The Peaceful Parenting Podcast

Sarah Rosensweet
  • 4.8 (123)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Weekly

Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Podcast, the podcast where Sarah Rosensweet covers the tools, strategies and support you need to end the yelling and power struggles and encourage your kids to listen and cooperate so that you can enjoy your family time. Each week, Sarah will bring you the insight and information you need to make your parenting journey a little more peaceful. Whether it's a guest interview with an expert in the parenting world, insight from Sarah's own experiences and knowledge, or live coaching with parents just like you who want help with their challenges, we'll learn and grow and laugh and cry together! Be sure to hit the subscribe button and leave a rating and review! sarahrosensweet.substack.com

  1. 1d ago

    Emotionally Immature Parents with Morgan Pommells: Episode 229

    In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is therapist Morgan Pommells. We explore the lasting impact of having an emotionally immature parent (EIP), including how to begin healing and how we can break the cycle with our own kids. We also talk about boundaries with our EIP parent, why children's big emotions aren't personal attacks, and what every child truly needs to thrive. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app 2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️ 3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. We talk about: 00:00 – Introduction to Morgan Pommells 02:30 – What is an emotionally immature parent? 07:15 – Emotional immaturity vs. narcissism: What’s the difference? 09:00 – Why emotionally immature parents are often critical 10:30 – The biggest impact on children: Growing up without a strong sense of self 12:00 – How childhood with an EIP affects adult relationships and self-worth, and our own parenting 15:30 – Healing from emotionally immature parenting 18:30 – Why your child’s big emotions are actually a sign of safety 19:00 – Navigating relationships with emotionally immature parents as an adult 27:00 – Teaching children that feelings aren’t dangerous 27:45 – Emotionally immature grandparents: Do the patterns continue? 29:15 – The power of delighting in your child 32:45 – What if your parenting partner is emotionally immature? 35:00 – The parenting mistake we all make: Taking children’s emotions personally 36:00 – Morgan’s advice for every parent: Heal your own wounds before they parent your children 38:00 – Where to find Morgan and closing thoughts Resources mentioned in this episode: * Morgan’s Masterclass Protect Your Peace * Morgan’s IG @morganpommells Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today’s guest is Morgan Pommells. Morgan is a therapist and coach who helps the adult children of emotionally immature parents stop seeing themselves through their parents’ eyes and finally come home to who they really are. Morgan and I discuss what an emotionally immature parent is, how that is—and isn’t—different from narcissism, and how people grow up to parent this way. Morgan also shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects us as children, how it continues to affect us once we’ve grown up, and how we can heal from having been raised by an emotionally immature parent. We also talk about the opposite of emotionally immature parenting and what our kids need in order to grow up whole and healthy. Morgan has so much wisdom, and so much of our work overlaps. I think you’re going to learn a lot from this conversation, and I think you’re really going to enjoy it. If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you can also help us out by leaving a five-star rating and review in your podcast app. While you’re there, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss an episode. Let’s meet Morgan. Sarah: Hi, Morgan. Welcome to the podcast. Morgan: Hi! Thank you for having me. Sarah: I’m so glad to have you on. We’ve been trying to schedule this for a while, and I think this is such an important topic for parents. I’m so glad we finally got to sit down and have this conversation. Morgan: Me too. It’s a super important topic for parents. Sarah: Tell us a little about who you are and what you do. Morgan: I’m a therapist and coach in Ontario, Canada, and I specialize exclusively in working with the adult children of emotionally immature parents. Whether that’s through workshops or one-to-one work, everything I do revolves around helping people heal from having emotionally immature parents. Sarah: So tell us: what is an emotionally immature parent? Morgan: Great question. An emotionally immature parent is someone who really struggles to manage their own painful internal emotions. Those emotions tend to spill out onto everyone around them instead of being worked through internally. These are parents who might struggle with shame, rage, or fear of abandonment, and instead of taking responsibility for those feelings and working through them themselves, they become everyone else’s problem. They take those emotions out on their children. They may recruit their children into never leaving them because they’re terrified of being abandoned. The child becomes responsible for soothing and managing the parent’s anxiety, which is really the opposite of what a healthy parent-child relationship is meant to be. Sarah: Yeah. What causes somebody... I guess you don’t become emotionally immature—you just never emotionally mature. What causes that lack of emotional maturation? How does somebody become an emotionally immature parent? Morgan: There are a couple of different pathways. A lot of emotionally immature parents have their own relational trauma. If we experience something deeply overwhelming at a young age and don’t have the capacity to metabolize it at the time, we can become emotionally stuck there. Our biological age keeps moving forward, but our emotional development doesn’t necessarily come with us. Our emotional defenses stay frozen at that younger age. In other cases, someone may have had the capacity to become emotionally mature, but emotional immaturity was all that was ever modeled for them. They don’t have another template. They don’t know a different kind of parenting exists because they’re simply working from the script they inherited. Sarah: So far we’ve been talking about this in psychological terms, but what does that actually look like in real life? Let’s focus on an adult child. What would a familiar interaction look like between an emotionally immature parent and their grown child? Morgan: One of the biggest dynamics is fear of abandonment. When their child grows up, goes away to university, finds a partner, or simply starts building their own life, emotionally immature parents can become very controlling. They can become very mean. They can use shame to pull their child back toward them and keep them emotionally close because they’re so afraid of being abandoned. When children are younger, it usually looks like a lot of control. That parent has a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety, but instead of working through it themselves, they try to control their child. As a result, the parent feels safer, but the child feels controlled and suffocated. Sarah: So they’re almost externalizing their own feelings? They feel scared, so they make their child feel scared? Or is that too simplified? Morgan: No, in some cases that’s exactly what’s happening. If you have a parent who’s very anxious or very fearful, it can actually feel safer if everyone around them is afraid too. You don’t want to be the only person who’s scared of the big, bad threat you believe is coming. So if you can get everyone else to be afraid, at least you have company in that fear. When children are younger, though, it often looks a little different. A parent might be deeply worried about how their child is doing at school or how they’re perceived by other people, so they try to control what the child says, wears, or does because that helps soothe the parent’s own fear. Sarah: So that’s because they’re worried about what people think of their child because it reflects back on them? Morgan: Yes, that’s certainly part of it. There can be a real element of impression management with emotionally immature parents. Many of them are very concerned with how they appear to other people. Sometimes they experienced a genuine threat in their own childhood because some important family rule was broken. As a result, they become determined that their own child will never break that same rule because they believe that’s what keeps both of them safe. Sarah: I also think it’s about attachment. If people don’t think well of you, then you don’t get your needs met. Morgan: Exactly. If someone doesn’t think well of you, if they see you as a threat, or if they see you as different, that can feel incredibly dangerous. Emotionally immature parents tend to like sameness. They want their children to think the same way they do and view the world the same way they do. They often use different techniques to influence their child’s thinking because differences feel threatening. Ultimately, we’re talking about people who are acting from a deep desire to feel emotionally and psychologically safe. The tragedy is that th

