How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation

Sarah Wright & Dr Victoria Stakelum

If you want to succeed in life, you have to master the art of conversation. From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations make our world go round. The thing is, most of us were never taught how to have them well. We all learned to talk as toddlers, but mastering conversation that's a different skill entirely, and let’s be honest, most of us are winging it. So if you’ve ever found yourself tongue-tied, lost for words, or dodging a difficult chat, this podcast is for you. Join two curious conversationalists, psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum and communications consultant Sarah Wright, as we explore how to have a bloody good conversation. It might just change your life.

  1. 48m ago

    If we're communicating before we say a word, do we dress to impress or express who we are?

    Before you said a single word today, someone had already formed an opinion about your competence, your status, and whether you could be trusted. We've all been told never to judge a book by its cover, and yet researchers tell us we do it anyway, in a fraction of a second, before a handshake, before a hello. So what exactly are your clothes saying? And more importantly, is it what you intend? In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Stacie Baillie - an ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, certified makeup artist, and founder of Radiant Mirror, who has spent 30 years inside some of the world's largest global organisations watching how the way people show up quietly makes or breaks careers. The conversation covers the secret language of clothing: why 93% of communication is non-verbal and what that means for what you put on in the morning; the sumptuary laws of medieval England (yes, you could be fined for wearing the wrong colour); how the post-Covid collapse of formal dress codes has made the unwritten rules harder to read, not easier; and why a well-fitted jacket can literally change your posture and therefore how the world responds to you. Along the way: a Savile Row tailor's verdict on why fit matters more than labels; why King Charles may have worn chalk stripe to the US Senate on purpose; the VP who was being held back not by her work but by her wardrobe; and the single button on a senior woman's blouse that research shows was enough to reduce perceptions of her competence significantly. This episode also wrestles with the tensions that sit underneath all of it: between self-expression and conformity, between dressing for yourself and dressing for others, between the freedom to wear what you like and the reality that you will be judged for it regardless. Stacie's closing advice is both practical and kind. Part two - what specific items of clothing and colours are actually signalling to the people around you - is coming. But start here. GuestStacie Baillie: ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, and certified makeup artist. Founder of Radiant Mirror, which offers coaching, leadership development, and influence and image consulting. Stacie spent 30 years working in senior roles at some of the world’s largest global organisations, including banking and consulting, before founding Radiant Mirror to help people bridge the gap between how they see themselves and how the world sees them. You can contact her via her website: www.radiantmirror.ca Contact the showBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com.

    1h 15m
  2. May 7

    The Art of Rapport: How To Build Instant Connection With Anyone

    Do you find talking to strangers a challenge? You're not alone. Researchers at the University of Chicago put commuters on trains and buses and asked some of them to strike up a conversation with the stranger next to them. The ones who did reported significantly happier journeys, every single time. And yet when they asked a separate group beforehand whether they’d enjoy it, almost everyone said no. They predicted feeling awkward or unwanted. They were wrong, but the fear was so convincing, they believed it anyway. And yet, for the sake of your health and sanity, you need to find a way to overcome that fear of striking up a conversation and building rapport - connecting - with anyone. One in six people worldwide is now affected by loneliness. Around 100 deaths happen every hour as a result. The WHO has declared social connection a public health crisis on a par with obesity and smoking. And yet 75% of us say nothing replaces human connection. We have more ways to reach each other than any generation that has ever lived and we are lonelier than ever. In this episode, hosts Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer - to explore the art and science of rapport: what it actually is, why we find it so terrifying, and what it takes to build genuine connection with a complete stranger. Anitra has spent her career doing the thing most of us dread - walking up to people she has never met and getting them to open up, whether that’s a grieving family, a hostile politician, or a reluctant celebrity who clearly doesn’t want to be there. This episode covers the neuroscience of eye contact, smiling, and mirror neurons; why mirroring someone’s energy and pace builds instant trust (and why this is both a teaching tool in NLP and, some would argue, a dark art); how the fear of rejection is wired into us at a survival level, and how to override it; the Norwegian approach to directness and what the British can learn from it; why digital connection is not the same as the real thing neurologically; and the single most powerful thing you can do to build rapport with anyone, anywhere. Spoiler alert - it involves swearing but not in the way you might think. If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone to avoid making eye contact on the tube, this one’s for you. Because every person you’ve ever loved was once a stranger. Every single one. GuestAnitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer. Originally from Bergen in Norway, Anitra holds a degree in Psychology and Anthropology and has spent her career building rapport under pressure: from music interviews to political reporting to live broadcasting. She is also a teacher. ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. ReferencesResearch mentioned in this episode University of Chicago commuter study - Epley & Schroeder (2014), ‘Mistakenly seeking solitude’, Journal of Experimental Psychology: GeneralWHO report on loneliness as a global public health priority (2023)Mirror neurons and social connection - Rizzolatti & Craighero (2004), Annual Review of NeuroscienceNLP and rapport NLP World — introduction to matching, mirroring and rapport – https://www.nlpworld.co.ukPsychology Today — The Science of Rapport – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/rapportThe 100 days of rejection experiment Jia Jiang – ‘Rejection Proof’ TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejectionLoneliness and social connection WHO — Social isolation and loneliness – https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/promotion-prevention/social-connectionCampaign to End Loneliness (UK) – https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org

