Crying Out Loud with Dr. Laura Berman

Dr. Laura Berman
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Crying Out Loud is a grief companion for anyone carrying loss. Hosted by Dr. Laura Berman, bestselling author, therapist, and grieving mother, the show blends clinical guidance with spiritual insight to support healing on every level. Each week features conversations with experts, healers and mediums to help regulate your nervous system, honor your grief, and explore continued connection with loved ones on the other side. You were never meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.

  1. 1d ago

    The Grieving Body with Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

    Did you know that your risk of having a heart attack can be dramatically higher in the first 24 hours after someone you love dies? We know grief is emotionally devastating. But what we don't always understand is just how much it affects us physically. The exhaustion that sleep doesn't seem to fix. The brain fog. The headaches, digestive problems, tightness in your chest, and the feeling that your nervous system is constantly on high alert. Sometimes you barely recognize your own body. I experienced so much of this after my son died. And even with more than 30 years of experience as a therapist, I was surprised by how profoundly grief affected me physically. That's why I was so interested in having Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor back to talk about her latest book, The Grieving Body. Mary-Frances is a neuroscientist and psychologist at the University of Arizona and the author of The Grieving Brain, which helped explain one of the strangest experiences of grief: how we can know intellectually that someone has died while our brains continue expecting them to come home. Her new book takes that science further, exploring what happens throughout our bodies when we lose someone we love, and what we can actually do to support our physical health while grieving. Mary-Frances also brings a deeply personal perspective to her research. She was just thirteen when her mother was diagnosed with cancer, and watching her mother face the possibility of dying shaped her understanding of loss long before she became a scientist. In this conversation, we get into some fascinating research, including why bereavement can increase our risk of serious health problems, what crying actually does for us, and how our attachment to someone becomes so deeply wired into our brains and bodies. We also explore why grief can hit us physically before we're even consciously aware of what's triggering it. Why do we sometimes start feeling anxious, exhausted, or unsettled as an anniversary approaches, only to realize later what our bodies seemed to know all along? I share some of my own experiences with the physical toll of grief, including how movement and somatic practices helped me when talking about my feelings simply wasn't enough. And we talk about something I think is especially important for grievers: the complicated relationship between taking care of ourselves and staying connected to the person we've lost. Sometimes, even feeling better can bring up guilt. But caring for your body, allowing yourself to rest, and finding moments of pleasure again don't diminish your love or your grief. In this episode, we explore: Why grief affects everything from your immune system and cardiovascular health to your sleep, digestion, and ability to think clearly The startling research on heart attack risk immediately following the death of a loved one Why our brains keep searching for someone even when we know they're gone, and the "gone but also everlasting" paradox The science of crying, why tears are connected to attachment, and what happens when we feel safe enough to let them come Why anniversaries, birthdays, and other significant dates can trigger physical grief responses before we consciously recognize what's happening Why two people grieving the same person can have completely different physical and emotional experiences How prolonged or particularly intense grief can affect our health What Mary-Frances means by the difference between time healing and action healing How movement, rest, and small acts of physical care can help support a grieving body A powerful story about a young widow that has stayed with Mary-Frances throughout her career One of the things I've learned, both professionally and through my own grief, is that we have to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. We can't always think or talk our way through grief. Sometimes we need to move, cry, sleep, breathe, or simply give ourselves permission to stop pushing so hard. I hope this conversation helps you understand some of what may be happening in your own body and gives you a few practical ways to care for yourself through it. You can love and miss someone with every fiber of your being and still deserve to feel well in your own body. Don't forget to check out Mary-Frances's books, The Grieving Brain and The Grieving Body. You can learn more about her work on her website and follow her on Instagram. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. None of us are meant to carry this alone. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories, and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy, and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

    The Grieving Body with Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor

  2. Oct 15

    The Invisible Losses We Carry: Finding Ourselves Again After Grief with Christina Rasmussen

