It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

TruStory FM
  • 0.0 (0)
  • MANAGEMENT
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

  1. Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

    5 DAYS AGO

    Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Method for Effective Boundaries

    Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict Resolution Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages. Understanding the SLIC Method The SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether dealing with toddlers learning self-control or teenagers pushing social limits. Bill's extensive background in child development, education, and family therapy informs practical applications across various parenting scenarios. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the five key questions to ask when imposing consequences?How should consequences vary by age and development stage?When and how should parents collaborate with teachers on limits?What makes limit-setting effective in divorced family situations?How can parents overcome fear of setting firm boundaries?Key Takeaways Proportional consequences maintain effectiveness and teach responsibilityEarly limit-setting creates foundation for teenage boundary acceptanceParent-teacher-community alignment strengthens limit enforcementBoth positive and negative consequences play essential rolesThe SLIC method works across various family structures and situationsThis episode equips parents, teachers, and caregivers with practical tools from the SLIC method to establish consistent, effective boundaries while maintaining strong relationships with children. Listeners learn how to implement this structured approach across different ages and challenging situations. Additional Resources Expert Publications New Book available for pre-order: SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Setting Limits (01:22) - Bill’s New Book (04:35) - Young Children (10:29) - Do Consequences Work For Everyone? (14:42) - Five Questions (16:46) - Teacher and Student (20:36) - Overcoming Fear of Setting Limits (22:53) - Older Kids (31:58) - Wrap Up

    34 min
  2. Choosing Safe Partners: Understanding Red Flags in Dating with Dr. David Wexler

    6 NOV

    Choosing Safe Partners: Understanding Red Flags in Dating with Dr. David Wexler

    Identifying Red Flags: Making Safer Relationship Choices Dr. David Wexler joins Bill Eddy to discuss his new book "Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner," co-authored with Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. Drawing from over 40 years of clinical experience working with relationship dynamics and domestic violence, Dr. Wexler shares crucial insights about recognizing concerning patterns early in relationships. Understanding Warning SignsThe conversation explores three key categories of warning signs: observed behaviors, historical factors, and gut feelings. Dr. Wexler explains how early relationship behaviors like "love bombing," expressions of contempt, and patterns of entitlement can indicate potential future challenges. The discussion examines why psychological abuse often creates deeper lasting impacts than physical abuse through its systematic erosion of self-esteem and autonomy. Questions Answered in This Episode What are the top three warning signs of potentially abusive relationships?How can someone distinguish between healthy attention and concerning obsession?Why do people sometimes ignore clear warning signs?What role does family history play in relationship patterns?When is couples therapy helpful or potentially harmful?Key Takeaways Early relationship intensity ("love bombing") warrants careful evaluationExpressions of contempt and entitlement serve as significant red flagsPersonal boundaries and gut feelings provide valid assessment criteriaUnderstanding attachment patterns helps explain relationship choicesSelf-blame often prevents recognition of concerning behaviorsThis episode provides valuable tools for anyone navigating dating and relationships, offering practical guidance for evaluating potential partners while maintaining healthy boundaries. The discussion emphasizes empowerment through awareness rather than victim-blaming, acknowledging that while warning signs exist, many relationships can provide safe, healthy connections. Additional Resources Dr. Wexler Book: Choose Him WiselyRelationship Training InstituteOnline Course for Family Law: Conversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 Experts Law PrfProfessional Development Invite us to speak at your organizationNew Ways Training (work, mediation, divorce)Conflict Influencer Class (for personal life)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Dr. David Wexler (02:41) - David’s Book Choose Him Wisely (03:42) - David’s Background (09:23) - Warning Signs (14:25) - Obstructions (23:18) - Psychological vs. Physical Abuse (26:53) - From Victim to Abuser (30:33) - Where Is the Line? (35:09) - Gut Feeling Test (38:07) - Counseling and Couples Counseling (43:34) - Wrap Up

    46 min
  3. Healthcare Conflict Solutions: Managing Hospital Tensions in High-Stress Environments with Dr. Jeff Stuart

    30 OCT

    Healthcare Conflict Solutions: Managing Hospital Tensions in High-Stress Environments with Dr. Jeff Stuart

