Complicated Kids

Gabriele Nicolet
  • 4.9 (19)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Weekly

Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.

  1. 6d ago

    Birth is Complicated Too with Emily Roper

    Birth is part of the story. It is not the whole story. In this episode, Emily Roper is back to talk about birth, early development, and what those first experiences may have to do with the complicated kids we are parenting later. And before we go anywhere else, we say this clearly: this is not an episode about looking back and deciding you should have done everything differently. No thank you. We have enough parent guilt already. This is about awareness. It is about connecting dots. It is about understanding how pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can give us clues about a child's brain, body, stress response, movement, feeding, sensory processing, and regulation. Emily is a neuro-developmental delay therapist, certified midwife's assistant, and owner of Early Roots. She works with children who have developmental delays, sensory challenges, ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, retained reflexes, vestibular differences, visual development issues, and regulation challenges. She also works in the birth world, supporting families during labor and postpartum. Which means she lives in the overlap between early experience and later development. That overlap is where this episode lives too. Emily explains that birth is not just the way we get the baby out. During labor and delivery, the baby's body is doing a tremendous amount of work. Stress hormones shift. Reflexes activate. Movement patterns are used. The baby is preparing to breathe, digest, regulate, move, and live outside the womb. Which is a lot, really. We also talk about what can happen when that process is disrupted or modified. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, birth trauma, feeding challenges, torticollis, latch issues, and unsettled newborn patterns can all become pieces of a larger developmental picture. Not because any one of those things determines a child's future, but because they may help us ask better questions. One of the biggest themes in this episode is that babies do not develop in separate buckets. A feeding issue is not always just a feeding issue. A neck issue is not always just a neck issue. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. The body, brain, movement system, sensory system, stress response, and regulation system are all connected, especially early on. Emily and I talk about what parents can do with this information at different points. If you are pregnant, it may mean asking more questions about your provider, setting, and support. If you have a newborn, it may mean looking at feeding, body tension, floor time, movement, postpartum mental health, and your own regulation. If your child is older, it may mean finding someone who understands primitive reflexes, sensory-motor development, and the way early patterns can still be supported later. Because this is not a "you missed your window" conversation. Neuroplasticity is real. Development keeps going. Bodies can be supported. Nervous systems can become more organized. Kids can make meaningful changes long after the newborn stage. That is why I like talking with Emily so much. She helps us widen the lens without turning the whole thing into blame. Early history may not explain everything. But it may give us one more way in. Key Takeaways This episode is about awareness, not guilt. Birth can be part of a child's developmental story, but it is not the whole story. Pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period can affect how the brain and body learn to function. Birth is an active process for the baby, involving movement, reflexes, stress hormone shifts, and major physiological transitions. C-sections, inductions, forceps, vacuum delivery, oxygen concerns, and birth trauma can matter developmentally without becoming moral judgments. Feeding, latch, torticollis, fussiness, sensory processing, and regulation are often connected through the developing brain and body. A fussy baby does not have a personality problem. Fussiness can be communication that something is uncomfortable, stressful, or hard. Body issues are brain issues, especially in babies, because early development is deeply physical. Parents can support development through feeding support, body work, movement, floor time, nervous system support, and attention to postpartum mental health. About Emily Roper Emily Roper is a Neuro-Developmental Delay Therapist and a certified Midwives Assistant. She owns Early Roots, a specialized therapy practice for children with developmental delays. Her work helps providers and families better understand and support children and parents. Emily has an educational background in psychology, midwifery, and neuro-developmental delay. She has spent over a decade helping children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, sensory challenges, and other developmental delays. She has attended more than 600 births and supported hundreds of families through their postpartum period. In addition to her hands-on work, Emily is passionate about education and bridging the gap between the birth world and psychology. She teaches and speaks to both parents and professionals about how early experiences, specifically pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period, shape long-term neurological development. She has trained midwives, taught post-graduate students, spoken at conferences, and hosts The Early Roots Podcast, where she makes complex developmental topics feel practical and accessible. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

