Not Your Therapist

Kayla Reilly MSW, LCSW
  • 5.0 (22)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

Life is messy, relationships are complicated, and let’s be real—mental health can feel like a full-time job. If you’re looking for down-to-earth, no-BS conversations about navigating stress, relationships, and personal growth, you’re in the right place. I’m Kayla Reilly, a licensed therapist, entrepreneur, and real-life human who knows that wellness isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding what actually works for you. This show is for anyone who wants approachable mental health tools, relatable insights, and a little humor along the way. Each episode, we break down the good, the bad, and the downright frustrating parts of life—from managing anxiety and breaking toxic patterns to setting boundaries and creating balance (without the guilt). No therapy jargon, no fluff—just real talk and practical strategies to help you feel more grounded in your everyday life. Hit play, get comfortable, and let’s figure this life thing out together.

  1. Oct 19

    Other Mothers and Daughters Don't Have These Problems!

    Send us Fan Mail Ever tried setting boundaries with your mom, only to hear, "Other mothers and daughters don't have these problems!" 🙄 Oh, REALLY? And how the hell would you know?! In this episode of Not Your Therapist, licensed therapist Kayla Reilly (aka The Spicy Shrink) answers a real question from a Cycle Breaker Circle member about emotionally immature parents, mother-daughter conflict, and emotional invalidation. We're breaking down why some parents use comparison to dismiss your feelings, why setting boundaries with dysfunctional family members can actually create MORE conflict, and how to stop getting sucked into defending yourself. In this episode, you'll learn: How emotional invalidation shows up in parent-adult child relationshipsWhy avoiding conflict doesn't necessarily mean a family is healthyHow emotionally immature parents may respond when you start setting boundariesWhy breaking generational cycles can disrupt dysfunctional family dynamicsPractical scripts for responding to guilt trips, comparisons, and dismissive commentsBecause just because your family isn't fighting doesn't mean they're healthy. Sometimes it just means everyone learned to shut the hell up. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  2. Oct 12

    “That Never Happened”: When Family Minimizes Your Pain (Part 2)

    Send us Fan Mail So you’ve realized your family is dysfunctional. You’ve started recognizing the guilt trips, minimizing, gaslighting, and roles you were expected to play. Now what the hell do you do with that information? In Part 2 of my conversation with Christine Giarrizzo—journalist, mom, blogger, and host of the Momming as a Millennial podcast—we keep digging into what happens when you start healing… but your family doesn’t. We talk about boundaries with difficult family members, the guilt that comes with changing old patterns, emotionally immature parents, family manipulation, and why becoming healthier can actually create more conflict in a dysfunctional family system at first. Because when you’ve spent your whole life being the peacekeeper, caretaker, good kid, invisible one, or family therapist, choosing yourself can feel a whole lot like being selfish. It isn’t. And healing doesn’t necessarily mean cutting everyone off, forgiving everything that happened, or finally finding the perfect words that make your family understand you. Sometimes it means learning how to stay grounded in your own reality—even when they disagree with it. 🎧 Check out Christine’s podcast, Momming as a Millennial for more honest conversations about motherhood, identity, relationships, and finding yourself outside of everyone else’s expectations. 🌶️ Come hang out with me on Instagram @thespicyshrink and tell me what you thought about this conversation. I LOVE hearing what resonated, what made something click, and yes—even what you disagreed with. And if you’re sitting there thinking, Okay, I can see these patterns everywhere now…but I still don’t know how to actually change them, that’s exactly why I created Survival to Self: The Starter Guide to Healing from Dysfunctional Families. It’s where I teach you how to understand the role you learned to play, create boundaries and scripts, recognize manipulation like guilt, gaslighting and DARVO in real time, and build an actual game plan for dealing with your family without abandoning yourself to keep the peace. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  3. Oct 5

    “That Never Happened”: When Family Minimizes Your Pain (Part 1)

