40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

Rick Clemons
  • 4.6 (106)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Weekly

Welcome to the only podcast exploring the messiness, awesomeness, of masculinity of being a gay man over 40. Each episode is about sparking idea, addressing challenges, and diving deep into what it looks like to be a vulnerable gay guy. We talk about the stuff us gay guys have a hard time talking about, man-to-man: masculinity, sex, careers, our bodies, parenting, sexuality, failures, success, and aging, relationships, coming out - nothing is off limits. 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk is the revamped version of 40 Plus: Real Men. Real Talk podcast and is a short format podcast that's easy to digest. We take deep dives - one topic at a time - digging up the truth of what it’s like to be a gay man, instead of some contrived expectation of masculinity. We’re reclaiming manhood and our masculinity by facing our fears, making bold moves, and living life without apologies. Join us, but you've got to drop your BS, forget posturing, and be ready to explore the comical dysfunctions of our lives as gay men 40+ years of age!

  1. 2d ago

    Frank Spinelli on Shame, Trauma, and Why Gay Men Over 40 Are Reading the Wrong Map

    Gay men over 40 have been running from shame their entire lives. Frank Spinelli says that is exactly the wrong move. As a physician, survivor, and author of The Shame Compass, Frank has spent decades watching gay men mistake shame for the enemy when it is actually a diagnostic tool pointing toward healing. The AIDS crisis, childhood trauma, the invisibility of aging, the pressure to perform — all of it leaves a mark. This episode is about what to do with that mark instead of burying it. Frank joins Rick to break down his C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework and why gay men are done running. Key Takeaways: Why shame was installed in gay men before they even had words for who they wereHow the AIDS crisis created layers of survivor and caretaker shame that never got addressedWhy aging gay men face a second wave of shame around invisibility and relevanceWhat the C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework actually does and how to use itWhy pausing is the hardest and most important skill gay men can buildHow to stop treating shame as the enemy and start using it as a compass About Frank Frank Spinelli, MD is a physician, certified health coach, and one of 95,000 survivors who filed claims in the Boy Scouts of America bankruptcy case. With over twenty years of clinical experience in internal medicine, he brings unique authority to trauma-informed recovery: medical expertise, lived experience of childhood sexual abuse and pandemic relapse, and active coaching practice implementing the C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework with clients. Today, he works with hundreds of clients through the Reframe platform, helping individuals apply trauma-informed tools to navigate shame, addiction, and behavioral change. He is the author of The Shame Compass: A Radical Framework for Trauma Healing and Self-Acceptance, as well as PEE-SHY: A Memoir and The Advocate Guide to Gay Men’s Health and Wellness. A former TV host and longtime health writer, Dr. Spinelli brings both clinical authority and media experience to conversations about recovery, resilience, and living with authenticity. Connect With Frank Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  2. Aug 14

    Dr. Myron Krys: Successful, Wanted, And Still Alone

    Dr. Myron Krys calls himself and loneliness bedfellows. He knows it from the inside, and he sees it every day in his therapy practice with gay men who look like they have it all. Krys explains why open relationships, packed calendars, and career wins do not fix isolation, and how dating apps trade real connection for fetishization and instant rejection. He also opens up about being neurodivergent in a field that rarely talks about it, and why that intersection gets ignored in therapy rooms built for someone else. This conversation names what achievement cannot buy: being fully seen. Key Takeaways Being wanted and being seen are not the same thing, and dating apps have made that gap widerSuccess, sex, and a packed calendar can all be sophisticated ways to avoid connectionKrys calls himself and loneliness bedfellows, he built his career around what he livedNeurodivergence and queerness intersect in ways most therapy rooms are not built to holdCourage looks like putting yourself in a new room, not waiting to feel ready firstAsking permission before using sensitive language is a form of respect, not weakness About Myron Dr. Myron Krys (pronounced “Chris”), PhD, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, scholar, and creator of the Self-Reclamation Framework (5Rs), which helps people reclaim identity, heal from limiting beliefs, and build more authentic lives and relationships. He specializes in identity development, self-esteem, sexuality, relational dynamics, religious trauma, and the unique emotional challenges faced within LGBTQ+ communities. Dr. M.K. is a body- and sex-positive therapist at The Depth Collective and an award-winning speaker known for bridging psychology, spirituality, culture, and lived experience. His work explores how people move from performance and survival toward authenticity, intimacy, and belonging. Connect With Myron Website Instagram Facebook LinkedIn Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  3. Aug 7

