Raised Resilient: Help Your Highly Sensitive Child

Dr. Hilary Mandzik - Psychologist
  • 4.9 (66)
  • Kids & Family

Parenting is the hardest job ever – and parenting a highly sensitive child who’s struggling can feel downright impossible. If you’re suffering through endless meltdowns, walking on eggshells to avoid your child’s huge emotions, and losing sleep worrying that you’re failing your child, you’ve landed in the right place. I’m Dr. Hilary Mandzik – clinical psychologist, parenting specialist, and mom of 3. And I’m here to help you feel GOOD about parenting your highly sensitive child. Join me each week on the Raised Resilient podcast as we explore the topics parents worry about most when it comes to raising highly sensitive kids: managing meltdowns, building emotion regulation, understanding highly sensitive kids, making sense of challenging behaviors, building self-esteem, finding parenting strategies that actually work *with* your child’s sensitivity ... and everything in between. I’ll help you understand your child’s behavior (and your reactions to it!) so that even the reall...

  1. 5d ago

    ‘I’m a Bad Kid’: Why Sensitive Kids Slip Into Negative Self Talk When They Need You Most (And What to Say Instead)

    Has your sensitive kid ever turned their big feelings on themselves, screaming “I’m a bad kid” or “You don’t love me”? Have you heard the words that make your stomach drop, “I don’t want to be alive”?  What if all that negative self-talk meant something completely different from what you heard? In this episode, I share what was going on for my oldest when he told me he didn’t want to be alive, back when his big emotions had us stuck in the meltdown cycle and I hadn’t figured out how to create emotional safety for him.  I walk you through the real negative self-talk examples you might be hearing at home, why so much of it traces back to childhood shame, and how shame and guilt show up differently in your child’s mind. You’ll hear the exact words I said to my son, how he slowly learned to tell me what he truly meant, and when these statements call for getting your child evaluated. You’ll learn: The surprising wish hiding inside “I’m bad” when your child’s big feelings boil over The three things I listened for, as a psychologist, when my own son said it What is negative self-talk really saying when it comes out of your child’s mouth A white-knuckle habit that keeps your sensitive kid locked in the meltdown cycle The MOST loving reply that can backfire when your child says “you don’t love me” The line between shame and guilt your child can’t draw yet, and where childhood shame begins What is emotional safety, and who has to feel it first for it to land The two sentences for validating feelings that scare you, even “I don’t want to be alive” What is co-regulation when your own nervous system is screaming fight, flight, freeze, or fawn Co-regulation strategies that sound simple and feel impossible when your kid is falling apart If you’ve heard your child turn on themselves and didn’t know whether to panic or rush in with reassurance, this episode will give you the answers you’re searching for. Here’s to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary   Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  2. Oct 20

    The Shame Vs Guilt Difference That Lets You Correct Your Sensitive Child Without Them Hearing ‘I Am a Bad Kid’

    If you’ve ever googled “are time outs effective,” puzzled over time out vs time in, or typed “do time outs work” because something just doesn’t feel right, this one is for you. In this episode, I break down the difference between a punishment timeout and a break your child needs. You’ll learn: What the one-minute rule for time outs for 3 year olds assumes about your child What time outs for 2 year olds ask of a toddler brain mid-meltdown Why are time outs not developmentally appropriate for a child who already knows the rule What the shame vs guilt definition reveals about the story your child tells on the stairs What the time in vs time out debate keeps leaving out What a bored preschooler and a baby sibling at dinner reveal about breaks What two keys decide whether a break feels like support or punishment How breaks build emotional regulation skills in kids and the grown-ups they watch What happens when you remove your child at the very first sign of hitting Why emotional regulation in preschoolers can sound like “go away,” then “come back” If you’ve binged every gentle parenting how-to-discipline video and still feel a pit in your stomach… this one’s for you. Here’s to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  3. Oct 13

    Siblings Fighting Again? The Hidden Toll Your Sensitive Child’s Meltdowns Take on Their Sibling

