Dire Straights

Tracy Clark-Flory & Amanda Montei

A feminist podcast critiquing heterosexual love, sex, politics, and culture. www.direstraightspod.com

  1. 1D AGO

    The definitive feminist history of the wine mom

    Whether you believe all wine moms are members of ANTIFA or that they’re just apolitical white ladies with too much rosé all day, it’s irrefutable that drunk and high mommies have a long, loaded cultural and political history. Centuries before mommy juice and Mom Water™, before the Bad Moms movies and the giant wine glass memes, moms were getting high to escape the crushing demands of marriage and motherhood. And we can’t really blame them? In this episode, we go deep on inebriated moms, digging into both progressive and conservative characterizations of moms who get drunk and high, and we consider the wine mom’s political potential today. What does the wine mom tell us about gender, power, and feminism? What does she tell us about individualism and collective belonging? And what has the absence of a social safety net taught these gritty moms about fighting authoritarianism? Love them or hate them, drunk and high moms are one of the most important cultural figures for understanding the feminine paradox of agency and refusal under patriarchy. The conservatives who have come for this beloved figure should be shaking in their fascist boots. So get cozy, grab your glass of wine—or your sparkling water if you are, like Amanda, a recovering wine mom. We are traveling through time to give you the definitive feminist history on the wine mom. This is a totally free episode. Isn’t that nice? That said, we are a 100% reader supported podcast. We do this show because we think it’s urgent and important. But we have bills to pay. If you want access to extra episodes every month, including bonus episodes on the latest culture and politics, AND if you want to know that you are keeping us afloat, upgrade to a paid subscription. Show highlights… 2:40 Amanda was born for this episode. 5:30 When we talk about wine moms, we have to talk about patriarchal trauma. But in this episode, we do it in a fun way? 6:00 No moms were moralized in this episode. 8:30 Wine moms are key to understanding women’s agency under patriarchy. 9:30 To understand the wine mom herself, we have to go all the way back to the beginning, to the wandering womb. 11:00 Maenads drank and danced in the forest, which we’re into—to a point. 14:00 Queen Victoria was high all the time on all the drugs, and it seems not unrelated that she had nine kids. 15:00 Laudanum for depressed women, women who see ghosts, basically all the women. 17:15 Then the Victorians (and Freud) just gave everyone cocaine. 19:15 Men coercing women into drugging themselves, in another era of reasonable heteropessimism. 26:20 Working women drank; housewives took pills. 34:20 The OG wine mom was remarkably chill about her husband’s absence. 40:11 Tracy talks about her pre-pandemic writing on the wine mom. 42:02 Amanda talks about her pandemic writing on the wine mom. 46:22 We revisit the SNL wine moms skit. 49:55 Wine moms as a symbol of shared suffering and resistance—and a way for women to feel recognition and belonging through complaint. 53:20 No one asked for Mom Water. 56:55 The intersection between wine moms and the girl boss. 59:11 After the childcare crisis of the pandemic, the center of the wine mom could not hold. 1:00:00 We respond to the conservative demonization of so-called gangs of wine moms, and talk about what makes moms—whether they drink or not—so gritty today. 1:06:00 The paradox of the wine mom is the paradox of women’s agency under patriarchy. Are you loving Dire Straights? Us too! Please share this episode in your group chat, on your socials, IRL, or on your next bad date. It goes a long way toward connecting us with listeners who need the work we’re doing—and in supporting this scrappy, independent feminist podcast. We want to hear from you! Send us your pleas for advice and your stories at direstraightspod@gmail.com, or leave us a voice memo here. Please also tell us all your thoughts on the wine mom in the comments! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

    1h 13m
  2. FEB 18

    Is porn a scapegoat for patriarchy?

