couples in focus

Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston
  • 5.0 (4)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
couples in focus

Couples in Focus is a podcast for anyone wanting to improve their relationships. Hosted by Thomas and Michael, two relationship therapists from https://coupletherapy.earth/ and thesecurecouple.com, it offers expert insights, real-world advice, and answers to audience questions. They cover communication, intimacy, trust, and conflict, providing actionable tools and compassionate guidance. Each episode explores relatable challenges and offers practical strategies to help couples strengthen their connection and thrive in their relationships.

Episodes

  1. 6 DAYS AGO

    Navigating Withdrawal in Sex

    Summary This conversation delves into the complexities of emotional and sexual dynamics in relationships, particularly focusing on the experiences of avoidant and anxious partners. It explores themes of withdrawal, insecurities, silent suffering, and the breakdown of communication, emphasizing the importance of trust and vulnerability. The speakers discuss how these dynamics can lead to misunderstandings and emotional pain, and they offer insights into how couples can begin to open up conversations and build a new model of communication that fosters connection and empathy. Discover the couple in focus online course or get couples therapy sessions with Thomas. Takeaways Insecurity often leads to feelings of hopelessness in relationships.Avoidant partners may silently suffer without expressing their feelings.Communication breakdowns can exacerbate sexual and emotional disconnect.Both partners may feel they are not getting their needs met.Trust is essential for a healthy relationship dynamic.Vulnerability can be a risk but is necessary for connection.Understanding each other's internal experiences is crucial for empathy.Therapy can provide a safe space for vulnerable conversations.Recognizing and addressing silent suffering can improve intimacy.Building a new communication model takes time and practice.

    42 min

  2. FEB 19

    Navigating Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

    Summary In this episode of Couples in Focus, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the often-ignored topic of sexual intimacy in relationships. They discuss the challenges couples face regarding sexual connection, the dynamics of emotional intimacy, and the common issues that lead to a sexless marriage. The conversation highlights the importance of communication, emotional responsiveness, and understanding the different needs of partners to foster a healthy sexual relationship. They explore the pursuer-withdrawer dynamic and how it affects intimacy, offering insights and advice for couples seeking to improve their connection. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the intricate dynamics of emotional connection and sexual intimacy in relationships. They discuss the importance of understanding emotional cues, the role of non-sexual touch, and the impact of attachment injuries on sexual dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the need for open communication and curiosity in navigating these complex issues, ultimately aiming to foster a deeper connection between partners. To learn more about couple therapy, visit Thomas's Website or his new online relationship course or visit Michael's website. Takeaways Sexual intimacy is often a silent issue in relationships. Many couples feel like housemates due to lack of intimacy. A significant percentage of couples live in sexless marriages. Communication is key to addressing sexual issues. Emotional connection can enhance sexual intimacy. Sexuality can change over time in a relationship. The dynamic of pursuer and withdrawer affects intimacy. Small acts of care can reignite sexual desire. Understanding each other's needs is crucial for intimacy. Being present with your partner fosters deeper connections. Emotional cues are crucial for sexual intimacy. Non-sexual touch can help rebuild trust in relationships. Taking sex off the table can alleviate pressure. Understanding attachment injuries is vital for intimacy. Curiosity about your partner's needs enhances connection. Open communication about preferences leads to better sexual experiences. Feeling like you matter is essential for intimacy. Pressure around sex can shut down sexual energy. Building emotional connection can reignite sexual desire. Discussing sexual preferences openly improves satisfaction. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Sexual Intimacy in Relationships 10:02 The Pursuer-Withdrawer Dynamic 20:01 Building Emotional Connection for Sexual Engagement 24:54 Understanding Emotional Cues in Relationships 33:11 The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch 39:00 Navigating Attachment Injuries and Sexual Dynamics 44:37 Curiosity as a Path to Better Intimacy

    47 min

  3. FEB 12

    Falling Back in Love: Is It Possible?