    Colin Belcourt: Queer Shame, Self-Erasure, and Stop Cleaning Up Your Story

    Gay men are experts at editing themselves. At work. In relationships. Inside the queer community itself. Colin Belcourt wrote a book about what gets cut out and why it needs to come back. The Blue Hour Gospel is a debut work of fiction built across multiple formats, created entirely by a queer team, and rooted in the parts of queer life most storytelling refuses to touch: shame, longing, self-erasure, and the pressure to become acceptable. Colin joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it, what he was afraid to include, and why the stories gay men keep polishing over are exactly the ones that need to be told. Key Takeaways: Why gay men keep erasing themselves even after coming outHow conventional healing systems often fail marginalized communitiesWhat writing toward shame and longing instead of away from it actually requiresWhy Colin built the book across different formats and what that choice meansThe challenge of going fully public with personal truth in both writing and professional lifeWhy authentic queer storytelling matters more right now than ever About Colin Colin Belcourt is a queer writer who grew up in Newmarket, Ontario and now lives just outside Ottawa. His work is emotional, nostalgic, and resistant to the cleaned-up stories people tell about identity, beauty, family, and belonging. He writes toward the parts of queer life that are too often polished over or pushed aside: shame, longing, self-erasure, desire, memory, and the pressure to become acceptable. Interested in queer writing that makes room for what is difficult, inconvenient, or unmarketable, he pushes at the edges of respectability and easy self-definition. The Blue Hour Gospel is his first book. He is currently working on his second, and also writes on Substack and appears on podcasts about queer life, writing, and the need for more honest cultural space. Connect With Colin Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  4. Jul 31

    Brad Ryan: 63 National Parks, One Grandmother, and the Healing Gay Men Stop Believing In

    His father rejected him. His grandmother changed everything. Brad Ryan spent seven and a half years driving across America with his 85-year-old grandmother, visiting all 63 national parks, and quietly healing the wounds his coming out left behind. What started as an adventure became something neither of them expected: a reckoning with family, identity, and the stories gay men tell themselves about who will ever truly accept them. Brad joins Rick to talk about what happens when you stop waiting for the people who hurt you and start showing up for the ones who show up for you. Key Takeaways: Why Brad didn't come out until college and what his father's reaction cost himHow a camping trip in the Smoky Mountains became the turning point with his grandmotherWhy gay men build elaborate stories about rejection that don't match realityWhat intergenerational connection offers gay men that their own community often can'tHow curiosity instead of judgment transforms even the most broken family relationshipsWhy healing doesn't always look like confrontation — sometimes it looks like a road trip About Brad Brad Ryan is a veterinarian, wildlife conservationist, social media influencer, and writer from southeastern Ohio. He earned his BA from Miami University in Ohio, an MSc in mammalian biology from the University of Pretoria in South Africa, and a DVM/MPH combined degree from The Ohio State University, specializing in wildlife medicine and veterinary public health. For Brad, storytelling is a vehicle for healing—rooted in empathy, inspired by nature, and driven by a desire to help others feel seen and connected. As a keynote speaker, he champions LGBTQ+ inclusion in the outdoors, eliminating stigma around mental health, and the protection of wildlife Connect With Brad Website Instagram Facebook LinkedIn Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  5. Jul 24

