Grit and Grace: Real Conversatons on Resilience, Growth and Living in Alignment

Pam Rader and Erin Payne
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Grit & Grace is a personal growth and resilience podcast for people who are done being ground down by life's hardest chapters — and ready to rise. Hosted by master coach and leadership facilitator Pam Rader and embodiment coach Erin Payne, each episode explores emotional resilience, personal transformation, mindset shifts, and the courage it takes to reinvent yourself. Joining them is Brian Thiessen, who brings a rare mix of psychological insight and straight-talking cowboy wisdom that has a way of cutting straight to what matters — and shining a light on the patterns most of us can't see in ourselves. Whether you're navigating a major life transition, rebuilding after loss, or craving honest conversations about what it really takes to grow — this is your space. We laugh, we cry, we get real. From raw personal stories to expert interviews on resilience, leadership, somatic healing, and self-discovery, Grit & Grace helps you turn life's toughest challenges into your greatest catalyst for change. This isn't a highlight-reel podcast. It's a campfire conversation — the kind that leaves you feeling seen, grounded, and genuinely ready to move forward. With 85+ episodes, Grit & Grace has become a trusted community for anyone committed to living in alignment with what matters most. Subscribe, leave a review, and join the conversation.

  1. 4d ago

    Snake or Rope? How to Stop Making Decisions from Fear and Find Clarity

    Have you ever sent a text, gotten silence back — and immediately decided it meant the worst? That gap between what actually happened and the meaning you assigned it? That's where most of our suffering lives. And it might be costing you some of the most important relationships in your life. In this episode, Pam Rader and Erin Payne unpack a powerful yogic teaching — the Snake and the Rope — and explore what it really means to make decisions when you're flooded with fear, anxiety, or self-protection. What you'll discover in this episode: 🐍 The Snake and the Rope parable — why your mind mistakes harmless "ropes" for dangerous "snakes," and how that one error drives reactive decisions that damage relationships 🌑 What "dusk" really means — the flooded, in-between state where your nervous system is predicting danger from the past and projecting it onto the future — and why this is the worst time to decide anything 🧠 The sophistication trap — how the smarter you are, the more convincing your snake story becomes (and why that's dangerous) 💡 The God Space — the gap between sensation and verdict where your freedom lives and where you get to choose the meaning you assign 🔦 3 practical tools to move from dusk into the light: Check your light level: Am I flooded right now? Can I even trust this story? Name the storm: This is my nervous system — not a verdictAsk "What else could this mean?" — and let it be a hypothesis, not a conclusion Pam shares a raw, personal story about navigating relationship uncertainty and a returning PTSD response — and how naming the experience (instead of acting on it) changed everything. Erin shares what happened when she almost ended a friendship over a conversation that was actually an act of love. The bottom line: Your mind doesn't experience events — it experiences its interpretation of events. Patience isn't a cliché. It's a nervous system skill. As Pam's grandpa used to say: "You can have a situation and get yourself bent out of shape — but then you have the same situation AND you're bent out of shape." Don't make decisions in the dusk. Resources & Links: 🌐 Pam: pamrader.com | 📲 @pamrader 🌐 Erin: erinpayne.ca | 📲 @erin_payne 📺 YouTube: @coachpamrader ✨ Become the Catalyst — Pam's 6-month coaching certification, launching Fall 2026 → pamrader.com 🏕️ Grit & Grace Retreat — Join the waitlist → pamrader.com/gritandgrace If this episode helped you see something differently, share it with someone who's stuck in the dusk right now. And if you love the show, a rating or review helps more people find these conversations. 🙏