    1h 10m
  3. The Conversation You’re Having At 3AM (And How To Change It)

    Apr 7

    The Conversation You’re Having At 3AM (And How To Change It)

    The Conversation You're Having At 3Am (And How To Change It) You know the one. It starts the moment you wake up at 3am, or maybe it’s the reason you woke up in the first place. Not good enough. Not clever enough. Not doing enough. Most of us are having a conversation with ourselves that we would never tolerate from another person. And it’s doing real damage: to our confidence, our relationships, and for many of us, our sleep. In this episode, hosts, Sarah Wright and psychologist Dr Victoria Stakelum, explore why our brains default to negative self-talk, what it is physically doing to our bodies, and what we can do to change it. Victoria explains the science behind negativity bias - the evolutionary survival mechanism that causes the brain to scan for threat and, in the absence of real danger, manufacture it - and why the stories we tell ourselves at night are particularly potent. In a wakeful sleep state, the body can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a vividly imagined one. The catastrophic 3am thought spiral is, quite literally, a self-induced stress response. The conversation covers the physiological cost of chronic self-criticism (inflammation, disrupted sleep hormones, reduced immunity), the origins of the inner critic in childhood programming and social comparison, and the research showing that how we speak to ourselves directly shapes what becomes possible for us. Victoria also opens up about her own relationship with perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking - a reminder that even the psychologist is working on it. You’ll come away with a step-by-step process for building kinder self-talk from the ground up: from the one sentence that can de-escalate a 3am spiral, to body scan techniques, to the most powerful reframe of all: responding to yourself as you would to someone you genuinely love. ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. ReferencesSarah’s book Get Back to Sleep: A Recovering Insomniac’s Practical Guide to Beating Insomnia – Available on Amazon CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia) Sarah refers to this course that helped her: ReSleep. Self-talk and self-compassion Self-Compassion - Dr Kristin Neff’s research and free self-compassion exercises https://self-compassion.orgPsychology Today - What Is Negative Self-Talk, and How Can You Change It? https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/self-talk Negativity bias Verywell Mind - What Is the Negativity Bias? https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618 Mindfulness and body scan NHS Every Mind Matters - Mindfulness and body scan audio guides: https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/mindfulness/

