Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse

JBWS / MC Robinson
  • 5.0 (5)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Biweekly

There is a culture of silence around the issue of domestic abuse and this podcast is here to break that silence. Run by members of JBWS, a domestic violence agency, Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse doesn't shy away from having difficult conversations about abuse to help others recognize that they may be in unhealthy relationships or using unhealthy behaviors themselves.

  1. May 26

    "I Don't Want To Be Like My Father" How to Stop Abusing Your Partner

    People who have grown up with domestic violence may not know how to have a healthy relationship. As much as they may have hated the way their mother or father was treated, children who witnessed abuse may not have the tools to break the cycle of violence in their own relationships. In this episode, Juli Harpell-Elam discusses how she works with men, women, and teenagers who have used abuse to encourage accountability and behavior change. She explores the roots of abusive behavior, accountability, emotional regulation, and what real change actually looks like. This episode offers insight for people recognizing unhealthy behaviors in themselves, while also emphasizing that survivors are never responsible for someone else’s change. It discusses: How childhood exposure to domestic violence impacts adult relationshipsWhy anger is often connected to fear, shame, or vulnerabilityEmotional regulation skills to prevent escalationWhy accountability is necessary for healing and healthier relationshipsResources for people seeking help to stop abusive behaviors CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction(1:17) Recognizing Abuse(2:50) Awareness vs. Intent(4:17) Signs of Control(7:24) After Hurting Your Partner(10:07) Shame & Accountability(12:25) Escalation Warning Signs(14:48) Emotional Regulation Skills(15:47) Using Healthy Time-Outs(17:39) Building Support Systems(19:33) Emotional Abuse Patterns(22:31) Beliefs Behind Abuse(25:24) Why People Use Control(26:14) Anger & Vulnerability(29:31) The Cost of Abuse(33:20) Silent Treatment & Phone Checking(36:17) Getting Help to Change(40:39) Fear of Judgment(42:05) Breaking the Silence(43:33) Is Change Lifelong?(49:22) Accountability & Survivor Safety(54:00) About JBWS and Resources Resources: JBWS' services: ⁠⁠JBWS.org/services ⁠⁠General resources: ⁠⁠ jbws.org/resources⁠⁠Helpline for people using abuse: 877-898-3411 or https://acallforchangehelpline.org/ If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit ⁠⁠thehotline.org ⁠⁠

    56 min

  2. Apr 28

    "Who Gets the Kids?” Domestic Violence and the Courts

    What is the impact of having children with an abusive partner? Do restraining orders apply to children? Will a history of abuse impact custody? In this episode of Unsilenced, Pat Barbarito, Esq. and Maria Lagattuta, LCSW explore the impact of domestic violence on children, particularly within the court system. In this episode, you’ll learn: How restraining orders impact children and parenting timeWhat to expect with custody and visitation in domestic violence casesHow children are affected psychologically, including trauma and split loyalties between parents Why preparation and support services are critical when navigating the legal systemWhether you’re a parent navigating an abusive relationship, a professional supporting families, or someone seeking to better understand the system, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical guidance. Most importantly, it reinforces a critical truth: abuse is never the victim’s fault and support is always available when you’re ready to reach out. Content: (0:00) Introduction(03:31) Restraining Orders & Separation(04:58) Visitation & Child Safety(06:00) Custody & Power Dynamics(07:43) Filing a Restraining Order(09:58) Preparing for Court(11:52) Who Is Protected & Legal Limits(14:21) Teen Dating Violence(16:21) The Impact on Children(20:01) Silence, Shame & Stigma(27:19) When Kids Become Caregivers(29:08) Blame, Loyalty & Conflict(31:10) Why Leaving Is So Hard(34:17) Recognizing Red Flags(43:18) Co-Parenting Challenges(51:45) About JBWS and Resources Resources: JBWS' services: JBWS.org/services General resources:  jbws.org/resourcesIf you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnvIf you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    54 min

  3. Mar 31

    Money & Relationships: Is It Generosity or Is It Control?