    When we lose someone we love, we often lose so much more than that person. We lose the future we imagined, our sense of safety, sometimes our relationships, and often parts of ourselves we barely realize are missing until we look around and wonder, Who am I now?And some of our deepest losses aren't necessarily connected to a death at all. They can come from the dreams that never happened, the relationships that changed us, the versions of ourselves we had to leave behind, or the experiences we've never really allowed ourselves to grieve.My guest on Crying Out Loud is Christina Rasmussen, grief educator, founder of the Life Reentry® process, and author of Second Firsts, Where Did You Go?, and Invisible Loss. Christina spent years studying grief and working with bereaved families before losing her own husband, the father of her two young daughters, when she was just 35.She thought she understood grief. Then she found herself living it, and so much of what she'd learned no longer seemed to apply. For months, she couldn't even cry. She felt frozen, disconnected from herself and unsure how to find her way back to living.That experience eventually led her to explore something she calls the "waiting room," a place many of us recognize, where we're going through the motions of life but don't quite feel like we're living it. And while there's a reason we end up there, we can sometimes stay much longer than we realize.Christina and I talk about the different parts of ourselves that emerge after loss, including the survivor self that gets us through the worst of it, but can also make it difficult to move forward. We explore what happens to our identity when grief changes us, why our minds can sometimes work against our healing, and how we begin reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that still want to experience life.I also share a very personal experience I had after my son died, when a voice asked me a question about whether I wanted to live. That moment changed something profound in me, and Christina and I explore what it means to make that choice when you're in the depths of grief.And because grief inevitably raises some of life's biggest questions, we also venture into what happens after we die. Christina has studied thousands of near-death experiences, and we talk about what she's learned, what she believes about consciousness and the continued existence of our loved ones, and how we might experience that connection ourselves. She even guides us through a practice for connecting with someone on the other side.This is a conversation about the losses we see and the ones we don't, the ways we can disappear inside our own grief, and the possibility of discovering who we are now, even when the life we knew is gone.In this episode, we explore: Why some of our most significant losses are invisible, and how they continue to shape our lives Christina's experience losing her husband and why her professional training didn't prepare her for her own grief The "waiting room" and how to recognize when we've become stuck in survival mode The survivor, watcher, and thriver selves, and how each influences our healing Why overthinking and intellectualizing grief can sometimes keep us from moving forward The difference between waiting for time to heal us and actively finding our way back into life How shame, rejection, lost dreams, and other unacknowledged grief can affect our sense of identity My own experience of being asked whether I wanted to live after losing my son What Christina's research into near-death experiences has taught her about consciousness and life after death A guided practice for connecting with a loved one who has died If you've ever felt like you've lost touch with yourself, whether through the death of someone you love or another experience that changed your life, I think you'll find a lot to relate to in this conversation. And hopefully, some new ways to begin finding your way back.Don’t forget to check out Christina’s books, Second Firsts, Where Did You Go?, and Invisible Loss. She recommends the physical copies, since they’re meant to be written in and returned to. You can find her at website. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.None of us are meant to carry this alone.And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud

    The Invisible Losses We Carry: Finding Ourselves Again After Grief with Christina Rasmussen

  3. Oct 8

    Waiting for Dawn: How to Live When You Don’t Know What Comes Next with Marissa Renee Lee

