The Alcohol Myth Podcast

Ellen and Jonathan
  • 5.0 (2)
  • Self-Improvement

The Alcohol Myth Podcast features certified coaches Ellen and Jonathan having real conversations about alcohol, sobriety, and reclaiming a life that feels exciting to wake up to. 

  1. 4h ago

    How to Stop Negotiating with Alcohol Cravings

    Send us Fan Mail How to stop negotiating with alcohol cravings, and why a firm no for today beats maybe later. If one stray thought about wine at eleven in the morning can turn into a day-long debate with yourself, you know how exhausting a craving gets when you argue with it. Ellen Biggs and Jonathan Ball call that the negotiation, and on this episode of The Alcohol Myth Podcast they teach the tactic they both use to end it. The negotiation is what feeds the craving. Every "let's see how I feel at three" leaves the door cracked, and with a substance that creates a need for itself, a cracked door is as good as an open one. Ellen describes the deferrals she used to make, and how by five o'clock the craving had grown every time she reopened the question. Duck Mode is the alternative. The name comes from Annie Grace of This Naked Mind and her picture of kids in the back seat asking for ice cream: hedge once and they ask all the way home, while a loving, firm "not today" lets the asking run out of steam. You make the decision once, for today, and every argument rolls off like water off a duck's back. Ellen finds five or ten clean no's and the voice stops asking. Jonathan tried it on a post-lunch ice cream craving and found it gone within five minutes. Ellen is upfront that this takes some muscle early on, alongside the deeper belief work. Then give your brain a better question to chew on, and it will go find one. Picture the craving as a bonfire. Attention is kindling, and every drink is a log. Jonathan sees this with men who come to him wanting to cut back: wishing for a smaller fire while you keep feeding it is the hardest path there is. A craving you stop arguing with runs out of fuel. For today, pick a window as short as fifteen minutes and ask whether your next move adds fuel or takes heat away. Then go get a few reps in the leave-it column! Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 Fuel on the fire, or less heat? 02:37 The myth: you have to negotiate 04:00 Shut every door for today 05:13 A cracked door is an open door 06:17 Jonathan's ice cream test 07:50 Ellen and the Halloween candy 10:31 What is Duck Mode? 12:38 Give your brain a better question 14:58 Your craving is a bonfire 17:07 Why cutting back is the hardest path 19:47 Reps in the leave-it column FROM THIS EPISODE "Five, ten nos and it stops asking." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: How do I stop thinking about drinking all day? A: To stop thinking about drinking all day, make one firm decision early, for today only, and stop reopening it. Every maybe-later restarts the debate and gives the craving time to grow. A clear no leaves your brain nothing to bargain with, so it moves on to other things. Q: What is Duck Mode for alcohol cravings? A: Duck Mode is a craving tactic from Annie Grace of This Naked Mind. You make a firm, loving decision once, for today, then let every argument against it roll off like water off a duck's back. With no negotiation left to win, the craving voice usually goes quiet. Q: Why is cutting back on drinking so hard? A: Cutting back on drinking is hard because every drink feeds the craving you are trying to shrink, so moderation means tending a fire while wishing it smaller. A stretch of not drinking lets that fire die down, and the choice you make afterward becomes a real one. Q: Do alcohol cravings go away if you don't give in? A: Alcohol cravings usually fade when you stop engaging them. Arguing with a craving, planning around it or postponing the decision all count as engaging, and each one adds fuel. Ellen Biggs finds five or ten firm no's are usually enough for the voice to stop asking that day. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #SoberOctober

