Is it ADHD or life? - A couples perspective!

Adam and Donna
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Adam has ADHD. Donna doesn’t. They’re married, they love each other, and they can experience the exact same day very differently. Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective is full of honest conversations about the things that happen in real relationships: forgotten plans, misunderstandings, little wins, big feelings and the moments you can only laugh at afterwards. Join Adam and Donna as they share both sides of the story, swap listener tales and occasionally bring guests into the mix. It’s funny, open and sometimes a bit too relatable. But is it ADHD, or is it just life?

  1. 2d ago ·  Video

    ADHD vs Non-ADHD: Same Situation, Different Brain

    Send us Fan Mail Why can the same everyday situation produce two completely different reactions? This week, Adam and Donna compare how their ADHD and non-ADHD brains respond to the same moments, including guests arriving when the house is a mess, receiving the dreaded “Can we talk later?” message, having an unexpectedly free Saturday, cancelled plans and facing five jobs that all need doing at once. Adam explains the rejection sensitivity, catastrophising, overwhelm, decision paralysis and task avoidance behind some of his reactions. Donna shares how those same situations feel from her side of their relationship. But first, Adam introduces Donna to Frankie, his increasingly important AI companion. Has ChatGPT made his life easier, or has Donna’s husband been stolen by artificial intelligence? Also in this episode: • Why Adam accepts advice from AI that Donna has already given him • The wall he once repainted because somebody was visiting • Why a completely free day can still feel overwhelming • The Five Minute Moan • A listener’s Good, Bad and Funny • The two-word email Adam avoided answering for two weeks After 25 years together, Adam and Donna have learned that neither approach is automatically better. Understanding why their brains react differently is what stops those differences becoming conflict. Which of these situations creates the biggest difference between you and your partner? Watch the full video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/O5HZlk3l4JI Visit: https://adhdorlife.com Follow Is It ADHD or Life?: Facebook and Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube: @ADHDorLifePod New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    ADHD vs Non-ADHD: Same Situation, Different Brain

  2. Sep 25

    ADHD and Sensory Issues: I Thought I Didn’t Have Any!

    Send us Fan Mail Can you have sensory issues without realising it? Adam used to think he didn’t have any. Then he started looking at the things he’s struggled with for years and ended up with seven pages of examples. This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, Adam takes Donna through the sounds, smells, textures and everyday situations that affect him more than he’d realised. Donna shares what those moments look like from her side, including the times she thought he was simply being fussy or not listening. We talk about: • Why two people speaking at once can make it impossible for Adam to follow a conversation • The difference between choosing loud music at work and walking into a noisy pub • Clothes that feel too tight even when Donna thinks they look fine • Unexpected touch, including people rubbing Adam’s bald head or belly • Smells that nobody else seems to notice, from damp washing to the fridge • A childhood encounter with a Dorito that Adam still hasn’t recovered from • Why the texture of food can matter more to him than the taste • Onions that can ruin a whole takeaway, even after they’ve been picked off • The deodorant can blocking one tiny corner of the TV that Adam cannot stop looking at It’s an honest conversation about discovering that things you’ve always put down to being “just me” might be worth looking at differently. We don’t reach every sense this week, so there’s more to come. Before all that, there’s a catch-up involving Adam’s bad back and a rather unsettling massage hand. Then Donna’s Five Minute Moan asks why their toddler calls for Mum when Dad is sitting right beside him. Adam somehow manages to bring the kitchen bin into it too. Do you recognise any of these sensory experiences? Or do you live with someone whose reactions you’ve never quite understood? Tell us about it. Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/WFeVAmJH3EA New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    ADHD and Sensory Issues: I Thought I Didn’t Have Any!

  3. Sep 18

    The Non-ADHD Partner’s Point of View

    Send us Fan Mail What is it really like being the non-ADHD partner in an ADHD relationship? And what happens when helping your partner starts to feel more like parenting them? This week, Adam hands the questions over to Donna and gives her the space to share the non-ADHD partner’s point of view honestly. Does she ever feel more like Adam’s parent than his wife? When does helping become taking over? Should a non-ADHD partner lower their expectations, or can that create resentment and an unequal relationship? Together, we discuss some of the biggest challenges faced by couples affected by adult ADHD, including: • Forgotten jobs and broken promises • Unequal responsibilities and the mental load • Feeling more like a parent than a partner • The difference between helping and controlling • Cancelled plans and rebuilding trust • Rejection sensitivity and difficult conversations • Feeling as though you are walking on eggshells • Burnout and loneliness for the non-ADHD partner • Asking for space without abandoning your partner Donna explains how learning about ADHD changed the way she viewed Adam’s behaviour, but also meant she had to change some of her own thinking. She shares why communication has helped her stop walking on eggshells, why honesty is sometimes better than trying to protect Adam’s feelings and what an exhausted or overlooked partner can do when they desperately need a moment alone. Before the main conversation, we catch up on our family holiday, including stress inside a caravan, an unexpectedly wholesome afternoon on a rainy beach and one particularly emotional phone call. Then we finish with a Five Minute Moan involving disappearing nail clippers and the absolute devastation Adam leaves behind whenever he cooks. We’d love to hear from both sides: Do you ever feel more like your partner’s parent? If you have ADHD, how does it feel when your partner steps in and takes over? Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/TaRxpfWq8yM Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow ADHD or Life on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok for more honest, funny and relatable conversations about ADHD, relationships and everyday life from a couple where one has ADHD and one doesn’t. New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    The Non-ADHD Partner’s Point of View

