Expedition Marriage with Chris & Jamie Bailey

Expedition Marriage with Chris & Jamie Bailey
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Welcome to the Expedition Marriage Podcast! We're Chris and Jamie Bailey, Christian marriage coaches who each hold a master's degree in professional counseling, with over 20 years helping couples build Christ-centered marriages. We're here to help you put God at the center of your marriage by sharing solid biblical truth along with practical marriage tips. So no matter where you are in your marriage, start getting excited — because we're here to help you Enjoy the Journey!

  1. 6d ago

    Ep. 198: Marriage Myths- What Nobody Tells You About the First 10 Years of Marriage

    What if some of the things you believe about marriage are actually making marriage harder? We're joined by Julie Baumgardner, founder of Marriage on the Daily (https://marriageonthedaily.com), to bust some of the most common marriage myths—especially the ones that can trip couples up during the first 10 years.   We're talking about beliefs like: "The two become one, so we should basically become the same person." "If I married the right person, we wouldn't have this much conflict." "Never go to bed angry means we have to resolve this tonight." "If you really loved me, you'd know what I need." "Once we have kids, they should become the center of everything." Julie brings nearly four decades of experience working with couples and families, along with 37 years of marriage, to help us separate healthy expectations from the ones that often create frustration and disconnection.   You'll hear why your differences aren't necessarily a problem, why conflict can actually increase intimacy when handled well, how to get underneath anger to the real issue, and why protecting your marriage is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.   And perhaps one of the best reminders from the entire conversation:   Different isn't deficient. Different is just different.   If marriage has felt harder than you thought it would, this conversation will help you rethink what "healthy marriage" actually looks like—and give you practical ways to move forward together.

  2. Sep 17

    Ep. 197: Relief Isn't Restoration: What Are You Settling for in Your Marriage?

    What if the things helping you feel better are actually keeping you from getting better? Sometimes what we call "better" is really just less uncomfortable. We avoid the conversation. We turn on Netflix. We scroll. We stay busy. We overwork. We take control. We keep the peace. And for a little while, it works. The tension goes down. The argument stops. The anxiety quiets. Everything feels a little more manageable. But relief isn't the same thing as restoration. In this episode of Expedition Marriage, Chris and Jamie explore the difference between temporary relief and genuine healing—and why couples can spend years managing marriage pain without ever addressing what is actually broken. Using the stories of Esau trading his birthright for a bowl of stew, Israel digging broken cisterns in Jeremiah 2, the Israelites wanting to return to Egypt, and Hebrews 12's call to throw off what hinders us, they unpack the spiritual and relational danger of choosing what feels easier now over what produces lasting growth. In this episode: Why "feeling better" doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is getting better The difference between relief and restoration Why growth usually requires discomfort What Esau's birthright teaches us about immediate gratification How pornography, scrolling, entertainment, busyness, and control can become substitutes for real healing The difference between peacekeeping, peacefaking, and peacemaking What Jeremiah's broken cisterns teach us about self-sufficiency Why familiar unhealthy patterns can feel safer than unfamiliar healing How avoidance slowly erodes marriage resilience Why spiritual maturity is necessary for marriage restoration How to identify the things hindering your marriage Why doing hard things together actually creates greater security The goal isn't a marriage that never feels uncomfortable. The goal is a marriage that knows discomfort doesn't have to be dangerous—and that restoration is worth the work. 🎁 Be sure to grab our Relief vs. Restoration Couples Worksheet in the show notes (https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-197-relief-isnt-restoration-what-are-you-settling-for-in-your-marriage) and work through the conversation together. And whatever you do… Don't trade lasting restoration for a bowl of stew.   00:00 Hard Things Build Courage 00:45 Relief vs Restoration 02:52 Growth Requires Discomfort 04:06 Comfort Culture and AI 07:06 Cheap Substitutes in Scripture 07:16 Birthright for Stew 11:50 Everyday Avoidance Patterns 14:37 Band-Aids and Broken Cisterns 19:31 Self-Sufficiency vs Living Water 21:06 Real Peace in Christ 21:49 Broken Cisterns Check 23:03 Harmless Distractions Trap 23:54 Busy and Disconnected 25:02 Looking Good vs Being Good 25:51 Unfamiliar Vulnerability 28:38 Old Patterns and Predictability 31:10 Relief vs Restoration 34:33 Throw Off the Weights 36:59 Worksheet and Prayer 39:44 Final Bowl of Stew Warning