    What are healthy financial boundaries? How can you tell if someone is being generous versus attempting to control you? Financial abuse occurs in 99% of abusive relationships and can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Dani Meza explores: Signs of financial abuseHow financial control is a power method of controlThe difference between healthy financial partnership and controlling behaviorSubtle red flagsHow financial abuse can impact employment Questions to help you recognize if financial control is happening in your relationshipVideo Content: (0:00) Introduction(0:35) What is Financial Abuse?(2:05) Common Examples of Financial Control(3:34) How Financial Abuse Traps Survivors(5:13) Control vs. Healthy Financial Partnership(6:50) Child Support, Separation & Financial Manipulation(7:26) Real Patterns Survivors Experience(10:59) Career Sabotage & Employment Abuse(13:45) Subtle Signs: “Care” vs. Control(15:23) Questions to Identify Financial Abuse(17:03) Consequences, Manipulation & Power(18:22) Reclaiming Control & Final Thoughts(19:26) About JBWS & Resources About JBWS and Resources: JBWS’ services: jbws.org/servicesGeneral resources: jbws.org/resourcesIf you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv If you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    22 min

  4. Mar 10

    Is My Relationship Healthy? Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

    How can you tell if your relationship is actually healthy? Can unhealthy things happen in healthy relationships? In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Maddie Hahn explores: The 8 key elements of a healthy relationship The difference between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationshipsGreen flags people should look for in relationshipsThe difference between boundaries and ultimatumsWhether unhealthy behaviors can exist in otherwise healthy relationshipsAnd so much more!Whether you're questioning your relationship or simply want to understand what healthy love should look like, this episode provides practical insights and helpful tools to learn more about healthy relationships. Video Content: (0:00) What Is a Healthy Relationship? (1:16) Green Flags in Healthy Relationships (2:15) Negotiation and Fairness in Relationships (4:28) Boundaries vs Ultimatums (10:50) Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationship Conflict (15:07) Trying to Change Your Partner (17:10) Keeping Your Identity in a Relationship (20:45) Trust and Support in Relationships (21:40) Privacy, Phones, and Location Sharing (22:15) Trust Issues and Past Relationship Trauma (26:50) Apologizing and Taking Responsibility (29:20) Can Relationships Recover From Dishonesty? (33:55) Shared Responsibility in Relationships (36:55) Financial Equality and Economic Partnership (41:10) Can Healthy Relationships Have Unhealthy Moments? (42:40) Unhealthy vs Abusive Relationships (48:40) About JBWS and Resources for Support About JBWS and Resources: JBWS’ services: jbws.org/services General resources: jbws.org/resources If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 97.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnvIf you don’t live or work predominately inMorris County or Passaic County in New Jersey, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.orgIntro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    53 min

  5. Feb 24

    Is Location Sharing a Red Flag? When Location Tracking Becomes Control

    Location sharing has become a normal part of relationships for many people but is it actually a red flag? Is it possible to share your location in a healthy way?  In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Mary Jane McCarthy explores: When asking for someone’s location becomes controllingThe difference between safety-based sharing and coercive controlHow constant location tracking erodes trustWarning signs that location tracking is rooted in abuseHow location sharing can escalate into digital stalkingWhy refusing to share your location is not suspiciousFrom teens in new relationships to long-term couples navigating boundaries, we break down how location tracking impacts trust, autonomy, and privacy. You’ll learn how to identify red flags, set healthy boundaries around technology, and recognize when tracking becomes a tool of control rather than care. While location sharing can be used responsibly, it can also normalize monitoring, suspicion, and other forms of abuse.   CONTENT: (0:00) Introduction (1:32) Basics of Location Sharing (4:26) Is Location Sharing A Red Flag? (8:54) How Long Before You Check Location? (12:40) Expectation of Availability (19:06) Length of Relationship Matters (24:03) Signs Location Sharing is Rooted in Control (37:55) Not Sharing Location Is Not Suspicious (40:25) Constantly Checking Location Erodes Trust (42:08) Is Location Tracking Stalking? (47:19) Questions to Ask Before Location Sharing (51:20) About JBWS and Resources   About JBWS and Resources: JBWS's Services: jbws.org/services General Resources: jbws.org/resourcesIf you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv If you don't live or work in either Morris or Passaic County, NJ please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233)Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    54 min

  6. Feb 10

    How to Tell When Someone is Gaslighting You, with Dr. Danielle Graddick, PsyD.