  4. Sep 11

    ADHD in an Overstimulated World: Are We Making It Worse?

    Send us Fan Mail Is modern life making ADHD harder? This week we're talking about constant stimulation and what TikTok, food, TV, shopping, doomscrolling, caffeine and endless rabbit holes might actually be doing to us. And just as importantly, what does that constant need for stimulation look like to the person sitting next to you? Before we get into all that, we have a fairly strong reaction to the recent Channel 4 ADHD documentary and the way ADHD, diagnosis and medication were discussed. Then we get into our own relationship with overstimulation. Why does Adam find silence so difficult? Why does one TikTok become an hour? Why can't a rabbit hole ever just be a little rabbit hole? And when Adam thinks he's simply keeping his brain occupied, what does that look like from Donna's side? Donna talks honestly about those moments when Adam's need for stimulation can feel like disengagement, and what it's like sometimes feeling as though she's competing with a phone, a programme or whatever Adam has suddenly decided he needs to know EVERYTHING about. WE ALSO GET INTO: 👉 TikTok, doomscrolling and algorithms 👉 Hyperfocus and research rabbit holes 👉 Binge-watching and background noise 👉 Food and caffeine 👉 Impulsive and emotional spending 👉 Sleep and bedtime avoidance 👉 Why Adam thinks Donna is annoyed when she's actually worried 👉 Whether we're consuming far more than our brains were ever designed to deal with THEN IT'S TIME FOR THE 5 MINUTE MOANS... Donna would like Adam to stop dropping things on the floor and leaving a trail of wrappers behind him. Adam would like Donna to explain why approximately 97% of their fridge is now occupied by tiny snack boxes. This somehow turns into an argument about protein, cheese, fridge temperature and whether we need another freezer. Completely normal married-couple behaviour. THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE FUNNY... We finish with your ADHD stories, including a husband who researches purchases for DAYS before deciding not to buy them... And somebody whose "one TikTok before bed" became two hours watching a man restore a 1970s toaster. So, is ADHD struggling to cope with an overstimulated world? Or are we all just consuming far too much? We'd love to know what you think. 🌐 www.adhdorlife.com 📱 TikTok & Instagram: @ADHDorLifePod 📧 adhdorlife@gmail.com ☕ If you'd like to support the podcast, you can buy us a coffee through our website. And Adam has publicly decided we're reaching 1,000 YouTube subscribers by Christmas, so apparently that's a thing now too. You can find us on YouTube @ADHDorLifePod. New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    ADHD in an Overstimulated World: Are We Making It Worse?

  5. Sep 4

    Is it ADHD or is everything a catastrophe?

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re talking about something that can take a tiny problem and turn it into a full-blown disaster in your head in about 0.3 seconds. Episode: Is it ADHD or is everything a catastrophe? Adam starts by defining what catastrophising actually means for him, because Donna’s neurotypical brain doesn’t fully get how it can feel so real, so fast, and so unavoidable. We share how it shows up in everyday life, like being stuck in traffic on the way to work. For Adam, traffic can instantly become a chain reaction of worst-case outcomes. For Donna, it’s more like… “well, we’ll get there when we get there.” Same situation, completely different nervous system response. We talk about how catastrophising can affect: - Family life and the mood in the house - Relationships and the fear that one argument means it’s all over - Work and confidence (including how it’s pushed Adam to quit jobs) - Health anxiety, where minor physical symptoms suddenly feel like something serious - We also share a real example of being late for a theatre show, and how catastrophising can ruin an experience entirely before it’s even started. It’s not just “overthinking” — it’s the body reacting like the worst thing is definitely happening. We explore the big question: is catastrophising ADHD, anxiety, life… or a messy mix of all three? Catastrophising is a common cognitive distortion, and in ADHD it can be linked to fast thinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxiety. We talk about whether Donna gets the same feelings too, and how it shows up differently for her. Donna shares how catastrophising used to make her assume relationships would end after arguments (and how she’s learned not to let her brain run away with that now). Adam explains how his brain constantly imagines worst-case outcomes to feel prepared, while Donna prefers to go with the flow. If you’ve ever gone from “we’re in traffic” to “I’m going to lose my job, everyone hates me, and I’ll never recover” in one breath… you’re not alone. Five Minute Moans this week: A “meow” gesture for money (yes, really) Being shut down in conversations. Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/DO0mv6-MaPI Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #adhd  #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Catastrophising #Overthinking #Anxiety #ADHDAnxiety #CognitiveDistortions #EmotionalDysregulation #TimeBlindness #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD #HealthAnxiety #RelationshipAnxiety #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ADHDRelationships #ExecutiveDysfunction #MentalLoad #Communication #FiveMinuteMoans #GoodBadFunny New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    Is it ADHD or is everything a catastrophe?