    Birth is Complicated Too with Emily Roper

  2. Aug 4

    College Prep without the Pressure with Marcia Miller

    The best college preparation may not look like college preparation at all. By the time a student gets to college, we expect them to manage syllabi, deadlines, different professors, long-term assignments, and a schedule with far less adult oversight. But the executive function skills needed to do all of that do not suddenly appear when the dorm-room key lands in their hand. In this episode, I talk with Marcia Miller, an executive function coach who spent 14 years working with high school students, about how families can help kids build those skills long before college. Marcia describes executive function as the old-fashioned secretary in the brain. It helps us initiate tasks, organize information, plan ahead, remember what is expected, and follow through. For some kids, that secretary is organized, color-coded, and running a tight ship. For others, she is very quiet, somewhat overwhelmed, or apparently away from her desk. When those internal systems are still developing, students need external strategies. Calendars, reminders, routines, written directions, and repeated practice are not shortcuts. They are tools that help a student manage the work until more of the process becomes familiar and automatic. We also talk about reliability, which Marcia calls one of the least exciting and most essential skills. College professors, employers, friends, and family members all need people to communicate, meet deadlines, follow through, and say something when they are confused or stuck. The first step is often figuring out where the hiccup is. A student may understand the material but forget the deadline. They may know how to solve the problem but become completely derailed when asked to slow down and show each step. They may want to begin the project but have no idea how to turn one enormous assignment into several manageable actions. This is why conversations about how brains work matter. Kids need language for what comes easily, what requires more effort, and what happens inside their brains when a task falls apart. That kind of self-understanding helps make invisible processes visible. Marcia and I also talk about the shame that can build when a smart student repeatedly struggles to do what school asks. When kids hear only about the missing work, forgotten folder, or disappointing grade, they may begin to believe they are simply bad at school. The alternative is not ignoring the struggle. It is helping the child identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and develop strategies without treating every difficulty as a character flaw. Parents can begin by rewarding communication and collaboration. When your child remembers to tell you about the poster project before 3:00 in the morning, that is progress. They have brought the information to the team, and now the team can work on planning, organization, and follow-through. Preparing a child for college is not only about grades or whether they can complete an application. It is about helping them understand how they learn, ask for support, recover from mistakes, work with other people, and build systems that allow them to be more reliable and independent. 🎯 Key Takeaways College readiness begins long before college, but it does not need to be framed that way for kids. Executive function includes skills like initiation, planning, organization, working memory, follow-through, and managing deadlines. For many kids with ADHD or executive function challenges, directions can disappear quickly even when the child wants to do the task correctly. External strategies are important while executive function skills are still developing. Reliability may not sound exciting, but it is a major life skill for school, work, relationships, and independence. When something goes sideways, adults can help by asking where the hiccup is instead of assuming the child does not care. Smart kids can still struggle deeply with showing work, breaking down steps, remembering directions, or managing deadlines. Repeated conversations about how a child's brain works help build metacognition and self-understanding. Shame can grow when kids are repeatedly reminded of what they are not doing well. Parents can support future independence by noticing strengths, rewarding collaboration, practicing strategies, and helping kids understand that their brains may work differently and still be good brains. About Marcia Miller Marcia Miller is an executive function coach based in Washington, DC, who works with teens, young adults, and families throughout the DMV area. After a 14-year career at a private high school, Marcia developed extensive experience supporting both neurotypical and neurodiverse teens, especially students with ADHD. Before working in education, she built a diverse career across corporate settings, law firms, volunteer work, and parenting her own daughter with ADHD. Marcia brings humor, warmth, and a shame-reducing approach to her work. She helps young people embrace who they are, identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and build practical strategies for success. She also enjoys partnering with parents and believes that perspective is essential to effectively coaching teens and young adults. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read the latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