    Send us Fan Mail What happens when the people who hurt you insist it “wasn’t that bad”—or straight-up tell you it never happened? In Part 1 of this special two-part episode of Not Your Therapist, I’m joined by Christine Giarrizzo, journalist, mom, blogger, and host of the Momming as a Millennial podcast, for a conversation about what it’s like to heal from a dysfunctional family when the people around you minimize, deny, or rewrite your experience. And honestly? This turned into less of an interview and more of a live Q&A—which means we get INTO it. We talk about childhood trauma, emotionally immature parents, dysfunctional family roles, guilt, boundaries, nervous system responses, and why your family may suddenly have a whole lot to say when you stop playing the role they assigned you. Because here’s the thing: your family doesn’t have to agree with your experience for your experience to be real. If you grew up hearing things like “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” “We did the best we could,” or “Why are you still talking about this?”—yeah. This episode is for you. 🎧 Check out Christine’s podcast, Momming as a Millennial, for more honest conversations about motherhood, identity, and finding fulfillment beyond taking care of everyone else. 🌶️ Come find me on Instagram @thespicyshrink and tell me what hit home. I genuinely want to hear your take. And if you’re ready to go beyond recognizing your dysfunctional family patterns and actually learn what to DO with them, check out Survival to Self: The Starter Guide to Healing from Dysfunctional Families—my step-by-step course for understanding your patterns, setting boundaries, responding to manipulation, and learning how to stop abandoning yourself just to keep the peace. Part 2 coming next. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  4. Sep 28

    Is It Guilt… or Is It Your Childhood Talking?

    Send us Fan Mail Do you feel guilty every time you set a boundary? Say no? Choose yourself? Disappoint someone? You might not actually be experiencing healthy guilt—you might be experiencing the guilt you were conditioned to feel growing up in a dysfunctional family. In this episode, I'm breaking down the difference between healthy guilt and childhood guilt, why emotionally immature parents often teach us to confuse the two, and how to stop letting guilt control your decisions. If you've ever wondered why saying "no" feels so uncomfortable or why someone else's disappointment makes you question yourself, this episode is for you. In this episode, you'll learn:  The difference between healthy guilt and conditioned guilt  Why people-pleasers feel guilty for having needs  How dysfunctional families teach children to prioritize everyone else's emotions  Three questions to help you determine whether your guilt is actually useful  How to stop letting guilt make your decisions If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's learning that choosing themselves isn't selfish—it's healing. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  5. Sep 21

    The Hidden Damage of the Enabling Parent

    Send us Fan Mail Everyone talks about the narcissistic parent, emotionally immature parent, or toxic family member. But what about the parent who stood by and did nothing? In this episode, I'm unpacking the role of the enabler in dysfunctional families, why the "nice parent" often causes more confusion than the abusive one, and why so many adult children stay stuck waiting for that parent to finally stand up for them. We'll talk about enabling, family roles, emotionally immature parents, codependency, childhood trauma, grief, and why your healing can't depend on someone else's willingness to change. In this episode, you'll learn:  What an enabler actually is  Why enabling develops in dysfunctional families  The hidden impact of the "safe" parent who never protected you  Why trying to change the enabler usually keeps you stuck  How to shift your focus back to your own healingSupport the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  6. Sep 14

    3 Ways to Become a Calmer Parent (Without Becoming a Permissive One)

    Send us Fan Mail Are you trying to break generational cycles but still find yourself losing your patience with your kids? If you've ever yelled, felt guilty, and immediately thought, "I'm turning into my parents," you're not alone. In this episode, I'm sharing three practical ways to become a calmer parent without becoming permissive. We'll talk about emotional regulation, why behavior is communication, how to repair after conflict, and why your kids don't need a perfect parent—they need one who's willing to take accountability. Whether you grew up with emotionally immature parents or you're simply trying to parent differently than you were raised, this episode will give you practical tools to help you respond instead of react. In this episode, you'll learn:  Why calm parenting starts with regulating yourself  How to understand what your child's behavior is really communicating  Why repair is more important than perfection  How to break generational cycles without expecting yourself to be a perfect parent  Simple mindset shifts that help you build emotional safety in your home If this episode encouraged you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another parent who's trying to raise emotionally healthy kids. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  7. Sep 7