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com The adult industry has turned into a popular scapegoat for nearly every problem in hetero life and culture right now. Pornography is blamed for everything from the “male loneliness epidemic” to women’s heteropessimism. Some of these arguments are coming from feminist-minded folks who are reckoning with the cultural influence of pornography. But there’s also a decidedly anti-feminist contingent that is focused on the idea of porn as a tool of men’s oppression. These attitudes are even circulating within the manosphere and among right-wing pundits. Figures like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, Tucker Carlson, and Theo Von have all joined the anti-porn chorus. Meanwhile, conservatives are attempting to ban porn while bowing at the feet of a president who paid hush-money to porn performer Stormy Daniels. There are certainly valid critiques to be made of porn as an industry. In this episode, we separate the legitimate from the illegitimate, the feminist from the anti-feminist, and we highlight where critiques of porn are overly simplistic, shame-based, anti-sex work, or just doing patriarchy’s dirty work. We also get into our personal histories with porn—from how Amanda felt as a teen and in her twenties watching boys and men get sucked into tube sites, to Tracy’s experience as a teenager using porn as a guidebook to hot sex. Tracy also shares some behind-the scenes secrets from her years reporting on the industry as a journalist—including how they make fake cum shots. And you’ll hear our uncensored thoughts about recent anti-porn arguments made by fellow feminists. This is a paid episode. All subscribers can access a free preview, but if you want to hear the best and juiciest stuff, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get everything that’s behind this paywall, and ever other paywalled episode, including those on Epstein, marital sex, monogamy, divorce, and the dire state of dating today. You’ll also get access to guest conversations, subscriber chats, and more. Show highlights… 02:58 Porn is a scapegoat for hetero problems right now… 03:43 … from jackhammering to low-effort men to women’s heteropessimism. 06:50 We will refrain from relitigating the feminist sex wars. For now. 08:11 Amanda reluctantly asks Tracy to explain “gooning.” 15:20 Tracy talks about reporting as a journalist on a porn set and having an eye-opening conversation with a performer that she had come of age watching. 17:33 We don’t just learn “sexual scripts” from porn. One of us learned as much about sex and gender roles from “The Real World: Seattle” as YouJ*zz.com. 23:32 The right-wing crackdown on porn—from age-verification laws to fantasies of an all-out ban. 33:49 Tucker Carlson has some big feelings about cuckold porn. 35:44 Andrew Tate says that porn—as opposed to, say, accused sex traffickers like himself—are ruining society. 37:07 Let’s not forget Jordan Peterson calling porn “deadening” and “parasitical.” 37:52 Amanda ties in Scott Galloway to all of this nonsense. 40:10 We dig into current anti-porn arguments among feminists. (And “feminists.”) 41:39 Tracy reminds us that the “pro-porn” feminists were often critical of porn! They had a lot of questions and no easy answers. 42:55 Amanda reminds us that Andrea Dworkin’s arguments are often oversimplified. 47:40 These debates usually boil down to a simplistic “good” or “bad.” We can probably thank the gender binary for that. 50:34 One day we’ll have to do an episode on Substack feminism. 52:25 Amanda talks about her “anti-porn” phase. 58:02 Tracy talks about her youth watching early internet porn and trying to figure out how to get good at sex. 01:01:14 She found great role models in porn, actually. 01:04:40 Tracy talks about the behind-the-scenes of porn sets—and you will never think of Cetaphil the same way again. 01:11:29 Let’s critique porn, sure, but let’s not lose sight of how anti-porn arguments are being used in conservative, right-wing, and reactionary feminist attacks that are transphobic, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, and whorephobic.

    22 min
  3. FEB 4

    Men need therapy. They also need feminism.

