The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno

Julie Menanno
  • 4.9 (419)
  • Relationships

Welcome to The Secure Love Podcast: Real-Time Couples Therapy with Julie Menanno. Julie Menanno is a licensed therapist committed to helping couples build secure, lasting connections through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In each episode, she works with a real couple and just like many of us, they're navigating life's challenges, raising kids, managing careers, and strengthening their relationship. Join us as we explore the power of attachment theory and its profound impact on how we connect with our partners. Together, we'll uncover negative communication cycles and learn how to replace them with positive, lasting change. By following each couple's journey, you'll gain relatable insights and practical steps to apply in your own life. The Secure Love Podcast is your companion on the path to healthier, happier relationships. Your journey to a more secure love starts now.

  1. Jun 30

    S3 | Session 18: Slowing Down the TEMPO to Co-Regulation (Season Finale)

    Today is our season three finale . It has been an absolute privilege watching Rachel and Mike untangle their negative cycles, and they open today's session with the ultimate proof that the work is paying off . When a major trigger hit just two nights ago, the script flipped entirely . Instead of his typical silent shutdown and her sharp tongue, Mike paused and shared the vulnerable feelings he was processing, allowing Rachel to meet him with compassion instead of anger . By slowing down, they turned what would have historically been a catastrophic fight into an opportunity to bond . In this finale, we walk through the TEMPO framework (Trigger, Emotion, Meaning, Protection, Organization) that helped them get here . Mike also opens up about the paralyzing "doom and gloom" fear he carries when they go into a state of disconnection . Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz — three minutes, and you'll get your style plus what to do about it. https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog More from Julie: Secure Love, the national bestseller https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog The Secure Love Club — 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog Work with a coach — schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/coach?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

  2. Jun 23

    S3 | Session 17: Fear of the Goodness: Navigating Peace After Relationship Chaos

    The feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is universal. When your nervous system is deeply accustomed to chaos, peace can actually feel scary and alarming because it brings up fears of losing what feels so good.  As we near the end of our time with Rachel and Mike, they are finally finding real stability. Mike has been stepping up in wonderfully subtle ways, intentionally checking in during a "midweek lull" with a small hand gesture that gave Rachel an immense sense of safety and lightness. However, because they haven't had a major rupture in a while, Rachel is starting to panic. She admits that it is entirely foreign to her not to be sliding into a negative cycle, and she has no idea how to sit and enjoy the goodness. Today, we navigate that new quiet space. We also use their hard-earned stability to unpack one of the heaviest unspoken resentments in their marriage: the fact that Rachel left everything she knew to move into Mike's world, and how painfully alone she has felt in that sacrifice. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz — three minutes, and you'll get your style plus what to do about it. https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog More from Julie: Secure Love, the national bestseller https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog The Secure Love Club — 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog Work with a coach — schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/coach?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

  3. Jun 16

    S3 | Session 16: Too Sensitive? Healing the Belief That You Are Defective

    Have you ever tried to set a boundary or express that you were uncomfortable only to be told that you're just being too sensitive or a stick in the mud? You know, when you hear that enough times, you stop trusting your own gut and start believing that maybe you are the problem. Today we dive deep into that exact wound with Rachel. We trace her deep-seated belief that she's defective back to its roots, exploring heavy memories from a past relationship where she constantly had to be the responsible one while someone else was acting unsafely. She was simply trying to prevent disaster, but instead of being thanked, she was humiliated and told she didn't know how to have fun. When you are left entirely alone with that kind of shame, it builds a thick layer of armor. In this session, we rewrite that script. Watch as Rachel bravely asks Mike for the exact emotional protection she was denied in the past, and witness Mike step up without even flinching to simply sit with her pain. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Sign up for Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

  4. Jun 9

    S3 | Session 15: Two People Overboard: The Co-Regulation Conundrum

    We can do all the heavy lifting in therapy, but sometimes life just throws too much at us at once. Between the holidays, chaotic work schedules, and general exhaustion, Rachel and Mike recently hit a wall, slipping off the tracks into a tough two-week period of disconnection. When catching up on the setback, Rachel shares a powerful analogy: normally, if she jumps off the dock, she needs Mike to stay on the dock and pull her back up—but this time, they were both so depleted that Mike jumped off the other side, leaving them both swimming with nobody to pull them to safety. For Rachel, this brought up a painful, ancient narrative. Instead of just seeing two stressed partners, her nervous system told her she was defective. In this session, we reframe what it means to be guarded. For so long, Rachel viewed her emotional wall as a massive block of ice she needed to hack down. Today, we explore why the only real way to remove an ice wall is to slowly warm up the environment until it dissolves on its own. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Sign up for our Understanding Shame Course: Understanding Shame – The Missing Link to Breaking Negative Cycles Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