  2. Jul 12

    Dopamine Kids with Michaeleen Doucleff: Episode 228

    You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Michaeleen Doucleff and I talk about her new book Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child’s Brain and Take You’re your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods. Michaeleen’s position is not that screens and ultra-processed food are “bad.” Rather, Michaeleen explains how they can take the place of things that truly bring us joy and pleasure, leaving us with an empty feeling of "what's next?" and an endless cycle of wanting. We focus on how dopamine has been misunderstood and how it actually works, how magnets like screens and ultraprocessed foods keep us stuck, and small changes you can make to start shifting things in your home. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app 2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️ 3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 Introduction to Dopamine Kids and why our understanding of dopamine is outdated * 02:15 Michaeleen’s journey from NPR science journalist to parenting author * 05:00 Dopamine isn’t pleasure—it’s wanting: the neuroscience that changes everything * 07:20 Why kids say they’d rather play with friends than be on screens * 08:00 The difference between dopamine, serotonin, and real satisfaction * 13:30 How apps and ultra-processed foods hijack the brain’s reward system * 16:45 Why endless scrolling never feels satisfying * 18:30 “Bottomlessness”—one of the biggest design tricks keeping us hooked * 20:30 Why we want activities for our kids with a clear purpose and a clear endpoint * 22:00 The veggie straw experiment that changed Michaeleen’s thinking about food * 26:50 Magnets and cues: how screens become automatic habits * 32:00 Why removing screens isn’t enough—you have to replace them * 33:30 Helping kids meet their real need for adventure and autonomy * 36:00 Small, permanent changes vs. temporary screen detoxes * 37:30 Why the car is a great place to start reducing screens * 38:00 Is reducing screens really more work? * 40:15 Why laws and regulations haven’t caught up with technology * 43:00 Why this isn’t a willpower problem * 46:30 Can kids ever use screens in moderation? * 49:00 Paid video games vs. free games * 51:30 This isn’t about screens being “bad” * 53:00 Helping kids gradually learn to use technology well * 54:00 School Chromebooks and why parents have more influence than they realize * 58:00 Advice Michaeleen would give her younger parenting self * 1:00:00 Why kids have to experience offline joy before they’ll want it * 1:01:00 Sarah’s client who removed the TV—and what happened next * 1:02:30 Final thoughts and where to find Michaeleen Resources mentioned in this episode: * Michaeleen’s website * Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child’s Brain and Take You’re your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods * How to Stop Fighting About Video Games with Scott Novis * The Peaceful Parenting Membership Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today’s guest is journalist Michaeleen Doucleff. She is the author of the book Hunt, Gather, Parent and now has a new book out called Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child’s Brain and Take Back Your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultra-Processed Food. Michaeleen’s first book is one of our favorite parenting books, and now we can add this one to the list. She walks us through how screens and ultra-processed food hook us and keep our brains stuck in a hijacked wanting cycle without giving us actual rewards and pleasure. We eventually get around to discussing this, but I want to stress right here at the beginning that Michaeleen isn’t saying that screens and ultra-processed food are evil or that they have no place in our lives. Rather, they can take the place of things that truly bring us joy and pleasure, leaving us with an empty feeling of “what’s next?” and an endless cycle of wanting. I learned so much from this book. I’d been wanting to make some changes in my own life with my relationship with my phone, and this book helped me understand why it was so hard and what I could do. A hint: as it turns out, we don’t understand dopamine correctly at all. Our cultural shorthand about what dopamine is and what role it plays in the motivation and pleasure cycle is totally outdated. If you’re interested in making some positive shifts in your child’s life, in your family, and in your own life, you’re going to love this interview and Michaeleen’s book. If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you’re there, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss an episode. If you’d like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We’ll put a link in the show notes. Let’s meet Michaeleen. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of her insights as I did. Sarah: Hi, Michaeleen. Welcome back to the podcast. Michaeleen: Thank you so much for having me. Sarah: When we had you on a few years ago to talk about your first parenting book, Hunt, Gather, Parent—we’ll link to it in the show notes—it ended up being one of our favorite podcasts out of the 200-some episodes we’ve done. I’m so excited to have you back to talk about your new book. Michaeleen: Thank you so much. That’s so nice. It’s an honor to come back. Sarah: I’m so happy to have you. Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do. Michaeleen: I was—or I still am—a science journalist. I’ve been one now for about 16 years, and I spent 13 or 14 years as a radio correspondent at NPR. I’m still there covering children’s health, global health, neuroscience, and psychology. Before that, I was trained as a chemist. I have a PhD in chemistry. Five years ago, I wrote the parenting book Hunt, Gather, Parent, and I had no idea I’d ever become a parenting expert. That definitely wasn’t on my life bingo card. When I had my daughter Rosie almost 11 years ago, I had no clue what I was doing. It just seemed like an impossible task. Then I started studying parenting around the world, and I realized there was an easier way to do things. That’s what Hunt, Gather, Parent is about. More recently, about six years ago, I was really trying to fix my own screen problem—my own addiction to my phone. I was so obsessed with it. As I investigated neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral psychology, I started to realize, “Oh gosh, we’re really getting a lot of things wrong when it comes to screens and our kids.” That led me to write this next book, Dopamine Kids, to clarify a bunch of myths but also update the advice because it’s really old. A lot of the advice out there is based on psychology from 20, 30, even 40 years ago. Sarah: Or even more. Michaeleen: Exactly. Sarah: Exactly. And I’m going to ask you about that. So tell us, what’s the central idea behind your new book, Dopamine Kids? Michaeleen: One of the biggest ideas is that we’re thinking about screens wrong. We think they’re these endless sources of pleasure. We think dopamine is this molecule that brings us pleasure and that the more we have, the happier we are. But that’s really old neuroscience. What dopamine actually gives us is the feeling of desire, wanting, and craving. It makes us obsessed. So what screens are doing is cranking that system up. They’re increasing motivation, craving, and wanting. But if you look at what happens over time, they actually rob us of pleasure and reduce the amount of pleasure we experience in our lives. So this idea that screens—video games and social media—are treats and rewards for kids is wrong. It’s all wrong. What is actually most rewarding and pleasurable for kids are things in the real world because real-world experiences don’t just give us desire and wanting. They also give us satisfaction, joy, and long-lasting pleasure. So Dopamine Kids is really a reset of what actually brings our kids pleasure in life. It also provides a toolset to retrain your kids’ brains so they naturally want and reach for offline activities and foods that make them feel good—foods that really nourish them and bring satisfaction. It’s about rethinking our idea of pleasure. What does pleasure actually look

