Our theme for May is negative self-talk. This is the final post of the series.If you missed the previous three, you can find them here: Week 1 - The Voice in Your Head Isn’t Who You Think It IsWeek 2- You have Changed Your Thoughts, So Why Are You Still Thinking Them?Week 3 - You Don’t Have to Believe Every Thought You Hear For a long time, I believed the voice in my head was simply who I was. I listened when it told me to hold back because I wasn’t clever enough. When it told me not to speak up because no one wanted to hear what I had to say. When it told me I wasn’t interesting. Even when it told me that no one liked me. I believed all of it. I mean, that was me, right? All my negative self-talk pointed to one ‘truth’: I wasn’t good enough and would therefore fail at everything. I now understand that what I was listening to was years of conditioning, fear, emotional memory, and self-protection. The thoughts felt true because they were familiar. Over time, they stopped feeling like thoughts. They became my identity. No wonder I struggled with low self-esteem and social anxiety for so many years. The trap of identification When you hear something often enough, especially in emotional moments, it becomes easy to believe it’s true. * “I’m not clever enough.” * “I’m not interesting.” * “I’m shy and awkward.” * “I always get things wrong.” * “I don’t have confidence.” Underneath all of these thoughts, one deeper belief often sits: I am not good enough. Looking back now, I can see that these thoughts were never the truth. They were patterns my mind had learned over many years. Patterns shaped by criticism, embarrassment, fear, rejection, comparison, and emotional pain. The voice developed in response to those experiences. Many people live this way without even realising it. Because the voice sounds like their own, they never pause to question whether it might actually be untrue. The thoughts feel familiar, and that is the trap. Because you begin building an identity around them. You start to believe that you are not clever or interesting, and you do always get things wrong. Then, you shrink and keep quiet. You believe deep down that you are not good enough. This is the trap of the limiting beliefs. The ones that will hold you back. Not necessarily because the thoughts are true, but because they feel true. One of the most important shifts in my own confidence journey happened when I began noticing the difference between: “I am this thought.” and “I am experiencing this thought.” That small change created space. The shift that changes everything The moment you realise the voice is something you experience rather than who you are, your relationship with yourself begins to change. You stop automatically treating every thought as an instruction and assuming the fear is fact. Now you begin to observe the voice rather than immediately obeying it. That does not mean the thoughts disappear overnight. The truth is, they are probably always going to be there. The difference is that you now understand them. Now, when you get thoughts like: “You’ll probably fail.”“You’re not good enough.”“People will judge you.” You can pause, notice the thought and try to understand what they may really be expressing underneath the fear. Now you can respond differently. You reassure yourself that everything is okay. You remind yourself that you are now responsible for your life. You know that things will not always go perfectly, and that is part of being human. Over time, this awareness changes your relationship with yourself. You become less fearful of your thoughts and less controlled by old conditioning and stories. Slowly, you begin to reconnect with parts of yourself that have existed beneath the fear all along. This is where confidence grows. * Not through perfection. * Not through pretending. * Not through silencing every difficult thought. Confidence grows through awareness, compassion, and self-trust. The theme of negative self-talk This month has not been about getting rid of the voice in your head. The aim has been to become aware of it, understand it, and then create space from it. My hope is that you now realise the voice is something you experience, not who you are. You are much more than the thoughts you hear in difficult moments. This is where confidence mastery begins. Something to reflect on this week * What thoughts have you mistaken for identity? * What changes when you see thoughts as patterns rather than truth? * What parts of yourself may exist underneath fear or self-criticism? * Who are you becoming as you learn to relate to yourself differently? Thank you for exploring this theme with me throughout the month. On Monday, 1 June at 6 pm UK time (BST), I will bring these ideas together in a solo live exploration of how awareness and self-trust can begin to create a different relationship with the voice within. Looking forward to June, I ask, “Once you stop automatically believing every fearful thought, what do you choose to trust instead?” The answer will be our theme for June. We will explore what happens when you stop constantly looking outside yourself for certainty and begin to learn to trust your own inner voice again. Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe
