Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast

Patricia Rich
  • 4.8 (10)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Biweekly

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

  1. 11h ago

    32: Healing from Purity Culture through IFS, with Forest Benedict

    “Using IFS to heal my fear of hell…that was profound" - Forest Benedict Disclaimer: This episode contains explicit discussions of religious trauma, purity culture, sexual shame, and adult sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. Patty sits down with Forest Benedict, Certified IFS Therapist, Sex & Desire Coach, & Author, for a personal and wide-ranging conversation including his journey from committed purity culture believer and sex addiction therapist to deconverting from Christianity, unpublishing his own book, and rebuilding his entire practice around healing sexual shame and religious trauma with IFS. From there, the conversation moves into the kinds of parts that often show up for those who are navigating purity culture, the power of getting to know parts through their desires rather than only their fears, and what it means for a therapist to bring genuine Self-energy into the room when a client is exploring a major change in their sexual attitudes. They also explore toxic masculinity and the particular burdens cisgender men carry, what Forest witnesses when men are finally given a space to be vulnerable and open-hearted with each other, and the discernment of what we are willing to lose in order to claim who we really are. The episode closes with Forest's concept of Rewilding Desire — the invitation to reconnect with the parts of us that have been domesticated through trauma, religion, and culture, and to consider ways for them to express themselves in the world. About Forest Benedict Forest Benedict, LMFT is a Certified IFS Therapist with more than 16 years of clinical experience, providing online therapy in California and Washington. He became a therapist to specialize in sex addiction and went on to serve as a Clinical Director, speaker, teacher, and author of Life After Lust: Stories & Strategies for Sex & Pornography Addiction Recovery. After deconverting from Christianity seven years ago, Forest began a deep personal healing journey, unpublished his book, pursued IFS certification, and shifted his work toward using IFS to heal sexual shame and religious trauma. He now supports clients in embracing all of who they are sexually through therapy and Rewilding Desire, his IFS-based sex and desire coaching program. Forest runs an ongoing online men's group for clients in Washington and California, offers coaching worldwide, and is currently completing Sex & Intimacy Training and Certification. Connect with Forest: Instagram - @forestbenedictlmft  YouTube - @rewildingdesire Facebook - @forestbenedictlmft TikTok - @forestbenedictlmft @rewildingdesire ForestBenedict.com https://forestbenedict.com/blog-3/ About Self-Led in Bed Self-Led in Bed is a podcast where we explore our fascinating internal sexual landscapes and discover our authentic sexual Self through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Hosted by Patricia Rich, Certified IFS Therapist, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, coach, and creator of the Self-Led Sexuality model and The Six S’s of Sexual Self Energy Framework, each episode brings warm, smart, and often juicy conversations that will transform your understanding of sexuality. Resources Get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    55 min

  2. May 28

    31: BDSM Through an IFS Lens, with Leonore Tjia

    “I can be any part in this, any role in this. I'm both the writer, the producer, the director of this erotic theatrical experience my psyche is creating." Leonore Tjia Disclaimer: This episode contains explicit discussions of BDSM practices, power exchange, trauma, and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. Patty sits down with Leonore Tjia, a therapist, coach, and kink educator, for a conversation about what happens when the frameworks of Internal Family Systems and BDSM meet. For those new to the world of kink, Leonore offers a clear  introduction — unpacking the difference between power exchange and sensation play, and explaining why the BDSM community’s emphasis on consent, negotiation, and aftercare brings a level of intentionality that is often missing from so-called “normal” sexuality. From there, the conversation goes deeper: how dominance and submission can echo early attachment experiences, how scenes can become spaces for reenactment and repair, and what it really means to negotiate consent — not just with a partner, but internally and with the body parts themselves. They also turn the lens on the therapeutic relationship itself, exploring the power dynamics, the attunement, and the ways that being a good therapist might draw on some of the same inner capacities as being a good dominant. Leonore Tjia (she/they) is a queer Chinese American Associate Marriage and Family Therapist based in Vermont. She has worked in the field of adult sexuality education since 2011 with a focus on erotic embodiment, consent and transformative BDSM. She holds a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology and has studied and trained in a variety of healing modalities, including Internal Family Systems, Theater of the Oppressed and the somatic arts form Body Tales. Through her private practice, Rewild Your Heart, she helps people restore the dignity, power and aliveness of their erotic selves. Connect with Leonore: Leonore’s website: rewildingtheheart.com About Self-Led in Bed Self-Led in Bed is a podcast where we explore our fascinating internal sexual landscapes and discover our authentic sexual Self through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Hosted by Patricia Rich — Certified IFS Therapist, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, coach, and creator of the Self-Led Sexuality and The Six S’s models — each episode brings warm, smart, and often juicy conversations. Resources Get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 24m

