When Depression is in your bed

Trish Sanders, LCSW
  • 4.9 (8)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

This podcast looks through both a professional and personal lens to explore the impact depression can have on individuals and on relationships.  It takes a non-judgmental, destigmatizing view of mental health that encourages true, holistic healing and growth.The host, Trish Sanders, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist.  In addition to her experience in the office with couples and depression, both she and her husband have lived with depression for most of their lives.  Trish shares with transparency and vulnerability, while bringing hope and light to an often heavy subject.Follow Trish @trish.sanders.lcsw on Instagram for support in how to have a deeper connection and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life. Subscribe to When Depression is in Your Bed and share it with someone who you think may benefit from hearing it.-  If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on  "Becoming a Conscious Couple: How to Connect & Communicate with Your Partner,"  at wwww.wholefamilynj.com/webinar-  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  Register at www.wholefamilynj.com/workshop

  1. 5d ago

    Clarity Rooted in the Nervous System: How Safety Helps You See Again

    What if clarity is not just a mindset… but a nervous system experience? In this episode, I explore the idea that clarity is deeply rooted in our nervous system state and that when we are living in survival mode, overwhelmed, anxious, shut down, or depressed, clarity can become incredibly difficult to access. Drawing from both my personal experience and professional understanding of nervous system wellness, I talk about how depression can feel like sitting in the dark, while overwhelm can feel like being swept up in a tornado, both states making it difficult to see clearly, imagine possibilities, or know what next step to take. Because when our nervous systems are focused on survival, our vision narrows.  Our creativity narrows.  Our options narrow. But when we begin to experience even a little more safety, groundedness, and self-compassion, something important happens: The light slowly starts to come back on. In this episode, I share two deeply personal examples, one involving my journey with movement and caring for my physical body, and another involving the evolution of my professional path from therapist to coach, to explore how clarity often emerges slowly, step by step, through action, self-attunement, and nervous system safety. In this episode, we explore: • Why clarity is deeply connected to nervous system wellness • How depression, shutdown, anxiety, and overwhelm impact clarity and decision-making • The difference between survival states and grounded, connected states • Why clarity often unfolds gradually instead of arriving all at once • How perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking can keep us stuck • Why tiny, sustainable steps often create more lasting change • The connection between self-compassion and clarity • How action itself can create clarity over time • Why nervous system safety helps expand creativity, possibility, and self-trust • How learning to listen to ourselves helps us build more aligned lives Sometimes clarity does not arrive as a giant lightning bolt moment. Sometimes it begins with ten minutes on a trampoline. Trying something new. Taking one small step. Or simply creating enough safety for the dust to settle and the light to slowly come back on again. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    14 min

  2. May 27

    Regulation Is Not Calm: The Truth About Nervous System Wellness

    What if nervous system regulation has far less to do with staying calm all the time… and much more to do with flexibility, awareness, and repair? In this episode, I unpack some of the biggest myths and misunderstandings I see surrounding nervous system regulation, polyvagal theory, and relational safety, including the widespread belief that being “regulated” means being endlessly calm, emotionally steady, and zen all the time. From both a clinical and personal perspective, I explore how these misconceptions can unintentionally reinforce perfectionism, emotional suppression, shame, conflict avoidance, and disconnection, even in people who are genuinely trying to heal and improve their relationships. Because nervous system wellness is not about never getting activated. And relational safety is not about never experiencing conflict. True nervous system wellness is about flexibility: The ability to move through activation consciously, recover more effectively, and return to connection with yourself and others. In this episode, we explore: • Why regulation does not simply mean “being calm” • The difference between emotional suppression and true nervous system regulation • Why healthy nervous systems are designed to shift states • How perfectionism and wellness culture can distort nervous system healing • Why being upset does not mean you failed or “aren’t healed” • The relational dangers of avoidance, self-silencing, and pseudo-calmness • How awareness creates more choice and flexibility in relationships • Why repair matters more than never becoming dysregulated • What relational safety actually means (and what it does not mean) • How nervous system wellness supports deeper connection, authenticity, and growth You can be regulated and still feel angry. Regulated and grieving. Regulated and activated. Because regulation is not emotional perfection. It’s the ability to stay connected to yourself and others while moving through the full range of human experience. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    26 min

