Fill Me Up

ROL Productions
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  • Spirituality
  • Updated Weekly

We know what you thought when you heard the name. We thought it too. But Fill Me Up is not what you think it is or maybe it is exactly what you think it is, just not the way you think it, at the root of every addiction, every toxic relationship, every desperate reach for something outside yourself, there is one cry underneath all of it. Fill me up. Fill this emptiness. Fill this ache that I cannot name and cannot shake no matter what I try. That is not a sexual cry. That is a spiritual one.

  1. 3d ago

    We Need to Talk About Men | Masculinity, the Manosphere & Recovery

    This week on Fill Me Up, Jessica and Nikki take on their favorite subject: men. Not man-bashing, not man-worship — just the truth as they've lived it, from years in recovery rooms to a past in exotic entertainment. They get into why so many men feel lost, the economy where one income no longer builds a life, and the manosphere — Andrew Tate, the 6am hustle, "emotions are for losers" — and why a polished clip isn't the same as a righteous, honest life. From love addiction and fantasy addiction to the recovery answer underneath it all: radical honesty. You can't recover from something you refuse to name. Plus a listener Q&A: a mom whose son is deep in Andrew Tate content, a man two years sober who still can't be honest in the rooms, and a wife of 14 years who's never heard "I love you" first. ⚠️ Explicit. Contains discussion of suicide. If you're struggling, call or text 988 (U.S. & Canada). 🎧 New episodes weekly. Follow and send your questions on Instagram.

    52 min

  2. Jun 23

    MAID, Mental Health & Why We Need More Than a Permanent Exit

    What does it mean when a system designed to help people in crisis starts offering them a permanent exit instead? In this episode, Jessica and Nikki take on one of Canada's most contested policy debates — Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) — through the lens of recovery, spirituality, and radical honesty. They aren't here to tell you what to think. They're here to have the conversation out loud that most people are only having in their heads. They dig into how MAID expanded from terminal illness to include non-terminal conditions where "suffering is intolerable" — and what that language means for people in active addiction, mental health crises, or simply in the middle of a very bad year. They share personal stories, answer real audience questions, and wrestle with a central truth from their recovery work: you cannot give informed consent to a permanent decision from inside a temporary crisis. They also talk about what actually fills the God-shaped hole — not a government program, not substances, not validation — but spiritual training, radical honesty, community, and the willingness to stay long enough to find out what's on the other side of the pain. In this episode: The history of MAID in Canada and how it expanded through Bill C-7Why the 12-step community sees addiction as an "intolerable condition" — and what that means in a MAID contextWhat happened when Veterans Affairs Canada directed veterans to MAID instead of treatmentThe $149M question: who financially benefits from this program's expansion?An audience question from an anonymous detox worker whose facility was approached by government officials asking for MAID referralsA parent's question after their 12-year-old came home from school having been told about assisted dyingThe case of a 26-year-old who received MAID in BC — and what his family wants people to knowWhy spirit comes first — then mind, then bodyRecovery isn't for people who want it. It's for people who do the work. This episode is part of that work. Content note: This episode includes frank discussion of Medical Assistance in Dying, suicidal ideation, addiction, and personal trauma. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please reach out to Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645.

    59 min

  3. Jun 16

    Stop Snorting People: The Real Reason You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns

    What's really happening when we get sober and immediately sprint into a relationship, a shopping habit, an obsession with our kids, or a new financial fixation? Jessica and Nikki get into it — raw, honest, and funny — in this episode of Fill Me Up. They break down the substitution cycle: the way addiction doesn't disappear when we put down our substance of choice, it just shapeshifts. People. Money. Food. Anger. Victimhood. If you've ever found yourself asking "why does this keep happening to me?" — this episode is going to hit. Topics this week: The mental blind spot that lets us walk into dangerous situations while our dogs won't even cross the streetWhat "snorting people" actually looks like — and whether you've been doing itGay time, recovery time, and why two addicts moving in together in a week is a cliché for a reasonThe difference between the establishing phase and the maintenance phase of recovery — and why you genuinely cannot do both at onceSexual manipulation aging into emotional manipulation — and how to catch yourselfPatience as a practice, not a personality traitWhy "just get a new dog" is the same as "just meet someone new" — and why it completely misses the pointSurrounding yourself with higher-consciousness people vs. cosigning each other's old behaviorManaging, mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation — the four M's nobody wants to admit they're doingChoosing radical thinking when self-pity moves inThe Stoics, soul school, and what it actually means to be a good human todayThis is the episode for anyone who's ever wondered why getting sober felt like it was supposed to fix everything — and then didn't. The solution isn't a new person. It isn't more money. It's the work in between. Fill Me Up is hosted by Jessica and Nikki — two women in recovery who don't sugarcoat anything and don't apologize for it.