  3. May 14

    30: Sexorcism: IFS and Unattached Burdens with Robert Falconer

    "These things look like great, big, horrifying  monsters, but actually they're really terrified small beings. Think about it for a minute. They're making their existence as a parasite, an unwanted inhabitant in somebody else's psyche. That's not something a powerful being would do." — Robert Falconer Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and non-ordinary psychological experiences. Listener discretion is advised. Sexuality, especially following sexual trauma, is already complex and multi-layered. Today’s guest brings in yet another potent dimension: what happens when our sexual system has absorbed parasitic energies that do not belong to us?  Robert Falconer is well-known in the IFS community for his teachings about “the others within us,” including unattached burdens and guides.In this episode, Patty and Bob explore how sexual trauma can create openings in the psyche that allow these external energies in, and how working with the parts that have organized themselves around those energies — not rushing to get rid of them — is often where the most tender and transformative healing lives. Bob shares from his own autobiography of severe childhood sexual abuse, and speaks to why he believes IFS is the most powerful model available today for survivors.Bob introduces the "seal of light" meditation as a practical tool for spiritual hygiene, discusses the difference between unattached burdens and perpetrator introjects, and shares what he's learned about the role guides and benevolent energies play in healing and in love. Bob Falconer has devoted much of his career to the treatment of trauma.  For approximately 20 years Bob's major focus has been on Internal Family Systems Therapy. Bob has served on staff for more than twenty official IFS Institute trainings and has completed the highest level of IFS training himself. He has taught extensively, both online and internationally, and has led trainings and classes in Pakistan, China, South Korea, Mexico, Poland, Spain, Canada, the United Kingdom, and with the Fort Belknap and Northern Cheyenne reservations.He is the author of six books related to IFS and inner healing; the most recent being Self Unbroken, an account of the foundations of his healing from his own childhood sexual abuse. He has also been actively engaged with psychedelic exploration since 1967 and continues to view it as a meaningful pathway for healing and insight. Connect with Bob: Bob's website: robertfalconer.us Instagram/Facebook: @bobfalconerifs Books: The Others Within Us, When You're Going Through Hell ...Keep Going, Spirit, Opening the Inner World (co-author), Many Minds, One Self (co-author) - Self Unbroken (publishing in Q2 2026) About Self-Led in Bed Self-Led in Bed is a podcast where we explore our fascinating internal sexual landscapes and discover our authentic sexual Self through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Hosted by Patricia Rich — Certified IFS Therapist, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, coach, and creator of the Self-Led Sexuality and The Six S’s models — each episode brings warm, smart, and often juicy conversations. Resources Get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. Check out our Intro to IFS Through the Lens of Sexuality Course at www.patriciarich.com.

    1h 20m

  4. Apr 30

    29: Exposing My Parts, with Host Patricia Rich

    In this special solo episode, host Patricia Rich celebrates her birthday, which coincides with Earth Day, by choosing to expose her parts…sharing more about her own internal system and inviting listeners to feel into their own vulnerability related to sexual self-disclosure. After 15 months of hosting, Patricia reintroduces herself to the audience, noting how she has evolved since the podcast began and is feeling called to step out from "hiding" and to share more about her parts, passions, internal polarizations and plans. A major theme of this episode is the concept of "internal consent," a process of slowing down to listen to the various parts of one's internal system before making choices about how to communicate or show up in the world. Patricia leads a guided reflection, inviting listeners to consider their own boundaries around self-disclosure—especially regarding their sexual feelings and desires—and how they determine if it is safe to share tender information with friends, partners, or professionals. Patricia shares stories from early childhood that impact her feelings about exposing herself physically,and also delves into her passion for deep connection and the spiritual aspects of intimacy. She explains that feeling "self-led in bed" is not just about sex, but about a broader sense of connectedness that can extend to nature and the Earth. Special Announcement: Monthly "Self-Led in Bed" Q&As! We’re thrilled to announce a new way to connect! Patty will be hosting monthly Self-Led in Bed Q&A sessions exclusively within her Facebook community. This is your opportunity to have your questions about IFS and Sexuality addressed directly. Attend live or submit questions in advance. You can choose to be anonymous when you post in the group, or send Patty a private DM, letting her know if you do not wish to be identified publicly. Join our Facebook community today to submit your questions and be part of these monthly conversations! Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. Or visit the website at www.patriciarich.com