  3. Jun 12

    FREE Peaceful Parenting Reset

    Between end-of-school-year chaos, summer transitions, and the general heaviness of life right now, it can be easy to drift away from the peaceful parenting practices that help us feel grounded and connected with our kids. In this short bonus episode, Corey and I talk about the *free* Peaceful Parenting Reset — a free 5-day experience designed to help you get back to basics with simple, manageable tools that can make a real difference in your home. Plus, this time we’re including a special Summer Planning Workshop to help you head into summer feeling intentional and prepared. It’s free, it starts Monday June 15, and I’d love for you to join us. Sign up here:Reimagine Peaceful Parenting Reset This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit sarahrosensweet.substack.com/subscribe

  4. Jun 10

    All About Meltdowns: Episode 227

    You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, I interviewed Hayden Ahlbrandt, a certified Synergetic Play Therapist. Hayden shares some really helpful thoughts and strategies on both how we can prevent meltdowns and how best to support our child—and ourselves—once we find ourselves with a meltdown on our hands. We focus on connection, co-regulation, mindfulness, and creating safety. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app 2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️ 3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 – Sarah introduces Hayden Ahlbrandt, certified Synergetic Play Therapist. Overview of meltdowns, regulation, and co-regulation * 05:25 – Viewing behavior through a nervous system lens * 10:30 – Understanding Meltdowns Through the “Pop Bottle” Analogy * 12:00 – Why some days kids can handle more than others * 1:00 – “Regulation Is Connection to Self” - Helping kids discover what naturally regulates them * 20:00 – Why Regulation Tools Need to be Practiced Outside Meltdowns * 22:00 – Preventing Meltdowns * 24:00 – The Three Rs: Regulate, Relate, Reason * 30:00 – Mindfulness and Co-Regulation * 32:30 – The Parent’s Nervous System * 36:00 – Aggression During Meltdowns * 38:30 – Making the Environment Feel Safer * 42:00 – Parenting Advice Hayden Wishes He’d Known Earlier Resources mentioned in this episode: * Hayden’s website * Hayden’s IG @lowtideplaytherapist * Synergetic Play Therapy Institute * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the fall for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Our sponsors: YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today’s guest is Hayden Ahlbrandt. Hayden is a certified Synergetic Play Therapist who lights up at any opportunity to teach, educate, and support adults in how they can best support the children in their lives. He specializes in meltdowns, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. Hayden shares some really helpful thoughts and strategies on both how we can prevent meltdowns and how best to support our child—and ourselves—once we find ourselves with a meltdown on our hands. I think you’re going to find this episode really useful, no matter how old your child is. One thing I really appreciate is that Hayden sees meltdowns through the lens of the nervous system and in terms of regulation, dysregulation, and co-regulation. I’m definitely going to be thinking about a phrase he shared: “Regulation is connection to self.” If you like this episode, please share it with a friend. Word of mouth is the best way to get more eyes and ears on the podcast. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you’re there, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss an episode. If you’d like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. You can also check out our sponsors: Yoto Audio Players for Kids, a screen-free alternative that makes listening, learning, and entertainment easy with no screens, and Evelyn & Bobbie Bras, the most comfortable and flattering bra I’ve ever worn. Links are in the show notes. Okay, let’s meet Hayden. Sarah: Hi, Hayden. Welcome to the podcast. Hayden: Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here. Sarah: Yeah, I’m excited to have you. I found you on Instagram, and I love all the reels that you make. I love your energy and how you show up for parents so they can show up for their kids. So I’m really glad to have you on the podcast. Hayden: I appreciate that. Sarah: Tell us about who you are and what you do. Hayden: Yeah. Well, obviously, my name’s Hayden. I’m a certified Synergetic Play Therapist, and I have my own play therapy practice. Like you mentioned, my Instagram has become something I’ve had a lot of fun doing. It’s really given me an avenue to work with adults and support them in how we support kids. So I kind of have a two-pronged approach right now. I work with kids in my play therapy practice, but I also do a lot of speaking, presenting, workshops, and that kind of thing—giving parents the tools from the training I have so they can better support kids. My specialization has really become focused on big behaviors and meltdowns. I also work with a lot of anxiety. So that’s the quick elevator speech. Sarah: Yeah, it makes sense because you have the kids for maybe an hour a week—or whatever your typical amount is—but then they’re off with their parents for all of the rest of the days and hours of the week. If parents don’t know how to support them during that time, it probably makes your job not work as well, right? Hayden: Yeah, definitely. I always explain it as wraparound support. I think we can do so much in our time together and in our work during sessions, but things are just going to move so much quicker when parents are involved. Ultimately, that’s how I view my work as a play therapist. We’re not trying to make drastic changes or fix things. We’re trying to help the child feel better because, typically, when they’re coming in, it’s because something in their world feels really big, really hard, or really challenging, and that’s coming out as behaviors. Sarah: Right. Hayden: I kind of view it that way. We’re trying to help the child feel better, which is going to help the whole family system feel better. Typically, with the kinds of things I mentioned—if a child is having really big, intense meltdowns that are above and beyond what’s developmentally appropriate—it can be really hard on the entire family system: siblings, parents, whoever it might be. I talk about it as creating as much wraparound support as possible because it’s going to help the child work through whatever feels clogged for them in that moment. Sarah: What’s a Synergetic Play Therapist? Hayden: Yeah. Synergetic Play Therapy is a modality, an approach—a specific type of play therapy. The way I typically explain it is that we’re really working through the lens of nervous system regulation. That’s one of the core tenets of Synergetic Play Therapy: viewing the behaviors we’re seeing as symptoms of nervous system activation. So when we’re talking about anxiety, meltdowns, or big behaviors, we’re viewing those as symptoms that the nervous system is activating. Sarah: Yeah, that’s really aligned with the work that I do, too, teaching parents about their kids’ big behaviors. You mentioned before we started recording that your oldest child is six. Were you a play therapist before you had kids? Hayden: Yes, briefly. I actually started out in schools. I was working as an elementary school counselor when I finished my graduate program in counseling. The opportunity to explore Synergetic Play Therapy kind of fell into my lap while I was doing that. There’s now something called the Synergetic Education Institute, and their whole approach is bringing neuroscience and nervous system understanding into school settings. We were one of what I would call the pilot programs for that. As they were figuring out what worked, what didn’t work, and how they wanted to implement it, we started bringing these ideas into our school setting to change the school culture and ask, “How do we support the behaviors we’re seeing?” In my school counseling role, I was given the opportunity to start learning more about this. As I did, I thought, This is magic. I love doing this. Sarah: That’s so cool. Hayden: Talk about fate. So it was one of those things where I liked working in schools, but doing this in a private practice setting and working one-on-one with a child felt like what I was meant to do. I just loved it. I still enjoy

