Not So Dumb Blonde

Kaytlyn Gilner
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Not So Dumb Blonde is a women’s mental health podcast hosted by Kaytlyn, an MSW student and mental health advocate passionate about trauma healing, emotional regulation, DBT, relationships, attachment styles, and women’s empowerment. This podcast explores the real psychology behind anxiety, BPD, people pleasing, trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, self-worth, boundaries, family systems, and modern relationships — in a relatable, honest, and easy-to-understand way. Episodes include conversations with therapists, mental health professionals, trauma survivors, authors, and experts, along

  1. 2d ago

    What Actually Causes Borderline Personality Disorder?

    Borderline Personality Disorder Explained: Why Some People Develop BPDWhat makes someone more vulnerable to developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? In this episode, we explore Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory, the relationship between trauma and emotional dysregulation, and how invalidating environments can shape the way we experience and understand our emotions.Borderline Personality Disorder is often misunderstood as simply being “too emotional,” but the reality is far more complex. We discuss how biological emotional sensitivity can interact with environmental experiences, why childhood invalidation may contribute to difficulties with emotional regulation, and how these patterns can continue into adulthood.We also explore the difference between validating an emotion and assuming that every emotional interpretation is accurate. For people with BPD or trauma histories, learning to distinguish between a trauma response, emotional activation, and intuition can be an important part of rebuilding self-trust.IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:• What makes someone more vulnerable to developing BPD• Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory explained• The interaction between biological sensitivity and invalidating environments• Why trauma is common in BPD but is not required for a diagnosis• How childhood invalidation can contribute to self-invalidation• Emotional dysregulation and its impact on relationships and daily life• The difference between emotional validation and believing every interpretation• How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) supports emotional regulation• Building self-validation, emotional awareness, and self-trustFREE GUIDEIf you struggle to tell the difference between anxiety, a trauma response, and a genuine red flag, download my free “Anxiety or Red Flag?” guide here: [INSERT FREE GUIDE LINK]CHAPTERS00:00 What Causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?02:47 Marsha Linehan’s Biosocial Theory Explained06:02 Childhood Trauma and Invalidating Environments09:06 Emotional Dysregulation and BPD Symptoms11:54 How Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Helps BPD15:03 Healing, Self-Validation, and Building Self-TrustABOUT THERAPY KAYTherapy Kay explores mental health, relationships, trauma, and evidence-informed tools for building emotional awareness and healthier patterns. Subscribe for conversations about BPD, DBT skills, self-trust, and the complexities of healing.Instagram: @itstherapykayPodcast: Not So Dumb Blonde PodcastDISCLAIMERThis episode is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. BPD is a complex condition, and no single theory explains every person’s experience.#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #BiosocialTheory #DBT #Trauma #EmotionalDysregulation #MentalHealth

  2. Sep 3

    What It’s Really Like to Live With Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