    What do you do when you’re grieving something that hasn’t actually ended? When you’re sick and don’t know if you’ll get better. When someone you love is struggling with addiction and you don’t know who they’ll be on the other side of it. When you’ve lost a pregnancy, a future you were counting on, or even the person you used to be. There’s grief in all of that. But it’s a strange kind of grief because there’s no clean ending to point to. No funeral. No clear before and after. Sometimes, there isn’t even an answer. That’s the territory Marissa Renee Lee explores in her new book, Waiting for Dawn: Living with Uncertainty. Marissa is also the author of Grief Is Love, a book I’ve long appreciated for the way it challenges the idea that healing requires us to “move on” from the people we’ve lost. Her new book takes that work somewhere different and deeply personal. After losing her mother and experiencing pregnancy loss, Marissa developed long COVID. Suddenly, she was living in a body she couldn’t predict, with symptoms she couldn’t control and no way of knowing what her future would look like. She calls what followed “gray grief”: the grief of living with a loss that has no clear ending. That idea really stayed with me because so much of grief is exactly that. Even after a death, we can grieve our old identity, the future we assumed we’d have, and the version of ourselves who existed before our lives changed. I know I did. In this conversation, Marissa and I talk about what happens when you can’t fix what’s happening and you can’t know what comes next. How do you live there without allowing fear to take over? What does hope look like when you have no evidence that things are going to turn out the way you want them to? And who are you when the things you thought defined you begin to fall away? We also come back to something Marissa wrote about so beautifully in Grief Is Love: continuing bonds. She shares the small ways her mother is still part of her family’s life, and we talk about why loving someone doesn’t end because they died. And perhaps most importantly, we talk about hope. Not pretending everything is going to be okay. Hope when you genuinely don’t know. It’s one of the things I found most moving about Waiting for Dawn, and something I think anyone who has spent time in that awful space between what was and whatever comes next will understand. In this episode, we talk about: ● What Marissa means by “gray grief” and why she wrote Waiting for Dawn ● What long COVID taught her about living without answers ● Grieving your health, identity and the future you thought you were going to have ● The difference between hope and pretending everything will be okay ● What fear does to us when uncertainty goes on and on ● Why caregivers and partners are grieving too ● Why Marissa rejects the idea that we need to “move on” ● How she continues her relationship with her mother after her death ● What I learned about losing my own identity after my son died, and slowly discovering who I was becoming ● The two words Marissa returns to when everything else feels uncertain Some losses give us a clear before and after. Others leave us waiting in the dark for an answer that may or may not come. You don't have to wait alone. Content note: this episode includes a brief mention of a family member's death at the hands of an abusive partner. Don't forget to follow Marissa and check out her books, Grief Is Love and Waiting for Dawn: Living with Uncertainty. You can find her at marissareneelee.com and as Marissa Renee Lee on Instagram  and Substack. She also has a grief retreat coming up this November in the Hudson Valley, with details on her website. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. None of us are meant to carry this alone. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

    Waiting for Dawn: How to Live When You Don’t Know What Comes Next with Marissa Renee Lee

  4. Oct 1

    The Power of Altars: Creating a Place to Connect with Someone You Love with Robin and Michael Mastro

    When someone we love dies, the relationship doesn't simply disappear. We still talk to them. Think about them. Look for signs from them. Miss them. Love them. But where do we put all of that? For me, one of the answers has been creating sacred space. In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I'm talking with Robin and Michael Mastro about the power of altars and why creating a physical place for connection can be such a meaningful practice in grief. Robin and Michael have spent decades studying Vastu Shastra, an ancient Indian system concerned with the relationship between our physical spaces and our wellbeing. Michael is an architect and meditation teacher, and Robin is the author of Altars of Power and Grace, which grew out of her graduate research and her experiences in India. Robin explains that there isn't just one kind of altar. Different altars can serve different intentions, and for those of us who are grieving, she shares two that I found especially meaningful: a relationship altar, created to support our continued connection with someone who has died, and a transformation altar for those times when the grief itself feels especially intense. We get very practical about how to create one. Where should it go? What direction should it face? What belongs on it? Robin talks about photographs, candles, meaningful objects, mantras and yantras, and why the intention we bring to the altar matters more than making it look a certain way. I also share the altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud. Every morning, I would sit there, light a candle, call in my angels and guides, and then begin writing. I wrote the entire book between May and August, and I believe that altar helped me create a space where I could connect, listen and do the work. We also talk about something I think matters deeply in grief: an altar doesn't have to be about worship, and you don't have to subscribe to any particular spiritual belief to create one. It can simply be a place where you intentionally return to the person you love and to the relationship that continues in a different form. Toward the end of our conversation, Michael leads us through a five-element meditation for grief, moving through earth, water, fire, air and space as a way of grounding ourselves and making room for what we're carrying. Why altars have been used across cultures and spiritual traditions How an altar can create a physical place for continued connection The difference between a relationship altar and a transformation altar How to create an altar for someone you love who has died What photographs, candles and meaningful objects can bring to the space Why intention matters more than creating the "perfect" altar The role of direction and the five elements in Vastu Mantras, yantras and other practices Robin incorporates into sacred space The altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud Michael's five-element meditation for grief How a simple ritual can give us somewhere to bring our love, longing and connection An altar doesn't have to be elaborate. It can be a photograph, a candle, something that belonged to them, or an object that only the two of you would understand. It is simply a place you create with intention. A place to sit. To remember. To talk. To listen. And, if it feels right to you, to stay connected. Robin has generously offered a guide to creating a relationship altar, including the elements, mantras, yantras, and the process of bringing the altar to life. Email her at robin@vastucreations.com to receive the guide. And stay with us through the end of the episode for Michael's five-element meditation. You may want to find a quiet place before you listen. Don’t forget to follow Robin and Michael, and check out Robin’s book, Altars of Power and Grace. You can find more of their work on their website.  And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud. This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. None of us are meant to carry this alone.