    Summary In this conversation, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on the theme of drifting apart and the hope of reconnecting. They discuss the importance of willingness from both partners, the emotional dynamics at play, and the necessity of safety in love. Through various analogies, including the concept of love as a parachute, they emphasize that while falling back in love is possible, it requires a shift in understanding and approach. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the dynamics of love and relationships, emphasizing the importance of safety and trust in rekindling emotional connections. They discuss the phases couples go through, including the roommate phase, and the necessity of open communication to address underlying issues. The speakers highlight that while excitement may fade, a deeper love can grow through understanding and positive expectations. They provide insights into how couples can navigate challenges and work towards reconnecting with each other. To learn more, visit Thomas's website or Michael's website Takeaways There is hope for couples who have drifted apart. Willingness from both partners is crucial for reconnection. Emotional availability plays a significant role in relationships. Couples therapy can help navigate the path back to love. Love is built on a foundation of safety, not just intensity. Understanding each partner's perspective is essential. The emotional thermostat can gradually turn down over time. Changing behavior alone won't solve relationship issues. It's important to redefine what love means in a relationship. Love can be likened to skydiving, where safety is key. Intense emotions in relationships can change over time. Safety is crucial for rekindling love. Excitement without safety can lead to dissatisfaction. Couples often enter a 'roommate phase' without realizing it. Addressing the elephant in the room is essential for connection. Positive expectations can transform communication in relationships. Clear communication is kinder than vague messages. Trust is built through consistent actions and responses. Couples can learn to prioritize their relationship amidst life's busyness. Reconnection requires both partners to be willing to engage. Chapters 00:00 Navigating Relationship Drift: Is There Hope? 03:00 Assessing Willingness: The Key to Reconnection 05:59 Understanding Emotional Availability and Connection 10:00 The Path to Falling Back in Love 14:51 Redefining Love: Safety Over Intensity 19:51 The Parachute Analogy: Love as Safety 21:59 The Importance of Safety in Relationships 27:02 Rekindling Love: Trust and Safety 32:59 Navigating the Roommate Phase 39:14 The Path to Reconnection 44:55 Positive Expectations in Communication

    47 min

  4. FEB 5

    Balancing Needs in Relationships

    Summary In this episode of Couples in Focus, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the complexities of meeting emotional needs in relationships. They discuss the challenges couples face when trying to balance their individual needs, the importance of communication, and the impact of attachment styles on relationship dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of regular check-ins and understanding each partner's emotional state to foster a healthier relationship. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationship dynamics, focusing on how partners can better understand and meet each other's emotional needs. They discuss the importance of compassionate communication, recognizing imbalances in needs, and addressing cultural narratives that influence household responsibilities. The dialogue emphasizes the necessity of acknowledging each other's strengths and fostering a collaborative environment to enhance relational satisfaction. Takeaways Couples often feel their partner's needs are being met while their own are not. Understanding different love languages can help couples navigate their needs. It's important to acknowledge the overwhelming demands of modern life on relationships. Regular check-ins can prevent resentment from building up in relationships. Disappointment in relationships can be mitigated by sharing feelings with partners. Attachment styles play a significant role in how partners express and recognize their needs. Avoidant partners may struggle to identify their emotional needs. Communication is key to balancing needs in a relationship. Couples therapy provides a space for both partners to express their perspectives. Managing expectations and prioritizing energy can improve relationship dynamics. Emotional responses are crucial in meeting relationship needs. Practical tasks alone do not fulfill emotional needs. Both partners often feel their needs are unmet. Acknowledging each other's strengths can improve relationships. Compassionate communication is key to resolving conflicts. Cultural narratives can influence household dynamics. It's important to recognize the emotional load in relationships. Conversations about needs should be collaborative, not critical. Awareness of biases can help change relationship dynamics. Progress in communication takes practice and patience. Sound Bites "You can't drive a car without petrol." "Relationships aren't 50-50." "We often avoid these conversations." "It's really never gonna be enough." "How can we utilize each other's strengths?" "Awareness allows us to change." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Couples in Focus 01:00 Navigating Different Needs in Relationships 06:00 The Emotional Bank Account and Resource Management 11:08 The Importance of Communication and Check-Ins 15:48 Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships 21:57 The Challenges of Identifying Needs 22:39 Navigating Relationship Needs 26:08 Understanding Imbalances in Needs 30:00 The Importance of Compassionate Communication 36:04 Addressing Cultural Narratives in Relationships To learn more, visit Thomas's website Or Michael's website

    45 min

  5. JAN 29

    Speaking the Unspoken: Understanding and Expressing Your Needs in Relationships

    In this episode of Couples in Focus, Thomas and Michael unpack one of the most critical yet challenging aspects of any relationship—understanding and expressing your needs. Why do we often hesitate to voice what we truly need? What stops us from being honest with our partner about our desires, fears, and expectations? 🧠💔 Join us as we explore: The importance of self-awareness in identifying your needs. Common fears that hold people back from expressing themselves. How unmet needs can lead to frustration, resentment, or disconnect. Practical strategies to communicate your needs effectively without fear or guilt. This episode guides you to building a relationship where you and your partner feel heard, understood, and valued. 💡💛 🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share for more insights and tips to strengthen your connection! #RelationshipNeeds #EffectiveCommunication #CoupleTherapy #EmotionalIntimacy #Relationshipsguides you To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    1h 20m

