I Hate You. What's For Dinner?

Gillian Boudreau & Rob Galligan
  • 5.0 (7)
  • Self-Improvement

On I Hate You. What's For Dinner? we explore whether childhood explains everything. We'll ask our biggest questions about love and hate, rage and fear, and the awesome and mundane that all get smushed together when we're growing up. Tune in to make better sense of childhood, parenthood, and life in general.

  1. 22h ago

    Ep 17 - Healthy Disappointment: What It Is and Why It Matters

    At its most distilled, disappointment is just noticing a negative difference between what we expected and what actually happened. It’s a moment for recalibrating our expectations and learning from an experience. Of course, we throw a lot of other feelings and experiences into the mix along with that gap, and that’s especially true when expectation and reality involves our kids.  In this episode, we theorize about the purpose of disappointment, how it gets twisted up with how we were parented, and how that in turn affects how we raise our kids. We talk about shame versus disappointment, the paradox of controlling what you can while knowing you have very little control, and how to acknowledge our disappointment while maintaining an open attitude with our kids.   Listen to the full episode to hear: How disappointment often brings up shame, helplessness, anger, and anxiety directed at yourself and your kidThe often tricky relationship between performance and the right to be lovedHow healthy disappointment recognizes the varied factors at play and releases excessive illusions of control over a situationPsychoanalytic and evolutionary perspectives on why we feel disappointmentHow parents can approach disappointment with more curiosity and less projection Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Alice MillerEp 06 - Trickle Up!: Ron Williams On Purpose, Legacy, And Spreading Abundance

  2. Aug 6

    Ep 16 - Healing in Real Time: Lucy Bichsel on Bringing Parents Into the Room

    There are deep biases embedded in the literature and therapist training for how therapy is supposed to be done. Some of those norms have evolved and some of the rules still feel very rigid.  Old school rules say that an adult who is working on issues from their childhood might talk about their mother every week for five years, but a therapist would never suggest the client bring their mom to a session. But if both the adult child and parent are willing, why couldn’t we do things differently? Today we’re talking with clinical psychologist Lucy Bichsel, who has been doing some unorthodox and very interesting work in her practice to help people make sense of some of their longest-held wounds. We dive into how Lucy expands the frame of individual adult therapy to allow parents and other important people into the room, potential pitfalls and opportunities for profound healing, and –– for anybody struggling with their relationship with a parent –– some of the patterns and dynamics we see pop up again and again for our clients.  Listen to the full episode to hear: How bringing an adult child and parent together shifts the enactment that happens between therapist and client to the original relationshipWhat Lucy learned the hard way about her role as a secure base for both her individual patient and their family member Why becoming a parent is often a catalyst for people to rethink their relationships with their parents Why reinterpreting the past isn’t necessarily the goal and how responsiveness in the here and now creates healingHow Lucy approaches working with families when intentions are good but defenses are highHow generational differences and caretaking for aging parents can create friction in child-parent relationships Learn more about Lucy Bichsel PhD: Website Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: Calling Dad - SNLCarl Rogers

  3. Jul 16

    Ep 15 - Grief, Relief, and Time to Reflect: The Gift of Endings

    June is a time of transition for a lot of families. The end of the school year, graduations from one phase of schooling to the next –– endings and beginnings have a way of surfacing the feels. And no one likes to process endings more than psychoanalysts. So as we’re at the end of the school year, and Rob has a child who just graduated high school — how?! –– we decided to spend some time today talking about endings. Rob shares some wisdom from his son’s head of school, Gillian talks about navigating change for kids and adults in a household, and we break down how the John Denver/Peter, Paul, & Mary classic “Leaving on a Jet Plane” encapsulates the vulnerabilities and fantasies of saying goodbye. Listen to the full episode to hear: The way so much of parenting becomes maintenance and banality, interspersed with moments of magicHow the wider community begins to play a bigger developmental role in the transition from little kid to big kidNavigating adult transitional phases and relationships alongside your kiddos growingHow “Leaving on a Jet Plane” taps into the grief, love, and vulnerability of goodbyes of all kindsHow a child leaving the nest changes the center of gravity for the rest of the familyThe relatively unsung genius of 38 Special Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: Ep 03 - “I’m Doing The Song!” Ash Diggs On Cat’s In The Cradle, Comedy, And FamilyEp 08 - Keeping It Authentic (And Surprising): Dr. Matt Morrison On Raising Kids And TherapistsHarry Stack SullivanLeaving on a Jet Plane - Peter, Paul, & MaryEp 09 - Fear, Resistance, And Flow: Paula Tursi On Letting Parenting HappenHold On Loosely - 38 SpecialEp 11 - Toward What Matters: Sarah Markowitz On CBT, Values, And Choice