  2. Oct 5

    Is There an Addictive Personality? What Science Says

    Send us Fan Mail Is there an addictive personality? What the science says, and why it matters. If you have ever asked what is wrong with you that you cannot leave it alone, the honest answer is probably nothing. The story most of us absorbed says there are normal drinkers and there are broken ones, and the difference is written into you somewhere. It traces largely to the AA Big Book and its framing of an allergy and "the unfortunates". Researchers have gone looking for the mechanism behind that story, a single alcoholism gene or a measurable addictive personality, and have not produced one. Family history raises risk, but risk is not a switch you were born holding. What research has produced describes everybody. Douglas Lisle and Alan Goldhamer named three drives that run in every human brain: seek pleasure, avoid pain, conserve energy. Not one is a defect. They are the reasons your ancestors ate, rested and stayed alive. Alcohol is dangerous precisely because it appears to answer all three at once, fast and predictably, which is exactly what a system built to save effort is scanning for. The escalation is ordinary too. Met with repeated artificial dopamine, your brain protects its own balance by dialling down receptors, so the same drink returns less than it used to and you drink more chasing the level you remember. That is adaptation doing its job, not a character defect showing itself. Which is where the reframe lands. Jonathan Ball's version: what if, instead of broken, you are working exactly as intended? That is not permission to carry on. It removes the shame that was keeping you from looking at any of this honestly. Ellen Biggs puts it plainly, and it is the whole episode in four words: you are not uniquely flawed. Try this tomorrow. The next time you reach, name which of the three you are answering, pleasure, pain or energy. You cannot change what you have not noticed. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 The broken people premise 02:28 Nobody has found an alcoholism gene 04:56 The physical he lied through 07:24 Alcohol is an addictive substance 09:52 Seeking pleasure is not a flaw 12:20 Dopamine receptors switching off 14:48 Lizard brain vs. prefrontal cortex 17:16 A painkiller you retake every hour 19:44 Refusing just good enough 22:12 Which of the three is this? 24:40 You are not uniquely flawed FROM THIS EPISODE "You are not uniquely flawed." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: Is there such a thing as an addictive personality? A: There is no established addictive personality type, and researchers have looked. Alcohol is addictive to human brains generally, so heavy drinking is better explained by exposure, habit and circumstance than by a fixed trait you were supposedly born carrying. Q: Is alcoholism genetic? A: No single alcoholism gene has been identified despite decades of searching, which is the point made on this episode. Family history does raise risk, but that is not the same as a switch you were born with, and it does not make anyone biologically different from everyone else. Q: What are the three pillars of motivation? A: The three pillars of motivation, named by Douglas Lisle and Alan Goldhamer, are seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and conserving energy. Every human brain runs all three. Alcohol is unusually compelling because it appears to answer all three at once, quickly and predictably. Q: Why do I need more alcohol than I used to? A: You need more alcohol than you used to because your brain adjusts to the repeated artificial dopamine by dialling down its own receptors to hold itself in balance. The same drink then returns less feeling, so you drink more chasing the level you once got easily. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #ThisNakedMind

  3. Sep 28

    How to Stop Drinking Without a Complicated Program

    Send us Fan Mail Two practical tactics to drink less, and how to use both before dinner tonight. Most advice about drinking less arrives as a system. Steps, stages, a whole identity to take on. The size of it is the problem, because none of it can start at 4:55 this afternoon, which is when you actually need something. Here is the first of two things that can. Ellen Biggs calls it a capital-D decision, or burning the boats. The value is not the willpower in it, it is the silence afterwards. Once the question is genuinely settled, the will-I-won't-I negotiation that has been running all afternoon stops, and the attention it was eating comes back to you. The trap is scale. "I am never drinking again," decided on a Tuesday, is a wish rather than a decision, and breaking it costs you more than the drink would have. Make it small enough that you will certainly keep it. Move your usual five o'clock to 5:15. Decide about Friday and leave Saturday out of it. What you are rebuilding underneath is trust. Jonathan Ball spent years setting rules and knowing, somewhere below the surface, that he had an out, because he had taken it a hundred times before. Every promise you keep to yourself is evidence you can keep the next one, and small ones produce that evidence faster than dramatic ones. The second tactic is for the moment the decision comes under pressure, standing in the wine aisle with the cart. Do not jump ahead to tomorrow's hangover, because you have very little loyalty to tomorrow-you. Start where you are and run it forward: the drink, the fade, the second one to chase it, the 3am wake-up, the anxious morning. Then run the other version, the one where you sleep and wake up clear. Both are honest. Only one gets rehearsed. Pick one tonight. Decide one small thing and keep it, or run the movie once before you reach. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 Two tactics, not a ten-step plan 02:23 The capital-D decision, explained 04:46 Push your start time 15 minutes 07:09 One decision costs less than fifty 09:32 Why January gym plans collapse 11:55 There is no failure here, only data 14:18 Playing the movie forward 16:41 The patio, priced honestly 19:04 Curiosity beats beating yourself up 21:27 Savor the quiet in your head 23:50 Feel the win before you get it FROM THIS EPISODE "Noticing is the win." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: What is the easiest way to start drinking less? A: The easiest way to start drinking less is to make one small commitment you are certain you can keep, such as pushing your usual drink time back fifteen minutes. Commitments you actually honour rebuild self-trust, and that trust is what makes the bigger decisions possible later on. Q: Why is it easier to decide once than to decide over and over? A: Deciding once is easier because repeated decisions drain energy. While the question stays open you renegotiate it all afternoon, which is mentally expensive. Settling it in advance removes the negotiation, and the relief of that quiet is often more noticeable than the missing drink. Q: What does playing the movie forward mean? A: Playing the movie forward means running the whole sequence of a drink before you take it, starting from where you are standing now. Not only the first sip, but the fade, the next one, the poor sleep, the 3am wake-up and the anxious morning. Then run the other version. Q: Why do I keep breaking the promises I make about drinking? A: You keep breaking promises about drinking because they are usually too big to keep, and each broken one teaches you that your word to yourself does not hold. Smaller commitments you reliably honour reverse that lesson faster than any single dramatic decision will. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #SoberTools

