Nope! We're Not Monogamous

Ellecia Paine
  • 4.7 (48)
  • Sexuality
  • Updated Biweekly

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box. 

  1. The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159

    Jun 18

    The Courage to Show Up: Sex Positivity and Finding Your People with Jamie Love, EP. 159

    What if the thing you're craving most isn't another dating app, another relationship book, or another set of rules? What if it's community? In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous, Ellecia sits down with Jamie Love, Executive Director of Sex Positive World, to talk about the power of finding spaces where you can show up authentically, explore with curiosity, and realize you're not as alone as you thought. They dive into what sex positivity actually means beyond the stereotypes, why community is essential for people navigating non-monogamy, kink, and alternative relationships, and how play can become a pathway to deeper intimacy and self-discovery. Whether you're brand new to this world or you've been practicing non-monogamy for years, this conversation is a reminder that you don't have to have it all figured out before you find your people. In This Episode, We Discuss: What Sex Positive World is and the work they're doing to make sexuality education more accessibleWhy community matters so much when exploring non-monogamy and kinkThe courage it takes to attend your first event aloneHow shame keeps us disconnected and what happens when we let ourselves be seenWhy observation is participation and why you never have to do more than feels right for youBoundaries, consent, and learning what your wants, needs, and desires actually areThe role of play in intimacy, pleasure, and connectionPet play, primal play, cuddle spaces, and expanding your definition of what intimacy can look likeHow sex positivity intersects with advocacy, belonging, and creating cultural changeWhy finding your people matters now more than everResources Mentioned Sex Positive World: https://www.sexpositiveworld.orgLearn more about Sex Positive World's online classes, community events, and educational offeringsPolytopia Conference in Portland, OregonJessica Fern and PolysecureConnect with Jamie Love Jamie Love (she/they) is the Executive Director of Sex Positive World and an educator, facilitator, and community builder passionate about creating spaces where people can explore sexuality, relationships, consent, and connection without shame. Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    33 min
  2. Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158

    Jun 4

    Compersion Isn’t Mandatory, EP. 158

    Do you ever feel like everyone else in polyamory got the compersion memo except you? Like you're supposed to be thrilled when your partner is excited about someone else... and if you're not, maybe you're doing non-monogamy wrong? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we're talking about compersion, what it actually is, what it isn't, and why forcing yourself to feel it often creates more harm than healing. Because here's the truth: You don't have to be ecstatic. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. And neutrality is a huge win. Inside this episode, we explore: → why compersion isn't mandatory → the pressure to be the "cool" polyamorous person → how comparison and scarcity keep us stuck → the social fairy tale training that taught us love equals exclusivity → why your partner's joy doesn't erase your value → how emotional safety creates space for genuine compersion → why forcing compersion is often self-abandonment wearing glitter [laugh] Because real compersion doesn't grow from pressure. It grows from trust. From self-worth. From emotional security. From knowing that somebody else's happiness doesn't automatically threaten your place in their life. If you've ever wondered why compersion feels hard, or felt like you were failing because you weren't happy enough for your partner, this episode is for you. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Take what resonates and leave the rest. Your emotional journey gets to be uniquely yours. 💜 Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    27 min
  3. How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157

    May 22

    How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157

    Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong? Maybe you shut down. Maybe you get defensive. Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop saying what you actually mean. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about communication, conflict, and how to navigate hard conversations around jealousy without losing yourself in the process.  We get into: → why jealousy conversations feel so emotionally charged → the difference between reacting and responding → how to communicate needs without blame → using “I” statements that aren’t just “I think you’re being a jerk” 😅 → why listening and non-verbal communication matter so much Because underneath so many conflict cycles is usually something much more vulnerable: “I’m scared.” “I need reassurance.” “I don’t want to lose this connection.” And learning how to communicate THAT instead of the panic story? That changes relationships. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs it. Take what resonates and leave the rest. 💜 Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    13 min
  4. How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156

    May 14

    How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156

    Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body? Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong. And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, we’re talking about emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, and what to actually do when jealousy takes over. We get into: → why jealousy feels so physically intense → the difference between valid feelings and accurate conclusions → how to stop treating every fear like a fact → mindfulness without bypassing your emotions → building emotional resilience instead of emotional suppression Because emotional regulation isn’t about becoming emotionless. It’s about learning how to stay connected to yourself while you’re feeling something hard. If you’ve ever thought: “Why can’t I calm down?” “Why do I still spiral?” “Why does this feel so intense?” This episode is for you. 💜 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy If this episode helped you feel seen, please like, subscribe, or share it with someone who needs it. Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    18 min
  5. Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155