  3. Sep 10

    Ep. 196: God Designed Sex for Connection—So Why Aren't Christians Talking About It?

    The Real Reason Couples Stop Having Sex (And How to Reconnect) Why can two people deeply love each other and still feel completely disconnected—emotionally or sexually? And why is sex still something so many Christian couples struggle to talk about? Today we're joined by licensed marriage and family therapist George Faller, founder of the New York Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy and coauthor of Brave Love, Great Sex. Before becoming a therapist, George served as a lieutenant in the New York City Fire Department, including during 9/11. And interestingly, that experience still shapes the way he approaches struggling marriages today: Instead of running away from the fire, learn how to move toward it. George helps us understand the attachment patterns operating both inside and outside the bedroom—and why what looks like anger, withdrawal, rejection, pressure, or defensiveness may actually be a signal pointing toward a deeper need for connection. We're talking about: Why emotional and sexual connection can't be separated The attachment needs underneath conflict Why some spouses protest while others withdraw How self-protection creates negative cycles Why emotions are information—not problems How vulnerability creates connection Why rejection can create sexual anxiety Why repair matters more than never getting it wrong Why Christian couples need to get better at talking about sex How shame and purity-culture messages can follow us into marriage Why great sex isn't primarily about performance The importance of sexual communication Why pressure can shut down desire How pain and chronic illness affect sexual intimacy Why mismatched desire doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling sex life What can happen to intimacy after 50 George's four-step process for building a new cycle of connection How couples who have been disconnected for years can begin finding their way back One of our favorite reminders from this conversation: The goal isn't perfection. It's connection and repair. If you've been avoiding conversations about emotional or sexual intimacy because they feel uncomfortable, this episode is an invitation to choose the discomfort that can actually take your marriage somewhere better. Because you don't have to stay stuck in the same cycle forever. Get George's book, Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships today - https://a.co/d/07GAsF8U   00:00 Meet George Fowler 00:55 From Firehouse to Therapy 03:47 Challenge Response Mindset 04:17 Why Brave Sex Talk Matters 05:48 Attachment Hats Explained 07:15 Sex as Connection System 09:34 When Touch Disappears 10:32 Pursue Withdraw Bedroom Swap 13:08 New Moves Replace Cycles 16:11 Signals Curiosity Caregiving 18:00 Vulnerability and Repair Skills 20:57 Best Sex Talk Questions 22:11 Purity Culture Fallout 23:11 Research on Great Lovers 24:10 Orgasm Gap and Anatomy 25:39 No Pressure Just Healing 27:24 Desire Gap and Better Sex 30:08 Connection Over Performance 30:43 Passion That Grows 33:07 Afterglow and Oxytocin 34:44 Chronic Pain and Brakes 37:50 Four Rs for Safety 39:52 Breaking the Cycle Together 41:24 Choose the Hard Conversation 42:14 Book Release and Farewell