    What does it actually feel like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with content creator Reilly for an honest conversation about living with BPD, emotional dysregulation, splitting, fear of abandonment, relationships, childhood trauma, and healing. BPD is one of the most stigmatized and misunderstood mental health diagnoses. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often labeled as manipulative, toxic, dramatic, or incapable of having healthy relationships—but those stereotypes can miss the complexity of what is actually happening underneath the behavior. Reilly shares his personal experience with BPD and explains what intense emotional dysregulation can feel like from the inside, including moments when emotions become so overwhelming that they feel like an emergency. Kaytlyn and Reilly explore the difference between emotional dysregulation and intentional manipulation, while also discussing why accountability still matters when behavior comes from a place of pain. They also break down splitting—the black-and-white thinking commonly associated with BPD—and how intense emotions can affect the way someone experiences another person, a relationship, or a situation. The conversation dives into childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, empathy, boundaries, trust, self-sabotage, and fear of abandonment. Reilly reflects on how his past experiences shaped the way he approached relationships and how healing has required learning to distinguish intuition from trauma responses. Most importantly, this episode challenges the idea that a BPD diagnosis means someone is incapable of change. BPD is treatable, and self-awareness, accountability, emotional regulation skills, supportive relationships, therapy, and community can all play an important role in recovery. CONNECT WITH REILLY: Instagram and TikTok: @Splittingseason & @MyNarcissisticEXIN THIS EPISODE: • What Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like from the inside • Emotional dysregulation vs. manipulation • What splitting means in BPD • Black-and-white thinking in relationships • Fear of abandonment and self-sabotage • Childhood trauma and adult relationships • Narcissistic abuse and relationship patterns • Why setting boundaries can feel like grief • Empathy and emotional sensitivity • Intuition vs. trauma responses • Guilt and shame after emotional reactions • Accountability without stigmatizing mental illness • Developing self-awareness with BPD • Healing and building healthier relationships • Finding hope while living with BPD CHAPTERS: 00:00 What Is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? 03:02 BPD and Healthy Relationships 05:50 BPD Manipulation: Myth vs. Reality 09:07 Emotional Dysregulation vs. Manipulation in BPD 12:02 Intuition vs. Trauma Responses in BPD 14:49 BPD Emotional Dysregulation, Guilt & Shame 17:49 Setting Boundaries and Taking Accountability With BPD 20:49 BPD, Empathy & Emotional Sensitivity 24:10 Narcissistic Abuse, BPD & Relationship Trauma 27:11 How Childhood Trauma Affects Adult Relationships 30:11 BPD Fear of Abandonment & Self-Sabotage 33:07 Trust and Vulnerability in BPD Relationships 40:29 What BPD Emotional Dysregulation Feels Like 46:08 BPD Splitting Explained: Black-and-White Thinking 53:40 Healing From BPD & Finding Your Identity 59:51 Living With BPD: Coping, Healing & Self-Awareness 01:08:08 BPD Recovery: Hope for the Future If you live with BPD, love someone with BPD, work in mental health, or simply want to better understand emotional dysregulation and relationships, this episode offers a candid look at what can be happening underneath behaviors that are often misunderstood. #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth

  3. Sep 1

    Why Women Overthink: Anxiety, Relationships & Self-Trust

    Why Women Overthink: Anxiety, Relationships & Self-Trust Why do so many women struggle with overthinking, anxiety, people pleasing, relationship anxiety, and trusting themselves? I surveyed 100 women about their biggest mental health struggles — and the responses were incredibly consistent. Nearly 90% said they struggle with overthinking, while many also described anxiety, fear of abandonment, difficulty setting boundaries, people pleasing, relationship insecurity, and not knowing how to trust themselves. In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner breaks down what women are actually struggling with when it comes to mental health — and, more importantly, what we can do about it. We explore why overthinking can feel impossible to stop, how anxiety creates a constant need for certainty and reassurance, why people pleasing makes it harder to know what you actually want, and how to begin rebuilding self-trust. One of the biggest lessons? You cannot think your way into certainty. Instead of simply telling you to “stop overthinking,” this episode gives you practical therapy-informed tools you can use when anxiety, relationship fears, or intrusive thoughts start taking over. In this episode: • Why nearly 90% of surveyed women reported struggling with overthinking • Why overthinking is often an attempt to create certainty • Anxiety, reassurance seeking, and relationship anxiety • People pleasing and fear of abandonment • Why boundaries can feel so uncomfortable • How to separate facts from the stories your anxiety creates • Why delaying reassurance can help break the anxiety cycle • How to ask yourself, “What do I need?” • How emotional awareness helps build self-trust • The difference between understanding your triggers and actually changing your response • Practical emotional regulation and therapy skills you can use in real life If you struggle with anxiety, overthinking, people pleasing, boundaries, relationship anxiety, or trusting yourself, this episode is for you. CHAPTERS CHAPTERS: 00:00 Why Women Are Struggling With Mental Health 02:00 Overthinking, People Pleasing & Relationship Anxiety 04:00 Why Overthinking Is Really About Control 06:00 Anxiety or Red Flag? How to Tell the Difference 08:00 Trauma, Emotional Regulation & Communication 10:00 How to Stop Overthinking: Facts vs. Stories 12:00 Relationship Anxiety & Reassurance Seeking 14:00 People Pleasing, Boundaries & Asking What You Need 16:00 How to Build Self-Trust 18:00 DBT Skills for Anxiety & Emotional Regulation 20:00 Overthinking, Attachment & Fear of Abandonment KEY TAKEAWAYS 90% of the women surveyed reported struggling with overthinking. Overthinking is often the brain’s attempt to create certainty — but you cannot think your way into certainty. Learning to separate facts from the story you’re telling yourself can interrupt anxious thought spirals. Delaying reassurance can help you learn to tolerate uncertainty instead of immediately trying to eliminate it. Asking “What do I need?” can shift your attention from controlling an outcome to taking care of yourself. Self-trust develops when you learn to notice your feelings, identify your needs, and respond to yourself consistently. Understanding your triggers matters — but awareness alone doesn’t create change. Practicing new responses does. #WomensMentalHealth #Overthinking #Anxiety #SelfTrust #MentalHealth