  5. May 22

    The Psychology of Peaceful Parenting with Dr. Justin Coulson: Episode 226

    You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, my guest is Dr. Justin Coulson, an Australian parenting expert and father of 6 who has his PhD in psychology and is the author of 10 books on parenting and the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids’ challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E’s of discipline. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app 2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️ 3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 1:45 – Introduction to Dr. Justin Coulson and his personal parenting turning point How struggles with anger and discipline led him to rethink everything and study psychology. * 08:20 – Learning to regulate ourselves, practicing repair, and growing over time. * 15:50 – Why peaceful parenting starts with the parent’s self-awareness and regulation. * 19:50 – Understanding behavior through compassion and curiosity. * 20:50 – The HALTS framework How hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness, and stress impact children’s behavior. * 23:00 – Self-determination theory and parenting * 33:00 – The 3 E’s of Effective Discipline * 41:50 – How to use the 3 E’s in everyday parenting moments. Real-life examples: screens, sibling conflict & collaboration * 49:00 – Building trust and the “goodwill bank” with kids Why collaborative parenting pays off when tough limits are needed. * 53:30 – Advice to his younger parenting self: “soft eyes” A powerful reflection on kindness, connection, and showing up with compassion. * 56:30 – Where to find Dr. Justin Coulson His podcast, books, and upcoming work on boys and healthy masculinity. Resources mentioned in this episode: * Dr. Justin’s website and podcast * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Our sponsors: YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today’s guest is Dr. Justin Coulson. He’s an Australian parenting expert with a PhD in psychology, the author of 10 books on parenting, the co-host of the Happy Families podcast with his wife, Kylie, the father of six children, and, last but not least, grandfather of one. We discuss the psychology behind peaceful parenting, including how self-determination theory explains kids’ challenging behavior. Dr. Justin also shared his three E’s of discipline, which I just loved. If you like this episode, please share it with a friend so more parents can learn about peaceful parenting. If you’re a fan of the podcast, you can help us out not only by sharing it, but by leaving a review and a five-star rating in your podcast player app. While you’re there, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss an episode. If you’d like to support us even more, you can become a supporter on Substack to help us offset the cost of making the show. We’ll put a link in the show notes. Let’s meet Dr. Justin. I hope you enjoy this conversation and get as much out of his insights as I did. Sarah: Hello, Dr. Justin, and welcome to the podcast. Dr. Justin: Sarah, I’m so glad to be with you. Thanks for having me on. Sarah: Yeah, and it’s morning for you, evening for me—nice—and I’m just glad that we could make this time to talk to each other. I really appreciate it. Thank you. So, could you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do? Dr. Justin: Sure. I grew up on the east coast of Australia, about an hour north of Sydney. Geographically, that kind of locates where I was. I was the teenage boy that every parent hopes they will not have. I don’t think I was a particularly bad kid, but I certainly wasn’t a good kid. My parents were spending a small fortune—I’m a 1975 baby, I turned 50 last year—but this was in the late ’80s and early ’90s. My parents were spending so much money to send me to a private school. Because we were on the coast—a very quintessentially Australian thing—I was wagging school. Do you say “wagging school” in Canada? Is that a term Canadians use? Sarah: No, but I think we get the context. I think it means not going to school. Dr. Justin: Yeah, I was truant. They thought I was there, but I wasn’t. Sarah: We say skipping. Dr. Justin: I was skipping school. Okay, yeah. We call it a school wag. So I would go to school in the morning and get my name marked off in roll call. Then I would sneak out of the school. Across the road from the school, there were bushes—kind of a forest, or whatever you might call it in Canada and America. I would get changed out of my tie, long pants, and black school shoes, throw on some board shorts and a T-shirt. My surfboard was stashed in the bush, and I’d grab it from the hiding place. Then I’d jump on a bus, go to the beach, and surf all day. Afterward, I’d get a bus back to school in the afternoon, change back into my uniform, and race into the school just in time to get my name marked off, looking like I’d been at school all day. This was in the days before schools communicated with parents via email and text, because none of that existed. I was able to get away with it. So I finished high school. I scored in the bottom 15%— Sarah: Goodness. Dr. Justin: Not just my class, but of the entire state of New South Wales. My parents were devastated. I didn’t care. I wanted to have a media career. I wanted to be a radio announcer. So I got into radio. If you’ve ever listened to the radio—and no offense to radio people—you know you don’t have to do well at school to be good at radio. You just have to be able to sit on the microphone and say things that make sense. I knew I could do that, so school didn’t matter to me. I didn’t care about it. That’s what I did. But this is where it intersects with parenting. About 10 years into my radio career, my wife and I were having some challenges, particularly around my parenting. We had a threenager and a newborn baby. That three-year-old—I had always held the opinion that my children would do as they were told, and if they didn’t, I would make sure they understood that I was the father and that their job was to do as I said. So I was very punitive. I basically made all of the parenting mistakes you can imagine when I would get angry, frustrated, and ill-tempered. It’s not that I was a bad father—I spent a lot of high-quality time loving my kids—but I was also really short-fused and highly aggressive. Frankly, I went from threatening to hitting really fast. You call it spanking; we would call it smacking. I was very, very quick to smack or spank my three-year-old, and it wasn’t working. After one particularly bad incident where things escalated, I really did lose control. I didn’t just spank her once. There were multiple spankings. This was like a 10-minute escalation session where it just got worse and worse and worse. My wife was out at the time. When she came home, I said to Kylie, “I’m a bad father. I’m not doing this well. I’m making a lot of mistakes, and here’s what happened while you were out.” Full confession: Kylie has always been this wonderfully supportive wife—very kind, gentle, compassionate, soft-spoken, thoughtful, considerate, empathic—all of those beautiful attributes that I prize and treasure in my good wife. She was none of those things that day. She had fire in her eyes and said, “You are not living up to the father that I hoped you would be, and you’re also not living up to the husband I need you to be.” And it took me back, because I was already feeling downcast. I felt like I was failing anyway, and she just—it was like she picked up a great big lump of wood and whacked me over the head with it and said, “No.” Of course, she

