Sex, Here & Now

sexhereandnow
  • 5.0 (17)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Weekly

Sex, Here & Now is a podcast rooted in sex positivity, inclusivity, and honest conversations about the realities of sex and modern relationships. The goal is simple: to inform, to educate, and to clear up the misconceptions that continue to dominate our culture about intimacy and relationships. We live in a world that is still wildly sex negative, shaped by shame, purity culture, misinformation, and outdated scripts about what intimacy “should” look like. This podcast exists to challenge that. I want to create a space where we can talk openly about desire, communication, consent, kink, monogamy, non-monogamy, pleasure, dysfunction, body image, and everything in between without judgment. By highlighting diverse voices, challenging myths, and nurturing open dialogue, my hope is to show that sex does not have to be scary and we can, in fact, have a more sex positive culture.

  1. 1d ago

    Expert Chat: Julie Labanz on Menopause and Sex

    October is Menopause Awareness Month, and Julie Labanz is joining me on Sex, Here & Now for a conversation about perimenopause, menopause, sex, and intimacy. These experiences are often talked about as if they follow one predictable path, but the reality is far more personal. So what happens when your body changes, your relationship with sex shifts, or the advice you’ve heard your whole life suddenly doesn’t fit? Julie and I unpack some of the myths surrounding menopause, including the idea that getting older means the end of desire or pleasure. We talk about why perimenopause deserves more attention, how changes in sex and intimacy can affect relationships, and why people need space to ask questions without shame. Because “just deal with it” is not particularly helpful sex education. Whether you’re navigating perimenopause yourself, trying to better understand a partner’s experience, or working with clients who are, I hope this episode helps you approach the conversation with more curiosity and less pressure. Sex and intimacy can change over time. We deserve honest conversations about what those changes mean and what we might want next. Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  2. Oct 8

    Is it "Normal" To Never Initiate Sex?

    Do you enjoy sex with your partner but almost never initiate it? Does that mean you have low desire? Are you less attracted to your partner? Or could something completely different be happening? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, explores why initiation and desire are not the same thing. We talk about responsive versus spontaneous desire, how couples accidentally develop “initiator” and “responder” roles, how rejection can change someone's willingness to initiate, and why two partners might have completely different definitions of what initiating sex even looks like. We also explore the emotional side of always being the person who initiates and why initiation is sometimes less about getting sex and more about wanting to feel desired. If you rarely initiate sex, that doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with your sexuality or your relationship. You may not need more desire. You may need a better shared language for communicating sexual interest. Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  3. Oct 6

    Matt's Musings: Is Using AI Boyfriend or Girlfriend Cheating?

    Can you cheat on your partner with someone who isn’t actually a person? AI companionship is becoming increasingly sophisticated. People are flirting with AI, sexting with it, sharing intimate details about their lives, creating customized personalities, and even developing emotional attachments to AI partners. So naturally, we now have a new relationship question to figure out: Does any of this count as cheating? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt explores why “it’s not a real person” might not completely settle the conversation. We look at the role of secrecy, emotional investment, relationship agreements, erotic autonomy, and what happens when an AI companion starts receiving intimacy that used to exist within a human relationship. We also explore a bigger concern: What happens when people become accustomed to relationships designed to be endlessly responsive to them? Real relationships require negotiation, frustration, compromise, hearing no, and dealing with another person who has their own needs. AI companionship could challenge some of the ways we understand intimacy, but it could also offer opportunities for fantasy exploration, communication practice, companionship, and even shared exploration between partners. AI might be making the conversation significantly weirder, but the underlying questions are very human: What are our boundaries? What do we consider private? What feels like secrecy? What kinds of emotional or erotic intimacy do we expect to remain exclusive? And perhaps most importantly, do you and your partner actually agree? Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  4. Oct 1

    The 6 Principles of Sexual Health: Here's What They Got Right... and Here's What I'd Add

    What actually makes a sex life healthy? Is it how often you have sex? How many orgasms you have? Whether your fantasies are considered “normal?” I would argue none of the above. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, I’m diving into the Six Principles of Sexual Health, a framework developed by Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito. We explore consent beyond simply saying yes or no, why honesty has to start with yourself, and the difference between sharing sexual preferences and sharing values. But the article I came across only discussed three of the six principles, so naturally, my therapist brain decided to finish the list myself. I’m adding curiosity, flexibility, and pleasure to the conversation and exploring why I think all three are essential parts of healthy sexuality. Ultimately, healthy sexuality isn’t about checking boxes or proving that you’re “normal.” It’s about creating a sexual life that reflects your values, desires, relationships, and the person you actually are. Let’s stop asking whether we’re normal and start asking a much more interesting question: Does my sexual life actually work for me? Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  5. Sep 24

    I Hate Receiving Oral Sex!