    Healthcare Conflict Management: Insights from the Pandemic and Beyond In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," host Megan Hunter welcomes Dr. Jeff Stuart, an experienced physician executive and co-founder of RxSolve Conflict, to discuss conflict management in healthcare settings. Their conversation explores how the pandemic transformed healthcare conflicts and what lessons can help improve communication and patient care. Understanding Healthcare Conflict Dynamics Dr. Stuart shares insights from his three decades of medical practice and leadership, including his experience as Chief Medical Officer during the pandemic. He describes how hospitals function as inherently high-pressure environments where different departments operate as distinct "battlefields," each with their own unique pressures and challenges. The discussion reveals how operational pressures, resource constraints, and evolving power dynamics contribute to healthcare conflicts. Dr. Stuart explains how traditional hierarchical structures are shifting toward team-based approaches, creating new communication challenges that require innovative solutions. Questions We Answer in This Episode How did the pandemic affect conflict dynamics in healthcare settings?What are the primary sources of conflict in healthcare environments?How can healthcare professionals better manage high-stress interactions?What role does communication training play in preventing healthcare conflicts?How can healthcare leaders support better conflict management?Key Takeaways Healthcare conflicts often arise from competing priorities and resource constraintsRole ambiguity and poor communication channels amplify conflict potentialBasic conflict management training can significantly improve healthcare interactionsThe pandemic created unique challenges but also opportunities for improved communicationLeadership engagement is crucial for implementing effective conflict management strategiesThis episode provides valuable insights for healthcare professionals, administrators, and anyone interested in understanding how complex organizations can better manage conflict. The discussion offers practical approaches while acknowledging the unique challenges faced by those working in high-stress medical environments. Additional Resource Dr. Jeff Stuart’s website: www.rxsolveconflict.com Professional Development Leaders High-Conflict Training: New Ways for WorkConflict Influencer Group ClassConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:58) - Dr. Jeff Stuart (03:22) - Jeff’s Background (10:10) - CMO Experience During Pandemic (16:02) - Conflict with Travelling Professionals (16:51) - Stuck in Storming (19:45) - Biggest Conflicts in Healthcare (25:24) - Making Conflicts Bigger (31:50) - Preventative (33:02) - Continual Societal Breakdowns (35:29) - Momentum and Problem-Solving (46:30) - Delineations (48:10) - Wrap Up

    50 min
  4. Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

    16 OCT

    Family Boundaries: Supporting Children Through High-Conflict Divorce

    Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement. Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements. First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?When should grandparents intervene versus step back?What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics. The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Additional Resources Expert Publications ⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids Personal Transformation Solutions ⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter) Professional Development ⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders) Connect With Us ⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website Watch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - More Listener Questions (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife (28:46) - Wrap Up

    33 min
  5. High Conflict Communication Skills: Navigating Personal Change and Blended Family Dynamics

    9 OCT

    High Conflict Communication Skills: Navigating Personal Change and Blended Family Dynamics

    Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family Dynamics Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change. Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict Relationships The episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents. Questions Addressed in This Episode: How can someone break long-standing behavioral patterns?What role do skills like flexible thinking and emotional management play in personal change?How can step-parents navigate challenging relationships with their partner's ex?What communication strategies work best when dealing with hostile messages?How can someone maintain boundaries while keeping communications focused on children?Key Takeaways: Change is possible through developing specific skills: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, and self-checkingCreating new behavioral patterns rather than trying to eliminate old onesThe value of "extinction" in managing difficult communicationsImportance of responding only to relevant information in hostile messagesUnderstanding that others' hostile behavior reflects their operating system, not personal failingThe hosts emphasize the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm) as a cornerstone communication strategy, along with other practical approaches such as focusing on logistics and future-oriented communications, maintaining boundaries while staying civil, recognizing when non-response is the best response, and separating emotional content from necessary information. These tools provide actionable approaches for anyone seeking to improve challenging relationships or create lasting personal change, while emphasizing the importance of skill development and consistent practice. Additional Resources Expert Publications Book (pre-orders being taken - publishing November 2025): SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsBook: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifePersonal Transformation Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional Development Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Listener Question #1 (11:16) - Listener Question #2 (28:52) - Reminders

    30 min
  6. Hostile Neighbor Conflict: How to Handle Community Harassment and Stay Safe