  3. May 20

    The Space to Come Back: How Relational Safety Changes Family Conflict

    What if stepping back during conflict isn’t avoidance… but the very thing that creates space for repair?  In this episode, I share two very ordinary but deeply meaningful moments from my own family that highlighted just how much relational safety, nervous system awareness, and repair have changed the way my husband, Ben, and I move through conflict.  One moment involved tension between Ben and our teenage son after a frustrating situation at a water park. Another involved a vulnerable conversation between Ben and me that quickly started moving toward defensiveness and disconnection. In both situations, something important happened: Instead of escalating, we created space to come back.  This episode is not about perfect communication, never getting dysregulated, or avoiding hard feelings. It’s about what becomes possible when relational safety is prioritized enough that repair, accountability, learning, and reconnection can actually happen. Because nervous system safety is not about suppressing conflict.  It’s about creating the conditions where growth becomes possible.  In this episode, we explore: • What relational safety can look like in everyday family conflict • Why dysregulation changes how we hear and respond to each other • The difference between escalation and creating space for repair • How nervous system awareness shifts parenting and partnership dynamics • Why stepping back is sometimes more relational than pushing forward • The importance of trusting people to self-regulate and return • How long-term relational patterns can begin to shift over time • Why being relational does not mean avoiding hard conversations • How repair and reconnection can become the new pattern in a family Relational growth is often much quieter than people expect. Sometimes it looks like pausing instead of pushing. Sometimes it looks like creating enough safety for someone to come back. And sometimes it looks like realizing that moments which once led to days or months of disconnection can now move through with more connection, care, and repair. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    20 min

  4. May 13

    The Empathy Trap in Relationships: How Understanding Your Partner Can Keep You Both Stuck

    What happens when empathy helps your partner feel deeply understood… but quietly keeps both of you stuck? In this episode, I explore what I call The Empathy Trap in Relationships, a dynamic where understanding your partner’s pain can sometimes make it harder to respond to the actual impact that pain is having on you, the relationship, and the family system as a whole.  Drawing from my own marriage and years of professional experience, I talk about how empathy can unintentionally turn into over-functioning, imbalance, and staying in unhealthy relational loops for far too long. Empathy matters deeply. Feeling seen and understood helps create safety, connection, and healing. But when empathy only focuses on someone’s story, without also paying attention to both nervous systems in the relationship, it can unintentionally reinforce patterns that no longer serve either partner.  In this episode, I introduce a more expanded version of empathy, one that includes compassion, accountability, boundaries, and nervous system awareness for both people in the relationship. Because true relational safety has to be co-created. In this episode, we explore: • What The Empathy Trap in Relationships actually is • How empathy can unintentionally reinforce unhealthy dynamics • The difference between understanding behavior and accepting it • Why over-empathizing can lead to over-functioning • How nervous system awareness changes relational patterns • The importance of including both nervous systems in empathy • Why safety and healing must be co-created in relationships • How expanded empathy creates the conditions for growth and change You can deeply understand your partner…  without abandoning yourself in the process. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    16 min