    Do you hate receiving oral sex? Maybe you feel self-conscious, struggle to stay present, feel pressure to orgasm, or simply cannot understand why everyone else seems to think it is so amazing. You are definitely not alone. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt explores some of the reasons people struggle to enjoy receiving oral sex, including anxiety, body image, performance pressure, sexual shame, past experiences, and simply not receiving the type of stimulation their body enjoys. More importantly, we look at the difference between “I don't like oral sex” and “I want to enjoy oral sex, but something keeps getting in the way.” We also talk about practical ways to explore receiving oral sex without making orgasm the goal, including communicating what actually feels good, practicing mindfulness, reducing performance pressure, and challenging some of the negative messages many of us have learned about our bodies and g******s. And remember, you are also allowed to simply not like it. Healthy sexuality is not about checking every sexual activity off a list. It is about discovering what feels authentic, consensual, pleasurable, and right for you. Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  6. Sep 17

    The Power of Responsive Desire

    Responsive desire might completely change the way you understand your sexuality. If you rarely feel “in the mood,” do not initiate sex often, or have wondered whether your lower desire means something is wrong, this episode is for you. In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt breaks down the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire and challenges the idea that we should already be horny before intimacy begins. He explores why desire often develops through touch, connection, pleasure, and context, especially in long-term relationships. We also dive into the Dual Control Model, sexual accelerators and brakes, and why reducing stress and pressure may be more helpful than simply trying harder to “increase your sex drive.” Oh, and while we are at it, you officially have permission to stop calling it a sex drive. Responsive desire is not broken desire. For many of us, desire is less like a lightning bolt and more like a campfire. Sometimes we just need to create the right conditions for it to grow. Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  7. Sep 10

    The 20-Minute No G******s Challenge

    What if one of the best ways to improve your sex life was to stop focusing so much on g******s? In this episode of Sex, Here & Now, Matt Lachman, licensed clinical therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, introduces one of his favorite exercises for couples: The 20-Minute No G******s Challenge. The rules are simple. Set a timer for twenty minutes. No touching g******s. No touching breasts. No intercourse. Instead, you and your partner explore everything else. Matt breaks down why so many of us fall into predictable sexual routines where kissing quickly leads to genital touch and orgasm becomes the ultimate goal. While there is nothing wrong with that kind of sex, constantly following the same sexual script can cause us to overlook just how much pleasure the rest of the body has to offer. This challenge is about slowing down, building anticipation, communicating about pleasure, and rediscovering erotic curiosity. You might be surprised by what happens when you take orgasm off the table and give yourselves permission to simply explore. Set the timer. Put the phones away. Stay curious. And for twenty minutes, keep your hands away from the obvious places.   Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

  8. Sep 3

    Matt’s Musings: Stop Fearing Being Single

    Being single is not a character flaw, a failure, or some sad waiting room you sit in until your “real life” finally begins. In this Matt’s Musing, I am diving into the enormous amount of pressure we put on people to find a relationship, settle down, and follow a timeline that was largely handed to us by family, religion, movies, social media, and now an endless supply of influencers promising that “your person is coming.” Listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a relationship. Wanting companionship, intimacy, affection, sex, and someone to build a life with is incredibly human. But wanting a relationship is very different from believing you need one to prove that you are worthy, attractive, successful, or lovable. In this episode, I talk about why loneliness can sometimes push us toward people who are available rather than compatible, why relationships should not automatically be treated as achievements, and why being partnered does not protect anyone from loneliness, disconnection, bad sex, or unhappiness. I also challenge the passive idea that you should simply wait for the universe to drop the right person into your life. If you want a relationship, go pursue connection. Date. Flirt. Join things. Meet people. Risk rejection. Work on your communication. Figure out your boundaries. Explore who you are sexually without a partner. Most importantly, build a life you actually enjoy living while you do it. Because being single is a circumstance. It is not an identity, and it certainly does not determine your worth. Resources If you’re looking for a high-quality lubricant that actually enhances the experience instead of distracting from it, I’ve got you covered. 👉 Click here to try Überlube When you use that link, you’ll receive a Free Überlube Sachet added to your order (U.S. only). Using the link also helps support the podcast, so it’s a win-win. Are you a healthcare professional or mental health therapist and looking for sex therapy continuing education? Get 10% of your first course here by using code podcast10 A list of sex education, sex therapy, and relationship resources here Sign up for my online class here You can now watch the full video podcast on YouTube! Let's get social: Website / Instagram / YouTube Please make sure to subscribe and rate my podcast!

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5
out of 5
17 Ratings

About

Sex, Here & Now is a podcast rooted in sex positivity, inclusivity, and honest conversations about the realities of sex and modern relationships. The goal is simple: to inform, to educate, and to clear up the misconceptions that continue to dominate our culture about intimacy and relationships. We live in a world that is still wildly sex negative, shaped by shame, purity culture, misinformation, and outdated scripts about what intimacy “should” look like. This podcast exists to challenge that. I want to create a space where we can talk openly about desire, communication, consent, kink, monogamy, non-monogamy, pleasure, dysfunction, body image, and everything in between without judgment. By highlighting diverse voices, challenging myths, and nurturing open dialogue, my hope is to show that sex does not have to be scary and we can, in fact, have a more sex positive culture.

Information

  • Creator
    sexhereandnow
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    71
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2019 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Sex, Here & Now