  6. May 2

    Teens, Tweens and Peaceful Parenting: Episode 225

    👉 PSST- Are you currently parenting teens? Before we get into the podcast, I want to make sure you know that my Peaceful Parenting in the Teen Years group coaching course starts on Tuesday, May 5. Learn more and how to join us HERE. Back to the podcast— You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Corey and I discuss peaceful parenting teens and tweens, including mindset shifts, connection strategies, sideways listening, and why the teen years can be joyful instead of scary. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 — Introduction: Peaceful parenting teens and tweens * 01:02 — Why the teen years don’t have to be scary * 02:39 — The importance of parents * 04:48 — Don’t take teen behavior personally * 06:32 — Responding to the feeling under the attitude * 08:42 — Remembering how hard the teen years can feel * 12:39 — Connection matters: “at what cost to the relationship?” * 14:12 — Tip: sideways listening * 15:41 — Tip: being a “potted plant” * 17:51 — Tip: connect on their terms and timeline * 21:17 — Why the teen years can be something to look forward to Resources mentioned in this episode: * Peaceful Parenting in the Teen Years Course starting Tuesday, May 5th * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Our sponsors: YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I have Corey here with me today, and we are going to be talking about peaceful parenting teens and tweens. Welcome, Corey. Corey: Thanks for having me. Sarah: All right, Corey, we were just reminiscing about how long we’ve known each other, and you have known me for eight years now. So you’ve seen me through all of the teen and tween years. How are you feeling about when your kids are getting closer to those ages? Corey: I actually feel really good about it, and I tell people this all the time. I think from watching you go through it and seeing how much you loved and enjoyed the teen years, I actually don’t feel nervous at all. I feel excited. I’m really enjoying watching my kids get older. Sarah: That’s so great. Yeah. I guess Maxine was 10, Asa was 13, and Lee was 16 when we met each other. So you really have seen me through all of those years. And Maxine, I can’t believe it, she’s going to be 19 soon, so I’m almost done with the teen years. And you know, it’s really interesting because when they were little, Jesse and I went, “Oh my gosh, we’re going to have three teenagers at the same time.” And teenagers get such a bad rap. Everyone’s always talking about, “Oh, just wait. Just wait until they’re teenagers.” And I thought teenagers were amazing. Those were some of our best years when they were teenagers, and really, it’s all because of peaceful parenting. I don’t think my kids are unusual. I mean, I think they’re great, but I think they were pretty typical teenagers, and I just think it’s peaceful parenting. Corey: Yeah. I can’t get over how often I hear that. All the time, everyone’s just being like, “What’s it going to be like when they’re teenagers?” It’s this fear. It’s this cultural thing where everyone’s terrified of them. Sarah: Yeah, yeah. And teenagers can have a hard time. It’s interesting: I was looking at some of this research the other day, and there’s a study—actually, I think my dad sent this to me—about how the most protective factor for a teenager not getting into trouble or having issues when they’re teenagers is a warm relationship with parents. That’s the number one protective factor for how teenagers do. So in peaceful parenting, it’s all about the relationship, right? It’s all about connection. Since we are talking about teens and tweens today, maybe we’ll talk about some of the mindset shifts that we need to make with teenagers and tweens, and then we’ll go over a couple of tips. How does that sound? Corey: That sounds great. Sarah: Great. And before we get too far into this, part of the reason we were talking about this is because I have a course coming up. It’s a small group coaching course. It’s part instruction, part coaching, about peaceful parenting teenagers. Because while the concepts are the same as peaceful parenting younger kids, there are some adjustments that we need to make for teenagers, and there are also special considerations for peaceful parenting teenagers. So if anyone’s interested in that, it starts on Tuesday, on the first Tuesday in May—whatever the date is. And it will be recorded if you can’t make it live. If anyone’s interested in signing up, it’s for six weeks starting on this coming Tuesday. We’ll put a link in the show notes for more information and for signing up. I only offer this once a year, and you really do need to have a teenager. Don’t sign up for this if your kid is 12 or 11. We’re really focusing on kids who are already teenagers. So check that out in the show notes if you’re interested in joining us. Let’s talk about teens and tweens. So, mindset. These are things that are really important to remember whether your kid is 4 or 14, but they’re especially important. I think peaceful parenting teenagers is like peaceful parenting on steroids. Corey: That’s a really good way to describe it. Sarah: Yeah. Everything that you need to do when your kid is younger, you need to do even more when they’re teenagers. One of the things that I always remind clients and people—and reminded myself when my kids were teenagers—is: don’t take it personally. It can be so hard, I think, because they’re bigger and they look like adults in some ways, right? Even parents who find it easy not to take it personally if a four-year-old is like, “You’re the meanest mommy, and you’re not invited to my birthday party”—it’s easier for us not to take it personally when they’re little. But when your 14-year-old says, “I hate you,” or whatever, it can be really hard not to take it personally because they are bigger and more mature, and they seem like adults in so many ways. Corey: And you’ve just invested so much time into that relationship. Sarah: Yeah. And we have to remember, though, that their brain development is more similar to 4 than 14, and that’s something we’re going to get into in the course. But the way that the brain is developing, they’ve got big feelings, and the rational part of their brain is not as strong as it will become one day. So really trying not to take it personally is so important when you’ve got a tween or a teen. And that brain transition that I was just talking about starts in the tween years, and then it continues on. My experience is that by around 15, kids are starting to smooth out a little bit with those big feelings. Related to that, just like you would when your kid is four, try to ignore the attitude. I always say with teenagers, the drama is real, but we really need to try to ignore the attitude and respond to whatever the feeling is underneath. Again, this is all stuff that we talk about in the younger years, but with teenagers it’s even more important. Corey: I’ve said to parents before, you know how you reacted so calmly when they said, “I want the blue cup, not the red cup,” or, “You cut my muffin wrong”? You sort of have to get back into that mentality, right? This is meaningful to them as teenagers. Sarah: Yeah. Totally. If their hair looks bad, or the jeans they wanted to wear are in the wash, or whatever, it can be hard to remind ourselves of that. The other big peaceful parenting idea that we really need to keep in mind, as much as we did when they were younger—and again, this is hard because they