    46 min

  2. Jun 1

    You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming

    You Are Not Your Story: Setting Down the Past to Step Into Who You're Becoming Have you ever caught yourself leading with your hardest chapters — the divorce, the breakdown, the business that fell apart — as proof you've earned the right to be taken seriously? In this episode, Pam Rader and embodiment coach Erin Payne pull apart a pattern that shows up in even the most self-aware people: the story we keep telling about ourselves that masquerades as inspiration but quietly keeps us tethered to the past. Pam shares the moment her partner challenged her: Why do you keep leading with everything you've overcome? What followed was an uncomfortable and liberating discovery — beneath the desire to serve was a quiet thread of victimhood, a blind spot around self-worth dressed up as street credibility. Erin opens up about her own version: the "enlightenment loop" — doing so much healing work that the work itself becomes the identity. In this episode: How to tell the difference between victimhood and inspirationThe "managed survivor" vs the "conscious creator" — and how to shiftMooji's invitation: stop telling your story for one minute and see what remainsHow your body knows whether a story is healing you or holding you backBorrowing belief when you don't yet have enough of your ownWork with Pam or Erin: https://pamrader.com https://erinpayne.ca Connect with us: Instagram: instagram.com/pamrader | instagram.com/erin_payne YouTube: youtube.com/@coachpamrader If this episode stirred something in you, share it with someone who needs permission to set their story down. A 30-second rating helps new listeners find us — thank you! 💛 Keywords: you are not your story, identity shift, letting go of the past, victim mentality, personal reinvention, conscious creator, self-worth, trauma identity, managed survivor, embodiment coach, Mooji, personal growth podcast, Grit and Grace podcast

    41 min

  3. May 16

    Gottman's Four Horsemen: The Patterns That Are Killing Your Relationship

    What if the thing quietly killing your relationship isn't the big blowouts — but the small patterns you've never even noticed? In this episode of Grit and Grace, Pam and Erin sit down with Aftin Jolly, Registered Clinical Counselor and Level 2 Gottman-trained couples therapist based in Kelowna, BC. Aftin brings clinical expertise and raw honesty to one of our most requested topics — relationships. The good, the messy, and the "are we actually going to make it" moments. THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF RELATIONSHIP DESTRUCTION Gottman research identifies four patterns that predict relationship breakdown: — Contempt: The #1 predictor of failure. It's the look that says "I'm better than you." — Criticism: How "helpful" comments quietly erode your partner's self-worth — Defensiveness: Why avoiding accountability destroys connection long-term — Stonewalling: The difference between needing to regulate and using silence as punishment WHAT WE ALSO COVER — The Emotional Bank Account: why one negative interaction takes 20 positives to balance — Bids for attention and how they build or drain your relationship daily — Why emotional intimacy erodes before physical intimacy — and what to do — The safety vs. desire teeter-totter (Esther Perel's framework) — Why no conflict is not the same as happiness — The weekly check-in question that keeps couples connected before crisis WORK WITH PAM If this episode stirred something up and you're ready to stop waiting for things to get better on their own, Pam offers 1:1 coaching to help you move toward more freedom and fulfillment — in your relationships and your life. 👉 pamrader.com WORK WITH ERIN Erin works 1:1 with clients who are ready to do the deeper work. If her voice resonated with you today, connect with her at www.erinpayne,ca or connect with her on Instagram. 👉 @epayne BECOME THE CATALYST — FALL 2026 Ready to turn your own transformation into a purpose-driven career? Become the Catalyst is Pam's 6-month intensive coaching certification program built for people who are done playing small and ready to guide others toward real freedom. Enrollment opens Fall 2026. 👉 pamrader.com GRIT AND GRACE RETREAT — FALL 2026 Something special is coming and you don't want to miss it. Get on the waitlist for the Grit and Grace Fall Retreat and be first to know when doors open. 👉 pamrader.com/gritandgrace ABOUT AFTIN JOLLY Registered Clinical Counselor | Level 2 Gottman Couples Therapist | Equine Assisted Learning Facilitator Based in Kelowna, BC | Available via Zoom aftinjollycounseling.com | @aftinjollycounseling RESOURCES MENTIONED The Gottman Institute — gottman.com Esther Perel — estherperel.com Terry Real — relationallife.com Byron Katie — thework.com If this episode helped you see your relationship differently, share it with someone who needs it. Leave a review and drop a comment — we read every one.