    Stop Negotiating Which Version of You Shows Up – Skip Sams

    Skip Sams spent years deciding which version of himself was allowed into which room. Corporate leader in one. Recovering addict in another. HIV positive kept quiet in most of them. Then the rollback of DEI protections and rising pressure on gay men to shrink again forced a reckoning: hiding pieces of yourself is not integrity, it is negotiation. Skip breaks down why integrating every part of his identity, instead of editing it room to room, is what actually built his leadership, and why he is gathering twenty men for the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit to practice the same thing. Listeners walk away with a way to stop splitting themselves apart and start deciding who they are, everywhere, all at once. Key Takeaways: Why Skip stopped editing himself room to room and calls that his real definition of leadershipThe actual difference between keeping something private and keeping it secretHow the DEI rollback is pushing gay men back toward old hiding habitsWhat the Gay Men of Integrity Summit is built to address, and who it is forWhy the words you use about yourself matter more than most men realize About Skip Skip Sams is a certified professional coach, speaker, and creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit. He helps gay men close the gap between who they truly are and how they show up in their relationships, careers, and communities—so they can live with greater clarity, confidence, and integrity. For more than a decade, Skip has coached individuals through life's transitions, helping people navigate identity, purpose, relationships, and personal growth. Today, he helps gay men build lives that are true to who they are—not who they think they're supposed to be. He is also the creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit, August 10 - 14, 20206. Connect With Skip Website Sign-up For The Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  6. Jul 17

    Your Body Is Lying to You About Sex: Fran Frye Breaks Down What’s Really Happening For Gay Men

    Something goes wrong in bed and gay men immediately blame desire, performance, or themselves. Sex educator and trauma specialist Fran Frye says they're diagnosing the wrong problem. The real issue is the nervous system — and most men have no idea it's running the show. Rick and Fran dig into the five nervous system responses that hijack sexual experiences, why porn is an idea not a manual, and how shame quietly replaces honest communication for gay men over 40. This is not a conversation about dysfunction. It's about finally understanding what your body has been trying to tell you. Key Takeaways: Why "erectile difficulties" are almost always psychological, not physicalHow fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and f**k responses show up during sexThe difference between consent and compliance, and why it mattersWhy gay men struggle more than most with saying noWhat emotional literacy actually looks like in an intimate encounterHow to pause high arousal states before they run the show About Fran Fran Frye works at the intersection of sexuality, trauma, and compassion, with a particular focus on supporting men as they unpack their sexuality within a patriarchal culture that often labels them as dangerous, defective, or emotionally closed off. She helps dismantle these narratives through curiosity, empathy and practical tools that foster healthier relationships with the body, partners and self. A certified Sex Educator, Counselor, and Clinician trained in compulsive sexual behaviors, Fran is also a somatic sex practitioner. Her work spans sexual shame, trauma, grief, relationship rupture and body disconnection, grounded in both professional training and lived experience as a sexual assault survivor, former military spouse, and athlete. Beyond her professional work, Fran is deeply committed to service. Over the years she has volunteered in several areas of crisis and community support, including suicide prevention, rape victim’s advocacy, human trafficking prevention, and serving as a rape crisis hotline operator. She has also contributed to efforts addressing food scarcity, sits with hospice patients in their final chapters, and supports Veterans and their families. These experiences have brought her into close contact with trauma, grief, courage, and resilience - insights she carries directly into the compassionate, grounded way she supports others. Connect With Fran Website Instagram YouTube Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  7. Jul 10

    The Quiet Parts Out Loud: Huck Smith on Gay Dating, Bar Culture, and Becoming Real