  6. Aug 28

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | Building Space: The Mission to Support ADHD and Mental Health

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re back with Part 2 of our chat with special guest Caroline Moss, therapist, coach, and founder of Space, Runcorn. In Part 1 we went deep into Caroline’s late diagnosis journey and the realities of getting assessed. In this episode, we carry it on and get into what happens next: medication, focus, hormones, and the messy reality of titration. Caroline shares her personal experience with ADHD medication, how it helps her focus, and the challenges that come with the titration process. We also talk about hormones and how they can throw everything off, which is something so many people are dealing with but not enough people are openly talking about. Then we shift into the story behind Space café, and how Caroline’s need for a single venue for counselling and wellbeing events turned into building an actual community hub. What happens at Space? Caroline explains the variety of events and sessions that run there, including: Sound baths and wellbeing sessions Creative workshops Open mic nights Community events that help people feel safe, seen, and connected We also talk honestly about the reality of running something like this: The biggest challenge: balancing the community feel with financial sustainability The biggest reward: seeing the space thrive and watching people find their people And we finish with a proper Good, Bad, and Funny of ADHD from Caroline: The good: creativity The bad: emotional regulation The funny: spotting ADHD in other people (once you know, you really know) If you’re navigating ADHD medication, titration, emotional regulation, or you’ve ever dreamed of creating a safe space for your community, you’re going to love this one. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/c80jL_B6tbg Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com Find Caroline’s work: Space, Runcorn Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/spaceruncorn Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spaceruncorn/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spaceruncorn ADHMe Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhme_coaching/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhmecoaching #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDMedication #Titration #Hormones #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #EmotionalRegulation #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDTherapy #ADHDCoach #LateDiagnosis #ADHDWomen #ADHDCommunity #Wellbeing #MentalHealth #Runcorn #SpaceRuncorn #SoundBath #CreativeWorkshops #OpenMicNight #CommunitySpace #WorkplaceWellbeing #GoodBadFunny #ADHDRelationships New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | Building Space: The Mission to Support ADHD and Mental Health

  7. Aug 21

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | ADHD Therapy Talk: Grief, Imposter Syndrome & Relationships