    36 min

  5. Apr 6

    28: Demonstration of IFS for Sexuality and Gender Healing, with Chelsea Odhner

    Disclaimer: This episode includes explicit personal conversations about sexuality, gender identity, and religious trauma. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode Patty talks with Chelsea Rose Odhner (they/them), Level 2 IFS Practitioner, ICF Certified Coach, and an assistant in Patty’s course, Introduction to IFS through the Lens of Sexuality. This episode is specifically designed to explain core IFS concepts through Chelsea’s lived experience ontheir sexuality and gender healing journey. We walk through key ideas such as trailheads, protectors, exiles, unblending and unburdening.  This episode includes a live demo where listeners can witness the flow of an IFS session and how the tools of IFS continue to support Chelsea internally and externally, including a  tender unburdening moment around a memory involving discomfort with male sexual energy. I am grateful for their generous sharing of their system where they are building ongoing relationships with parts in  the complex territory of sexuality, gender, religious trauma, and authenticity. This episode is both deeply personal and highly educational — an invitation to see IFS concepts come alive in real time around sexuality and identity. About Chelsea Chelsea Rose Odhner is a trained Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner, certified coach, and co-author of Opening the Inner World: Spiritual Healing, Internal Family Systems and Emanuel Swedenborg. With a background as a licensed massage therapist and a student of yoga philosophy, Chelsea’s work connects spirituality with embodied experience. As the Vice President of Publishing at the Swedenborg Foundation, they are dedicated to translating complex spiritual and philosophical concepts into practical tools for personal development. Chelsea coordinates the Foundation’s in-person retreat programs, where they weave together parts-work, somatic practice, and a spiritual lens to help seekers bridge the gap between the head and the heart. About Self-Led in Bed Self-Led in Bed is a podcast where we explore our fascinating internal sexual landscapes and discover our authentic sexual Self through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Hosted by Patricia Rich — Certified IFS Therapist, AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, coach, and creator of the Self-Led Sexuality and The Six S’s models — each episode brings warm, smart, and often juicy conversations. Resources Get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. Check out our Intro to IFS Through the Lens of Sexuality Course at www.patriciarich.com. Opening the Inner World: Spiritual Healing, Internal Family Systems, and Emanuel Swedenborg - https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Inner-World-Spiritual-Swedenborg/dp/0877853673

    1h 4m

  6. Mar 12

    27: The Penis Speaks: Decoding Male Sexual Dysfunction, with Dan Watter

    “...our unconscious will speak to us through our penis and self-protectively disrupt a sexual interaction due to some perceived danger or threat.”   - Daniel Watter in The Existential Importance of the The Penis Disclaimer: Please be aware that this episode includes frank discussion of sexual anatomy, acts, and death anxiety. Listener discretion is advised. Patty talks to Dr. Daniel N. Watter, Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist and author of The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding the Sexuality of Men. Dan shares his 40+ years of clinical experience working with male sexual function and dysfunction, exploring the profound psychological, relational, and existential meanings men attach to their penises beyond biology, and how “the penis speaks.” Dan shares his trauma-informed perspective that upends much current thinking about men’s sexual dysfunction, emphasizing how early attachment wounds and losses can underlie difficulties that are deeper than performance anxiety. He shares his passion for the work of existential psychotherapist Irvin Yalom who taught that  confrontations with our mortality can stimulate a drive toward sexual life force energy and a life of meaning and shares many dramatic client stories..  Dan emphasizes compassionate, non-judgmental therapeutic space, and a hopeful message for men. The conversation is warm, humorous, and deeply human — offering clarity for therapists, partners, and anyone seeking to understand male sexuality more fully. About Daniel: Dr. Daniel N. Watter received his doctoral degree from New York University in 1985 and holds a post-graduate certificate in Medical Humanities from Drew University. He is licensed as both a psychologist and marital/family therapist, Board Certified in Sex Therapy by AASECT (where he is also a certified supervisor), and elected to Fellowship in ISSWSH and SMSNA. He has authored over 30 professional articles and book chapters on sexual function/dysfunction and ethics in healthcare, and is the author of The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding the Sexuality of Men. Connect with Daniel:  Instagram: www.instagram.com/dnwatter Book: The Existential Importance of the Penis Connect with  Patricia Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic. Intro to IFS through the Lens of Sexuality Course