  4. Sep 21

    Should I Tell My Partner About My Drinking Problem?

    Send us Fan Mail Why people hide their drinking from a partner, and what happens when they stop. There is a version of you your partner knows, and a version that stays up after they go to bed. The distance between the two is not a character flaw. It is one of the most ordinary features of drinking more than you meant to, and the secret costs more to keep than the drinking does. The concealment usually starts before the struggle does. Jonathan Ball was managing what his wife saw of his drinking early in their relationship, well before he would have called it a problem. Staying up after she fell asleep. Starting another film so he could keep going. Explaining away the glass of wine that spilled into the bed. By the time there was something real to tell her, the habit of not telling her was already years old. What holds it in place is the arithmetic of disclosure rather than shame alone. Saying it out loud feels like signing something. If you tell the person you love that this is hard, the next line in the script appears to be "then stop", and you are not sure you want to stop or have any idea how. Ellen Biggs names the other half: you are guessing at the support you would get, and the guess is always the worst one. Someone counting your drinks. Someone watching your glass. She never gave her husband Chris the chance to answer, and when they finally talked about it, more than two years alcohol-free, his own read was that he probably would have built a spreadsheet, which he could see would not have helped. What actually changes is the isolation. Shame is mold, and mold needs the dark. Said out loud, what comes back is closeness far more often than distance, and the thing you were bracing for turns out to have been a conversation that never happened. You do not have to start with your partner. Get the reps somewhere lower stakes first, until the words come out steady. Then decide who gets them. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 Shame only grows in the dark 03:07 You are not the only one doing this 06:14 The wine that spilled in the bed 09:21 Presenting as a social drinker 12:28 Driving home to protect the image 15:35 Saying it out loud feels like a vow 18:42 What support could actually look like 21:49 Vulnerability usually brings closeness 24:56 Healthy differentiation, explained 28:03 Getting your reps in first 31:10 Chris and the spreadsheet FROM THIS EPISODE "It's easier to carry with other people." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: Why do people hide their drinking from their partner? A: People hide their drinking from a partner because saying it out loud feels like a commitment to quit. Disclosure seems to close off the option of continuing, and it exposes the gap between the person your partner thinks they married and how you have been behaving in private. Q: Should I tell my partner I am drinking too much? A: Telling your partner you are drinking too much is a personal call rather than a rule, and it tends to go better once you have had practice saying it somewhere else first. In most cases disclosure produces more closeness than distance, because shame depends on staying hidden. Q: What kind of support should I ask my partner for? A: Ask your partner for a non-judgmental space rather than monitoring. Most partners default to counting drinks or watching your glass because it is the obvious move. Naming what actually helps, including no recrimination if you slip, gives them something genuinely useful to do. Q: How do I talk to my partner about my drinking? A: Talk to your partner about your drinking once you can say the words without flinching, which usually means practicing in a lower-stakes setting such as a group or with a coach. Lead with your own experience rather than a plan, and let them react on their own terms. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #Relationships