  4. Jul 2

    Ep 14 - The Suicide Shroud: Dr. Alexis Tomarken on Silence, Blame, and Survival

    In our society, we’re not good at openly talking about death. We’re even worse at speaking openly about death by suicide.  The silence that so often accompanies suicide–what our guest calls “the shroud of suicide”–creates additional burdens for surviving family members, especially women who survive their spouses. The expectation to shield others from the full weight of the death, to even erase the facts of the experience, is an enormous pressure that has long-term consequences across generations. Today, we’re in conversation with our former classmate, Dr. Alexis Tomarken, talk about two of her papers that discuss intergenerational trauma and the heavy burden of our collective discomfort with suicide. Alexis movingly weaves together psychoanalytic theory, her work as a therapist, and personal experience to show that putting words to life’s most difficult experiences is not only vital to personal integration, but impacts future generations as well. Listen to the full episode to hear: How our society treats suicide as crime, blames surviving women, and actually increases riskWhy open discussion and processing is more effective at the prevention of “suicide contagion” than hiding from itWhy the goal, especially for a surviving parent, is to keep the door open to communication with children, not to seek resolutionHow therapists’ and clients’ lived experiences inevitably interact, even without therapist disclosureHow the blame and shame placed on women survivors is emblematic of gendered expectations of healing and caretaking Learn more about Dr. Alexis Tomarken: WebsiteConnect on LinkedIn Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: Can You Hear Me? Errands and Repair in the Analytic IdentityThe Shroud of Suicide:  Misogyny, Abjection, and Transgenerational TraumaA Last-Minute Breakthrough, Muriel Dimen | The New York TimesThe Argonauts, Maggie NelsonDr. Dan SiegelJane Tillman, PhD, ABPPHow It Feels When a Parent Dies, Jill KrementzThomas Ogden

  5. Jun 18

    Ep 13 - As Always, Start with Yourself: Kirk Martin on Calmer Parenting

    Everyone struggles sometimes when their kids have strong opinions or feelings and they need them to just do the thing already. And when frustrations are high, it can be easy to slip into the kind of old-school parenting a lot of us were raised with and that we might be trying not to replicate. Our guest today, Kirk Martin, host of the Calm Parenting Podcast, knows those struggles intimately. In our conversation, he shares his journey with his son, Casey, and how he came to realize that he needed to throw out the old-school parenting playbook and change his whole way of thinking about autonomy, respect, and collaboration with his child. We talk about why clinging to parental autonomy isn’t actually useful when you’re in a power struggle with your kid and what parents who might be at their wits’ end can do to shift those dynamics in a positive direction. Listen to the full episode to hear: How Kirk’s own oppositional tendencies gave him insight into the feelings and fears underneath the power strugglesStrategies for giving kids autonomy while maintaining boundaries and guardrailsWhy parents have to manage their feelings of embarrassment or shame when their kids don’t do things the “right” wayReframing disrespect and attitude as information that something’s up and an opportunity to connectNormalizing that things will go wrong and allowing yourself compassion Why Kirk encourages parents, and especially dads, to problem-solve with their kids like they would with their coworkers  Learn more about Kirk Martin: Celebrate CalmCalm Parenting PodcastInstagram: @calmparentingpodcast Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan

  6. Jun 4

    Ep 12 - The Body Says NO: Casey Ehrlich on PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy)

    All of us have some level of innate desire for autonomy and equality. But for some, the need for autonomy and equality tangles with Survival Brain in ways that have major impacts on their well-being, even overriding basic survival needs like food, sleep, hygiene, or physical safety. Though it can sometimes look that way from the outside, PDA (Persistent Drive for Autonomy or Pathological Demand Avoidance) is not just a knee-jerk, “You can’t tell me what to do!” PDA causes outsized reactions to perceived threats–threats which can be invisible or confusing to parents, educators, and therapists.     Today’s guest, PDA expert Casey Ehrlich, defines PDA as a nervous system disability that requires a holistic approach that goes beyond in-the-moment behavioral intervention. In our conversation, she movingly recounts how her personal experience raising children with PDA caused her to turn her research background to understanding what PDA is and developing and validating an approach to managing this challenging disorder. And we talk about PDA’s impacts on kids and families, what makes it so mind-bending for outsiders, and how sometimes disrupting and confronting systems can be a benefit of having a PDA brain. Listen to the full episode to hear: Why Casey defines PDA as a neurotype separate from other kinds of demand avoidance seen with autism, executive dysfunction, or anxietyFive common elements of PDA that can help parents identify and differentiate it from other concernsHow PDA-ers’ orientation toward autonomy, equality, and justice can become a source of personal and community strengthHow a drive for autonomy can show up with other neurotypes, and when it crosses into PDACasey’s experience navigating two very different presentations of PDA and burnout with her two kidsTools for parents to observe patterns and collect data, (mostly) keep their cool, leave space for their own feelings, and protect their boundaries and sense of self Learn more about Casey Ehrlich, PhD: At Peace ParentsInstagram: @atpeaceparentsFacebook: @atpeaceparentsYouTube: @atpeaceparents At Peace Parents Podcast Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: PDA North AmericaPDA SocietyRabbi ShoshanaAmanda Diekman | Low Demand ParentingWhat is DIRFloortime?