    Perhaps you’ve heard, men will do literally anything to avoid going to therapy. They will eat raw liver, obsess about the Roman Empire, run American democracy into the ground, start their own paramilitary organization, design AI housebots, invent social media, start podcasts with their bros, open carry— anything other than Zoom for an hour with a mental health professional. Meanwhile, men are—according to men—lonely, depressed, disempowered, and confused about what to do with themselves. Masculinity influencers and therapy-averse brocasters often insist that the key to men’s happiness is not therapy, but rather, wives, more economic power, and better definitions about what it takes to be a man. We, however, are skeptical. So, we’re digging into why so many men are resistant to therapy, and why so many women are insistent that men go anyway. What does the “men and therapy” conversation tell us about heterosexual relationships? Is therapy really what men need? Or do they, actually, just need to listen to this podcast? This is a free episode—but we believe it’s worth just as much as an hourly session with your therapist. If you love independent media that refuses to play to “both sides,” and will never, ever, host a town hall on whether feminism has failed women, upgrade to a paid subscription. You’ll get an additional, extra juicy episode every month, full access to past paywalled episodes on topics like couples therapy and conservative “sex positivity”, along with access to live conversations with us and cool guests, and all community features on our Substack page. If monetary support really isn’t in the cards for you, please share this podcast on your social pages, in your group chats, and IRL—and leave us a 5-star review on your favorite podcasting platform. These little gestures really help us know you like what we do, and they spread the word. Show highlights… 2:10 This episode is free but please upgrade your subscription if you want independent media to survive these fascist goons—and if $80 for a WHOLE YEAR of urgent feminist analysis and community is really not in the cards for you, please like and rate us on your podcasting platform. 2:51 The memes confirm it, men will do anything other than go to therapy. 7:18 Tracy defends LARPing, because it could be worse. 8:20 Men who start podcasts are the worst offenders here. To be clear, we have done more than enough therapy to host this podcast. 9:40 The guys who started the internet and all wars also need therapy. 10:10 Tracy finds hope at her local meditation class. 11:15 We’ve destigmatized therapy, but therapy bro summer has not yet become a thing. 12:00 We know why men don’t go to therapy, but don’t they, also? 15:15 It seems some men don’t realize that talking about feelings is fun? 16:26 Manchiiiiild. 17:26 Amanda tries to convince Tracy that The Bear is good and gets nowhere. 18:25 We agree that Carmy needs therapy—and that therapy was good for Bruce Springsteen. 19:47 Tracy spent her childhood psychoanalyzing Leonardo DiCaprio, like girls do. 22:20 Girl culture is not just emotional, but highly textual!! 23:50 Men will literally declare a male loneliness epidemic to avoid going to therapy. 28:24 Why do women care so much if men go to therapy? Maybe because this political moment is brought to you by men who won’t go to therapy? 34:22 Amanda goes on a little rant about the sexual division of labor. 36:54 The premise that anti-empathy folks rely on to make their dumb argument against caring about other people. 38:10 The point is always power. 40:20 Why do men see women who want their partners to go to therapy as nags hmmmmmm. 43:58 The individualism of therapy. 45:30 Amanda goes on a little Scott Galloway rant—and makes a radical argument about what men need even more than therapy. 51:00 Emotional curiosity for the win! 55:20 Tracy thinks most white guys actually need a therapy domme. 59:07 Women telling their partners they long for men to make a political commitment is scarier than… 1:04:00 …women mothering men. 1:05:10 Amanda makes Tracy play the “does this guy need therapy or a feminist book?” game. 1:12:50 Tracy makes an offer: if you upgrade to paid we might do an episode on JD Vance. Please share your favorite episodes of Dire Straights in your group chats and on whatever social media platform you can still stand. This one is free for all and… relatable. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.direstraightspod.com/subscribe

    1h 16m
  4. The hetero-politics of ICE

    JAN 28

    The hetero-politics of ICE

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Thanks to everyone who tuned into our Substack Live. We got into the hetero-politics of the Department of Homeland Security. Given that our podcast is all about deconstructing heteronormative culture and politics, and imagining new ways forward, we felt like it was pretty urgent times to do a bonus episode on the state-sponsored, hypermasculine violence we’re seeing across the country right now. Just a few topics we touched on: * the origins of ICE in this country’s long history of rationalizing white supremacy and male violence as a way to “protect” white women’s sexuality and “the family” * the link between Nazi motherhood medals and The Heritage Foundation’s new report * Alex Pretti as a foil to ICE masculinity * Renee Good as a reflection of the hetero-politics of ICE * the sentimental nuclear family as the marketing arm of authoritarianism * DHS targeting young men who want to team up with their “boys” to fight the “bad guys” * Greg Bovino’s stupid f*****g Nazi coat * Naomi Wolf being Naomi Wolf * Why Minnesotans are winning (we should all be taking notes) This recording is a special extra for paid subscribers, who make this podcast possible. Free subscribers will find a preview above, but you’ll have to upgrade to watch the whole thing. We’re also officially offering these Lives on all podcasting platforms if you prefer just the audio.