    1h 6m
  4. The Best Conversation Is The One You Have With Yourself

    Mar 10

    The Best Conversation Is The One You Have With Yourself

    What if the most important conversation you'll ever have isn't with your boss, your partner, or your best friend but with yourself? In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr. Victoria Stakelum explore the inner dialogue that shapes everything: your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, and your ability to have difficult conversations. We unpack where your inner critic comes from (spoiler: it was formed in childhood, and it thinks it's helping), how to tell the difference between fear-based chatter and genuine gut instinct, and what to do when that voice in your head is holding you back. You'll learn why trying to silence your inner critic backfires, what you can do so it loses its grip, and the ABC technique for regulating yourself in the moment. Plus: the surprising power of giving your inner critic a name, why affirmations can make things worse if you don't believe them, and how journaling with your non-dominant hand might unlock answers your conscious mind can't reach. If you've ever beaten yourself up after a meeting, talked yourself out of something you wanted, or wondered why you can't just think more positively—this one's for you. Topics covered: What a “conversation with yourself” really is and why we’re all doing it (whether we notice it or not).Why the tone and volume of your self-talk matters for wellbeing and relationships.How to spot when you’re being hijacked in a conversation (mental and physical signs).A simple regulation framework you can use anywhere: Awareness → Breath → Choice.How to work with (not against) your inner critic, including naming it and understanding what it’s trying to do for you.Why “positive affirmations” can backfire and how to do realism-based positivity instead.Practical ways to externalise your thoughts: journaling, speaking out loud, and prompts that take you deeper. Guest Information Dr. Victoria Stakelum - Psychologist & Mindset Coach Sarah Wright - Communications & Creative StrategistVictoria's Oracle Cards: Available at thesuccesssmith.com under Launchpad Contact / listener questions Have a conversational conundrum or a question sparked by this episode? Email the show at ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com .

    1h 9m
  5. Q&A Follow Up Episode on Emotions, Miscommunication, and Slowing Down

    Feb 24

    Q&A Follow Up Episode on Emotions, Miscommunication, and Slowing Down

    Why Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now: A Q&A on Emotions, Miscommunication, and Slowing DownIn this follow-up Q&A, communications consultant Sarah Wright and psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum answer listener questions sparked by the episode “Why do conversations feel so hard right now?” Together, they explore why modern digital life speeds up our brains, how emotions and subconscious triggers derail what we’re trying to say, and what to do when miscommunication happens. You’ll hear practical tools for slowing down in high-stakes moments, regulating your nervous system, improving clarity, and bringing “clean energy” into important conversations. What You’ll LearnA simple way to slow your speaking without losing your thinkingWhy “I’m fine” rarely lands.The difference between regulation and repression, and how to name emotions without blaming.A practical NLP tool to reduce conflict and widen perspective. (NLP World)How modern messaging trains us into instant-response habits (and how to retrain expectations).How to build patience through nervous system practice.How to spot miscommunication early and the receiver/sender checks that prevent escalation.What “cup-filling conversations” look like (past, present, future), and why they matter.What “clean energy” is and how to stop emotional agenda hijacking outcomes.Resources MentionedPositive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine (referenced in the episode in the context of emotional channels / “PQ”). (Positive Intelligence)Perceptual Positions (NLP) – perspective-shifting technique discussed in the episode. (NLP World)Got a conversational conundrum you want us to unpack? Send your questions to ABloodyGoodConversation@gmail.com.

    43 min
  6. Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic Partner

    Feb 10

    Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic Partner

    Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic PartnerIf you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you. Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly. In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting. GuestLydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/ ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. ReferencesAttachment styles Psychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-testAttachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/Love languages The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languageCommunication style Verywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-797314336 Questions This site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness Films referenced Hitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

    1h 12m
  7. Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it)

    Jan 13

    Why Good Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now (and what to do about it)