    52 min

  4. May 8

    The Law of Assumption: How Your Hidden Beliefs Are Creating Your Reality (And How to Change Them)

    What if the life you're living right now isn't happening to you — but because of you? In this episode, Pam and Erin dive deep into the Law of Assumption — the teaching made famous by Neville Goddard and later built upon by Bob Proctor — and explore how our unconscious assumptions about love, money, worthiness, and belonging quietly shape every outcome in our lives. This one gets personal. Pam shares how a deep-seated assumption about addiction shaped her experience with her son, how an unexamined belief about heartbreak made it inevitable, and how a disciplined shift in assumption brought the relationship she has now into being. Erin unpacks how her assumptions played out in a decade-long relationship, a recent breakup, and a stranger at a soccer field who turned out to be married — and what all of it revealed about the beliefs running quietly in the background. But this isn't a manifestation-from-the-couch episode. It's a real, honest, sometimes messy conversation about what it actually takes to rewire the mind. In this episode you'll explore: What the Law of Assumption actually is — and why it's not magic, toxic positivity, or a wish listHow your unconscious assumptions are shaping your relationships, finances, and sense of self — right nowThe difference between a disciplined and undisciplined mind, and why affirmations alone don't workHow attachment styles (anxious and avoidant) are rooted in core assumptions — and how to shift themWhy the brain prioritizes familiarity over truth — and how to use that to your advantageThe daily practice that begins to rewire your nervous system and build new identity statesWhy "desirable vs undesirable" is more powerful than "right vs wrong" when examining your patternsHow one aligned action can shift an assumption at the cellular levelPam's reflection on the disciplined mind: "Your subconscious mind is like a movie projector. Most people are trying to change the movie on the screen while continuing to feed the same film through the projector." The practice they leave you with: Observe the assumption. Interrupt the catastrophic rehearsal. Practice the feeling you want — not fake happiness, but safety, worthiness, openness, and abundance — until the nervous system learns that the new assumption is survivable. If you recognized yourself anywhere in this episode — in the resentment loops, the doom scrolling, the relationships that kept proving you right about the wrong things — this is your invitation to look at what's playing in the background. And to ask yourself: what would I create if I believed something different? Resources & Next Steps: 🎙️ Enjoyed this episode? Please share it — we're in the top 20% of podcasts worldwide and our goal is top 10% in the next six months. Every share matters enormously. 🌿 Grit & Grace Retreat — Fall 2026 Our next ranch-based retreat is coming in September 2026. Stay tuned for the announcement. 💫 Work with Pam or Erin Both Pam and Erin work one-on-one with clients and offer group coaching programs. Reach out if this conversation stirred something in you. pamrader.com ⭐ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more people find the show.