  4. Aug 27

    Ep. 195: When Your Kids Make Choices You Don't Agree With

    There comes a point in parenting when you realize something terrifying:   You can't control your kids anymore.   They choose their own friends. They date people you may not choose. They make decisions about alcohol, sex, relationships, college, marriage, and eventually even their faith.   So what do you do when you can see where a decision might lead, but you can't stop your child from making it?   In this episode, Chris and Jamie talk honestly about one of the hardest transitions in parenting: moving from control to influence.   They share from their own parenting journey, their own stories of wandering far from God, and the biblical hope we have when a child's current chapter looks nothing like the ending we prayed for.   In this episode: Why control becomes an illusion as our children get older Why Proverbs 22:6 is wisdom—not a guarantee What Lois, Eunice, and Timothy teach us about sincere faith How Deuteronomy 6 changes the way we disciple our children Why good parenting doesn't guarantee good choices The danger of both pride and shame in parenting Why repentance may be one of the most powerful things your children see you do How to move from controlling your kids to influencing them Why curiosity works better than criticism How to talk about a relationship you don't approve of What to do when your child questions or walks away from Christianity Why natural consequences can sometimes be necessary What the Prodigal Son teaches us about letting go without giving up How to remain heartbroken and hope-filled Why your child's current chapter isn't necessarily their final chapter   And Jamie shares the powerful true story of a mother who prayed for her estranged son for decades—and eventually watched him come home to both her and Jesus.   Your job isn't to control every chapter of your child's story.   Plant faithfully. Live your faith sincerely. Speak truth in love. Keep the door open. Keep praying. And trust the God who loves your child even more than you do.   00:00 Parenting Control Illusion 01:07 Kids Growing Independence 01:56 When Choices Scare You 05:03 Fear Versus Trust 06:39 Proverbs Not Promise 08:00 Faith Not Checkbox 09:20 But God Redemption Stories 12:32 Hope For Wandering Kids 14:48 Sincere Faith Witness 16:29 Shema Daily Discipleship 19:56 Pride Shame Repentance 22:39 Grace And Truth Approach 23:38 Emotional Entrenchment 24:20 Love With Boundaries 25:32 Teaching Wise Decisions 27:32 Let Consequences Teach 28:28 From Rules To Benefit 30:24 Curiosity Not Judgment 33:25 Faith Doubts And Deconstruction 38:54 Mission Field At Home 40:35 Prodigal Son Hope 45:09 Prayer And Final Charge

  5. Aug 20

    Ep. 194: Marriage Will Change You (And That's the Point)

    "My spouse will never change." It's one of the most common frustrations we hear from married couples. But what if we're asking the wrong question? In this episode, Chris and Jamie talk about one of the hardest—and most beautiful—parts of marriage: marriage is designed to change us. When two imperfect people share a home, a life, disappointments, responsibilities, vulnerabilities, and decades together, there's going to be friction. But that friction doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. Sometimes it's revealing something. Marriage can expose our pride, defensiveness, fears, control, unmet expectations, family-of-origin wounds, selfishness, and the places where God still wants to grow us. Chris and Jamie also pull back the curtain on their own 32-year marriage and answer four questions about how marriage has personally changed each of them. In this episode: Why your spouse today isn't the same person you married How Proverbs 27:17 applies to marriage Why healthy friction can produce refinement Four questions to ask each other about how marriage has changed you Why your spouse can trigger a wound they didn't create How marriage exposes hidden expectations What to ask instead of "Why does my spouse make me act this way?" Why biblical oneness does not mean losing yourself How conflict can move you toward understanding and healing Why the goal isn't simply for God to change your marriage—but to use your marriage to change you Key question: Instead of asking, "God, why won't you change my spouse?" what if we began asking, "God, who are you inviting me to become in this marriage?" 🎁 Get the four conversation questions from this episode in the show notes. https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-194-marriage-will-change-you-and-thats-the-point/ And if you recognize that some of your reactions began long before your marriage, grab our The Family You Came From guide and use code PODCAST20 for your podcast listener discount. https://expeditionmarriage.org/courses/the-family-you-came-from/   00:00 Marriage Changes You 00:41 Why Spouses Do Change 02:30 Marriage Reveals the Heart 04:08 Iron Sharpens Iron 06:28 Sparks and Repeat Fights 08:23 Four Questions Setup 08:50 How We've Changed 12:43 Growth Areas to Work On 16:13 Unexpected Marriage Impact 19:52 Lessons Learned Together 22:09 Marriage as a Mirror 23:26 Stop Blaming Your Spouse 24:40 Search Me O God 25:08 Love Well Not Feelings 25:58 Boundaries And Change 27:05 Compromise Makes Us Win 28:04 Oneness Without Losing Self 29:48 Reset Unreal Expectations 39:11 Wounds And Triggers 41:41 Family Of Origin Patterns 44:06 Friction Becomes Refinement 47:38 Prayer And Final Charge