    Have you noticed that conversations feel more rushed, reactive and emotionally loaded than ever before? It’s not just you. That’s why, in this episode, we (that’s communications consultant, Sarah Wright, and psychologist and mindset coach, Dr Victoria Stakelum) explore the real reasons communication has become so challenging: from the speed of modern life to nervous system overload, digital disconnection, and the pressure to respond instantly. In this episode, we cover: Why time feels faster and how this impacts the way we thinkHow technology affects our nervous systems and patienceWhy we’re “connected” but still lonelyThe one simple shift that instantly improves every conversationHow energy, not wording, shapes how you’re receivedThe role of rapport with others and yourselfHow slowing down can transform conflict, communication, and connection. This episode is for anyone who wants calmer, richer, more meaningful conversations at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In it, we reference: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. CoveyThe Trust Technique – www.thetrusttechnique.comLaura Lynne Jackson – ww. lauralynnejackson.com100 Ways to Raise Your Vibration – Victoria’s pdf can be downloaded here: https://thesuccesssmith.thrivecart.com/100ways We’d genuinely love to hear your experiences. Please share what you tried, what shifted, or any questions you’d like us to cover in future episodes by emailing abloodygoodconversation@gmail.com. Enjoy the episode.

    1 hr
  8. Series 2 Trailer

    Season 2 Trailer

    Series 2 Trailer

    Master the art of conversation, and you’ll transform your life.From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations shape everything: your career, your connections, your confidence. But while we all learned to talk as toddlers, no one really taught us how to have good conversations, the kind where you feel heard, understood, and genuinely connected. If you’ve ever found yourself: tongue-tied in a difficult conversationreplaying an argument in your head for daysdodging tricky chats at work or at homestuck in small talk when you want something deeper…this podcast is for you. Why this podcast matters now We’re living in a time of constant connection and growing disconnection. Research shows that: Around half of UK adults report feeling lonely, even when surrounded by othersOnly a small proportion of our daily conversations are truly meaningful, most are just logistics and small talkSmartphones and screens are eroding our face-to-face communication skills and attention. School taught us how to perform and achieve. It didn’t teach us how to listen, how to disagree well, how to set boundaries, or how to talk about things that really matter. Culture often treats conversation as polite chit-chat or intellectual debate, not as a tool for emotional connection, repair, and understanding. This podcast exists to change that. Meet your hosts Join two curious conversationalists: Dr Victoria Stakelum – psychologist and mindset coach, specialising in the subconscious mind, emotions, and how we relate to ourselves and othersSarah Wright – communications consultant, creative strategist, and conversation curator Together, they explore how to have a bloody good conversation, at work, at home, in relationships, and in all those moments we’d secretly rather avoid. The topic of conversation In Series 1, Sarah and seasoned journalist Mai Davies explored the art of conversation, including: When and how to use humour in conversationHow to handle conflict effectively (without burning bridgesHow to listen so people feel truly heardHow to read a room and pick your momentHow to talk about things that matter – from work disagreements and family tensions to death, cultural identity, and negotiating under pressure. Now, previous guest, Dr Victoria Stakelum, joins as co-host to give a different perspective using her experience drawn from her corporate life running million-pound businesses and current occupation as psychologist and mindset coach. Through real-life examples and practical tools, she shares why: Self-awareness is the foundation of every bloody good conversationCuriosity and empathy – stepping into someone else’s shoes – are non-negotiableBetter conversations don’t start with control; they start with noticing your own reactions, regulating your energy, and staying calm under pressure Why conversation skills matter Conversation is something we do together. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe, equipped, and able to bring their full selves to the table. When we lose the art of conversation, we all lose: misunderstandings grow, resentment builds, and we drift further away from the people who matter most. This podcast was created to help us all: have better, braver conversationsnavigate conflict and difference with more confidenceend conversations in a way that feels good for everyone – heard, understood, and genuinely connected. If you’re looking for a conversation skills podcast that’s practical, warm, honest, and real, hit follow and join us as we learn the art of meaningful dialogue – one bloody good conversation at a time.

    1 min

Trailer

About

If you want to succeed in life, you have to master the art of conversation. From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations make our world go round. The thing is, most of us were never taught how to have them well. We all learned to talk as toddlers, but mastering conversation that's a different skill entirely, and let’s be honest, most of us are winging it. So if you’ve ever found yourself tongue-tied, lost for words, or dodging a difficult chat, this podcast is for you. Join two curious conversationalists, psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum and communications consultant Sarah Wright, as we explore how to have a bloody good conversation. It might just change your life.

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