  5. Sep 24

    No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of Someone You Love with Carla Fine

    When someone you love dies by suicide, grief can become tangled up with questions that may never have answers. Why? What did I miss? Could I have stopped it? Did they know how much I loved them? Carla Fine knows those questions intimately. Her husband, Harry, died by suicide at 43. They had met in college, married at 21, and spent 21 years building a life together. Harry was a physician, a teacher at NYU Medical School, and a father and husband who continued working and seeing patients right up until his death. Carla didn't see it coming. In the years that followed, she began talking with other people who had lost someone to suicide and discovered how many were living with the same guilt, anger, confusion and shame, often without anywhere to talk about it. Those conversations eventually became her groundbreaking book, No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One. She later co-wrote Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss with psychiatrist Dr. Michael Myers and has spent decades speaking with suicide-loss survivors around the world. In this episode of Crying Out Loud, Carla and I talk about what suicide leaves behind for the people who loved the person who died. One of the things Carla says that stayed with me is that, for a long time, she was grieving the suicide. Eventually, she had to begin grieving Harry. That distinction opens up so much. We talk about the “million whys” that can consume you after suicide loss and whether getting an answer to why actually gives you the peace you imagine it will. We talk about guilt and responsibility, including the painful belief that if you had noticed one thing, said one thing, or done one thing differently, the person you loved might still be here. Carla is also remarkably honest about time. The first year. The second. The fifth. The seventh. The moments when grief changes and the moments when it suddenly comes roaring back. And the realization that wanting to live again does not mean leaving the person you love behind. We also talk about something I care deeply about: finding people who understand your particular kind of loss. There is enormous relief in being with someone who doesn't need you to explain why you're angry, why you're still asking questions, or why something that happened years ago can suddenly feel like it happened yesterday. In this episode, we talk about: The “million whys” that follow a suicide and what happens when there is no satisfying answer The difference between regret and responsibility Carla's experience of not seeing the signs before Harry died Why she says she first had to grieve the suicide before she could grieve her husband Anger, guilt and shame after suicide loss, including feelings people are often afraid to admit What Carla tells someone in the first raw days after a suicide Why healing may need to come before helping other people What Carla has learned about grief in the second, fifth and seventh years How people who love the same person can grieve in completely different ways The point when Carla realized she wanted to live again How our relationship with someone we love can continue after they die Why finding other survivors can change the experience of grief What to say when someone you love is in despair If you've lost someone to suicide, I hope this conversation gives you something Carla has spent decades trying to give survivors: the knowledge that whatever you're feeling, someone else has felt it too. And if you're carrying guilt about what you didn't know, didn't see, or didn't do, I especially hope you'll listen to what Carla has to say about the difference between wishing things had been different and believing you were responsible for making them different. There may never be an answer big enough for the question of why. But there can still be love. There can still be connection. And, eventually, there can be a life that you want to live again. Don't forget to visit Carla Fine's website and check out her books, No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One and Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss. You can find more of her work and connect with her there. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

  6. Sep 17

    Can Psylocibin Help with Grief and Help Us Connect to the Other Side? Heather A. Lee