    20 min
  5. JAN 21

    Monogamy is a feminist problem

    This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.direstraightspod.com Monogamy is essential to the culture of heterosexuality. From its historical roots as a marital expectation for wives, but not husbands, to its current role in maintaining a society that runs on women’s unpaid labor, it’s clear that monogamy is a feminist problem. In this episode, we look at how monogamy fuels toxic romance myths about soul mates, isolates love and care within the nuclear family, and shrinks our social and political lives. But the task of solving these problems is obviously much bigger than just opting into polyamory, so we’re also talking about what it might look like to be “anti-monogamy” in ways that actually have nothing to do with who, or how many people, you’re f*****g. This is a paywalled episode, which means free listeners will have to upgrade to hear us get very candid about our own experiences with monogamy—from the myths that we grew up with, to experiences with infidelity, to our current feelings about sexual exclusivity, as a married woman and a newly single woman. We’ve got some big, complex, and sometimes contradictory feelings on this topic. You can upgrade now on our Substack at direstraightspod.com. You’ll also get immediate access to all of our previous episodes, without any paywalls, as well as special bonus content and subscriber chats. Paid subscribers, thanks so much for making this podcast possible. Show highlights… 02:11 What is monogamy? Not as dumb of a question as it sounds! 04:24 Expectations of monogamy showed up in Ancient Rome. But only for wives. 05:46 It wasn’t until the 19th century that men were ALSO expected to be monogamous—after thousands of years of men being given the go ahead to f**k around while women were shamed and tortured for doing the same. 06:34 Monogamy became a working class aspiration, and a way for some to distance themselves from queer people and sex workers. 10:56 Compulsory monogamy! Let’s discuss. 12:24 Wildly racist and colonialist 20th century sexology tried to argue that monogamy as proof of European superiority. 13:49 Questionable theories abound about monogamy as “natural”! 14:57 Never trust a headline about “monogamous prairie voles.” 17:30 OK, but to play devil’s advocate: What’s so bad about monogamy? We have a LOT of answers. 21:07 One of the worst things, though: it privatizes love and care. 23:47 Monogamy culture is why men and women can’t be friends! 24:39 Are you “allowed” to be attracted to other people in a marriage? 25:35 We get personal and talk about the monogamy narratives that we grew up with as kids. 30:22 After her mom died, Tracy learned that her parents were not as monogamous as she had thought, and it kinda made her question everything. 32:52 Amanda used to call herself a serial monogamist because “I was always having boyfriends for a long time and then… replacing them.” 35:18 We both talk about brushes with infidelity. 👀 40:08 “Once a cheater, always a cheater”? 41:56 Tracy has been questioning monogamy for a very long time. 42:54 The existential threat of non-monogamy. 44:13 Tracy talks about admitting to fantasies about other people within a monogamous marriage. 49:56 OK but there ARE some good things about monogamy. 52:02 Amanda tells us how her attitude toward monogamy has changed post-divorce. 55:05 When non-monogamy is an attempt to prevent divorce. 01:00:47 How do you push back against jealousy while along allowing yourself to be human? 01:02:23 Non-monogamy is not necessarily politically radical—and it can reproduce some of the same troubling dynamics of monogamy. 01:07:14 Kim Tallbear has lots of smart things to say about decolonizing “settler sexuality.” 01:08:27 Maybe the question isn’t “monogamy or non-monogamy” but rather: How do I de-center the couple and create webs of caring connection?

    27 min
4.6
out of 5
23 Ratings

About

A feminist podcast critiquing heterosexual love, sex, politics, and culture. www.direstraightspod.com

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