing to find melodies before lyrics and talks about finally releasing music that’s been sitting unheard for years, alongside what’s coming next. Follow us on Social Media: TikTok: @AMAABF Instagram: @AMAABF

    Pretty Boys, Modelling & Coming out: Tyrell Trey
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Ratings & Reviews

4.7
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

Welcome to "Avoiding My Anxiously Attached Boyfriend"! (AMAABF). A podcast that delves race, relationships and the LGBTQ+ community.Join the first visual and audio LGBTQ+ podcast hosted by a mixed heritage couple! Get to know Faris (anxiously attached), who's always seeking reassurance, and Josh (Avoidant attached), who self-sabotaged every relationship, until this one! No matter how hard he tried. This podcast came to fruition from long night chats in the garden with a cuppa, solving all of the world’s issues. Originally, starting as a podcast in our garage, to a beautiful studio in London. We want this podcast to be a place our beautiful listeners can enjoy, have a laugh and escape yaylity! So, join us and subscribe for new episodes every MONDAY! Peace, Love, and Rubber Gloves. 

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