  5. Sep 14

    Why Not Drinking Gives You More Freedom, Not Less

    Send us Fan Mail Freedom to drink versus freedom from wanting it, and why only one changes your week. The part of you that stalls at the idea of drinking less is rarely arguing about health. It is defending something that feels like a right. You want the option to stay open, and being told it is closing lands as a restriction rather than a relief. Hold that up to the light and the arithmetic reverses. If your plans have to accommodate the drink, the option was never open. The stop at the store on the way. The seat near the bar. The check on whether you can drive yourself home at eight. Jonathan Ball spent years building rules to protect his freedom to drink and only later noticed the rules were the tell. Anything you have to build scaffolding around is not something you are free with. The distinction that does the work is small enough to carry around. Freedom to drink is permission, and you already have it. Nothing is stopping you. Freedom from wanting it is a different thing, and it is the one that changes your Tuesday. Ellen Biggs puts the sharp edge on it: you can stop drinking entirely and still be unfree, because restricting yourself from something you badly want is a stricter version of the same cage. Not drinking while wanting to drink is white-knuckling. Not wanting to is freedom. This is also why the usual picture of a non-drinker misleads you. Film and television frame it as someone who cannot drink, because of a problem or an illness, so deprivation is the only model on offer. Almost nobody shows you the version where the desire is simply gone and the evening belongs to you. Pick up a pen this week and make two lists. What does having alcohol in your life give you, and what does it take off the table? Not what it is supposed to give you. What it actually does, this month, in your life. Most people find the second list runs longer than expected, and that much of it is written in hours. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 The freedom you think you'd lose 02:13 The rules built to protect drinking 04:26 You can't picture the other side 06:39 Everyone on screen who can't drink 08:52 Free from the desire, not the bottle 11:05 Alcohol is a numbing agent 13:18 Who you become without the crutch 15:31 Free to buy whatever you want 17:44 The 8pm invitation you can accept 19:57 Two lists to write this week 22:10 Turning it down as rebellion FROM THIS EPISODE "Restriction is not freedom." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: Does quitting drinking mean giving up your freedom? A: Quitting drinking does not mean giving up freedom, although it feels that way at first. The freedom to drink is permission you already have. Freedom from wanting alcohol removes the planning, the negotiating and the limits that keeping it in your life imposes on your week. Q: What is the difference between freedom to drink and freedom from alcohol? A: Freedom to drink means nothing is stopping you from having one, which is true for almost everyone. Freedom from alcohol means the desire itself is gone, so no willpower is being spent. The first is permission, and the second is the one that changes your daily life. Q: Why is white-knuckling not the same as being alcohol-free? A: White-knuckling is not the same as being alcohol-free because the wanting is still running underneath it. If you still believe alcohol offers you something and you are simply denying yourself, you have swapped drinking for restriction. Freedom means the belief changed, so the denial becomes unnecessary. Q: How do I stop wanting to drink instead of resisting it? A: You stop wanting to drink by examining what you believe alcohol gives you rather than fighting the urge itself. Once the perceived benefit no longer holds up, the desire loses its source. Listing what alcohol adds to your life against what it removes is a practical first step. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #AlcoholFreedom

  6. Sep 7

    Is It Harder to Quit Drinking or Keep Drinking?

    Send us Fan Mail Is it harder to quit drinking or keep drinking? The honest math on both columns. You have already priced out what quitting would cost you. The Friday nights, the explanations, the evenings with nothing in your hand. What nobody prices is the other column: the arithmetic running all day, the planning, the recovery hours, the low-grade "less than good" you stopped calling a hangover because it never fully lifts. That comparison is rigged. You are weighing a cycle you know intimately against a life you have never lived. Your only data on not drinking comes from the times you wanted a drink and could not get one, and you project that one uncomfortable hour across the rest of your life. Ellen Biggs spent years doing exactly that, certain not drinking would be unbearable, while overlooking that the cycle was already unbearable and simply familiar. The choice was never hard versus easy. The choice is which hard has an end. What settles it is data rather than motivation. Every stretch of alcohol-free days gives you something real to compare against, and it is the only evidence that answers it. Ellen's verdict, once she had enough of it: her life was more manageable without alcohol, and for someone who dislikes doing hard things, not drinking was the least expensive option on the table. Moderation, the sensible-sounding middle path, was the most expensive of the three. The hard part also ends, which is what the cycle never offers. Research cited on the episode puts a craving at roughly twenty minutes. Two or three strong ones on a bad day is an hour out of twenty-four, and each one you ride out makes the next one cheaper. Jonathan Ball calls these FFTs, the freaking first times, and the point of a first time is that it stops being first. Try the inventory this week. What is drinking costing you mentally, physically, financially and relationally, and what would move into that space if it were gone? Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 The myth: quitting is the hard part 02:46 What the cycle already costs you 05:32 Projecting today onto future you 08:18 The alcohol math that never stops 11:04 Comparing the data both ways 13:50 Why moderation is the hardest option 16:36 Alcohol made the hard things harder 19:22 More easy hours than hard ones 22:08 FFTs and the first Friday without it 24:54 100 days is a blip in time 27:40 Take the inventory, then dream bigger FROM THIS EPISODE "Not drinking is the easiest of all the options for me." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: Is it harder to quit drinking or to keep drinking? A: Quitting drinking is harder for a short, defined stretch, while continuing is harder with no end date. The cycle carries daily mental arithmetic, physical recovery and no finish line, whereas the effort of stopping drops off measurably as your brain builds new patterns and cravings lose their intensity. Q: How long do alcohol cravings last? A: Alcohol cravings last around twenty minutes, according to research cited on the episode. Even a difficult day usually holds two or three strong ones, so the genuinely hard part is roughly an hour out of twenty-four, and every craving you ride out makes the next one cheaper. Q: Why is moderation harder than quitting drinking? A: Moderation is harder than quitting because it keeps the decision permanently open. Every occasion needs a fresh negotiation about how much, when to stop, and whether you are still managing it, so the mental effort never ends and the desire is never actually resolved. Q: Does it get easier to stop drinking over time? A: Stopping drinking does get easier over time, and the change is physical rather than motivational. As alcohol-free days accumulate your brain forms new pathways, so what took real effort at thirty days takes almost none by sixty, and the desire fades into the background. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #GreyAreaDrinking