    When someone you love dies, you start looking for them everywhere. In dreams. In songs. In signs that show up at exactly the right moment. Anything that might tell you they’re still here somehow. But what happens when psilocybin opens a door you didn’t even know was there? My guest, Heather A. Lee, is one of the first certified and licensed psychedelic-assisted psychotherapists in the U.S. Before moving into psychedelic medicine, she spent years as a hospice social worker, sitting with people at the end of life. She later trained with researchers at Johns Hopkins, NYU and Imperial College London, and she’s the author of The Psilocybin Sessions. I’ve been curious about Heather’s work for a long time, especially after having my own profound psilocybin experience. So I wanted to understand what is actually happening during these journeys. What does psilocybin do to the brain? Why can it sometimes reach grief, trauma and old wounds that years of talk therapy haven’t touched? And what do we make of the people who say they encountered someone they love who has died? Heather explains how psilocybin quiets some of the brain systems involved in fear and our fixed sense of self, creating a window where old patterns can loosen and something new can emerge. We talk about why preparation and integration matter, why she believes these experiences should be facilitated by someone properly trained, and who should stay away from psychedelics altogether. Then we get into the part of this conversation I was especially interested in: grief. Heather shares stories of people who encountered loved ones who had died during their journeys, including a mother whose 18-year-old son died from fentanyl poisoning and who felt she spent hours communicating with him. We talk about whether these experiences are happening entirely inside the brain, whether they might give us access to something beyond our ordinary awareness, and whether we even need to know for certain in order for the experience to be healing. I also share something I haven’t talked about publicly before: my own psilocybin journey. While my best friend was having a beautiful experience with angels, guides and flowers, I spent hours feeling as though I was physically giving birth to grief. My body moved in waves and convulsions as I saw women surrounding me like midwives and felt grief moving through me for Sammy, for my childhood, for mothers and women I had never met. It was one of the strangest and most powerful experiences of my life. We also talk about microdosing, anxiety and OCD, antidepressants, neuroplasticity, and what Heather has learned from decades of working around death and dying about consciousness and what might happen after we die. In this episode, we talk about: What psilocybin actually does in the brain Why grief and trauma can surface in ways we don’t expect The difference between taking mushrooms recreationally and doing a facilitated therapeutic journey Why preparation and integration are such an important part of the process What it can feel like to encounter someone you love who has died My own experience of physically “birthing” grief during a psilocybin journey Whether psychedelic experiences are happening in the brain, beyond it, or possibly both Psilocybin for anxiety and OCD Antidepressants and other considerations before a psychedelic journey Microdosing versus a full-dose journey Who should not use psilocybin How grief can open us to questions about consciousness, connection and what happens after death If you’ve ever wondered whether psychedelics can help us access parts of grief that we can’t seem to reach any other way, or whether the people we love might still be available to us in ways we don’t fully understand, I think you’ll find this conversation fascinating. This isn't about convincing you of anything. It's about staying curious about what connection can look like after loss, and what our minds and hearts might be capable of as we heal. Don't forget to follow Heather A. Lee and check out her book, The Psilocybin Sessions. You can find more of her work on her website or by following her on Instagram. She's also opening a grief-specific psilocybin retreat in Colorado this January, details to come on her socials. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud. This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

  7. Sep 10

    Is That Really You? Signs, Skepticism & Connection After Loss with Rachel Stewart

    Have you ever had something happen after someone you love died that made you stop and think, Wait...was that you? A song at exactly the right moment. A dream that feels different from an ordinary dream. A coincidence that feels almost impossible to explain. For a moment, you feel them. And then your rational brain kicks in. Am I imagining this? Am I seeing what I want to see? Was that really them? I know this dance between connection and doubt very well. After Sammy died, finding ways to stay connected to him became an important part of my grief and ultimately changed what I believe about death. But I also know how vulnerable these experiences can feel, especially when someone you love doesn’t believe what you believe. My guest Rachel Stewart understands this deeply. Her 10-year-old daughter, Kenadie, died from cancer, and at the time, Rachel and her husband, Shane, had no real spiritual or religious framework for understanding where she had gone. Rachel desperately wanted to know Kenadie was still somewhere and that their relationship hadn’t simply ended. But wanting to believe something and actually believing it are two very different things. Rachel tells me about a medium reading that left her with questions until Shane casually revealed one detail that changed everything. We talk about the experiences that began challenging their skepticism, why Rachel kept asking Kenadie for more proof, and what happened when her very skeptical husband finally agreed to try energy healing himself. We also get into something that doesn’t get talked about enough: what happens when you and the person you’re grieving with believe very different things? My husband and I don’t always interpret my experiences with Sammy the same way either. Rachel and I talk about how lonely that can feel and why you don’t need to convince anyone else in order to honor an experience that brings you comfort or connection. In this episode, we talk about: The signs that began changing what Rachel believed about death A medium reading that took on an entirely different meaning after one unexpected detail Why powerful experiences don’t necessarily make skepticism disappear What happened when Shane agreed to try energy healing Meditation, grief and learning to quiet the noise enough to listen Whether seeking connection with someone who died can ever become a way of avoiding grief Grieving alongside a partner who doesn’t share your beliefs How Rachel’s search for Kenadie eventually became For 11, the grief community she and Shane wished they’d had If you’ve ever received what felt like a sign and then immediately talked yourself out of it, or if part of you desperately wants to believe your person is still with you while another part thinks, Come on, this can’t be real, I think you’ll find a lot in this conversation. You don’t have to decide what you believe before you listen. There’s room for skepticism, curiosity and the possibility that love and relationship may continue in ways we don’t completely understand Thank you again for the opportunity to be a guest on your podcast. I have put together a private, small invite only retreat for your listeners. Do you know when our episode will air. https://heatheralee.com/where-grief-finds-its-place-to-land You can connect with Rachel through her website, For 11 Together, and follow her on Instagram and TikTok at @for11_together. Explore her Better Together resources and the For 11 community to learn more about the practices and experiences we discuss. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud. This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura's book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. None of us are meant to carry this alone.