  6. JAN 22

    Navigating Couples Therapy Resistance

    Summary In this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston discuss the common scenario where one partner is eager to pursue couples therapy while the other is resistant. They explore the reasons behind this resistance, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion. The conversation covers effective communication strategies, the significance of timing when discussing therapy, and how to create a collaborative environment. The hosts also introduce the 'Three C's' approach: Collaboration, Compassion, and Curiosity, as essential tools for navigating difficult conversations in relationships. Takeaways Many couples face resistance to therapy, often from one partner. Understanding the reasons behind resistance is crucial. Compassionate communication can help bridge the gap in relationships. Timing is key when discussing sensitive topics like therapy. Using 'I' statements can reduce defensiveness in conversations. It's important to approach therapy as a collaborative effort. Vulnerability in therapy can be daunting for some partners. Creating a safe space for discussion can lead to better outcomes. The 'Three C's'—Collaboration, Compassion, Curiosity—are vital for effective communication. Recognizing each partner's perspective can foster understanding and connection. Sound Bites "Shame shuts us down." "Clear is kind." "Approach resistance curiously." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Couples Therapy Resistance 03:11 Understanding Resistance to Therapy 05:55 Compassionate Approaches to Therapy 08:55 The Importance of Acknowledgment 11:59 Communicating Unhappiness Effectively 15:00 Using 'We' Statements for Connection 20:17 Understanding Disconnection in Relationships 22:36 The Importance of Timing in Conversations 25:23 Approaching the Topic of Counseling 27:51 Collaborative Approaches to Therapy 30:01 Navigating Resistance to Therapy 32:15 Reframing Help and Guidance 34:49 Compassionate Communication Strategies 40:14 The Three C's: Collaboration, Compassion, Curiosity To learn more visit https://coupletherapy.earth/ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    43 min

  7. JAN 15

    Navigating Relationship Conflicts: Understanding Escalation

    Summary In this episode of the Couples in Focus podcast, hosts Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz delve into the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on how small disagreements can escalate into significant arguments. They explore the underlying reasons for these escalations, including past experiences, communication gaps, and the emotional weight of words spoken during conflicts. The conversation emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and consistent small actions in maintaining a healthy relationship. They also discuss the challenges of repairing after hurtful words are exchanged and the necessity of genuine emotional connection in the process of reconciliation. Takeaways Relationships are complex and often lead to misunderstandings. Small arguments can escalate due to underlying emotional issues. Past experiences significantly influence current relationship dynamics. Communication is key to preventing misunderstandings. Consistent small actions build emotional safety in relationships. Apologies must be accompanied by genuine empathy to be effective. Understanding a partner's history fosters compassion and connection. The meaning we assign to actions can lead to conflict. Emotional resonance is crucial for effective repair after conflict. Change takes time and effort, but it signals care in a relationship. Sound Bites "We can't unsay things." "The story takes on a life of its own." "The gap is a threat in relationships." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Relationship Complexities 01:09 Understanding Arguments Over Small Issues 04:27 Exploring the Roots of Escalation 07:51 The Impact of Past Experiences on Present Conflicts 11:07 The Importance of Context in Relationships 17:25 Meaning-Making in Relationship Dynamics 21:29 Processing Information and Emotional Responses 22:43 Filling the Gaps in Communication 30:36 Navigating Small Conflicts to Big Arguments 40:58 Repairing Relationships After Conflict To learn more, go to https://coupletherapy.earth/ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    43 min