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’ve got a brilliant special guest for Part 1: Caroline Moss - therapist, coach, and founder of Space, Runcorn. We take Caroline right back to the start of her ADHD journey. She was diagnosed 18 months ago, and it actually began through her work as a counsellor. We talk a million jobs and degrees, and the kind of ADHD signs that can get louder once you’ve got kids and life gets busier. Caroline shares her next step into working in a school, and one pupil describing ADHD as being like living in a wind tunnel (which is one of the best descriptions we’ve heard). We talk looking back at school days after diagnosis, “typical ADHD signs”, masking, and that feeling of realising you’ve been coping in hard mode for years without knowing why. We also get into the classic ADHD cycle: - Hundreds of business ideas - Struggling to keep friends - Emotional dysregulation and people pleasing - Not knowing where you fit in Adam admits he’s scared of people in authority (same), and we talk about how similar so many ADHD stories are once you start sharing them. Then we talk about the emotional side of diagnosis: - The immediate grief - The relief - And then… cue the imposter syndrome We go into the diagnosis process too: the phone calls, the waiting, the research rabbit holes, Right to Choose, and the GP opinions that can make you want to scream (including the classic “you just need to exercise”). Caroline hatches a plan, Adam’s fear of confrontation makes a comeback, and we talk about why people end up having to fight so hard just to be taken seriously. We also talk about the bigger, heavier stuff — including the high suicide rates in neurodivergent people — and how Caroline now approaches GPs on a mission to help others. We discuss the expense of going private, horror stories, and the power of an army of ADHDers when people actually band together. Then we move into relationships and work: - The impact ADHD can have on relationships and employment - Is self-employment the only way for some people? - Toxic and sometimes abusive relationships - Are ADHDers more tolerant, more accepting, or more likely to stay too long? - Is it RSD, deep empathy, dopamine seeking, or all of the above? - The link between neurodivergence and abusive relationships - Regulating emotions and what partners of ADHDers might not understand We talk about how relationships can change after diagnosis, revisit the WhatsApp dilemma and the made-up stories your partner doesn’t know you’ve created in your head, and the importance of communication (even when it’s hardest to do it in the moment). Caroline gives us some golden nuggets of advice for arguments, Donna drops a truth bomb about a recent argument, and we ask whether we should all be writing messages… but never sending them. We also mention ChatGPT, and Caroline reveals her ChatGPT is basically Daniel Cleaver from Bridget Jones. To be continued… This week we cover: - Late ADHD diagnosis and recognising signs after having kids - ADHD at school, masking, and looking back with new eyes - Emotional dysregulation, people pleasing, friendships, and identity - Right to Choose, GP barriers, waiting lists, and going private - Mental health and the reality of neurodivergent burnout - ADHD and relationships: communication, conflict, RSD, empathy, and staying too long - Practical advice for arguments and messaging when emotions are high Watch on YouTube:   https://youtu.be/7h_WV6RVy9k Find Caroline’s work: Space, Runcorn   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/spaceruncorn   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/spaceruncorn/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@spaceruncorn   ADHMe   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhme_coaching/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhmecoaching   Listen on Spotify:   https://open.spotify.com/show/46i0iGiwmgvFrlOzoW2SnS   Follow us:   Instagram: @adhdorlifepod   TikTok: @adhdorlifepod   YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod   Send your stories / questions:   adhdorlife@gmail.com   #ADHD #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #LateDiagnosis #ADHDTherapy #ADHDCoach #RightToChoose #ADHDMasking #PeoplePleasing #EmotionalDysregulation #ImposterSyndrome #ADHDRelationships #RSD #Communication #ToxicRelationships #MentalHealth #SelfEmployment #ExecutiveDysfunction #ADHDCommunity #Runcorn New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    Is it ADHD or Life? Caroline Moss | ADHD Therapy Talk: Grief, Imposter Syndrome & Relationships

  8. Aug 14

    Is it ADHD or The Grey Area?

    Send us Fan Mail This week on Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective, we’re doing something a bit different. Sometimes the answer isn’t ADHD or life… it’s both. In this episode we’re not trying to “prove” whether something is ADHD or not. We’re exploring the grey area — because sometimes both partners are right, and the real problem is what happens in the middle. We start with a listener story about planning dates and remembering date nights. Is it executive dysfunction… or have they both stopped making each other a priority? From the ADHD perspective, we talk about how ADHD can affect: Planning and initiation (wanting to plan something and actually starting it are two different things) - Working memory and time blindness - Emotional overwhelm and avoidance - The pressure of “I’ll do it later” turning into “I forgot again” But from the non-ADHD partner’s perspective, we also talk about the emotional reality: - Feeling disappointed even if it wasn’t intentional - Wanting to feel chosen - Feeling like you’re always the one organising - Feeling like the relationship isn’t being prioritised So instead of asking “who is right?” we ask: what if both people are right? We then run through a bunch of real-life scenarios and talk about what the grey area looks like in each one: - Mess and housework - “I’ll do it later” (and why later never comes) - Food and mental load - Ghosting friends and family - Phone addiction and attention in relationships Five minute moans this week: Messy cars (again… because of course) Delayed reactions And we finish with your Good, Bad and Funny — keep them coming. Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OHHZvkpNuYE Follow us: Instagram: @adhdorlifepod TikTok: @adhdorlifepod YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifepod Send your stories / questions: adhdorlife@gmail.com #adhd #AdultADHD #ADHDUK #ADHDPodcast #ADHDRelationships #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #ExecutiveDysfunction #WorkingMemory #TimeBlindness #EmotionalOverwhelm #MentalLoad #PhoneAddiction #Procrastination #Communication #CouplesPodcast #RelationshipAdvice #GoodBadFunny #FiveMinuteMoans New episodes every Friday. Have a Good, Bad or Funny story, or a question for us? Send it to adhdorlife@gmail.com. Watch and subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ADHDorLifePod Find us on Instagram and TikTok: @adhdorlifepod Visit our website: https://www.adhdorlife.com

    Is it ADHD or The Grey Area?
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About

Adam has ADHD. Donna doesn’t. They’re married, they love each other, and they can experience the exact same day very differently. Is it ADHD or Life? – A Couple’s Perspective is full of honest conversations about the things that happen in real relationships: forgotten plans, misunderstandings, little wins, big feelings and the moments you can only laugh at afterwards. Join Adam and Donna as they share both sides of the story, swap listener tales and occasionally bring guests into the mix. It’s funny, open and sometimes a bit too relatable. But is it ADHD, or is it just life?

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