  8. Sep 3

    Why Grief Feels Like Losing Your Mind: What’s Actually Happening to Your Brain with Dr. Daniel Amen

    When Sammy died, I expected heartbreak. I didn’t expect what grief would do to my brain. I couldn’t remember things. I couldn’t concentrate. Words disappeared in the middle of sentences. I would walk into a room and have no idea why I was there. At times, I genuinely wondered what was happening to me. If you’ve experienced grief brain, you know how frightening it can be. And there are real reasons for it. Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and brain health expert who has spent decades studying the brain. He’s the founder of Amen Clinics and the author of numerous New York Times bestsellers, including Change Your Brain, Change Your Lifeand his newest book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain. I’ve known Daniel for more than twenty years, long before I knew grief from the inside. So I wanted to sit down with him and ask the questions I wish I’d had answers to after Sammy died: What is actually happening inside our brains when we’re grieving? Why can we suddenly feel cognitively impaired? And can a brain changed by profound loss heal? We get into the science of grief brain, but this conversation goes much further. Daniel explains why grief can affect your memory, energy, sleep, gut and physical health, and why two people can experience the same kind of loss very differently. We also talk about guilt and the loops our brains can get trapped in after trauma, the relationship between anger and forgiveness, and what happens in the brain when we meditate, pray or experience hope. And we talk about something I care deeply about: what helps the brain begin to heal while we are still carrying the loss. In this episode, we talk about: What “grief brain” actually is and why loss can affect memory, concentration and executive function Why grief can show up throughout the body, including in your gut Daniel’s concept of “brain reserve” and why people respond so differently to trauma and loss What happens in the brain when we experience hope Why guilt can become so persistent after someone dies and how to interrupt it The “doom loop” and “healing loop,” and the habits that reinforce each one The connection between unresolved anger, forgiveness and emotional pain What prayer, meditation and faith may do in the brain Why menopause can compound some of the cognitive changes women experience during grief What Daniel has learned about resilience after decades of studying the brain If grief has ever made you wonder, “Am I losing my mind?” I really want you to hear this conversation. There is a reason your brain doesn’t feel like the brain you had before your loss. Understanding what is happening can make it a little less frightening and, more importantly, help us understand what our brains need from us as we heal. Don't forget to follow Dr. Daniel Amen and check out his newest book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain: Breaking the Doom Loop to Heal Chronic Physical and Emotional Pain. You can find more of his work on his website or by following him on Instagram and TikTok. And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love.. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud. This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community. And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura's book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. None of us are meant to carry this alone.

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Crying Out Loud is a grief companion for anyone carrying loss. Hosted by Dr. Laura Berman, bestselling author, therapist, and grieving mother, the show blends clinical guidance with spiritual insight to support healing on every level. Each week features conversations with experts, healers and mediums to help regulate your nervous system, honor your grief, and explore continued connection with loved ones on the other side. You were never meant to grieve alone. Let’s cry out loud together.

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