  5. May 6

    Showing Up Imperfectly: When Perfectionism Looks Like Overachieving

    What if perfectionism doesn’t make you shut down… but makes it impossible to stop pushing? In this episode, I explore the overachieving side of perfectionism, the version that looks productive, driven, high-functioning, and constantly in motion. The version that says, “I’ll just try harder,” “I’ll keep pushing,” or “If I can just get this right, then I’ll finally feel okay.” This conversation builds on last week’s episode about showing up imperfectly through a more avoidant perfectionism pattern, the kind that pulls back when things feel overwhelming. But perfectionism doesn’t only show up through avoidance. For many people, it shows up through striving. Through a nervous-system-informed lens, I explore how both avoidant perfectionism and overachieving perfectionism are rooted in the same thing: a system trying to find safety. For some people, safety came through shutting down, withdrawing, or avoiding. For others, safety came through doing more, pushing harder, and staying constantly mobilized. While these patterns can look completely opposite from the outside, both are adaptive responses shaped by overwhelm, stress, and self-protection. I also share how these patterns can exist within the same person and how they can shape relationship dynamics over time. In my relationship with my husband Ben, when his system moved more toward shutdown, mine often moved toward striving and over-functioning in response. This episode explores how showing up imperfectly matters not only for the person who avoids, but also for the person who over-functions. Because for the overachieving perfectionist, showing up imperfectly may actually mean learning to do less. In this episode, I explore: • The difference between avoidant and overachieving perfectionism • How perfectionism develops through different nervous system survival strategies • Dorsal shutdown vs. sympathetic striving responses • Why overachieving can look healthy while still being driven by self-protection • The hidden cost of constantly pushing, striving, and over-functioning • How perfectionism can disconnect us from our body, limits, and needs • Why overachieving and avoidance can exist in the same person • Common relationship dynamics between shutdown and over-functioning partners • Why showing up imperfectly matters for both perfectionism patterns • How imperfect action for overachievers may actually mean slowing down, resting, or doing less • The connection between awareness, regulation, and self-trust You do not have to get rid of your patterns to begin healing. The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness, flexibility, and learning how to stay connected to yourself while you grow. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    11 min

  6. Apr 29

    Showing Up Imperfectly: One Way This Perfectionist Is Learning to Trust Herself

    What does it actually look like to build self-trust, not when everything is going well, but when it’s not? In this episode, I share a real-time experience from a physically challenging week and how it brought me back to something I’ve been actively working on: learning to show up imperfectly. As a perfectionist, I’ve often found it easier to show up when I feel clear, capable, or confident. But showing up when things feel messy, unclear, or “not good enough”? That’s where I’ve historically pulled back. What I’m learning is this: self-trust isn’t built in perfect moments. It’s built when we choose to show up as we are. This episode explores one way I’m beginning to shift that pattern, by redefining what it means to show up and allowing it to be imperfect, flexible, and aligned with my actual capacity. Because showing up doesn’t mean pushing past your limits or ignoring your body. It means finding a way to show up that’s honest and sustainable.  In addition to this being significantly less taxing to your system, a bonus here is that showing up in a "small" way may have a big impact. We also look at how the nervous system plays a role in moments when we don’t show up. What can look like inconsistency is often overwhelm or protection, not a lack of care or laziness. This is one piece of how I’m learning to build self-trust. In future episodes, I’ll share other ways to deepen this process. In this episode, I explore: • Why perfectionism can make it hard to show up • How showing up imperfectly builds self-trust over time • The connection between consistency and identity • Why small actions matter more than getting it “right” • How to show up in ways that match your capacity • The role of the nervous system in overwhelm and avoidance • Why “something is better than nothing” can be a powerful shift You don’t have to be perfect to be consistent. You don’t have to feel totally ready to show up. You just have to find one way to show up as you are. Because that’s how trust is built. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    11 min

  7. Apr 22

    The Empathy Trap: When Feeling Understood Doesn’t Create Change

    What if empathy may help you feel seen, but may also be keeping you stuck? In this episode, I explore what I call The Empathy Trap, a subtle but powerful dynamic where empathy focused only on the story can create connection, but not change. We’re often taught that empathy is always helpful. And it is. Feeling understood reduces shame, softens defensiveness, and helps us feel less alone. But through both my personal therapy experience and my work with clients, I’ve come to see that empathy can sometimes be incomplete. Most empathy focuses on the story: what happened and why it makes sense. And while that matters, staying there can unintentionally reinforce the very experience we’re trying to move through. In this episode, I introduce an expanded approach: empathizing not just with the story, but with the nervous system state beneath it. Because when we understand what’s happening inside our body, not just in our circumstances, we create the conditions for real movement, not just empathic validation. In this episode, we explore: • Why empathy is essential, but sometimes limited • What “The Empathy Trap” actually is • The difference between story-based and state-based empathy • Why feeling understood doesn’t always lead to change • How nervous system awareness creates movement • A simple way to practice expanded self-empathy Empathy helps us feel seen.  But expanded empathy helps us move. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    24 min