  4. Aug 27

    How to Rewire Your Brain After Trauma with Neurofeedback

    How to Rewire Your Brain After Trauma with Neurofeedback Can neurofeedback help change brain patterns associated with childhood trauma, anxiety, and ADHD? And what can a brain map actually tell us about our mental health? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with neurofeedback specialist Brooke Patton with Brain Code Centers to explore neurofeedback for childhood trauma, brain mapping, ADHD, anxiety, neuroplasticity, and emotional healing. Kaytlyn also shares her own brain maps from 2023 and 2026 and explores the changes seen after years of therapy, lifestyle changes, and intentional work on her mental health. Brooke explains how neurofeedback works, what qEEG brain mapping measures, and how brain-wave patterns can relate to cognitive and emotional functioning. They also discuss trauma and the brain, emotional regulation, attachment and relationships, ADHD brain patterns, and how neurofeedback may be used alongside traditional therapy. Most importantly: Can you actually change your brain? Through the science of neuroplasticity, Brooke explains how the brain continues to learn and adapt throughout life—and what that may mean for people working to change long-standing patterns related to trauma, anxiety, ADHD, and emotional regulation. IN THIS EPISODE: • Neurofeedback for childhood trauma and mental health• What neurofeedback is and how it works• Brain mapping and qEEG explained• Kaytlyn’s brain map results: 2023 vs. 2026• Childhood trauma, anxiety, and brain-wave patterns• ADHD and the brain• Attachment styles, relationships, and the brain• Neuroplasticity and changing learned brain patterns• Therapy, emotional healing, and brain change• Using neurofeedback alongside traditional therapy• What to expect during neurofeedback CHAPTERS: 00:00 What Is Neurofeedback & Brain Mapping?03:08 How Neurofeedback Therapy Works06:14 Brain Mapping Results: 2023 vs. 202609:08 How Therapy, Trauma & Healing Change the Brain12:05 Attachment Styles, Relationships & the Brain15:13 Can Neurofeedback Retrain Your Brain?18:04 ADHD, Brain Waves & Neurofeedback21:14 Can You Change Your Brain at Any Age?24:11 Neuroplasticity: How the Brain Changes & Heals27:06 Neurofeedback for ADHD, Anxiety & Mental Health30:08 Neurofeedback Results & the Healing Process CONNECT WITH BROOKE: BrainCode Centershttps://braincodecenters.com/about-local-neurofeedback-specialists/partners/ FREE RESOURCE: Is It “Anxiety or Intuition?” Free Guidewww.therapykay.com/freebie #Neurofeedback #ChildhoodTrauma #BrainMapping #Neuroplasticity #ADHD #TraumaHealing #MentalHealth