    33 min

  4. Jun 9

    Nothing Happens in God’s World By Mistake: Grief, Money Fear & the Decision to Be Kind

    After three weeks away, Nikki comes home to grief — both family dogs have passed — and finds, even in that, the recovery principle she keeps returning to: nothing happens in this world by mistake. From there, she and Jessica get into the work that's actually changed their lives — that we're making decisions all day long, and the most powerful one is choosing to be kind, patient and of service whether or not anyone else changes first. They talk about the "fear frequency" around money in 2026, why chasing a number can repel the very thing you want, and how getting honest about your story — not a certificate or a title — is what lets you help someone else. Jessica shares how being blocked from God looked, for her, like being blocked from responsibility and service; Nikki shares how losing her job during Covid brought her to her knees and, eventually, to freedom. Recorded with their littlest co-host, Dodo. Content warning: This episode includes candid references to past suicidal thoughts and to mental and physical health experiences. It is one couple's personal recovery experience and is not medical, psychological, or financial advice. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional or a crisis line (resources below). Topics: grief & recovery · decision-making as spiritual practice · radical acceptance · service · money & fear · "your past is your greatest asset" · 12-step community language

    27 min
  5. You Can't Heal Where You Got Sick

    May 26

    You Can't Heal Where You Got Sick

    Can you go back to the same places, people, and patterns — and actually get better? Jessica and Nikki break down one of recovery's most misunderstood ideas: the "immersion therapy" myth. They get real about what a genuine change in belief system looks like, why environment matters more than willpower, and how this applies to everyone — not just people in the rooms. They also dig into: The six Big Book principles for repairing relationships with family members you've hurtWhy God never actually says no (and what the three real answers are)Intergenerational healing and soul contractsPatience as a recovery tool — and why it's so hard to hearThe idea that we've all "been here before" — and what that means for childhood trauma"Don't love me today — because I'm ascending every single second." — Nikki

    22 min
  6. You're Not Depressed, You're Self-Obsessed

    May 19

    You're Not Depressed, You're Self-Obsessed

    Two tomatoes for ten bucks, a $35 sandwich, and a guy at the gym who can't stop saying "you made it" — Nikki and Jessica start with the small talk that makes their skin crawl and end up somewhere much bigger. This week: the DM that went sideways, the funeral where "hi how are you?" came out on autopilot, the boss who got a one-hour fireside chat about how Nikki actually was, and the Starbucks bathroom story that may or may not have involved a person who didn't exist. The thesis, courtesy of Nikki: you're not depressed, you're self-obsessed. And the way out isn't pills or another therapist circle-jerking your problems — it's radical acceptance, showing up for other people, and finding one good thing in every person you meet (especially the ones you can't stand). Also discussed: NPCs, why "lol" from a man is a red flag, mood as a daily decision, and how to actually wake somebody up without being a dick about it.

    24 min

  7. May 12

    The Lies That Keep You Sick: Doctor Knows Best, Go to School & Social Media Myths

    What if the biggest obstacles in your recovery — or your life — weren't your past, your diagnosis, or your circumstances… but the stories you were handed as truth? In Episode 15, Jess and Nikki go deep on the lies that keep people stuck, sick, and small. They're not holding back. In this episode: "Your doctor always knows best" — They challenge the blind trust most of us were raised with around medical authority, including how pharmaceutical incentives shape the advice you receive, why more people are firing their doctors, and what it actually means to advocate for yourself and your family's health."Go to school, get a degree, get a job" — Both hosts share their wildly non-linear paths — alternative school, multiple licenses never used, the strip club, real estate — and make the case that your lived experience is the credential that actually matters. Sound familiar, recovery community?"Everyone else is living their best life" — The social media comparison trap. Why the highlight reel is a lie, what the Britney Spears moment taught an entire generation about public image vs. private pain, and a simple mindset shift to stop measuring your insides against everyone else's outsides.They close with a powerful exercise: what if you threw all your problems in a pile with everyone else's — would you really swap? This one is raw, funny, and deeply honest. As always.

    19 min

  8. May 5

    You're Not a People Pleaser — You're a Liar

    We're calling it: people-pleasing isn't a personality trait. It's dishonesty. In this episode, Nikki and Jess take one of the most trending conversations on social media — people-pleasing — and flip it completely on its head. Forget the soft reframes. If you're suppressing your truth to avoid conflict, you're lying. And the person you're hurting most? You. They dig into why people-pleasing never actually pleases anyone, what it really means to give someone authority to speak into your life (and why random people don't get that access), and how not doing the inner work now will catch up to you in your relationships later. This episode is raw, honest, and exactly the kind of conversation you didn't know you needed. Words matter. Honesty heals. And your people-pleasing? It's costing everyone — especially you. Soul School is back and she has no filter. Nicki and Jess unpack one of the most misused terms in self-development: people-pleasing. Their take? Stop softening it. People-pleasing is a form of radical dishonesty — and until you call it what it is, you can't change it. What They Cover Why "people pleaser" is a comforting label that lets you avoid the real word: liarThe difference between avoiding confrontation and being honestHow to know who has actually earned the right to speak truth into your lifeSetting limits on how and when people can access you — and why that's an act of loveThe connection between not doing your inner work and people-pleasing in relationshipsWhy staying silent to "protect" someone is often just self-protection in disguiseThe Burning Bed and what Farrah Fawcett's character teaches us about what happens when people-pleasing builds upTaking full accountability for your life — not 50%, not your "part" — all of itNotable Quotes from This Episode "People pleasers — give me the phone numbers of the last five people you pleased.""People pleasing is dishonesty. You're a f*****g liar. Why don't you speak your truth?""I want to avoid confrontation. I want people to like me. I can't stand being uncomfortable. Just say what it is.""You are the maker of your life."Mentioned in This Episode The Burning Bed (1984, Farrah Fawcett)Spiritual bypassing (referenced from previous episode)

    21 min
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About

We know what you thought when you heard the name. We thought it too. But Fill Me Up is not what you think it is or maybe it is exactly what you think it is, just not the way you think it, at the root of every addiction, every toxic relationship, every desperate reach for something outside yourself, there is one cry underneath all of it. Fill me up. Fill this emptiness. Fill this ache that I cannot name and cannot shake no matter what I try. That is not a sexual cry. That is a spiritual one.

Information

  • Creator
    ROL Productions
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    18
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © ROL Productions
  • Show Website
    Fill Me Up

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