    Have you ever read every book and saved every script, only to freeze the second your child starts kicking and throwing things?   In this episode, I share my conversation with Jen, a scientist and mom of a seven-and-a-half-year-old daughter and a five-and-a-half-year-old son, who completed Chaos to Connection, my eight-week parenting program. Jen found me in a hard season, right after the holidays, when meltdowns were daily and her son would hide under the table any time she tried to correct him.   She opens up about why she almost didn't join, what surprised her along the way, and how things feel at home now. I'm SO proud of her!   You'll learn: Why knowing ALL the scripts can still leave you stuck with your sensitive kid What your "fine" kid might be carrying because of your sibling dynamics Why your easy kid might get harder as your family dynamics shift What made parent coaching click for a mom who'd already tried everything What breaking the cycle of childhood meltdowns really looks like in your home How sibling jealousy can hide behind behavior that looks careless What Jen changed about her own role when sibling rivalry flared up What the way you were raised taught you about siblings fighting Why sibling conflict looks different once you see what it's teaching your kids How to deal with sibling rivalry when you worry your kids won't be close as adults   If you already know what to do and keep getting stuck on actually doing it, this conversation is for you. Here's the thing: we're humans raising humans, so hard days WILL come... and the goal is knowing how to handle them so they don't become patterns that keep getting worse. You can learn that, even if you already know a lot. It's never too late!   Here's to raising resilient kids,   Dr. Hilary   Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  4. Oct 6

    Is Your Kid Always Angry? Here’s Why Anger Is a Secondary Emotion (and How to Create Emotional Safety)

    Does your child go from angry at breakfast to yelling "I hate you" by dinner? In today's episode, I unpack why your child seems angry all the time and what's REALLY going on underneath. We get into where does people pleasing come from, which is an important starting point since so many of us grew up conflict avoidant, sitting on suppressed anger. You'll learn: What causes people pleasing, and how it shapes the way you react to anger How a "good girl" childhood can lead to a conflict avoidant personality as an adult Why a five-year-old's anger comes out in such messy ways (and yours did, too) How your own repressed anger can show up when your child starts yelling Why anger is a secondary emotion, and what it might be protecting your sensitive kid from Why mom rage can flare the second your child gets angry at you What is emotional safety, and what does it look like on a hard day? What softening really means when your child is kicking and calling you names How to create emotional safety when you're too angry to soften Why it can feel like gentle parenting doesn't work, even with the right script If your child seems angry ALL the time and you've started to wonder if this is just who they are, this episode is for you. Here's to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  5. Sep 29

    163: Am I Raising a Narcissist? Why Sensitive Kids Show a Lack of Empathy When They’re Upset

    Have you ever caught yourself Googling "am I raising a narcissist" at 2am after another rough day? Does your child hit their sister, call you names, and show zero remorse? Do they melt down every time you say no, or shut down the second you ask them to own what happened? In this episode, I share why sensitive, emotionally intense kids can look narcissistic. You'll learn: Why your sensitive kid can show a lack of empathy when someone else is hurting Why your child's still-developing emotional regulation can get mistaken for narcissism What narcissistic personality disorder actually looks like, according to the DSM-5 What your child's age has to do with the question of raising a narcissist How narcissism really develops, and what's hiding underneath all that grandiosity Why your sensitive kid feels SO much shame, no matter what you do What is emotional safety, and how it changes the way your child handles shame What does emotional safety look like when your child has just hit their sibling How to create emotional safety after you've lost your cool with your kid What's really behind extreme defensiveness when you ask your child to take accountability If you’ve ever worried about what your child’s behavior means for who they will become, this episode will help you understand what may be going on underneath the surface. Here's to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  6. Sep 22

    162: Why Gentle Parenting Is Not Working for Your Sensitive Kid: 5 Proven Ways to Handle Your Child’s Meltdowns

    Is gentle parenting not working even after every script you've tried? Gentle parenting was never meant to be a list of scripts you follow perfectly. Your child is unique, and what helps one child calm down can make another child feel even more overwhelmed. So, in today's episode, I share five popular gentle parenting techniques that can make meltdowns worse with your sensitive kid, and WHY each one backfires. You'll learn: Why gentle parenting doesn't work the way the reels make it look with your sensitive kid What your child actually hears when you circle back after the meltdown Why your child can tell you hitting isn't kind and still do it again How the emotional water pitcher explains the meltdown that shows up after school How co-regulation strategies for parents shift when your child yells "go away" What co regulation parenting looks like when naming feelings makes it worse What gentle parenting REALLY asks of you when your kid needs your calm How to catch yourself as an overstimulated mom before your tone turns sharp If you’re tired of wondering why the strategies you’ve been told to use aren’t helping, this episode will help you understand what may be happening underneath the meltdown and what your child might actually need from you in those moments. Here's to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  7. Sep 15