  6. Aug 13

    Ep. 193: Before You Cut Off a Parent: Boundaries & Biblical Reconciliation

    Should you cut off a toxic or difficult parent? It's a question more adult children are asking, and the answer isn't always as simple as social media makes it sound. Sometimes no contact really is necessary. Abuse, violence, active addiction, and unsafe behavior require protection and strong boundaries. But what about the parent who disagrees with your parenting? The emotionally immature mom? The highly opinionated dad? The family member who hurts you but may still be capable of respecting boundaries? In Episode 193 of Expedition Marriage, Chris and Jamie talk honestly about trauma, family estrangement, healthy boundaries, forgiveness, and biblical reconciliation. Jamie also shares the deeply personal story of her relationship with her mother—and what happened when, after years of difficulty, she chose to lean in rather than completely close the door. The result was something she never expected: understanding, healing, reconciliation, and peace before her mother's death. You'll learn: ✔ When no contact may be appropriate ✔ Trauma vs. painful life experiences ✔ Why boundaries aren't the same as estrangement ✔ How to give difficult family members different levels of access ✔ Forgiveness vs. reconciliation ✔ Why disagreement doesn't necessarily mean someone is unsafe ✔ How Jamie navigated a painful relationship with her mother ✔ What to consider before ending a family relationship   🎁 We also created a free 8-page Before You Break Contact guide to help you thoughtfully evaluate your situation before making such a significant decision. https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-193-before-you-cut-off-a-parent-boundaries-biblical-reconciliation/ If you're navigating a painful family relationship, we hope this episode gives you both wisdom and hope. 00:00 Pain and Healing Question 00:50 Cutoff Culture and Conflict 01:34 Adult Child Estrangement 02:47 Therapy vs Social Media Influence 04:45 Voices Over God and Family 06:19 Fear Mongering and Victimhood 09:03 Trauma Realities and Healing 11:05 Labels Little T vs Big T 13:47 Resilience in Anxious Times 17:34 Estrangement as Last Resort 18:52 Grandparents And Differences 19:53 Kids Need Real World 20:35 Boundaries With Mom 23:14 Leaning In For Healing 26:21 When Cutoff Is Needed 29:57 Why Family Matters 34:10 Access Levels Boundaries 35:58 Before No Contact Steps 37:39 Forgiveness Versus Reconciliation 39:16 Prayer And Final Charge     #FamilyEstrangement #ToxicParents #ChristianCounseling #HealthyBoundaries #NoContact #ChristianFamily #Reconciliation

  7. Aug 6

    Ep. 192: The Family You Grew Up In Is Shaping Your Marriage (Whether You Realize It or Not)

    Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in your marriage? Why one of you shuts down... Why the other feels the need to control... Why conflict feels terrifying for one person and normal for another... The answers may have started long before you ever said, "I do." In this episode, Chris and Jamie explore how the family you grew up in shapes the way you communicate, handle conflict, pursue intimacy, and experience emotional safety in marriage. They unpack several common family environments—including chaotic homes, "sweep it under the rug" families, walking-on-eggshells homes, performance-based families, and healthy, God-centered families—and explain the survival skills each one teaches children. More importantly, they show why those survival skills often become destructive when carried into adulthood. You'll learn: • Why your childhood explains your reactions—but doesn't define your future • How survival skills become unhealthy relationship patterns • Why understanding your spouse creates compassion instead of criticism • How emotional safety transforms marriage • The difference between surviving relationships and truly living in them • What a healthy, God-centered family actually looks like   Whether you're trying to understand yourself, your spouse, or the legacy you're creating for your own children, this conversation will help you connect the dots and discover hope for lasting change. Your story doesn't have to end where it began. Learn more about identifying your family pattern, how it is affecting your marriage, and steps you can take to help with our The Family You Came From course (as discussed on the podcast): https://expeditionmarriage.org/courses/the-family-you-came-from Use Discount Code: PODCAST20 for 20% off   00:00 Conflict Feels Normal 00:25 Family Rhythms And Survival 01:39 No Shame Just Growth 04:27 Compassion Over Triggers 05:56 Chaotic Family Signs 09:34 Hypervigilance And Control 11:35 Distrusting Peace In Marriage 14:43 Sweep It Under Rug 16:23 When Conflict Feels Failure 21:30 Walk On Eggshells Home 24:29 Control vs Safety 25:26 Plastic Bag Passivity 25:44 Boundaries and Emotions 26:10 Survival Skills Trap 26:55 Healing Feels Unsafe 28:22 Letting God Fight 29:30 Performance Family Pressure 31:46 Perfectionism at Home 33:45 Fear of Failure in Men 37:09 Secure God Centered Family 39:49 Grace Truth and Repair 43:52 Hope Prayer and Next Steps

  8. Jul 30

    Ep. 191: Your Health Is Worship: Why God Cares About Your Health as a Couple More Than You Think

    Does God actually care about your physical health? Many Christians have unknowingly separated faith from health, believing one is spiritual while the other is merely physical. Former NHL strength coach Justin Roethlingshoefer believes that's one of the greatest misconceptions in the Church today. In this episode, Justin shares how Scripture and science beautifully work together to reveal God's intentional design for the human body. Chris and Jamie also explore how depleted health affects marriage, parenting, ministry, and every other area of life. Topics include: ✔ Why your body is an act of worship ✔ Why identity comes before habits ✔ The enemy's strategy of distraction and depletion ✔ Biblical rhythms for work, rest, and recovery ✔ Why healthy people love others better ✔ Building holy health instead of worldly health   Learn more about Justin and Holy Health:   www.holyhealthbook.com Amazon affiliate link - https://a.co/d/0haUWrBu   Follow Justin on Social media:  https://www.instagram.com/justinroeth?igsh=MTN4NGhtYzh2NmoyYg==  https://www.instagram.com/weareholyhealth?igsh=b3Z2bzBjZGNubGVq 00:00 Meet Justin Roethlingshoefer 01:17 From Extremes to Healing 06:15 Science Meets Scripture 08:09 Living Sacrifice Mindset 11:00 Church Health Crisis 15:22 Enemy Playbook Seven Ds 21:48 Genesis Design Rhythms 26:33 Depletion and Identity 31:41 Values Language Shift 34:50 Stop Saying I Cant 35:19 Cold Pool Integrity Test 37:21 Confidence Through Habits 39:58 Words Shape Identity 41:34 Couples Build Holy Rhythms 42:10 Compromise Cascade Explained 44:47 Marriage Alignment Examples 50:16 Men Discouragement Reset 55:04 Women Boundaries Refill 59:05 Book Launch And Bonuses 01:01:06 Gods Fingerprints In Body 01:04:36 Holy Health 40 And Academy 01:06:50 Final Blessing And Sendoff

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Welcome to the Expedition Marriage Podcast! We're Chris and Jamie Bailey, Christian marriage coaches who each hold a master's degree in professional counseling, with over 20 years helping couples build Christ-centered marriages. We're here to help you put God at the center of your marriage by sharing solid biblical truth along with practical marriage tips. So no matter where you are in your marriage, start getting excited — because we're here to help you Enjoy the Journey!

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