    College Prep without the Pressure with Marcia Miller

  3. Jul 28

    S2C with Spelling to Communicate Founder Elizabeth Vosseler

    Not speaking is not the same thing as not having something to say. In this episode, I'm joined by Elizabeth Vosseller, founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC, the International Association for Spelling as Communication. And we are talking about communication. Not the easy kind. Not the "say what you mean with your mouth and everyone understands what is happening" kind. We are talking about what happens when a person has thoughts, language, ideas, preferences, humor, opinions, and vocabulary, but cannot reliably use speech to share them. Elizabeth explains that Spelling to Communicate (S2C) is a method of teaching communication to nonspeaking people. And nonspeaking is the word we want here, not nonverbal. Because nonverbal means without words. And the people Elizabeth works with are not without words. They may have no speech, very few spoken words, or lots of speech that is not reliable or communicative. They may script, loop, say the opposite of what they mean, or struggle to get their bodies to do what their brains are asking them to do. Which brings us to one of the biggest themes in this conversation: communication is motor. Speech is motor. Typing is motor. Pointing is motor. Signing is motor. Getting an idea out of your brain and into the world requires the body to participate. And for some kids and adults, that is where things get complicated. Elizabeth walks us through praxis, which is the process of having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not go the way it was supposed to go. For people with apraxia or dyspraxia, the idea may be there. The plan may be there. But the message between the brain and the body may not move smoothly. And if we do not understand that, we can make some very big mistakes. We can look at a child who is not following a direction and assume they are being noncompliant. We can look at a child who is hitting, grabbing, bolting, or making sounds and assume the behavior is intentional in a way it may not be. We can look at a nonspeaking child and assume there are no words inside. That is a dangerous assumption. Elizabeth and I also talk about rich language environments, spelling, reading, communication regulation partners, and why support does not automatically mean influence when the support is trained, careful, and ethical. This conversation is especially close to my speech therapist heart because it asks us to slow down and separate language from speech, communication from behavior, and intention from motor access. Which is not always easy. But it matters. Because when we assume a child has nothing to say, we may stop offering them enough to think about. When we assume a behavior tells the whole story, we may miss what the body is struggling to do. And when we assume speech is the only real path to communication, we may miss the person who has been there the whole time. Key Takeaways Nonspeaking is different from nonverbal. Nonspeaking means a person cannot use speech reliably and effectively. Nonverbal means without words, which can wrongly suggest a person does not have language, thoughts, or vocabulary. Spelling to Communicate (S2C) teaches nonspeaking people to use pointing to letters as a motor-based way to communicate. Communication depends on the body. Speech, typing, pointing, signing, and texting all require motor planning and motor execution. Praxis involves having an idea, making a plan, executing the plan, and adapting when something does not work. Apraxia and dyspraxia can create a breakdown between what a person intends to do and what their body is able to do on demand. A purely behavioral lens can lead adults to misunderstand kids whose bodies are not reliably following their intentions. Rich language and literacy exposure matter, even when a child is not speaking. Communication regulation partners provide motor coaching, sensory feedback, and regulation support when they are properly trained. Assuming competence means being careful about what we say, what we offer, and what we believe may be possible. About Elizabeth Vosseller Elizabeth Vosseller is the founder of Spelling to Communicate and Executive Director of I-ASC. Since 1995, she has worked clinically with individuals with complex communication and sensory-motor differences across hospital, university, and private settings. Her work focuses on motor-based access to communication, advancing education, training, and research for nonspeaking individuals. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links Website: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured Tell the Story (Anti-Anxiety Tool for Kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story Blog: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog Live Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops On-Demand Workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

