Grief support, the stages of grief, and one of the most consequential grief stories in America: this week on Trauma Uncensored, Brooke sits down with Candace Lightner, founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), on the tenth anniversary of her own son Logan’s death. On May 3, 1980, Candace’s thirteen-year-old daughter, Cari Lightner, was killed by a repeat drunk driving offender who was out on bail. Within weeks, Candace founded MADD, a movement that went on to change drunk driving laws across the country and save hundreds of thousands of lives. Decades later, she left MADD and grieved Cari for the first time in therapy, an experience that led her to describe the three real phases of grief: the beginning, the middle, and the rest of your life. Content Notes This episode discusses drunk driving, the death of a child, grief, rage, and the criminal justice system. Listener discretion is advised. Timestamps 0:00 “The Unbelievable Rage That Nothing Would Happen to the Man Who Killed My Child” 1:46 Meeting Candace Lightner on the 10th Anniversary of Logan’s Death 3:15 Cari Lightner’s Story, in Candace’s Own Words 5:38 The Three Phases of Grief: The Beginning, the Middle, and the Rest of Your Life 6:32 What the Columbine Parents Taught Her About Humor and Hope 15:14 Why Activism Healed Her Anger, Not Her Grief 21:19 Leaving MADD and Finally Grieving Cari in Therapy 22:08 The Rage of Learning Her Daughter’s Killer Would Likely Serve No Time 24:19 Where “The Three Phases of Grief” Actually Came From 25:41 The “If Only Syndrome,” and How to Answer It 33:29 Why She Doesn’t Believe in Forgiveness 39:20 The Not an Accident Campaign 40:29 What Cari’s Own Death Certificate Says 47:12 “Are You in the Car?” Connect with Trauma Uncensored Website: traumauncensored.com Instagram: @traumauncensored TikTok: @traumauncensored Resources Mentioned in This Episode We Save Lives: www.wesavelives.org National Passenger Safety Week: nationalpassengersafety.org About the Guest Candace Lightner is the founder of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and We Save Lives, and one of the most influential advocates in the history of the American road safety movement. On May 3, 1980, her thirteen year old daughter, Cari, was killed by a repeat drunk driving offender who was out on bail at the time. Within days, Candace founded MADD, which went on to change drunk driving laws nationwide and save hundreds of thousands of lives. She later founded We Save Lives to address drunk, drugged, and distracted driving, and has spent decades campaigning to change how these deaths are labeled and understood, including her Not an Accident campaign and National Passenger Safety Week. About the Host Brooke Scherer is the creator and host of the Trauma Uncensored Podcast, where she leads honest, unfiltered conversations about trauma, grief, mental health, and healing. She is also mother to Logan, Mallory, and Mila. In 2016, Brooke’s world was shattered when her son Logan was killed by a distracted driver. In the silence that followed, she found a culture unequipped to talk about child loss, grief, and trauma in any honest way. That silence became her mission. Brooke built Trauma Uncensored to offer what she once needed most: a space to speak openly, without judgment, timelines, or expectation. Through her own story and conversations with survivors, mental health professionals, and others whose lives have been permanently altered, she reminds listeners they are not alone. She believes trauma permanently changes us, but it does not have to define the limits of our lives. Call to Action If this episode moved you: subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that grief does not have an expiration date. Want to share your story? Reach out at hello@traumauncensored.com or email Brooke directly at brooke@traumauncensored.com.