  5. Aug 25

    How Childhood Trauma Affects Who You Choose in Relationships

    Emotional Availability in Relationships: Trauma, Safety & Compatibility How do you know if someone is emotionally available — and what happens when past trauma affects the relationships you choose? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, we explore emotional availability in relationships, the difference between safety and compatibility, and how childhood trauma and family dynamics can influence who we choose as romantic partners. If you grew up in a chaotic, unpredictable, or emotionally unsafe environment, finding someone who feels safe can be incredibly important. But is feeling safe enough to create a healthy, fulfilling relationship? We discuss why people with trauma backgrounds may prioritize emotional safety in relationships, sometimes at the expense of compatibility, attraction, shared values, or other important relationship needs. We also explore how self-regulation, secure attachment, DBT skills, healthy friendships, and trauma healing can help you make healthier relationship choices. In this episode, we discuss: Emotional availability in relationships Signs of an emotionally available partner Emotional safety vs. relationship compatibility How childhood trauma affects adult relationships How trauma influences the partners we choose Secure attachment and healthy relationships Nervous system regulation and self-regulation Why feeling safe isn't always the same as being compatible Building healthy friendships and support systems Healing from toxic family dynamics Setting boundaries with unhealthy family relationships DBT skills for emotional regulation Personal growth after trauma Learning to find emotional safety within yourself Choosing a partner instead of settling for one If you grew up around chaos, instability, or emotional unpredictability, you may naturally prioritize safety when choosing romantic partners. But emotional safety and compatibility are not the same thing. A healthy relationship ideally gives you both: someone who feels emotionally safe AND someone whose values, goals, communication style, emotional availability, and vision for the future are compatible with yours. Developing self-regulation and emotional safety within yourself can also make it easier to evaluate relationships without allowing fear, trauma responses, or attachment wounds to make the decision for you. Healing can also mean examining the environment around you. Supportive friendships, healthy boundaries, and sometimes creating distance from toxic family dynamics can give you the space necessary for personal growth. Your past may influence the relationships you choose, but it doesn't have to determine the relationships you build in the future. 00:00 Childhood Trauma, Relationship Compatibility & Feeling Safe02:55 Emotional Regulation, Anxiety & Safety in Relationships05:47 Healthy Relationships, Friendships & Secure Attachment09:04 Toxic Family Dynamics & Healing Childhood Trauma11:49 Personal Growth, Self-Worth & Healing After Trauma “DBT is a great place to start healing.” “I want to know what you really think.” emotional availability, emotional availability in relationships, emotionally available partner, emotionally unavailable partner, trauma and relationships, childhood trauma and adult relationships, emotional safety in relationships, safety vs compatibility, relationship compatibility, healthy relationships, secure attachment, attachment styles, trauma healing, childhood trauma healing, nervous system regulation, self-regulation, DBT skills, emotional regulation, toxic family dynamics, family trauma, healthy friendships, personal growth, mental health, healing from trauma #EmotionalAvailability #TraumaHealing #Relationships #MentalHealth #AttachmentStyles

  6. Aug 20

    Speak Up Without the Panic Attack

    SPEAK UP WITHOUT THE PANIC ATTACK How do you know if your anxiety is talking — or if you’re actually noticing a red flag in your relationship? And how can childhood experiences shape the way we handle anxiety, relationships, work, and self-advocacy as adults? In this episode of the Not So Dumb Blonde Podcast, Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Olivia Jewell Love, producer of City Cast Denver, for an honest conversation about women’s mental health, anxiety, childhood experiences, self-advocacy, relationships, love bombing, and reassurance seeking. Olivia opens up about her experiences with anxiety and the impact of growing up with parents who believed and supported her mental health struggles. Kaytlyn and Olivia talk about how parental support can shape a child’s mental health journey — and what it looks like to learn to advocate for yourself as an adult. They also dive into the complicated intersection of anxiety and romantic relationships: • How do you tell anxiety from an actual relationship red flag?• What does love bombing really look like?• Why do we seek reassurance when we feel anxious?• How do you learn to trust yourself when your brain is constantly searching for certainty? The conversation also explores mental health in the workplace, vulnerability, asking for help, and why creating environments where people feel safe talking about their mental health matters. If you’ve struggled with relationship anxiety, childhood trauma, anxious attachment, reassurance seeking, people pleasing, self-advocacy, or trusting your own intuition, this episode is for you. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE • Women’s mental health and anxiety• How childhood experiences affect adult mental health• Childhood anxiety and parental support• Learning to advocate for yourself as an adult• Workplace anxiety and vulnerability• Anxiety in romantic relationships• Anxiety vs. relationship red flags• Love bombing and unhealthy relationship patterns• Anxious attachment and reassurance seeking• Learning to trust yourself and your emotions• Normalizing conversations about mental health ⏱️ CHAPTERS 00:00 — Women’s Mental Health, Anxiety & Relationships06:55 — Childhood Anxiety & Parental Support11:44 — How to Advocate for Yourself as an Adult18:16 — Workplace Anxiety & Vulnerability29:44 — Anxiety vs. Relationship Red Flags37:57 — Love Bombing & Anxious Attachment46:03 — Reassurance Seeking & Managing Anxiety 🎙️ ABOUT THE NOT SO DUMB BLONDE PODCAST Conversations about mental health, relationships, anxiety, trauma, DBT, attachment, self-trust, dating, emotional regulation, and personal growth. #MentalHealth #WomensMentalHealth #Anxiety #RelationshipAnxiety #LoveBombing #ChildhoodTrauma #AnxiousAttachment #PeoplePleasing #Relationships #MentalHealthPodcast #NotSoDumbBlonde