    S2C with Spelling to Communicate Founder Elizabeth Vosseler

  4. Jul 21

    Early Development and Why Reflex Integration Matters with Emily Roper

    Some kids are not unfocused. They just have not found the thing that gives their focus somewhere to go. In this episode, I'm joined by Scott Proposki, a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. Scott is a former National Geographic and White House photographer, which is the kind of sentence that makes you immediately want to know more. But what I was most interested in for this conversation was not just what Scott has done. It was how his brain got him there. Scott talks about growing up as the kid who did not do homework, who needed the deadline, who was thrilled with a C minus, and who later received an ADHD diagnosis that helped a lot of his life make more sense. And then he found the camera. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his attention organize itself. It gave him a focus, a direction, a way to see the world and make that seeing useful. Which is where I think this conversation becomes really relevant for parents of complicated kids. Because so many of our kids have uneven profiles. They may struggle deeply in one environment and come alive in another. They may look distracted, disorganized, or unmotivated until the right project, tool, topic, person, deadline, or vision snaps something into place. And then suddenly, there they are. Scott and I talk about creativity, ADHD, hyperfocus, business, reinvention, and what happens when the thing that made you different as a kid becomes part of the way you build a life. We also talk about the adults around kids. The ones who notice the spark. The ones who help kids imagine what could be possible. The ones who do not only say, "Do your homework," but also help paint a picture of where a child's gifts might take them. This is not a conversation about ignoring the hard parts. Kids still need support. They need skills. They need structure. They need adults who can help them function in a world that will not always organize itself around their preferred interests. But they also need adults who remember that school performance is not the whole child. Sometimes the thing that does not look impressive on a report card is the thing that later becomes a career, a calling, a business, or a life. And sometimes our job is to widen the lens long enough to help them find it. Key Takeaways A child who struggles in school may still have strong focus, creativity, drive, and vision in another setting. ADHD-style attention is not always a lack of attention. Sometimes it is attention that organizes around interest, urgency, purpose, or possibility. Hyperfocus can be a strength when it is paired with the right tool, project, or direction. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his focus, creativity, and sense of purpose come together. Some kids need help finding the medium, environment, or "magic wand" that allows their strengths to show up. A later-in-life ADHD diagnosis can help adults make sense of patterns they have lived with for years. School performance matters, but it is not the whole story of who a child is or what they may become. Creative and neurodivergent kids may need structure, deadlines, and support that match how their brains actually work. Parents can help by noticing sparks, naming strengths, and painting a picture of what could be possible. A complicated path can still become a meaningful, successful, and deeply creative life. About Scott Proposki Scott Proposki is a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. A former National Geographic and White House photographer, he has spent 27 years documenting stories for global brands and high-profile clients. He is the author of four books, including Camera Focus. Scott is dedicated to helping creative entrepreneurs build resilient, sustainable businesses rooted in clarity and purpose. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

    Early Development and Why Reflex Integration Matters with Emily Roper

  5. Jul 14

    From C Minuses to the White House with Scott Proposki

    Some kids are not unfocused. They just have not found the thing that gives their focus somewhere to go. In this episode, I'm joined by Scott Proposki, a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. Scott is a former National Geographic and White House photographer, which is the kind of sentence that makes you immediately want to know more. But what I was most interested in for this conversation was not just what Scott has done. It was how his brain got him there. Scott talks about growing up as the kid who did not do homework, who needed the deadline, who was thrilled with a C minus, and who later received an ADHD diagnosis that helped a lot of his life make more sense. And then he found the camera. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his attention organize itself. It gave him a focus, a direction, a way to see the world and make that seeing useful. Which is where I think this conversation becomes really relevant for parents of complicated kids. Because so many of our kids have uneven profiles. They may struggle deeply in one environment and come alive in another. They may look distracted, disorganized, or unmotivated until the right project, tool, topic, person, deadline, or vision snaps something into place. And then suddenly, there they are. Scott and I talk about creativity, ADHD, hyperfocus, business, reinvention, and what happens when the thing that made you different as a kid becomes part of the way you build a life. We also talk about the adults around kids. The ones who notice the spark. The ones who help kids imagine what could be possible. The ones who do not only say, "Do your homework," but also help paint a picture of where a child's gifts might take them. This is not a conversation about ignoring the hard parts. Kids still need support. They need skills. They need structure. They need adults who can help them function in a world that will not always organize itself around their preferred interests. But they also need adults who remember that school performance is not the whole child. Sometimes the thing that does not look impressive on a report card is the thing that later becomes a career, a calling, a business, or a life. And sometimes our job is to widen the lens long enough to help them find it. Key Takeaways A child who struggles in school may still have strong focus, creativity, drive, and vision in another setting. ADHD-style attention is not always a lack of attention. Sometimes it is attention that organizes around interest, urgency, purpose, or possibility. Hyperfocus can be a strength when it is paired with the right tool, project, or direction. For Scott, the camera became the thing that helped his focus, creativity, and sense of purpose come together. Some kids need help finding the medium, environment, or "magic wand" that allows their strengths to show up. A later-in-life ADHD diagnosis can help adults make sense of patterns they have lived with for years. School performance matters, but it is not the whole story of who a child is or what they may become. Creative and neurodivergent kids may need structure, deadlines, and support that match how their brains actually work. Parents can help by noticing sparks, naming strengths, and painting a picture of what could be possible. A complicated path can still become a meaningful, successful, and deeply creative life. About Scott Proposki Scott Proposki is a photographer, author, business coach, and founder of the Camera Focus Method™. A former National Geographic and White House photographer, he has spent 27 years documenting stories for global brands and high-profile clients. He is the author of four books, including Camera Focus. Scott is dedicated to helping creative entrepreneurs build resilient, sustainable businesses rooted in clarity and purpose. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I'd love to hear what would support your family. Thank you for being here.

    From C Minuses to the White House with Scott Proposki

  6. Jul 7

    Internal Family Systems with Jacqi Trombley

    You can understand why your child is struggling and still be completely triggered by it. In this episode, I'm joined by Jacqi Trombley, a licensed clinical social worker, trauma specialist, and Level 2 trained IFS therapist, for a conversation about Internal Family Systems. Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy model that helps us understand the different parts inside us. Not in a "there is something wrong with you" way. More in a "of course you have more than one reaction happening at the same time" way. There may be a part of you that understands why your child is struggling. There may also be a part of you that is scared, embarrassed, angry, overwhelmed, or thinking, "Absolutely not. This cannot be what we are doing right now." That is where this conversation gets so useful for parents. Jacqi walks us through some of the parts language in IFS, including managers, exiles, and firefighters. We talk about why the goal is not to get rid of the anxious part, the angry part, the critical part, or the part that wants everyone to stop making noise immediately. The goal is to understand what those parts are trying to protect. Because so many parents can understand, intellectually, why their child is having a hard time and still feel completely activated by what is happening. We can know our child is neurodivergent, anxious, sensory overloaded, exhausted, or developmentally not where other kids are, and still have something inside us light up. That does not mean we are failing. It means something in us may need attention too. Jacqui and I talk about what happens when a child's dysregulation activates a parent's dysregulation. A child comes home tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or upset, and instead of saying, "I had a hard day and I need help," they poke their sibling, throw something, get loud, refuse the thing, or push every available button. And then, of course, something in us responds. IFS gives us another way to understand that moment. It helps us notice what might be happening inside the child and inside ourselves before everything becomes one big reaction. It gives us language for the part that wants to yell, the part that wants to disappear, the part that wants to fix everything, and the part that is quietly scared underneath it all. We also talk about trauma, inner child work, neurodivergence, and the power of witnessing the parts of ourselves that did not get what they needed at the time. And yes, IFS can sound a little hokey from the outside. Also, it can be deeply moving. This conversation is not about becoming a perfectly calm parent who never gets triggered. Please. We live here on Earth. It is about having another way to understand what is happening when your child's struggle touches something tender, scared, angry, or overwhelmed inside you. And sometimes that little bit of space is where things can begin to change. Key Takeaways Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy model that helps us understand the different parts inside us. Parts are not treated as bad in IFS. They are usually trying to protect something. A parent can understand why their child is struggling and still feel completely triggered by what is happening. Managers are the parts that try to keep things under control, prevent pain, and help us avoid rejection, shame, or failure. Exiles are often younger parts carrying pain, fear, shame, grief, or unmet needs. Firefighters are reactive parts that jump in quickly when something feels too overwhelming to tolerate. Trying to banish a part usually does not work because that part believes it has an important job. A child's dysregulation can quickly activate a parent's protective parts too. Neurodivergent kids may have repeated experiences of being misunderstood, misread, corrected, or left without help processing what happened. Parts work can help parents create enough space to notice what is happening inside themselves before responding from the most activated place. About Jacqi Trombley Jacqi Trombley is a licensed clinical social worker with more than 15 years of experience. She was trained as a trauma specialist by the Ferentz Institute in Baltimore and is a Level 2 trained IFS therapist. Her clinical background includes trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, neurodiversity-affirming psychotherapy, and work across multiple settings including treatment foster care, homeless shelters, outpatient mental health clinics, and private practice. Jacqi has also administered psychosocial assessments for the Office of the Public Defender, led wellness groups for human service providers, hosted mental health seminars for private companies, and taught at the University of Maryland School of Social Work on oppression, privilege, cultural humility, and anti-oppression practice. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: https://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: https://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here.