    59 min

  5. Apr 23

    Resentment is Self Abandonment with Attitude: Here's how to stop

    You’re not just “irritated.” You’re not just “tired of people.” You might be resentful… and it’s costing you more than you think. In this raw and honest conversation, Pam and Erin unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional patterns: resentment. Not as something someone else is doing to you… But as a powerful signal that you’ve abandoned yourself somewhere along the way. Because here’s the truth: Resentment doesn’t come out of nowhere. It builds when: You say yes when you mean noYou overgive hoping to be chosenYou stay quiet to avoid conflictYou expect people to meet needs you’ve never expressedAnd then wonder why you feel exhausted, irritated, or secretly pissed off all the time. This episode will help you: Understand what resentment is really telling youIdentify where you’ve been out of alignmentStop leaking bitterness into your relationshipsStart having cleaner, more honest conversationsRebuild self-trust and personal responsibilityBecause resentment isn’t the problem. 👉 It’s the clue. 💥 Key TakeawaysResentment is often what happens when your mouth says yes and your soul says hell noResentment = self-abandonment + unspoken truthThere’s a difference between clean resentment (a signal) and dirty resentment (a victimhood loop)Most resentment is built on unspoken expectations + invisible rulesUnderneath resentment is often grief, not angerThe question that changes everything: 👉 Where have I been dishonest?🛠️ Practical Tools SharedPause before projecting blameIdentify the story vs. what actually happenedFind where you abandoned yourselfAsk: What did I need that I didn’t express?Have the clean conversation:“I’ve been saying yes when I don’t have capacity… and I need something to change.” ❤️ If This Hit Home…You’re not alone. This is the work. And if you’re ready to go deeper: Work 1:1 with Pam or Erin pamrader.com Join the communityOr come experience this work in real life at the Grit & Grace Retreat🌿 Grit & Grace Retreat4 days. Real conversations. Real transformation. Horses, yoga, connection, and the kind of truth-telling that changes your life. 👉 pamrader.com/gritandgrace 🔁 Share This EpisodeIf you know someone who’s been quietly holding it together… but is actually overwhelmed, depleted, or resentful— Send this to them. This might be the conversation they didn’t know they needed.

    34 min

  6. Apr 15

    The Real Reason You Can't Let Go (It's Not What You Think)

    What if the stuff you're holding onto isn't just clutter — it's proof you haven't fully chosen yourself yet? In this episode, Pam and Erin get real about the deeper meaning behind the things we just can't seem to let go of — from engagement rings and grandma's China to love letters from exes and shoes that don't even fit. What starts as a conversation about spring cleaning quickly becomes a raw, honest inquiry into attachment, identity, and how we've been looking for external proof of our own worth — often without even realizing it. Pam shares why she listed her 1.8-carat engagement ring on Facebook Marketplace and what her partner's question — "can your ego handle letting go?" — cracked open for her. Erin opens up about keeping a ring from an abusive relationship and what that finally reveals about needing to feel chosen. This episode will make you laugh, make you cringe (in the best way), and maybe take a wander through your house with fresh eyes. IN THIS EPISODE: • Why we hold onto things as "proof" we were chosen, loved, or worthy • The difference between valuing yourself and choosing yourself • How attachment to objects is really attachment to old identities • What your love languages might actually be telling you about your wounds • Buddhist non-attachment and the freedom on the other side of letting go • The mac and cheese incident (you'll hear about it, you won't forget it) LISTENER INQUIRY: Take a wander through your house. Pick one thing you're holding onto. Ask yourself: why am I keeping this? Who is it really for? And what would open up if I let it go? WORK WITH PAM + ERIN: Grit and Grace Retreat | May 21–24, Spring Lake Ranch, BC 4 days of real work, real wilderness, and real transformation. Learn more at pamrader.com Connect with Pam: pamrader.com

    42 min

  7. Mar 25

    Question Everything: Charisma, Cult Thinking & the Danger of Outsourcing Your Truth

    Are we unknowingly shaping our lives around advice from wounded people? In this thought-provoking episode of Grit & Grace, Pam and Erin dive into the hidden risks of blindly following popular ideas — from relationship trends and parenting philosophies to spiritual influencers and self-help movements. Together, they explore how easily we can outsource our inner authority when charisma, belonging, or confirmation bias gets involved. Through personal stories and honest reflection, they unpack the difference between wisdom and coping strategies, and why learning to question everything is essential for living in truth and alignment. This conversation is not about mistrust or cynicism — it’s about discernment. It’s about reclaiming your power to think for yourself in a world that constantly tells you what to believe. If you’ve ever wondered whether the advice you’re following is truly serving you… this episode is for you. In this episode, we explore:Why charismatic voices can feel convincing — and even intoxicatingThe difference between charisma and characterHow algorithms and confirmation bias shape our beliefsThe danger of labeling others (and ourselves) through simplified psychologyHow unmet needs for belonging and validation can make us vulnerable to influenceQuestions you can ask to strengthen discernment and self-trustWhy real wisdom is often simple — and found withinKey reflection questions shared in the episode:Where did this idea come from — and what pain may have shaped it?Is this concept helping me understand… or just defend my current viewpoint?Is this advice creating more connection in my life — or more separation?Am I seeking truth… or looking for someone to save me?Ultimately, Pam and Erin remind listeners that wounded people sharing their stories isn’t the problem — the real danger is when we stop thinking and start following. 🎧 If this episode resonates:Share it with someone who might need encouragement to trust their own inner wisdom. 🌿 Want to go deeper?Join Pam, Erin, and Brian for the Grit & Grace Retreat (May 21–24) — a powerful 4-day experience focused on connection, clarity, courage, and coming home to yourself. pamrader.com/gritandgrace