  7. Aug 11

    How to Heal Trauma & Stop Ruining Your Relationships

    How to Heal Trauma so it Stops Ruining Your Relationships If you’ve done therapy, know your patterns, understand your triggers — and STILL find yourself getting jealous, anxious, needy, afraid of abandonment, or emotionally dysregulated in relationships — this episode is for you. Here’s the thing: healing trauma doesn’t mean you stop getting triggered. It means learning how to recognize your emotional triggers, understand your relationship patterns, work through the shame you feel about those parts of yourself, and know what to do WHEN you get triggered — not if. In this episode, I’m sharing 3 practical steps that have helped me understand my own trauma and relationship triggers. I also talk about my own experience trying to be the “cool girl” — pretending I wasn’t jealous, didn’t need reassurance, and wasn’t affected by certain things. Instead of making those feelings disappear, suppressing them often made them come out sideways. We’ll talk about how to identify your triggers, build self-awareness and self-trust, embrace vulnerability, and use DBT skills to regulate your emotions before reacting. Because healing isn’t about becoming someone who never gets triggered. It’s about becoming someone you can trust when you do. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: • How trauma can affect romantic relationships• How to identify and understand your emotional triggers• Why being triggered doesn’t mean you aren’t healing• Jealousy, reassurance and fear of abandonment• How suppressing emotions can make them worse• Shame and vulnerability in relationships• Why pretending to be the “cool girl” or “cool guy” can backfire• How to build self-awareness and self-trust• What to do when you become emotionally triggered• How to separate facts from what your trauma is predicting• DBT skills for emotional regulation• Why you shouldn't make relationship decisions while dysregulated ⏱️ CHAPTERS: 00:00 How to Heal Trauma So It Stops Ruining Your Relationships01:03 Know Your Triggers & Own Them02:39 How to Identify Your Emotional Triggers03:24 Stop Hiding the Parts of Yourself You’re Ashamed Of04:42 Shame, Vulnerability & Self-Trust in Relationships05:39 What to Do When You Get Triggered06:40 DBT Skills for Emotional Regulation07:37 Don’t Make Relationship Decisions While Triggered08:04 The Real Goal of Trauma Healing 🧠 DBT SKILLS MENTIONED: STOP Skill — Pause before acting on an intense emotional urge. Check the Facts — Separate what actually happened from the story your trauma, anxiety, or fear may be creating. Wise Mind — Balance your emotional experience with rational thinking. Opposite Action — When an emotion is pushing you toward an ineffective behavior, consider whether acting opposite to the urge would be more effective. DEAR MAN — A DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill that can help you communicate your needs and boundaries. DISCLAIMER:This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment, diagnosis, or medical advice. #TraumaHealing #Relationships #DBT #EmotionalRegulation #RelationshipAnxiety Keywords: how to heal trauma, trauma healing, trauma and relationships, trauma triggers in relationships, how trauma affects relationships, emotional triggers, relationship triggers, healing relationship trauma, unresolved trauma in relationships, childhood trauma and relationships, relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, jealousy in relationships, reassurance in relationships, emotional regulation, DBT skills, dialectical behavior therapy, DBT emotional regulation, self awareness, shame and trauma, vulnerability in relationships, self trust, unhealthy relationship patterns, how to stop being triggered, what to do when triggered, how to regulate emotions, how to heal relationship patterns, healthy relationships