  5. May 26

    S3 | Session 14: The Burden of the Poker Face: How Hiding Stress Hurts Your Marriage

    Mike recently received some great news about a major work project, but instead of celebrating, he admits to Rachel that he is quietly carrying a massive amount of pressure behind his "professional poker face". In this session, we trace this habit of emotional isolation straight back to its origin. We discover that when Mike struggled as a child, his parents' anxiety would spike, teaching him the painful lesson that his negative emotions were a burden. To protect his family, he learned to bury his feelings and simply "focus on what's good". Today, Mike brings that vulnerability into the room, and Rachel gets the opportunity to show him that she doesn't need him to be perfectly stress-free—she just needs him to be honest about where he is.  Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Join Our Men's Support Group: Men's Group: Building Emotional Attunement and Connection Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

  6. May 19

    S3 | Session 13: Always Second Place: Fighting to Be Your Partner's Priority

    Today, we see what happens when Mike's loyalty to his family leaves Rachel feeling like she is "last on the list". When Rachel feels unprotected, she tries to handle her pain with logic, presenting evidence and hoping Mike will rationally agree with her. But as we discuss today, logic alone does not heal an attachment wound. Meanwhile, we finally uncover why Mike feels so compelled to manage everyone's comfort, tracing his habit of "going with the flow" straight back to his childhood. Witness what happens when Mike drops his defenses to validate Rachel's pain, and she asks for the one thing her nervous system needs to truly trust him again.  Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Join Julie's 4-Week Parenting Group Workshop: Parenting With Security Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

  7. May 12

    S3 | Session 12: Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The Cost of "Going With the Flow"

    Doing real emotional work is physically exhausting. When Mike logs on for this session, the very first thing he shares is that he feels completely "taxed and jumbled". He is asking his brain to operate in an emotional language it was never taught to speak. Today, we trace that language barrier straight back to its origin. We dive into Mike's family history, examining the impact of a grandfather who was "straight business" and a father who was "avoidant to the core emotionally". In that environment, Mike learned early on that you don't feel things—you brush them off, distract yourself, and simply "go with the flow" to keep the peace. But as we peel back the layers of a recent conflict, we uncover a completely different truth about how this impacts his marriage. Mike's passivity wasn't an act of pushing Rachel away; it was a desperate, silent attempt to invite her in and beg her to help him manage a lifetime of fear. The moment he is able to articulate this fear instead of weaponizing it, Rachel doesn't pull away—her empathy system opens wide. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Negative Cycle Workshop: Mapping Your Negative Cycle Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

  8. May 5

    S3 | Session 11: You Can't Problem Solve Your Way Out of Pain

    When your partner is hurting, what is your immediate instinct? For most of us, it's to grab a toolbox. We want to solve the problem, clear up the misunderstanding, or offer the perfectly logical explanation that will make the pain go away. But what if the urge to fix the problem is actually just a disguised attempt to escape our own discomfort? If you've been listening this season, you know Mike usually defaults to logic and defense mechanisms when things get tense. Today, we look directly at what happens in the split-second after a trigger. Mike admits that his absolute first instinct when Rachel is upset is to justify and explain, noting that if he can do so successfully, he can stay out of the agonizing feeling of being a failure. By helping Mike slow down and sit in the physical tension of that fear, he is finally able to tell Rachel the truth: he isn't pushing her away; he is pushing away the pain he doesn't want to face. It's an honest look at how our protections often create the exact disconnection we are trying to avoid, and Rachel finds a lot of relief in finally hearing his authentic self. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Negative Cycle Workshop: Mapping Your Negative Cycle Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

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Welcome to The Secure Love Podcast: Real-Time Couples Therapy with Julie Menanno. Julie Menanno is a licensed therapist committed to helping couples build secure, lasting connections through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). In each episode, she works with a real couple and just like many of us, they're navigating life's challenges, raising kids, managing careers, and strengthening their relationship. Join us as we explore the power of attachment theory and its profound impact on how we connect with our partners. Together, we'll uncover negative communication cycles and learn how to replace them with positive, lasting change. By following each couple's journey, you'll gain relatable insights and practical steps to apply in your own life. The Secure Love Podcast is your companion on the path to healthier, happier relationships. Your journey to a more secure love starts now.

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