  8. JAN 8

    Understanding Relationship Compatibility

    Summary In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the dynamics of anxious pursuers and avoidant partners in relationships. They explore how these attachment styles affect communication, emotional regulation, and the overall compatibility of couples. The discussion highlights the importance of recognizing relationship warning signs, understanding protection patterns, and building authentic connections. They also provide practical advice for couples seeking to improve their relationship dynamics, including resources for self-help and therapy. Takeaways Anxious pursuers often feel a constant fear of disconnection. Avoidant partners may struggle to understand their partner's need for connection. Communication styles can significantly impact relationship dynamics. Recognizing emotional cues is essential for maintaining connection. Couples therapy can help partners understand their attachment styles. Compatibility is not solely determined by attachment styles; it can be developed. Emotional regulation is crucial for effective communication in relationships. Identifying relationship warning signs can prevent deeper issues. Practicing new communication strategies can foster empathy and understanding. Self-awareness in relationships can lead to healthier dynamics. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Relationship Dynamics 02:38 The Anxious Pursuer's Perspective 05:28 The Avoidant Partner's Experience 08:38 The Cycle of Distress in Relationships 11:32 Compatibility and Doubt in Relationships 14:28 Recognizing Relational Check Engine Lights 17:13 The Importance of Emotional Awareness 28:11 The Importance of Slowing Down in Relationships 31:15 Recognizing Imbalances and Seeking Help 33:50 Understanding Relationship Dynamics and Patterns 38:11 The Role of Attachment Styles in Compatibility 41:57 Therapy as a Relationship Checkup 44:53 Navigating Compatibility and Authenticity 53:36 Practical Steps for Reconnecting in Relationships To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    1 hr

  9. JAN 1

    Understanding Communication in Relationships

    Summary In this conversation, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz discuss the intricacies of emotional focus therapy (EFT) and the common relationship issues that arise in therapy. They explore the concept of communication issues, emphasizing that these often stem from deeper emotional cues and attachment styles. The discussion delves into the dynamics of pursuers and withdrawers in relationships, the importance of vulnerability, and the need for empathy and understanding. They also highlight the significance of slowing down communication, the dangers of texting during distress, and the role of attachment styles in shaping relationship dynamics. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the importance of connection, trust, and emotional safety in fostering healthy relationships. Takeaways Communication issues often mask deeper emotional cues. Understanding attachment styles is crucial in therapy. Vulnerability can elicit empathy and connection. The cycle of disconnection is a common theme in relationships. Texting during distress can lead to miscommunication. Empathy is essential for healing in relationships. Action tendencies are natural responses to fear. Children's behavior often reflects bids for connection. Adults can exhibit tantrum-like behaviors under stress. Trust and safety are foundational for healthy relationships. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) 00:56 Common Relationship Issues and Communication Challenges 06:38 Understanding Emotional Cues in Communication 12:55 The Cycle of Disconnection and Connection 17:01 Decriminalizing Action Tendencies in Relationships 23:11 Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationships 30:10 Strategies for Managing Emotional Distress 34:20 Adrenaline and Emotional Responses 37:21 Understanding Relationship Dynamics 39:58 The Role of Communication in Relationships 45:50 Navigating Vulnerability and Empathy 51:39 Attachment Styles and Personal Journeys To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    1h 8m

  10. 12/20/2024

    Unlocking the Secrets of Emotional Focused Therapy

    Summary In this engaging conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the intricacies of Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) and its profound impact on relationships. They explore the journey to EFT, the significance of attachment, the role of shame, and the importance of communication in fostering connection. The discussion highlights the transformative nature of therapy, emphasizing compassion and understanding as key components in navigating emotional responses and building healthier relationships. The hosts encourage listeners to embrace vulnerability and seek support, ultimately leading to personal growth and improved relational dynamics. Takeaways EFT provides a structured approach to couples therapy. Attachment theory is crucial in understanding relationship dynamics. Shame can inhibit personal growth and relationship healing. Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts. Compassion plays a vital role in therapy and relationships. Therapists act as guides in navigating emotional landscapes. Understanding emotional responses can enhance relational connections. Therapy can lead to profound personal transformations. Couples often leave therapy with new tools for relating. The therapeutic process is about building trust and safety. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Exploring Humanity and EFT 01:15 The Journey into Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) 09:20 The Importance of Attachment in Relationships 18:50 Understanding Shame and Its Impact on Parenting 28:32 Navigating Emotions: The Biological Compass 34:04 Communication and Language in Relationships 36:48 Navigating Communication in Relationships 39:21 Understanding Emotional Needs 41:56 Overcoming Emotional Barriers 44:27 The Complexity of Emotional Responses 47:37 Dual Emotions and Their Impact 50:28 The Role of the Therapist as a Guide 53:19 Building a Map for Relating 57:00 The Power of Emotional Transformation To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

    1h 2m
  • 10 Episodes

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

Couples in Focus is a podcast for anyone wanting to improve their relationships. Hosted by Thomas and Michael, two relationship therapists from https://coupletherapy.earth/ and thesecurecouple.com, it offers expert insights, real-world advice, and answers to audience questions. They cover communication, intimacy, trust, and conflict, providing actionable tools and compassionate guidance. Each episode explores relatable challenges and offers practical strategies to help couples strengthen their connection and thrive in their relationships.

Information

  • Creator
    Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    10
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston
  • Show Website
    couples in focus

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