  8. Apr 15

    The Conscious Crash: How Doing the Work Changes the Struggle

    What happens when you have the awareness, the tools, and the language, and still find yourself crashing into dysregulation? In this episode, I share a deeply personal experience I came to describe as a conscious crash, a moment where I could see my nervous system becoming overwhelmed in real time, but couldn’t stop the descent. This experience was layered, a painful moment with my son that activated guilt and heartbreak, stress around falling behind in my work, and a familiar seasonal pattern of shutdown that surfaces for me in April. All of it culminated in a dorsal crash that led me to step away, rest, and move through several days of shutdown. While much of this podcast explores growth, repair, and relational awareness, this conversation focuses on something equally important, what it looks like when those skills don’t prevent the experience, but help you move through it without losing yourself. Building on previous episodes about intention, impact, rupture, and repair, this episode brings those concepts into lived experience. Because while repair is often thought of relationally, it’s also something we must navigate internally, especially when our own system feels like a cue of danger. Through a nervous-system-informed lens, I explore what it means to stay conscious inside dysregulation, including how awareness showed up as a kind of “ventral narrator,” allowing me to witness what was happening without collapsing into shame, even as thoughts like “I’m a failure” and urges to "cope" arose. I also share how this experience impacted my relationship with my husband Ben, how dysregulation shifted my perception of him into a cue of danger, created rupture, and how repair, while not immediate, still occurred. Through communication and a willingness to come back, we were able to reconnect. A key turning point was shifting from empathizing with the story to empathizing with the state of my nervous system, recognizing that my system had moved into protection and asking what it needed to feel safer. At its core, this episode offers a different perspective on growth, not as the absence of struggle, but as the ability to stay with yourself during it, with less shame, more awareness, and a path back to connection. In this episode, we explore: • What a “conscious crash” is • How stressors can compound into dysregulation • Why awareness does not prevent activation • The difference between dysregulation and disconnection from self • The role of the “ventral narrator” • Why “not making it worse” is meaningful work • How coping patterns show up, and what shifts with awareness • How dysregulation changes perception, including seeing loved ones as cues of danger • How it can lead to relational rupture • Why repair may be delayed • The shift from story to nervous system state • How small steps support recovery • What it means to stay in relationship with yourself • Why growth looks like reduced shame • How connection can be rebuilt This episode is a reminder that being conscious doesn’t mean you won’t have hard moments. It means you can stay with yourself while they’re happening, and trust that even from dysregulation, there is a path back to connection. If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

    27 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
8 Ratings

About

This podcast looks through both a professional and personal lens to explore the impact depression can have on individuals and on relationships.  It takes a non-judgmental, destigmatizing view of mental health that encourages true, holistic healing and growth.The host, Trish Sanders, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist.  In addition to her experience in the office with couples and depression, both she and her husband have lived with depression for most of their lives.  Trish shares with transparency and vulnerability, while bringing hope and light to an often heavy subject.Follow Trish @trish.sanders.lcsw on Instagram for support in how to have a deeper connection and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life. Subscribe to When Depression is in Your Bed and share it with someone who you think may benefit from hearing it.-  If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on  "Becoming a Conscious Couple: How to Connect & Communicate with Your Partner,"  at wwww.wholefamilynj.com/webinar-  If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!  Register at www.wholefamilynj.com/workshop

Information

  • Creator
    Trish Sanders, LCSW
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    72
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 When Depression is in your bed
  • Show Website
    When Depression is in your bed