    1h 21m

  7. Feb 26

    26: Deepening Intimacy through Authentic Relating, with Randi Hall

    Disclaimer: This episode includes candid discussions of sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode Patty talks to Randi Hall, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist,  Grief Tender and Facilitator about Authentic Relating (AR) — a practice of realness, presence, and in-the-moment connection through simple games and conversations. We discuss AR as an open source social technology, its principles (curiosity, empathy, ownership), how it creates safety for vulnerability, and its natural synergy with IFS.  We discuss applying AR to sexuality to build attunement, consent, and presence before intimacy, and play two live games which are surprisingly (yet not surprisingly) vulnerable and revealing. Randi highlights AR’s versatility across joyful, tender, and conflict spaces, and shares how she fell in love with these practices. Randi Hall is the founder of Realness Rising and her work centers on creating honest, spacious, embodied containers where people can show up as they are without fixing, performing, or pretending. Randi brings together clinical training, lived experience, ritual, and years of facilitating grief circles and connection spaces to help people feel less alone in both grief and relationship. Connect with Randi:  IG: @realnessrising FB Group: realnessrising and the realness rising community Podcast: ⁠Getting Real with Grief⁠ ⁠https://www.authrev.org/what-is-authentic-relating⁠ Tik Tok: @RealnessRising Follow Patricia on Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/⁠ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich⁠ Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free ⁠The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    1h 1m

  8. Feb 12

    25: Helping Cancer Survivors Feel Sexy Again, with Sabitha Pillai-Friedman

    “Do not think of sex as one dish. Think of it as a buffet…You can do so many things with it. Don't limit yourself to one dish.”  Sabitha Pillai-Friedman Disclaimer: This episode explores sensitive topics related to cancer and sexuality. Listener discretion is advised. In this episode of Self-Led in Bed, Patty welcomes Dr.Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Approved Supervisor,  for a profound conversation about the intersection of cancer survivorship and sexuality. Following her own cancer diagnosis in 2009, Sabitha recognized a massive gap in care for survivors—the complete lack of information regarding post-treatment sexuality—and has since become a leading advocate and volunteer speaker for organizations like Unite for Her. Patients often feel blindsided by the sexual side effects of cancer treatment because these issues are rarely discussed by healthcare providers. From numbness following breast reconstruction to the hormonal deprivation that causes vaginal dryness and arousal issues, the physical changes can be overwhelming. Beyond the physical, survivors face disenfranchised grief, where society and loved ones may unintentionally silence their pain by reminding them they are "lucky to be alive," effectively exiling the importance of their sexual identity.  Sabitha is constantly rewarded by the sexual resilience of the people she works with, noting that with the right support, survivors can experience a sexual awakening or "reset" that broadens their interpretation of intimacy. Listeners are encouraged to visit the Unite for Her website to access her free videos and resource lists dedicated to sexuality after cancer. Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman was born in the Middle East, raised in India and moved to the United States at age 27, bringing a rich multicultural lens to her work. She has over 30 years of experience providing individual, couple and sex therapy and frequently speaks to health care professionals, cancer survivors and patients about cancer and sexuality. She is an Adjunct Associate Professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University in Chester, PA and is the co-host of the podcast Our Better Half which focuses on the beauty of human sexuality in the later half of life.  Connect with Sabitha:  https://self-compassion.org/ https://www.facebook.com/sabitha.pillai.9 https://uniteforher.com/herlibrary/ S. Pillai-Friedman & J.L. Ashline (2014): Women, breast cancer survivorship, sexual losses, and disenfranchised grief – a treatment model for clinicians, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2014.934340. Follow Patricia on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciarichconsulting/ Join the Self-Led Sexuality Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfleds3xualitywithpatriciarich Sign up for Patricia’s email list and get the free The Six S's of Sexual Self-Energy Infographic.

    51 min
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Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
10 Ratings

About

Self-Led in Bed: An IFS and Sexuality Podcast offers curious people a space to learn more about their fascinating internal sexual landscapes and to discover their authentic sexual Self, a resource we all have within which can lead and enrich our sexual lives. We will do this through the lens of Self-Led Sexuality, an integrative approach developed by your host which is rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS). You will be educated, entertained, and invited to get to know the diverse parts of yourself who have roles in the unfolding of your unique sexual story.

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