  7. Apr 16

    You, Your Partner and Same Page Parenting with Martina Nova: Episode 224

    👉 PSST- Dealing with anxiety in your family? Or want to know what to do so it doesn’t become an issue? Before we get into the podcast, I want to make sure you know about the workshop I’m teaching How to Become an Anxiety-Resilient Family: What actually helps kids handle anxiety (and what unintentionally makes it worse) All the details are HERE Back to the podcast— You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Martina Nova, author of Same Page Parenting, talks about co-parenting, postpartum mental health, conflict, invisible labor, gender roles, and how couples can stay connected while raising kids. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 Introduction to Martina Nova and Same Page Parenting * 02:00 Why parenting conversations are about more than logistics * 04:00 Common issues couples do not realize they need to discuss * 06:00 Postpartum mental health for both parents * 08:00 How parenting brings up our own childhood patterns and trauma * 13:00 Why little kids can be so hard on relationships * 16:00 Feeling touched out, disconnected, and like roommates * 18:00 How to start rebuilding connection with your partner * 20:00 Conflict styles and how to handle conflict better * 23:00 Gender roles, invisible labor, and what kids learn from us * 29:00 Why involving kids in home life matters * 32:00 The deeper goal of the book: connection between co-parents * 34:00 Where to find Martina and her work * 35:00 Advice Martina would give her younger parent self Resources mentioned in this episode: * Martina’s website * Martina’s Book Same Page Parenting * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Our sponsors: YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today’s guest is Martina Nova. She’s a clinical therapist and author of the new book Same Page Parenting: Align with Your Partner to Raise Happy, Confident, and Resilient Kids. Martina wrote this book because she realized, through her own experience as a parent and through her work with couples, that it can be really hard to find ways to talk about, and as she puts it, get on the same page with your partner about many of the issues that come up for us as we raise kids. We discussed some of these common issues, like how you connect after kids, how you handle conflict, and why relationships after kids can be so hard. We also discussed how we teach kids about these issues and others, such as gender roles, whether we mean to be teaching them or not. If you find this episode helpful, please share it with a friend. If you’re a fan of the podcast, please take a minute to rate and review us on your podcast player app. Remember, if you want the podcast ad-free, you can support us on Substack for less than $10 a month. Not only do you get the podcast ad-free, you get access to Q and As with me and discounts on workshops. You also get the satisfaction of knowing that you’re helping to support us as we change the world through peaceful parenting. We’ll put the link to support us on Substack right here in the show notes, or you can just search up my name and Substack and you’ll find us. Let’s go ahead and meet Martina. Hi Martina, welcome to the podcast. Martina: Hi Sarah. Thanks so much for having me. Sarah: Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do, and then tell us about your new book. Martina: Of course. My name is Martina. I am a therapist in Vancouver, BC. I’m also a mom of two little ones, and I’m a co-parent as well. So I recently wrote a book called Same Page Parenting, which I started thinking about toward the end of my last pregnancy, and it kind of developed when my youngest was really little. But it’s a book that I wrote in order to help a lot of people have conversations about parenting that we don’t realize we need to have. It’s not just about how many diapers are we gonna go through, who’s gonna wake up for night feedings, what kind of onesies should we buy, but things about how do we understand how our upbringing influences so many different categories of parenting, how we show up emotionally for our children, how society shapes our views on certain things, how our own neurodiversity might come into play when we’re trying to regulate ourselves and be there for our kids, or even some views about gender roles or other assumed expectations that we don’t even know would be helpful to talk about before or during parenthood. Sarah: I’ve always said that there should be some sort of test, or some way to know how your partner will be as a parent and the things that will come up, because you really can’t know. A lot of stuff comes up after you have kids that you wouldn’t even have known to talk about, or how having children was gonna affect you and affect your relationship. So this, as far as I know, no one’s developed a test yet, but this is a good substitute. Probably everyone listening to this already has kids because it’s a parenting podcast. But this would be a great baby shower gift or something for someone, for them to talk with their partner about all of these things before, when they have maybe a little bit more leisure and time to sort of figure out how they’re gonna handle things. One thing I do like about your book—the way it’s structured, I’ll just tell people, is you have a topic and then you have a sort of a brainstorm of questions for each age of parenting. Like, if you’re pregnant, these are some questions you might think about. If you have preschoolers, or if you have middle schoolers, or if you have adult children. And so you kind of go through all the ages and how each of the topics that you’re talking about, the kind of questions that might come up around that. So it’s—and you said in your introduction you can skip around, go to the chapter that you need right now. It’s a very interesting and different parenting book. It’s not like any other parenting book that I’ve ever seen, which is a good thing. I think it will be very helpful for people. I imagine you are getting good feedback. Martina: Thank you, Sarah. I appreciate you saying that and talking about the format as well. Part of it is, as a clinical counselor, I work a lot with couples, and a lot of the time people come to therapy because they want the therapist to tell them what to do, or they want the books to tell them what to do. But one of the things that I wanted to try to steer away from in the book is actually telling people exactly what to do. Instead of telling them, “This is how you should parent,” it’s, “Ask your co-parent, your partner, your grandparents, your community—whoever you’re gonna raise your kids with—what’s your idea about this? How do you wanna do it?” as opposed to me telling you exactly what to do. So that’s also what makes it different, for sure. Sarah: Yeah. I think your next project, you should do some cards or something. Do a deck of cards. Martina: A lot. Sarah: Like the Fair Play—you mentioned Fair Play in your book. Eve Rodsky was on the podcast years ago, but she has that deck of cards that go along with her book. So you could put out cards and quick references for people—almost like a conversation starter. Martina: I love it. Such a great idea. I’ll quote you if that ends up happening. Sarah: Okay, good. What are some of the things—I mean, this probably roughly correlates to your chapter topics—but what are some of the things that are maybe the most overlooked issues that come up when people have kids that sort of become sticking points or issues in their relationship that you’ve seen and that you write about? Martina: Good question. The first thing that comes to my