    2 OCT

    Hostile Neighbor Conflict: How to Handle Community Harassment and Stay Safe

    Navigating Hostile Neighbor Situations: Understanding and Managing Community Conflict Responding to a listener question, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address a challenging situation many face: dealing with hostile neighbors. This episode explores strategies for maintaining composure while protecting yourself and your family when faced with neighborhood tensions, providing practical insights for those experiencing community conflict. Understanding Neighborhood Conflict Dynamics The hosts analyze how neighborhood disputes can escalate from initial interactions into ongoing patterns of hostile behavior. They examine how children can be affected by and involved in neighborhood tensions, offering guidance for parents navigating these complex dynamics. Questions Answered in This Episode How can you balance standing up for yourself while keeping situations calm?When and how should you involve law enforcement?What legal options exist for addressing neighbor conflicts?How can parents protect children from neighborhood hostility?Key Takeaways Consider investigating neighborhood dynamics before purchasing propertyDocument problematic behaviors through appropriate channelsFocus on teaching children effective conflict management skillsRemember that disengagement can sometimes be the safest strategyThis episode offers valuable strategies for anyone experiencing neighborhood tensions, emphasizing the importance of making informed decisions that prioritize safety and well-being while maintaining appropriate boundaries. The hosts' practical approach helps listeners understand when to engage, when to seek help, and when to consider other options. Additional Resources Book us for Training or Keynote Expert Publications Book: It’s All Your Fault!Book: Our New World of Adult BulliesPersonal Transformation Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyoneNew Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching)1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)Professional Development Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - Listener Question: Civility and Bullying (02:58) - Keeping Things Calm in the Face of Hostility (07:00) - Dogs and Kids (10:45) - Involving Law Enforcement (14:55) - Vindictiveness (22:53) - Raising The Child (25:52) - The Four Big Skills (27:46) - Traffic (33:49) - Wrap Up

    35 min
  7. Setting Boundaries in High Conflict: Your Questions About Difficult Relationships

    25 SEPT

    Setting Boundaries in High Conflict: Your Questions About Difficult Relationships

    In this our next listener’s questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts. Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change. Leonard from Sweden asks about common response patterns when high-conflict people face criticism. Bill explains typical reactions including denial, blame-shifting, playing victim, and counter-accusations. The hosts emphasize avoiding criticism in favor of future-focused communication and setting clear boundaries with consequences. A couple dealing with high-conflict aging parents seeks strategies for managing necessary family relationships. The hosts discuss balancing caregiving responsibilities with boundary setting, offering practical approaches for limiting problematic behaviors while maintaining connections. They emphasize matter-of-fact communication and consistent enforcement of stated consequences. Throughout these scenarios, common themes emerge: the importance of preparing for predictable reactions, maintaining firm but respectful boundaries, and avoiding the trap of criticism. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high-conflict situations, whether with ex-partners, aging parents, or other family members who exhibit challenging behaviors. Additional Resources Personal Growth New Ways for Families ® Online ClassConflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)Books SLIC Solutions for Conflict (pre-order)It’s All Your FaultOur New World of Adult BulliesConsultations Book us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseTraining Inquire about having us train your organizationConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Listener Question #1 (12:49) - Listener Question #2 (24:12) - Listener Question #3 (33:48) - Wrap Up

    35 min
  8. High Conflict Listener Questions: When Different Personalities Collide in Families

    18 SEPT

    High Conflict Listener Questions: When Different Personalities Collide in Families

    When High Conflict Personalities Interact In this listener-driven episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle three complex scenarios from listeners, exploring relationship dynamics between different personality patterns, protecting children from parental alienation, and repairing family bonds damaged by forced estrangement. Listener Jay asks about common personality pattern pairings in relationships. Bill Eddy shares that about half of high conflict relationships involve two people with challenging personality traits. Common combinations include individuals with borderline and narcissistic traits, as well as those with antisocial and histrionic characteristics. These pairings often occur because the traits fulfill complementary emotional needs - for instance, one partner's need to dominate matching another's tendency to seek attention. Sarah seeks advice about protecting her boyfriend's five-year-old daughter from the negative influence of a high-conflict co-parent. The hosts emphasize teaching children the "four big skills for life" (flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behavior, checking accuracy) early, ideally before age 8-9 when children become more susceptible to parental alienation. They stress the importance of focusing on positive interactions rather than defending against accusations. Joel describes a challenging situation where his wife demands he cut ties with their oldest child and has influenced their younger children, including an 11-year-old, to reject both the oldest sibling and Joel himself. The hosts recommend seeking court-ordered family counseling, especially for younger children, and maintaining a consistent message of refusing to take sides while expressing love for all family members. They emphasize the importance of early intervention to prevent long-term alienation. Throughout these varied scenarios, a common thread emerges: the importance of maintaining boundaries while avoiding extreme responses, teaching resilience skills rather than engaging in conflict, and seeking professional help when needed. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high conflict situations, whether in intimate relationships, co-parenting, or extended family dynamics. Additional Resources Personal Growth New Ways for Couples & FamiliesBooks Dating RadarBIFF for Co-parent CommunicationDon’t Alienate the KidsConsultations Book us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseArticle The Parental Alienation Story: When Kids Resist Parental Contact, Check Each Parent’s Story About the OtherTraining Inquire about having us train your organizationConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Listener Question #1 (10:57) - Listener Question #2 (16:35) - Listener Question #3 (23:02) - Wrap Up

    24 min
See All (188)

Trailer

About

Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.

Information

More From TruStory FM

You Might Also Like