  7. May 21

    Ep 11 - Toward What Matters: Sarah Markowitz on CBT, Values, and Choice

    There are many ways to do therapy, and many reasons why people gravitate to certain modalities, both as patients and practitioners.  And while there are some who will insist that their way is the way, we’re happy to acknowledge where our preferred methods overlap and diverge with others, and how different therapies can help people arrive at the same place of better self-understanding and moving through the world with more ease.  Today, we’re chatting with Gillian’s longtime friend and Cognitive Behavioral Therapist extraordinaire, Sarah Markowitz. We get into what’s similar in CBT and a psychodynamic approach, what’s different, and why these schools of therapy tend to appeal to certain people. We also talk about the tricky balancing act between direction and curiosity for therapists, educators, and parents when engaging kids on behavioral change. Listen to the full episode to hear: How Sarah investigates resistance to change from a stance that is both directive and client-centeredHow building experience as therapists leads to more overlap in our approaches than notThe layers of thoughts, rules, and core beliefs that CBT uncovers over timeHow both therapists and parenting advice have shifted to be more descriptive than directiveHow Sarah’s logical, but not rigid, household, along with swimming, summer camp, and horses, shaped her ability to self-regulate and her default state under stress  Learn more about Sarah Markowitz: MindWell Psychology Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: EP 06 - Trickle Up!: Ron Williams On Purpose, Legacy, And Spreading AbundanceAcceptance and commitment therapyDialectical behavior therapyMarsha M. LinehanAaron BeckAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD Dr. Ross GreeneEP 09 - Fear, Resistance, And Flow: Paula Tursi On Letting Parenting HappenEP 08 - Keeping It Authentic (And Surprising): Dr. Matt Morrison On Raising Kids And TherapistsDr. Russ Harris

  8. May 7

    Ep 10 - A Theory of Everything: The Primary Colors of Emotional Experience

    It might sound silly, or even impossible, to have a theory of everything that might show up in our clinical work. And yet, when we’re sitting with people who are stuck or sitting with people that are suffering, so often it comes back to one of a few fundamental feelings, and all of the emotional gradations that come from them: safety, grief, and shame. Today, we’re digging into these emotional primary colors that are at the root of so much of what we see in our clinical practices, how they show up and shape family dynamics, and how our personal experiences shape the lens that we bring to our work and how we frame the world. Listen to the full episode to hear: The patterns of behavior shaped by safety and belonging that Gillian recognized in her clients as parallels from her childhoodWhy nurturing an environment that is consistently safe and loving is a lot harder than it soundsHow feelings of unsafety, grief, and shame show up for parents and kidsHow shame functions as a product of survival fear and also a measure of if we deserve to be seen and lovedWhy family and child counseling often needs to start with the parents and the family system  Learn more about I Hate You. What’s For Dinner? Learn more about Gillian Boudreau, PhD.: WebsiteInstagram @clearconnectionpsychology Learn more about Rob Galligan, PhD.: Instagram @dr.robert.galligan Resources: Extreme - More Than WordsHurvich, Marvin. (2003). The Place of Annihilation Anxieties in Psychoanalytic Theory. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association. 51. 579-616. 10.1177/00030651030510020801. Winnicott, Donald W., 'Fear of Breakdown', in Lesley Caldwell, and Helen Taylor Robinson (eds), The Collected Works of D. W. Winnicott: Volume 6, 1960-1963 (New York, 2016Melanie KleinDonald WinnicottEp 09 - Fear, Resistance, and Flow: Paula Tursi on Letting Parenting HappenTrauma and Recovery The Aftermath of Violence–From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Judith L. Herman, MDThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Bessel van der Kolk, MDWilfred Bion

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About

On I Hate You. What's For Dinner? we explore whether childhood explains everything. We'll ask our biggest questions about love and hate, rage and fear, and the awesome and mundane that all get smushed together when we're growing up. Tune in to make better sense of childhood, parenthood, and life in general.

Information

  • Creator
    Gillian Boudreau & Rob Galligan
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    18
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Gillian Boudreau & Rob Galligan

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