  7. Sep 1

    Do I have a drinking problem if no one else notices?

    Send us Fan Mail Do you have a drinking problem if nobody else is getting hurt? Why that test gives a wrong answer. There is a test you run on your own drinking, and it has nothing to do with how much you drink. It goes: is anyone else getting hurt? Nobody is complaining, the job is fine, you have never endangered anyone. Test passed. Jonathan Ball and Ellen Biggs take that test apart, because it is built to return the wrong answer. Outward harm is the last thing to show up and the least reliable thing to measure. Ellen drank a bottle of wine a night for years without a single person raising it with her, and spent those same years awake at three in the morning asking what was wrong with her. Nobody complaining is not evidence that you are okay. It only means the people around you are being spared, which was the point of the performance. Look at what you build to keep that performance running. After one uncomfortable night at a work event, Ellen made a firm rule about never behaving that way again. It worked. It also meant she stopped wanting to go to work events and drank more at home. That is what a guardrail is really for. It kept the drinking safe by heading off the incident that might have made somebody say something out loud. The same instinct shows up as protecting people from your struggle. Jonathan kept how bad it had been from his wife for years and called it sparing her. What he built was a wall she could feel and could not name. When he finally told her, she handled it fine. What hurt her was having been kept out of it. Your own experience is enough. You do not need a witness to it and you do not need it to get worse first. Try this the next time someone close to you is in a mood: pause, notice the story you just attached to it, and then just ask. Ellen finds that nine times out of ten it has nothing to do with her. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 The myth: no harm, no problem 03:30 Nobody complained, so I was fine 07:00 The wall I built and never mentioned 10:30 What the facade costs your self-worth 14:00 Curiosity instead of self-blame 17:30 Ellen's work event in Seoul 21:00 Guardrails that protect the habit 24:30 You cannot control how they feel 31:30 Permission to take an hour a day 35:00 The WAIT technique for relationships 38:30 Just ask instead of assuming FROM THIS EPISODE "Me not being okay wasn't enough to make a change." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: Do I have a drinking problem if I am not hurting anyone? A: Whether you have a drinking problem is not settled by whether you are hurting anyone. Outward harm is a late and unreliable signal. If you are awake at three in the morning arguing with yourself about last night, that internal cost is already the evidence you need. Q: Do you have to hit rock bottom to change your relationship with alcohol? A: You do not have to hit rock bottom to change your relationship with alcohol. Rock bottom is a threshold people invent so they can postpone the decision. You can act on quiet, private evidence long before anything in your outer life visibly breaks. There is no prize for waiting. Q: What does high functioning drinking look like? A: High functioning drinking looks like everything working. The job holds, the family is fine, nobody comments. What it hides is a private cost: the three in the morning self-criticism, the social life quietly shrinking, and the daily effort of keeping the performance running. None of it shows outwardly. Q: How do I stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings? A: You stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings by putting a beat between what they do and how you respond. Ask what story you just attached to their mood, then ask them directly what is going on. Most of the time it is not about you. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking #GrayAreaDrinking