  8. Apr 1

    Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should: Episode 223

    You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Corey and I explore the pressure of intensive parenting and the idea that “just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” We discuss burnout, productivity culture, and how letting go of unrealistic or unnecessary expectations can help us be the parents we truly want to be. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app 2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️ 3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 — Intensive parenting and unrealistic expectations: “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should” * 03:00 — Cultural expectations and productivity mindset and the “perfect parent” standard * 06:00 — How parents get overwhelmed: Sports, activities, food, and overscheduling * 09:00 — Choosing what actually matters- “Does this spark joy?” and letting go of unnecessary tasks * 13:00 — Doing less to feel better * 15:00 — Productivity, burnout, and rest * 17:00 — Letting go of control and accepting help and why independence isn’t everything * 21:00 — Questioning parenting norms * 25:00 — Why care and interdependence matter * 30:00 — Corey’s injury story + the cost of overdoing it * 34:00 — The importance of receiving care * 36:00 — Rethinking what it means to be a “good parent” Resources mentioned in this episode: * Rejecting Impossible Parenting Standards: What Disability Teaches Us About Care and Community with Jessica Slice: Episode 220 * Ditch Special Time? Connecting with complex kids when connecting is hard: Episode 212 * Episode 60: Hunt, Gather, Parent with Michaeleen Doucleff * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras * Strong-Willed Kids Workshop Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! Please consider becoming a supporter to help support our free content, including The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, our free parenting support Facebook group, and our weekly parenting emails, “Weekend Reflections” and “Weekend Support” - plus our Flourish With Your Complex Child Summit (coming back in the summer for the 3rd year!) All of this free support for you takes a lot of time and energy from me and my team. If it has been helpful or meaningful for you, your support would help us to continue to provide support for free, for you and for others. In addition to knowing you are supporting our mission to support parents and children, you get the podcast ad free and access to a monthly ‘ask me anything’ session. Our sponsors: YOTO: YOTO is a screen free audio book player that lets your kids listen to audiobooks, music, podcasts and more without screens, and without being connected to the internet. No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. Today, Corey and I discuss an idea we’ve been thinking about a lot lately and talking to each other about: intensive parenting, the choices we make, and the impossibly high standards we’re up against, and how these things affect our mental and physical health as parents and as humans. After I interviewed Jessica Slice, disability activist and author of the book Unfit Parent, who talks about these things and what she’s learned from disability culture and being disabled herself, Corey captured all of these complicated ideas about productivity, care, and how we can sometimes drive ourselves too hard as: just because you can. I’m going to say that again: just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Listen in to our conversation about how this idea can inform the choices we make as parents and how we can make changes to make life feel easier and more connected and fun. If you find this episode useful, please share it with a friend. That’s actually only one of the no-cost ways you can support the podcast. You can also take a minute to rate and review the Peaceful Parenting Podcast on your favorite podcast player app. Sharing with friends and rating and reviewing us helps us reach more parents, and we all know that parents need all the love and support they can get these days. You can also support us by becoming a supporter on Substack. For the cost of a latte a month, you not only help us offset some of the costs of making this podcast, you can also get the podcast ad-free. Just search my name on Substack and you’ll find us. As we near our five-year podcast anniversary, we really appreciate the support and the love of our listeners. Here’s our conversation. Sarah: Hey Corey, welcome back to the podcast. Corey: Thanks for having me again. Sarah: Do you remember last year when that report came out from the U.S. Surgeon General that said that parents are suffering from intensive parenting? Corey: Yes. Sarah: Yeah, and I think people consider peaceful parenting intensive