    Internal Family Systems with Jacqi Trombley

  7. Jun 30

    Screens Are Not the Enemy with Leslie Tyler

    Screens are not going anywhere, which means our kids need more than rules. They need guidance. I'll be honest. This is one of those topics where people tend to have feelings. Big ones. And fair enough. Screens can be a mess. They can also be useful, regulating, connecting, necessary, and sometimes genuinely helpful, especially for neurodivergent kids. So I was glad to have this conversation with Leslie Tyler from Pinwheel because we got to stay in the nuance. Leslie is Head of Parent Education at Pinwheel, a company that makes devices designed for kids and managed by parents. We name that right away in the episode because yes, Pinwheel sells devices. And also, this conversation is not really about one product. It is about the questions parents need to ask before a device shows up in the house. What is this device for? Is it about safety? Transportation? After-school coordination? Social connection? Learning support? Independence? Because those are not all the same thing, and they do not require the same plan. We also talk about why there is no magic age when a child is suddenly "ready" for a phone. That answer is probably less satisfying than any of us would like. It would be very convenient if someone could just tell us the exact right age and then we could all feel like excellent parents. But that is not how this works. Instead, Leslie encourages parents to think about the child in front of them, the purpose of the device, and the kind of support that child will need to use technology well. We talk about phones, watches, apps, games, image texting, parental controls, bedtime charging stations, school phone rules, notifications, and why starting small is usually easier than trying to walk things back later. One of the biggest themes in this episode is that parental controls are useful, but they are not the whole strategy. Kids need guardrails, yes. They also need conversation, modeling, practice, and adults who are willing to stay involved without pretending they can control everything. Because technology is here. Our kids are going to use it. So the work is not just keeping screens away forever. The work is helping kids build judgment, awareness, and a healthier relationship with the devices that are already part of the world they live in. Key Takeaways Screens are not automatically good or bad. The question is how, when, why, and for whom they are being used. There is no one right age when every child is suddenly ready for a phone. The better starting question is what your child actually needs the device to do. Wanting a phone because friends have one is different from needing a device for safety, transportation, communication, or independence. Starting with limited access is usually easier than trying to take access away later. Watches, phones, and tablets all come with different benefits, limitations, and risks. The device should fit the child's needs, not just the family's convenience or the social pressure around them. Apps, games, image texting, notifications, and bedroom access all deserve real thought before the device arrives. Parental controls are helpful tools, but they are not a complete parenting strategy. The long-term goal is to help kids build judgment, awareness, and the ability to stay in the driver's seat of their technology. About Leslie Tyler Leslie Tyler is Head of Parent Education at Pinwheel, a company that creates devices designed for kids and managed by parents. Through her work, Leslie helps families think more intentionally about children, technology, independence, and digital safety. She supports parents in introducing devices gradually, having ongoing conversations, and helping kids use technology in ways that are constructive, age-appropriate, and connected to real-life responsibility. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free Orchid Kid Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here.