    161: Why Are My Kids Always Fighting? Here’s Why Sibling Rivalry Isn’t the Problem

    Does your day feel like one meltdown right after another? Do you dread the sound of your two kids playing in the other room, because you already know how it's going to end? In today's episode, I unpack what changed for Angela and Andrew, parents of Hudson, who turned three in January, and Nala, who's almost two. Hudson is their sensitive kid, and before they found me, their house ran on power struggles, meltdown after meltdown, and the sinking feeling Andrew got walking in the door after work. Angela was burnt out and looking for parenting help, and every account she found told her something different. They open up about the argument the two of them had over one Instagram tip, the Band-Aid fixes that never held, and what happened once they had one approach they could both run together. Now their kids play together for long stretches, work through their own frustration, and ask each other, "Are you having a big feeling?" You'll learn: Why parental burnout builds when your days are meltdown after meltdown What Andrew names as the reason for gentle parenting not working in their house What to look for in parenting help when every account contradicts the last one Why a highly sensitive first kid can leave you doubting your own instincts What Angela and Andrew did differently with big emotions in their first weeks Why sibling rivalry gets loud when little kids have no tools for frustration What sibling conflict looks like once your kids can work through it themselves How emotional safety lets you repair with your child after you mess up What parent coaching looked like week to week for two burnt-out parents If you're the one holding ALL of it together while your sensitive kid falls apart and your partner is running a completely different playbook … this one's for you. Here's the thing: your child can't be the one to change first, and you can't control your way into a calmer house. You can change how you show up, and that's the KEY that makes every strategy work. I know it can feel SO far out of reach from where you're sitting. Angela and Andrew got there, and so can you! Here's to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

  8. Sep 8

    160: The Hidden Cycle Making Your Sensitive Child’s Meltdowns Worse (And How to Break It)

    Why does clearing your whole afternoon for a special outing with your sensitive child so often end in a meltdown over dinner? In this episode, I walk you through why special outings and one-on-one time backfire, and what your child needs from you instead of another gentle parenting script. I explain why secure attachment takes more than one outing, and why your parenting approach needs to account for what stress does to your child's body long after the fun outing ends. You'll learn: Why a fun outing can build resentment on your side even when your child seems happy What's happening when your child keeps pushing past where you'd normally step in How giving in at the pool or with the ice cream truck sets up the meltdown that follows Why your child still falls apart even after getting exactly what they asked for What the disconnection cycle actually looks like once it becomes a pattern How exhausted parents keep giving past what they have to give, expecting it to fix things Why emotional outbursts often follow the exact outings meant to prevent them What conscious parenting looks like once you stop measuring effort by how much you gave up Why big emotions don't go away just because the day went well How parenting burnout builds when every outing is expected to repair the relationship Why ordinary connection time built into your day outperforms a planned outing If you've cleared your schedule for outings that still end in a meltdown, wondered why doing everything right doesn't break the pattern, or found yourself resentful even when you're trying your hardest with your parenting approach, this episode is for you. Here's to raising resilient kids, Dr. Hilary Find more from Dr. Hilary: Raised Resilient | Website | Instagram | Facebook Group Raised Resilient Chaos to Connection Program | Website

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Parenting is the hardest job ever – and parenting a highly sensitive child who’s struggling can feel downright impossible. If you’re suffering through endless meltdowns, walking on eggshells to avoid your child’s huge emotions, and losing sleep worrying that you’re failing your child, you’ve landed in the right place. I’m Dr. Hilary Mandzik – clinical psychologist, parenting specialist, and mom of 3. And I’m here to help you feel GOOD about parenting your highly sensitive child. Join me each week on the Raised Resilient podcast as we explore the topics parents worry about most when it comes to raising highly sensitive kids: managing meltdowns, building emotion regulation, understanding highly sensitive kids, making sense of challenging behaviors, building self-esteem, finding parenting strategies that actually work *with* your child’s sensitivity ... and everything in between. I’ll help you understand your child’s behavior (and your reactions to it!) so that even the reall...

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