Chatting With The Lightkeeper | Your Ultimate Guide To Exploring BDSM, D/S, And Kink

Edward Volkl
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BDSM, D/S, and kink are fascinating, and the Chatting With The Lightkeeper podcast serves as your lighthouse guiding you through this exciting world. Whether you are interested in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, or are exploring kink as a beginner, you will find engaging discussions and thought-provoking insights that go deeper than simply asking what is BDSM. Hosted by Edward Volkl, each episode offers fresh perspectives with new episodes every other week. Learn more and connect at ChattingWithTheLightkeeper.com and on social media.

  1. CNC - The Trending Acronym

    14 APR.

    CNC - The Trending Acronym

    CNC, consensual non-consent, is one of the most searched terms in BDSM right now, and that kind of search volume means there are a plethora of questions that defining the acronym cannot answer. Is it a safety framework like SSC or RACK? Is it something deeper than that? How does it actually work inside kink and D/S relationships, and why are so many people drawn to it?

    21 min
  2. BDSM and Consent: The Good, Bad, and Surprises

    31 MARS

    BDSM and Consent: The Good, Bad, and Surprises

    When it comes to consent violations in BDSM, D/S, and kink, it can almost feel reflexive for those with experience to point their fingers at those who are new or less experienced. Not only that, but this ‘blame game’ often papers over the lifestyle’s much deeper and dangerous problem; hint, it is not just BDSM gone wrong like spanking too hard. However, Negative Nellie did not take over the podcast because the lifestyle does some amazing things right with consent, too. Discover what you must know about one of BDSM’s biggest challenges as well as what it is getting right, all backed by theresearch. Oh, and that research, it is all listed here if you want to take a deep dive. Content warning: Heavy topic, SA, discussed. Sources: Bowling, J., Wright, S., Stambaugh, R.J., Gioia, D., &Cramer, R. (2020). Consent Survey 2020 Report. National Coalition for SexualFreedom. https://ncsfreedom.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Consent-Survey-2020-report.pdf Fanghanel, A. (2020). Consent violations and community normsin BDSM spaces. Sexualities. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460719828933 Dunkley, C. R., & Brotto, L. A. (2020). The role of consent in the context of BDSM. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research andTreatment, 32(6), 657–678. https://doi.org/10.1177/1079063219842847 Harris, E. A., Morgenroth, T., Crone, D. L., Morgenroth, L.,Gee, I., & Pan, H. (2023). Sexual consent norms in a sexually diverse sample. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 53, 577–592. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-023-02741-0 Tarleton, H. L., Mackenzie, T., & Sagarin, B. J. (2024).Consent norms in the BDSM community: Strong but not inflexible. Archives of Sexual Behavior. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-03038-6 Klement, K. R., Sagarin, B. J., & Lee, E. M. (2017).Participating in a culture of consent may be associated with lower rape-supportive beliefs. Journal of Sex Research, 54(1), 130–134. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2016.1168353 Wismeijer, A. A. J., & van Assen, M. A. L. M. (2013).Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(8), 1943–1952. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23679066/

    30 min
  3. Lies, Mental Health, And BDSM

    17 MARS

    Lies, Mental Health, And BDSM

    Oh, you’re curious about or into BDSM? You have a mental disorderYou must be unhappyYou had a traumatic childhood You’re dominant? All that means is you cannot take no for an answer. Oh, I’m sorry, you’re actually submissive? Well, that is just kink slang for someone who cannot make decisions. There are so many myths and misconceptions when it comes to mental health and BDSM, D/S, and kink. These often hurtful fallacies do more than just sting in the moment; they can causesomeone to not embrace a core part of who they are. Plus, they are so common that it is easy to come to believe there must be truths attached to them. This episode dissects the myths using peer-reviewed research, and I promise it is not a boring psych lecture. Find out what the research actually tells us! Please note: While this covers some of the common misconceptions about mental health and BDSM, this is by no means a complete list. The research reflects patterns across populations, not a universal experience. Individual journeys vary, and that is worth acknowledging. Sources: Wismeijer, A.A. and Van Assen, M.A. "PsychologicalCharacteristics of BDSM Practitioners." Journal of Sexual Medicine (2013) 10:1943 Lecuona, O., Martínez-Barajas, O., Gimeno-Martín, A., et al."Not Twisted, Just Kinky: Replication and Structural Invariance of Attachment, Personality, and Well-Being Among BDSM Practitioners." Journal of Sexual Medicine (2025) 72(6):1079-1108 Sagarin, B.J., Cutler, B., Cutler, N., et al. "HormonalChanges and Couple Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity." Archives of Sexual Behavior (2009) 38:186-200 Brown, A., Barker, E.D., Rahman, Q. "A SystematicScoping Review of the Prevalence, Etiological, Psychological, and Interpersonal Factors Associated with BDSM." Journal of Sex Research (2020) 57(6):781-811 Holvoet, L., Huys, W., Coppens, V., Seeuws, J., Goethals,K., and Morrens, M. "Fifty Shades of Belgian Gray: The Prevalence of BDSM-Related Fantasies and Activities in the General Population." Journal of Sexual Medicine (2017) 14:1152-1159 Pliskin, A.E. "Social and Emotional Intelligence (SEI)in BDSM." Journal of Positive Sexuality (2018) 4(2):48-55 Jansen, K.L., Fried, A.L., and Chamberlain, J. "An Examination of Empathy and Interpersonal Dominance in BDSM Practitioners."Journal of Sexual Medicine (2021) 18(3):549-555