parenting, right? And we do often say this kind of parenting is a lot of work. It requires a lot of us. But I wouldn’t say that it necessarily has to be intensive parenting in all aspects. Corey: I agree so much. I had a lot of mixed feelings when that report came out. Sarah: Yeah, me too. I felt like writing some sort of a defense of peaceful parenting after I heard that. So let’s tease this apart a bit. We started talking about this after I interviewed Jessica Slice. If you all didn’t catch that, she is a disability activist, and she talked about disability culture and what it tells us about the impossible standards of parenting, and I guess the impossible standards of parenting in general, not just intensive parenting. And you said it reminded you of one of your favorite quotes. So tell us your favorite quote, and that’s the anchor of our episode today. Corey: One of my favorite quotes, though I’m not even sure if it’s technically a quote, is from one of my favorite movies, Jurassic Park. I recently actually read the book because I was talking so much about how I love the movie. The big theme is: just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Now, when you and I were talking about this, honestly, we could have a really long conversation about the way they were talking about it in the book, which was maybe questioning science and where we want to take that, but it actually applies really well to parenting. Sarah: Yeah. And the idea that Jessica Slice brought in, and we’re going to play a quote about this, is that there were things that she couldn’t do as a disabled parent, and she felt a lot of guilt about that. So let’s just take a second and listen to that quote. Jessica: Yeah. I do sometimes feel self-conscious when I see the way my peers parent, when I see them making these perfect little lunches and these divided-up lunch boxes or doing Elf on the Shelf, these kinds of versions of parenting that I just don’t have the energy or capacity to have as part of our lives. And I can feel like, are my kids missing out from this type of parenting? And maybe in some ways they are. Nothing is simple. But I know I would have done those things. The version of me in my twenties would have done those things, but she would’ve also been a lot less patient. She would’ve had a lot less time for just sort of wasting hours and being together. I have an ability to be present with my kids that I wouldn’t have had before. Sarah: Okay, so one thing that’s interesting to me in that quote is that she talks about how she probably would have done all the things if she could have, like herself when she was in her twenties. She didn’t become disabled until she was in her late twenties, and she said the person she was in her twenties probably would’ve turned into the mom that was trying to be the perfect mom. The example she used was the little bento box lunchboxes. And just to be fair, if that brings you joy, then that brings you joy, right? The bento box lunches. But if you’re doing it because you feel like you should do it, and you can do it, that doesn’t mean you should do it. So what are your thoughts on what she was saying? Corey: This really struck me because I think, gosh, I have made lunches that she would consider the little bento box ones, and not because it made me happy. I did feel like this is what I was supposed to be doing in order to be sending an appropriate lunch for my children because of that pressure. That really, really stood out to me, and I couldn’t help but just feel the weight of all those pressures we are handed as parents. And because, for most of my parenting journey, I have been able-bodied and can do endless amounts, I often find myself doing way more than I should because I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to be doing. And then when you take a step back and you try to question it, you just get crushed by the weight of those expectations of, well, what are the reasonable ones? What should I

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Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Podcast, the podcast where Sarah Rosensweet covers the tools, strategies and support you need to end the yelling and power struggles and encourage your kids to listen and cooperate so that you can enjoy your family time. Each week, Sarah will bring you the insight and information you need to make your parenting journey a little more peaceful. Whether it's a guest interview with an expert in the parenting world, insight from Sarah's own experiences and knowledge, or live coaching with parents just like you who want help with their challenges, we'll learn and grow and laugh and cry together! Be sure to hit the subscribe button and leave a rating and review! sarahrosensweet.substack.com

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