  8. Aug 6

    Love Is Blind's Joe Ferrucci on His Breakup, Dating, and Life After the Show

    Love Is Blind's Joe Ferrucci on His Breakup, Dating, and Life After the Show What is it really like dating after Love Is Blind? In this episode of Not So Dumb Blonde, therapist-in-training Kaytlyn Gilner sits down with Joe Ferrucci from Love Is Blind for an honest conversation about what happens after reality TV, how public perception changes dating, and what he's learned about relationships, communication, emotional safety, and personal growth since appearing on the show. Together they discuss why people often believe they already know someone from television, how humor can become both a strength and a defense mechanism, the importance of healthy communication, and how childhood experiences shape the way we love as adults. Joe also shares his thoughts on green flags, red flags, emotional availability, men's mental health, marriage, fatherhood, therapy, and what he's looking for in a healthy long-term relationship. Whether you're a fan of Love Is Blind, navigating modern dating, healing after a breakup, or simply trying to build healthier relationships, this conversation offers practical insight, thoughtful reflection, and honest conversations about love in today's world. • What dating is really like after Love Is Blind• How public perception affects relationships• Why communication is one of the biggest predictors of relationship success• Compatibility vs. chemistry in dating• How childhood experiences shape adult relationships• Why humor can become a coping mechanism• Green flags and red flags to look for in relationships• What emotional safety actually looks like• Why more men are opening up about mental health• Joe's thoughts on marriage, fatherhood, and finding the right partner• The importance of therapy, self-awareness, and personal growth 🌿 Free Resource Download my free Anxiety or Red Flag? Guide:https://www.therapykay.com/freebie 00:00 Dating After Love Is Blind: Joe Ferrucci's Story 03:04 How Reality TV Changes Dating & Public Perception 06:04 Compatibility vs. Chemistry in Healthy Relationships 08:57 Communication Skills That Build Strong Relationships 11:59 How Childhood Shapes Adult Relationships & Attachment Styles 14:57 Humor as a Coping Mechanism & Emotional Safety 17:55 Can Your Partner Be Your Best Friend? 20:58 Dating After Reality TV: Challenges Behind the Scenes 24:00 Breakups, Mental Health & Personal Growth 27:05 Therapy, Self-Awareness & Becoming a Better Partner 28:26 Emotional Safety: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships 30:59 Green Flags vs. Red Flags in Dating 34:30 Kindness, Respect & Emotional Intelligence 35:36 Marriage, Family & Joe Ferrucci's Future Goals 36:28 Advice Joe Would Give His Younger Self 39:03 Men's Mental Health & Emotional Vulnerability 41:06 Podcasts, Growth & Learning Through Conversation 43:00 What Makes Someone a Great Partner? 45:00 Life After Love Is Blind & What's Next 47:57 Final Thoughts on Healthy Relationships & Self-Awareness In This Episode You'll LearnChapters

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About

Not So Dumb Blonde is a women’s mental health podcast hosted by Kaytlyn, an MSW student and mental health advocate passionate about trauma healing, emotional regulation, DBT, relationships, attachment styles, and women’s empowerment. This podcast explores the real psychology behind anxiety, BPD, people pleasing, trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, self-worth, boundaries, family systems, and modern relationships — in a relatable, honest, and easy-to-understand way. Episodes include conversations with therapists, mental health professionals, trauma survivors, authors, and experts, along

Information

  • Creator
    Kaytlyn Gilner
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    93
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Kaytlyn Gilner
  • Show Website
    Not So Dumb Blonde