    23 min
  4. Understanding Self-Collaring In D/S

    3 MARS

    Understanding Self-Collaring In D/S

    In BDSM, D/S, and kink, collars are typically thought of as a symbol of commitment between a dominant and submissive, but there is another type of collar that is a symbol of dedicationand is growing in popularity. Would you be surprised to learn this collar does not need a dominant? How can a submissive be collared without a dominant? Why would a submissive want this?Find out these answers and more in this episode. Listen now and discover how self-collaring can be an act of radical growth and empowerment.

    20 min
  5. BDSM Before The Digital Age

    17 FEB.

    BDSM Before The Digital Age

    Just how far back do you think the roots of BDSM, D/S, andkink go? Were the Romans into D/S? What about Victorian times? Could Heathcliff and Catherine been ‘kinky’? Have you ever wondered how modern kink communities got started or how did people into BDSM connect before DMs, texting, and the internet? Unless you know Doc Brown or have a DeLorean with afunctioning flux capacitor, this episode will answer all those questions plus explain how military surplus motorcycles and leather jackets laid the foundations for modern kink communities.

    37 min
  6. BDSM and Growth: My Story

    3 FEB.

    BDSM and Growth: My Story

    People often say that a journey into exploring BDSM and kink will be life-changing, but what does that really mean? Often, generic posts and lovely but vague-sounding ideas are tossed about to describe it. So this episode is different; it is personal. I openly share how D/S has challenged and changed me, plus those times where it forced me to grow, even when I might not have wanted to. No matter if you are a dominant, submissive, or switch, grab your headphones, get comfortable, and settle in for this personal trip into self-growth while discovering how you, too, can evolve as you explore the lifestyle.

    31 min
  7. Try Something New & Rituals For Everyone In BDSM, D/S, And Kink

    20 JAN.

    Try Something New & Rituals For Everyone In BDSM, D/S, And Kink

    Exploring BDSM, D/S, and kink can really open our minds up to self-discovery. Have you ever wondered what happens in our brains when we go from thinking about trying something kinky and new? Science has the answers, and they just might surprise you. In the second half of the show, the chatting turns to rituals in BDSM or D/S. While rituals are typically thought of as things submissivesdo, but what if I told you some rituals include dominants, too? Not only that, but what if there was a specific time of day for them that would help your partnership thrive? Do not miss these answers and more in this episode.

    31 min
  8. Exploring America's Most Desired Sexual Fantasy - S.5 Episode One

    6 JAN.

    Exploring America's Most Desired Sexual Fantasy - S.5 Episode One

    Do you know what the number one sexual fantasy is forAmericans? With 2026 just arrived many are making resolutions that include BDSM, D/S and kink fantasies. This episode explores America’s most popular fantasy with practical advice on how to take it from dreamy desire to lived reality. So get comfortable, put in your earbuds, discover this kinktastic fantasy and learn what you need to know should you want to bring this often unspoken fantasy to life.

    32 min
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BDSM, D/S, and kink are fascinating, and the Chatting With The Lightkeeper podcast serves as your lighthouse guiding you through this exciting world. Whether you are interested in bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, or are exploring kink as a beginner, you will find engaging discussions and thought-provoking insights that go deeper than simply asking what is BDSM. Hosted by Edward Volkl, each episode offers fresh perspectives with new episodes every other week. Learn more and connect at ChattingWithTheLightkeeper.com and on social media.

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