    One Easy Habit That Can Improve Your Marriage

    Send us Fan Mail Want to know one of the biggest mistakes couples make during conflict? They assume they know why their partner did something instead of getting curious. As a therapist, I've seen this one communication habit completely change the way couples argue. Most relationship fights aren't just about dirty dishes, forgotten texts, or who's picking up the kids—they're about the stories we tell ourselves about our partner's intentions. In this episode, I'm breaking down why our brains jump to conclusions (especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional family), how childhood experiences shape the way we communicate in adulthood, and one simple shift that can instantly create more connection in your marriage. We'll talk about assumptions, curiosity, emotional safety, attachment wounds, and why healthy communication isn't about winning arguments—it's about understanding each other. In this episode, you'll learn:  The communication habit that improves almost every relationship  Why your brain assumes the worst when you're hurt  How childhood trauma and emotionally immature parents impact your marriage  The difference between curiosity and criticism  Simple questions that help you connect instead of escalate conflict Whether you've been married for 20 years or you're just trying to communicate better with your partner, this episode will give you one practical tool you can start using today. If this episode helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and send it to your spouse (yes... I'm talking to you 😉). Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

  8. Aug 31

    How to Stop Living Around Everyone Else's Feelings

    Send us Fan Mail Do you feel responsible for everyone else's emotions? Do you change your mood based on your partner's mood? Walk on eggshells around your parents? Feel guilty when someone is disappointed in you? Constantly scan the room to make sure everyone else is okay? If so, you might still be living by the survival rules you learned in childhood. In this episode, I explain why adult children of dysfunctional and emotionally immature families become hyperaware of everyone else's emotions, why people-pleasing isn't your personality (it's a survival strategy), and how to stop organizing your entire life around keeping other people comfortable. We'll talk about emotional responsibility, nervous system responses, boundaries, people-pleasing, and one mindset shift that can completely change how you show up in your relationships. If you've ever wondered why someone else's bad mood can ruin your entire day, this episode is for you. In this episode, you'll learn:  Why you feel responsible for everyone else's emotions  How dysfunctional families create hypervigilance  The hidden cost of people-pleasing  How to stop absorbing everyone else's feelings  A simple exercise to help you start choosing yourself If this episode resonated with you, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who's ready to stop surviving and start becoming themselves. Support the show 🖤 If this episode made you feel seen, I've got a lot more where that came from. ✨ Follow me on Instagram @the_spicyshrink for daily no-BS mental health content.  ✨ Grab my FREE Family Survival Roles Quiz to discover the survival role you learned growing up.  ✨ Ready to stop understanding your family and start responding differently?  Check out Survival to Self and all my resources at stan.store/kaylareilly. See you next week, friend. 💛

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Trailer

5
out of 5
22 Ratings

About

Life is messy, relationships are complicated, and let’s be real—mental health can feel like a full-time job. If you’re looking for down-to-earth, no-BS conversations about navigating stress, relationships, and personal growth, you’re in the right place. I’m Kayla Reilly, a licensed therapist, entrepreneur, and real-life human who knows that wellness isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding what actually works for you. This show is for anyone who wants approachable mental health tools, relatable insights, and a little humor along the way. Each episode, we break down the good, the bad, and the downright frustrating parts of life—from managing anxiety and breaking toxic patterns to setting boundaries and creating balance (without the guilt). No therapy jargon, no fluff—just real talk and practical strategies to help you feel more grounded in your everyday life. Hit play, get comfortable, and let’s figure this life thing out together.

Information

  • Creator
    Kayla Reilly MSW, LCSW
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    84
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 @ 2024 Not Your Therapist Podcast
  • Show Website
    Not Your Therapist

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