    Screens Are Not the Enemy with Leslie Tyler

  8. Jun 23

    Brain Mapping with Andrew Hill

    Brain mapping is not about making a complicated brain average. It is about understanding what the brain is doing. In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Andrew Hill, a cognitive neuroscientist, brain mapping expert, founder of Peak Brain Institute, and author of Gifted & Tortured. And yes, we go right into the brain. Andrew talks about brain mapping, quantitative EEG, neurofeedback, and how certain patterns of brain activity can help us think differently about what we see on the outside: attention, anxiety, sleep, sensory processing, executive function, threat sensitivity, intensity, hyperfocus, and dysregulation. You know. The usual light parenting topics. One of the things I wanted to say out loud in this conversation is that behavior has an internal neurological reality. When a child is distracted, avoidant, anxious, explosive, intense, stuck, shut down, or unable to shift gears, there may be something happening underneath that behavior that deserves our attention. Not because behavior does not matter. Because behavior is not the whole explanation. Andrew explains that brain mapping is not the same thing as a diagnosis. It does not hand you a perfect label or a neat little answer wrapped in a bow. Instead, it can show patterns of activity and help people understand how certain brain resources may be working. That can be powerful. Because when a child or adult can see, "Oh, this is how my brain works," the conversation can shift. It is no longer only, "What is wrong with me?" It becomes, "What does my brain need?" We also talk about the title of Andrew's book, Gifted & Tortured, and why that phrase makes so much sense for complicated kids. The same brain resources that create struggle in one setting can be connected to real strengths somewhere else. The kid who cannot sit still in history class may be the kid who can hyperfocus, move fast, think creatively, notice patterns, or perform beautifully in a high-intensity context. That does not make the hard parts less hard. It does mean we should be careful about treating the brain like it is only a problem. Andrew also walks us into neurofeedback, which he describes as a way of helping the brain practice regulation. Not magic. Not a personality transplant. Not a plan to erase everything interesting about a person. More like giving the brain feedback so it can build more flexibility and range. And yes, there is a cat-on-a-windowsill metaphor that somehow explains sensory motor rhythm and ADHD. I loved this conversation because it gives us another way to think about complicated kids. Not as diagnoses to flatten. Not as behaviors to manage from the outside only. Not as children who need to be made average. But as people with brains that are doing something. And if we can understand even a little more about what that something is, we have a better chance of helping. Key Takeaways Brain mapping can show patterns of brain activity, but it is not the same thing as a diagnosis. Behavior may be the visible part of a deeper regulation pattern. ADHD, anxiety, sleep struggles, sensory processing, and executive function can all be understood through a brain-based lens. What looks like avoidance, distraction, intensity, or dysregulation is not always a choice or a character issue. A child's challenges and strengths may come from the same brain resources. The goal is not to make a complicated brain average. Understanding how the brain works can reduce shame and give kids and adults more agency. Some regulatory systems, including sleep, stress response, attention, and sensory processing, may be more flexible than we assume. Neurofeedback is about helping the brain practice regulation, not changing who a person is. When we understand more about what is happening underneath behavior, we can respond with more curiosity, more precision, and less panic. About Andrew Hill Dr. Andrew Hill is a UCLA-trained neuroscientist and author of Gifted & Tortured, a book exploring the strengths and struggles of high-performing, neurodivergent minds. With more than 25 years of experience in neurofeedback and brain mapping, he helps people understand and regulate their unique cognitive wiring. He is the founder of Peak Brain Institute and works with people to better understand their brains through quantitative EEG, neurofeedback, and biofeedback. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: Instagram ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

    Brain Mapping with Andrew Hill
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4.9
out of 5
19 Ratings

About

Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.

Information

  • Creator
    Gabriele Nicolet
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    165
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2024
  • Show Website
    Complicated Kids

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