  8. Aug 24

    The Dry January Trap: Taking a Break vs. Real Change

    Send us Fan Mail Why 30 days off alcohol proves you can stop and tells you almost nothing else. Thirty days off proves you can stop. It says nothing about why you started again on the thirty-first, and that second question is the one that decides how your next year goes. If you have finished a Dry January and felt mostly relief that it was over, you already know the difference. Jonathan Ball and Ellen Biggs draw a distinction that changes the whole project: alcohol is a solution rather than the problem. It is fast, reliable and always available, and it answers being tired, stressed, lonely, bored or short on celebration. That is exactly why it is hard to put down. It also happens to be a poor solution, and quietly accepting a poor one is what stops you going out to find better ones. Research cited on the episode puts physical clearance at 10 to 14 days. Past that point your last drink is out of your system, sleep starts returning, and the biological side of the fight is largely closed. What remains is wiring: years of pairing dates, deals, Fridays and hard conversations with a glass. Ellen Biggs's point is that two weeks in is where the useful work begins. Expect to be bad at it for a while. Most people have never gone on a date, celebrated a win, sat through a funeral or taken a holiday without alcohol at any point in adult life, so the awkwardness is a signal you are doing something for the first time. High achievers take this hardest, because being competent everywhere else makes beginner-level discomfort feel like failure. The repair is repetition, and you can put it on the calendar. Meet three or four people this week somewhere that pours a good alcohol-free beer. Order it, stay, and let the evening rewrite the association. Deliberate reps collapse the timeline, because you do not need forty years of new evidence to undo forty years of old evidence. The first forty were absorbed by osmosis. These ones you are choosing. Work with Jonathan: https://livecreativeaf.com/  |  Work with Ellen: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ CHAPTERS 00:00 The Dry January trap 02:52 "Can I stop?" is the wrong test 05:44 What 10 to 14 days actually does 08:36 Alcohol is a solution, a poor one 11:28 One tool and none of the others 14:20 Doing everything for the first time 17:12 Why high achievers struggle here 20:04 What fires together wires together 22:56 Reps, and collapsing the timeline 25:48 You are not destined to repeat it 28:40 Give yourself a choice this week FROM THIS EPISODE "You deserve better solutions for life's problems than what alcohol can give you." QUESTIONS THIS EPISODE ANSWERS Q: How long does alcohol take to leave your system? A: Research cited on this episode puts full clearance of alcohol and its byproducts at roughly 10 to 14 days. After that the physical side of the addiction mechanism is largely finished, so cravings that persist past two weeks are psychological association rather than chemistry. Q: Why do I start drinking again after Dry January? A: You start again after Dry January because the month handled the chemistry and left the reasons untouched. Thirty days proves you can stop. It does not change what you were reaching for alcohol to solve, so the old pattern is still there on February 1. Q: Does taking a break from alcohol mean I don't have a problem? A: Taking a break does not settle that question. The more useful test is what happens next. If something was costing you enough that you took the break, ask why you picked it straight back up. That question leads somewhere, and "can I stop" does not. Q: How do I rewire my brain to socialize without alcohol? A: To rewire socializing without alcohol, repeat the situation on purpose rather than avoiding it. Meet friends for coffee, order an alcohol-free beer at the bar, and do it three to six times over a couple of weeks. Repetition in the real setting loosens the association. You do not need to wait for rock bottom. You do not need more willpower. You just need a new way to understand what you are feeling and why you are reaching for the next drink. If this episode resonates, please like, share, subscribe, and leave a comment with what stood out to you. We would love to hear what you want more of. Send your questions, stories, or ideas for future episodes to thealcoholmyth@gmail.com. We read every message. We really do. CONNECT WITH US Email: thealcoholmyth@gmail.com Jonathan Ball, CreativeAF Coaching: https://livecreativeaf.com/ Ellen Biggs Coaching: https://ellenbiggscoaching.com/ LISTEN ANYWHERE Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-alcohol-myth-podcast/id1861472231 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7DzVqvW3ZkyV80jDYDSOjt Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/88964cf0-2b6f-4976-9676-2aa8a36d25be All episodes: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2562590 Subscribe for more episodes pulling back the curtain on the alcohol myth. #DryJanuary #AlcoholFree #SoberCurious #QuitDrinking

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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
2 Ratings

About

The Alcohol Myth Podcast features certified coaches Ellen and Jonathan having real conversations about alcohol, sobriety, and reclaiming a life that feels exciting to wake up to. 

Information

  • Creator
    Ellen and Jonathan
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    45
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Alcohol Myth Podcast
  • Show Website
    The Alcohol Myth Podcast

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