    You're not going crazy. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own perception of reality. It is frequently used in abusive relationships to keep the victim under an abusive partner's control. Dr. Danielle Graddick, a licensed clinical psychologist, joins this episode of Unsilenced to get into gaslighting. We explore these questions: What is gaslighting? What are signs of gaslighting?Can you gaslight someone unintentionally?What are examples of gaslighting?How can you respond to gaslighting?Why do people gaslight others?How can you trust yourself after gaslighting?And so much more Video Content (0:00) Introduction (1:48) Defining Gaslighting (2:49) Examples of Gaslighting (5:44) Common Gaslighting Phrases (7:19) Disagreeing Without Gaslighting (12:04) Can Gaslighting be Unintentional? (15:21) Why Do People Gaslight Others? (17:51) Is It Possible to Stop Gaslighting? (21:58) Recovering from Gaslighting (28:13) About JBWS & Resources About JBWS & Resources: JBWS's Services: Jbws.org/services General Resources: ⁠https://jbws.org/helpful-domestic-violence-information/⁠ If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv ⁠ If you don't live or work in either Morris or Passaic County, NJ please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    31 min

  7. Jan 27

    How to Safely Leave an Abusive or Unhealthy Relationship

    When a person decides to leave an abusive relationship, it marks a significant loss of control for their partner that can make the abuse escalate. Most domestic violence homicides and serious injuries occur when a person decides to leave an abusive relationship. That is why safety planning is crucial for all people experiencing abuse, even if you don’t plan on leaving immediately. In this episode, JBWS staff member Robin Hughes discusses: General tips to increase your safety How to deescalate an abusive situationInvolving children in safety planningStaying safe after you leave the relationshipAnd more  CONTENT:  (0:00) Introduction (2:08) What Is Safety Planning? (6:00) Preparing to Leave An Abusive Relationship (8:13) Signs You Need to Deescalate (10:08) How to Placate an Abusive Partner for Safety (14:20) Tips for Preparing to Leave An Abusive Relationship (18:32) "Where Do I Go Now?" (21:35) Staying Safe After Leaving (27:35) Document The Abuse (29:41) Ideas for Safety Planning (35:48) Safety Planning With A Restraining Order (39:35) Involving Children in Safety Planning (43:32) Weapons and Abuse (46:06) Recap on Tips for Staying Safe (51:44) Resources and About JBWS   *Every person’s circumstance is different. This podcast is intended to offer general tips for safety planning, not to offer advice. Not every suggestion will be right for you. Call a domestic violence agency and speak with an advocate to develop your own safety plan. Resources and About JBWS: JBWS's Services: Jbws.org/services Morris County, NJ 24-Hour Helpline:1.877.782.2873 Passaic County, NJ 24-Hour Helpline: 1.973.881.1450 General Resources: https://jbws.org/helpful-domestic-violence-information/ Ideas for Safety Planning:  https://jbws.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Developing-a-Safety-Plan.pdf If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv If you don't live or work in either Morris or Passaic County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    54 min

  8. Jan 13

    Can Choking Your Partner During Sex Ever Be Consensual?

    Choking your partner during sex is becoming increasingly common. People engage in breath play to enhance eroticism and sexual pleasure. But can sexual choking ever be a consensual act? Is it possible to consent to something that could kill you with the same force it takes to open a can of soda? CONTENT: Introduction (0:00)Choking vs. Strangulation (2:45) Can You Consent to Choking? (3:59) Dangers of Sexual Choking (5:34) Choking and Abusive Relationships (10:45) Defining Strangulation (16:21) Warning Signs of Medical Distress (22:35) Choking Puts Abuse Victims At Increased Risk of Death (25:34)Talking to Teens About Sexual Choking (28:46) BREATHE Protocol (34:24) Is Sexual Choking Abuse? (37:52) About JBWS & Resources (41:41) Resources and About JBWS: If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris or Passaic County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit jbws.org/services If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠ If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

    44 min
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There is a culture of silence around the issue of domestic abuse and this podcast is here to break that silence. Run by members of JBWS, a domestic violence agency, Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse doesn't shy away from having difficult conversations about abuse to help others recognize that they may be in unhealthy relationships or using unhealthy behaviors themselves.

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