    40 min
  8. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Your Emotions are NOT Facts

    Mar 17

    Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself: Your Emotions are NOT Facts

    Grit & Grace with Pam Rader & Erin Payne What if the thing causing the most chaos in your relationships… isn’t what happened — but what you told yourself it meant? In this honest (and hilariously cringey) episode, Pam and Erin pull back the curtain on the emotional spirals we all experience — from insecurity and jealousy to over-processing childhood wounds and defending feelings that may not actually be based in truth. This conversation explores the powerful — and often uncomfortable — reality that our thoughts create meaning, meaning creates emotion, and emotion drives behaviour and results. If you’ve ever found yourself picking fights in your head, overanalyzing a partner’s behaviour, or holding onto emotions that keep you stuck… this episode will hit home. Expect real stories, uncomfortable truths, and practical tools to help you take radical emotional responsibility — without suppressing your feelings. Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do… is check yourself before you wreck yourself. Why emotional expression without self-awareness can damage relationships The difference between feeling emotions and believing every thought that creates them How insecurity, comparison, and old programming show up in adult relationships The danger of “always” and “never” thinking Confirmation bias, the reticular activating system, and emotional storytelling How radical responsibility builds self-trust and relationship safety Why examining your thoughts creates clarity, alignment, and empowerment A powerful perspective shift: What else could this mean? Events are neutral. The meaning we give them isn’t. When we question our assumptions instead of defending them, we reclaim our power — and often save our relationships in the process. ⭐ Follow the podcast ⭐ Share with a friend who needs this conversation ⭐ Leave a review — it helps more people discover Grit & Grace Your support helps us grow this community of honest conversations and real transformation. Join us for the Grit & Grace Retreat — an immersive experience designed to help you build emotional resilience, clarity, and authentic connection. 👉 Learn more: pamrader.com/gritandgrace emotional intelligence, relationship advice, self awareness, mindset growth, personal development podcast, insecurity in relationships, overthinking, radical responsibility, emotional regulation, attachment patterns, leadership mindset, communication skills, healing childhood wounds

    34 min
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About

Grit & Grace is a personal growth and resilience podcast for people who are done being ground down by life's hardest chapters — and ready to rise. Hosted by master coach and leadership facilitator Pam Rader and embodiment coach Erin Payne, each episode explores emotional resilience, personal transformation, mindset shifts, and the courage it takes to reinvent yourself. Joining them is Brian Thiessen, who brings a rare mix of psychological insight and straight-talking cowboy wisdom that has a way of cutting straight to what matters — and shining a light on the patterns most of us can't see in ourselves. Whether you're navigating a major life transition, rebuilding after loss, or craving honest conversations about what it really takes to grow — this is your space. We laugh, we cry, we get real. From raw personal stories to expert interviews on resilience, leadership, somatic healing, and self-discovery, Grit & Grace helps you turn life's toughest challenges into your greatest catalyst for change. This isn't a highlight-reel podcast. It's a campfire conversation — the kind that leaves you feeling seen, grounded, and genuinely ready to move forward. With 85+ episodes, Grit & Grace has become a trusted community for anyone committed to living in alignment with what matters most. Subscribe, leave a review, and join the conversation.

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