    Apr 23

    Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155

    Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment? Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.” But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, asking for what you needed, or honoring your discomfort… you pushed it down. Then jealousy showed up carrying all of it. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the connection between jealousy and boundaries, and why jealousy often gets louder when you’ve been ignoring yourself.  We get into: → why jealousy is often information, not a verdict  → how unmet needs can turn into resentment  → the difference between boundaries and control  → why speaking up can feel so scary  → how to ask what jealousy may be asking you to honor  → why honesty creates real security If you’ve ever struggled to ask for what you need, felt guilty having boundaries, or tried to be the “cool” partner while quietly hurting, this episode is for you. If jealousy has been running the show, this is exactly why I created Beyond Jealousy, to help you feel more secure, self-trusting, and grounded in love. 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    18 min
  6. Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154

    Apr 23

    Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154

    Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal. A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up. If you’ve ever felt jealous and then judged yourself for it, this episode is for you. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down why jealousy feels so intense, especially in non-monogamy, and what’s often really happening underneath it. We talk about: → why jealousy is a normal human emotion → the fear, comparison, and old wounds underneath it → why shame makes jealousy feel even bigger → how to start understanding what jealousy is trying to tell you If jealousy has been running the show, this is exactly why I created Beyond Jealousy, to help you feel more secure in yourself and your relationships. 💜 Learn more about Beyond Jealousy: www.elleciapaine.com/jealousy Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    13 min
  7. If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153

    Apr 16

    If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153

    Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build. A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partner mentions someone else. And before you know it, it’s affecting your mood, your communication, and the way you show up in your relationship. In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m talking about the hidden cost of ignoring jealousy, especially in polyamory and open relationships, and why trying to “be chill” or push past your feelings usually creates more distance, not more security. We’re getting into: → why jealousy doesn’t stay contained to one moment → how ignored triggers stack over time and impact your nervous system → the sneaky ways jealousy affects communication in polyamory → why your reactions might feel bigger than the situation → how to stop overthinking and start feeling more grounded → what actually helps you work through jealousy in a healthy way If you’ve been feeling anxious in your relationship, struggling with comparison, or noticing that jealousy is quietly shaping how you show up, this episode will help you feel less alone and give you a place to start. This is for anyone navigating:  → jealousy in polyamory  → jealousy in open relationships  → comparison in non-monogamy  → relationship anxiety  → fear of not being enough  → feeling activated when your partner dates others 💜 If you’re ready for deeper support, check out Beyond Jealousy here: https://elleciapaine.podia.com/beyondjealousy Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    12 min
  8. Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152

    Apr 9

    Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152

    There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered. The connection can be real. The feelings can be real.  And still… something feels off. If you’re navigating non-monogamy as a solo person, especially when you’re dating someone who already has an established partner, this episode is for you. Because this dynamic can be beautiful… and also confusing, activating, and quietly painful if you don’t have language for what’s happening. In this episode, we’re talking about: → Why you can feel deeply connected and still feel lonely → The difference between choosing this dynamic vs. settling for it → How your needs can change as you get more emotionally invested → Why early dating is still early dating (even in polyamory) → The impact of couple’s privilege (and how to recognize it) → How to advocate for your needs without overcompensating → Why you have to date what’s actually available… not potential → What it looks like when this dynamic is actually healthy And most importantly… How to stop centering couplehood as the only way to feel loved, supported, and fully met. This episode is about staying anchored in yourself, even when the connection is strong. Because you don’t have to become the “cool, low-maintenance partner” to make this work. And you don’t have to convince yourself that less is enough. Send us Fan Mail Support the show 📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter ❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous 👀 Find Us Online 🌍 Website:  https://www.elleciapaine.com 📘 Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine 📸 Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/ Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein STIM IPI: 572 393 237

    17 min
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Trailer

4.7
out of 5
48 Ratings

About

Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box. 

Information

  • Creator
    Ellecia Paine
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    159
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Nope! We're Not Monogamous
  • Show Website
    Nope! We're Not Monogamous

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