    Gay bars are dying. Dating apps are killing real connection. And gay men over 40 are carrying stories they have never let themselves tell out loud. Huck Smith started posting honest essays online because he could not find anyone else saying the quiet parts. Then his first book hit number one on Amazon the day after it released. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is a collection of personal essays about identity, relationships, and the gap between who gay men are and who they perform being. Huck joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it and why so many gay men recognized themselves on the first page. Key Takeaways: Why dating apps create disqualifying lists that kill connection before it startsWhat gay men lost when bar culture changed and why it actually matteredHow older gay men project their own suppressed selves onto younger, more open menWhy gay men of a certain age were trained to perform masculinity instead of feel itThe importance of standing with transgender community members when it is uncomfortableWhat writing toward the quiet contradictions of gay life actually requires About Huck Huck Smith is a writer whose work explores identity, relationships, and the quiet contradictions that shape everyday life, often landing somewhere between self-awareness and self-sabotage. He writes with equal parts humor and honesty. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is his first collection of essays. When he’s not writing, he’s probably at the gym, overthinking a text message, or convincing himself he doesn’t need another vintage action figure while actively bidding on one. Connect With Huck Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

  8. Jul 3

    Stop Swiping, Start Connecting: Court Vox on Attraction, Intimacy, and What Gay Men Over 40 Get Wrong About Desire

    Gay men over 40 know how to find sex. What most of them have never been taught is how to find connection. Court Vox is a certified sex and intimacy coach, founder of The Bodyvox, and one of the sharpest voices working with GBTQ men on what actually gets in the way of real intimacy. He joins Rick to talk about choice fatigue on dating apps, the ruptures that quietly kill relationships before they start, and why so much of what gay men call attraction is really just unexamined shame running the show. This is the conversation about desire that most men are not ready to have. Key Takeaways: How app culture creates choice fatigue that makes genuine connection harderWhy rupture and repair skills are the most underrated tools in any relationshipHow to tell the difference between facts and feelings when conflict hitsThe role homophobia and internalized misogyny play in gay men's attraction patternsWhy resistance to certain desires is almost always repression in disguiseWhat somatic coaching does that talk therapy alone cannot About Court Court Vox is a Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach, based in Los Angeles CA . He is Founder of The Bodyvox. Through his courses, workshops, retreats, and private immersions, clients cultivate toys to unlock limitations and shame, to embrace a deeper sense of intimacy with their whole self. Traditional forms of therapy are done solely through talk, while the work of a somatic coach is to further this form of work via body-based exercises, experiential learning, and touch, in comfortable, judgment-free, and caring environments. Body acceptance, exploration of sensation and desires (and learning how to ask for what you want), boundary-setting and intimacy work are some of the many reasons clients seek this form of learning. Vox is a sex educator experienced working with clients of all sexualities and genders and has been featured in AskMen.com, Cosmopolitan, and Well & Good magazines. He offers workshops and retreats across the globe for GBTQ men, and is also part of an elite team of sex educators that create the celebrated program for women, Back to the Body. His online course and community, Invitations to Intimacy, offers foundations in embodiment suited for the eroticerotic, as well as a community of like-minded individuals to support one another on their journey. Attend Courts Events in 2026 Camp Connect Connect - Joshua Tree Connect With Court Website Instagram Hey Guys, Check This Out! Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

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4.6
out of 5
106 Ratings

About

Welcome to the only podcast exploring the messiness, awesomeness, of masculinity of being a gay man over 40. Each episode is about sparking idea, addressing challenges, and diving deep into what it looks like to be a vulnerable gay guy. We talk about the stuff us gay guys have a hard time talking about, man-to-man: masculinity, sex, careers, our bodies, parenting, sexuality, failures, success, and aging, relationships, coming out - nothing is off limits. 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk is the revamped version of 40 Plus: Real Men. Real Talk podcast and is a short format podcast that's easy to digest. We take deep dives - one topic at a time - digging up the truth of what it’s like to be a gay man, instead of some contrived expectation of masculinity. We’re reclaiming manhood and our masculinity by facing our fears, making bold moves, and living life without apologies. Join us, but you've got to drop your BS, forget posturing, and be ready to explore the comical dysfunctions of our lives as gay men 40+ years of age!

Information

  • Creator
    Rick Clemons
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    300
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Rick Clemons
  • Show Website
    40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

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